- To edit the transcript, click here.
Peter Comes To School
- [The episode starts off with Principal Brown trying to play Jingle Bells on a xylophone]
- Nigel Brown: [Stops Playing] No no, too Christmasy.
- [Plays Happy Birthday for a second]
- Nigel Brown: [Stops again] Too Birthday-ish.
- [Plays the Funeral March but quickly stops]
- Nigel Brown: Too morbid.
- [Plays the End Credits Theme]
- Nigel Brown: Ah, that will do.
- Brown on the Intercom: [He plays the Theme again] Attention everybody! We are being joined by a new student today. Now, he’s previously been home schooled, so he is bound to be a little self conscious about his possible bizarre behavior, [Peter hears this and looks up at the Intercom confused] or total lack of social skills. We should not stare at him, [Everyone in the cafeteria stares] point, [Julius points at him] or draw attention to him, in any way. So, will Peter Pepperoni please come to my office. [Speaks to himself] Actually... I probably should have just said that last bit, oh well, never mind, just style it out Nigel. [The End Credits Theme is played again.]
Trying To Understand Him
- [Gumball and Darwin are walking along a school hallway]
- Darwin: Homeschooling sounds great! You’d be the most popular kid in school.
- Gumball: Yeah, and when you think about it, the least popular kid in school.
- Darwin: Remember when Mr. Dad tried to homeschool us?
- [Flashback to Richard homeschooling the two of them]
- Richard: Seventy-eight plus thirty-nine plus fourteen plus sixty-two plus fifty-one is?
- Darwin: Oh! Spring rolls, egg, fried rice, sweet and sour pork, kung pow chicken, and chow mein.
- Richard: Correct.
- [Flashback ends]
- Gumball: Yeah, if we had stuck with that I’d have a doctorate in takeout menus by now. And a serious weight problem.
- [Nigel Brown opens his door]
- Nigel Brown: Ah, boys, if I might have a quick word. [Whispers] It’s the new boy, I don’t understand a single word he’s saying.
- Gumball: Mabye it’s slang.
- Nigel Brown: Ah, Yes, slang, Which of course is also slang. For slanguage.
- Gumball: Well, I can see why you came to us. You want a pair of guys down with the streets, just a couple of cool dudes [Darwin nods] who were so confident with their fashion choices, they haven’t changed their outfits in six years.
- Darwin: Leave it to us. We’re- [Licks his finger then stretches his hand fowards] ssssss.
- Gumball: Dude, no that means smoking hot.
- Darwin: No, it means cool, [Holds up licked finger] my finger is cooling things down!
- Nigel Brown: Anyway, he’s your problem now. [places Peter outside the room] So, just show Peter around, I have some very important school work to attend to. [closes Door]
- [Music from the xylophone can be heard again]
- Gumball: So Peter, what do you wanna do first?
- Peter: Well, wherever round cool, lunch over the canteen there the locker the hunger sandwich and maybe some ketchup?
- [Gumball and Darwin make faces]
Montage Of Confusion
- [They are at the cafeteria. The Blue Danube plays during this scene and throughout the montage]
- Peter: Is school nice to be on in, maybe lots of maybe people here, is the fun always on, or is the fun not?
- Gumball: Uh, sorry I didn’t quite catch that, one more time?
- Peter: Ha ha ha, what I was I said,-
- [The montage starts]
- Gumball: Excuse me?
- Darwin: Sorry could you repeat that please?
- Gumball: Uh, wh-what?
- Darwin: Run that by me again?
- Gumball: Could you maybe spell that for me?
- Darwin: Say what?
- Gumball: A little slower?
- Darwin: Huh?
- Gumball: Wha-
- Darwin: What now?
- Gumball: I beg your pardo-
- Darwin: Er...
- Gumball: Whaa-
- Darwin: Errr-
- Gumball: Uhhh-
- Darwin: Wait!
- Gumball: I-
- Darwin: No.
- Gumball: I-
- Darwin: Erm
- Gumball: Hurrrrr-
- Darwin: I think I got it! Are you saying you wanna grease a stanking leopard at the hacky-sack convention?
- Peter: I was saying just now, there too much of it. [Chuckles] Am I right?
- [Awkward pause as they stare at Peter]
- Peter: Are wes frienyclose?
- Gumball: Uh... [Gumball fist bumps him and Peter tries to shake his hand, but they keep switching between fit bump and a handshake]
- Peter: Catchacatch? [Short pause, then he walks away quickly]
- Gumball: Dude, I have no-
- Peter: [Pops back on screen] Everyboth, catch a potato! [Leaves]
- Gumball: [Presses his bridge] Okay, it’s been two days now and I have no idea what that guy is saying. And there is no way I can ask him to repeat himself again!
- Darwin: You don’t have to. [Winks] You just play back what he’s been saying, and listen to it.
- Gumball: How?
- Darwin: I’ve been wearing a wire this whole time!
- [Shows Gumball a small piece of wire]
- Gumball: Darwin, wearing a wire means wearing a microphone, that’s just a piece of the fence.
- Darwin: [Speaks to the wire] Note to self, connect wire to something.
- Gumball: Why don’t we just smile at him and nod along to whatever it is he’s saying?
- Darwin: Well that wouldn’t be honest with him or ourselves. But, on the plus side, it is the easiest way out of things.
- Gumball: Okay, cool. Wait when you’re weighing things isn’t the heavier thing better?
- Darwin: No, the lighter one’s best.
- Gumball: When would you want the lighter one of anything?
- Darwin: A summer coat? A Soufflé? A case of chicken pox?
- Gumball: Whatever, we’ll just nod along to whatever he says. I mean, it’s gotta be easier than what we’re doing now.
- [Gumball and Darwin are seen at home playing Kebab Fighter on the couch when the doorbell rings. They answer it]
- Peter: Hey guys, I mean I’m here just wanna play this now? [Holds up Flight Simulator]
- [They nod nervously]
- Peter: Dalay!
- [They are on the couch playing.]
- Peter: And if you skip one little flight that’s all you need to go.
- [The camera zooms put revealing Gumball and Darwin laying on both sides of the couch bored. In the game, the flight to Chicago turns from “Boarding” to “Delayed”. The screen then shows “LEVEL UP!” and plays some music]
- Peter: Ah I get the winner before! Never just life lost the first.
- [They both nod. Cuts to Peter outside their door again holding Stellar Odyssey IV]
- Peter: Okay so it’s been all three two movies on TV, but now it’s time for four!
- [They nod nervously. Cut to Peter putting together a puzzle of Stellar Odyssey IV while Gumball and Darwin kneel there with their eyes red and their mouths open]
- Peter: Of course it’s keeping in coordinate the first side and then the edge and- the edge-piece corner, which is triple picture because down the box.
- [They nod again. Cuts to Peter showing them pictures of coins in a book in the school library]
- Peter: [Flipping through the pages] Piece, piece, ah you! Uh- can I believe it? A penny of history. Golden brown.
- [They both nod. They have very large forced smiles that their gums are showing.]
- Darwin: Dude, if my smile gets any bigger, I’ll bankrupt myself on toothpaste.
- Gumball: That’s nothing. I’ve been nodding so much I’ve developed a six pack. Here. [Turns around and shows Darwin a six pack at the back of his neck]I say we get out of here before my neck gets scouted for a football scholarship. Besides, I’ve been clawing a hole in the floor with my feet.
- Darwin: So we can escape?
- Gumball: No, just ‘cause I was really bored, but yeah I guess we can use it for that.
Meeting His Parents
- [Cuts to the front of the school, where Gumball climbs out of a manhole with his fur wet and messy. Darwin then comes out after.]
- Darwin: I feel kind of bad Gumball.
- Gumball: [Putting back the manhole cover] Yeah, even through we just crawled through twenty feet of sewage water, that’s not what’s making me feel dirty.
- Darwin: Yeah, he’s new and he only wanted to make friends. We should go back.
- Gumball: Okay, But no more smiling and nodding and agreeing to stuff we don’t understand.
- [Darwin looks at him blankly]
- Gumball: That’s the spirit!
- [As they began to lift the manhole cover again, a red truck arrives and stops at the school entrance]
- Siciliana: Oh hello! It must be Gumball and Darwin!
- Gumball: Huh, oh yeah, hi. You must be Peter’s parents.
- Siciliana: Oh, he’s mentioned us?
- Darwin: [Look at each other] Probably.
- Siciliana: We are so thrilled that Peter’s finally found some friends that speak the same language.
- Darwin: We do?
- Quattro: And he’s so excited that you said you’re up for coming along tonight.
- Gumball: We did?
- Quattro: I mean, I’m not surprised, you guys are inseparable these days. What is it you call yourselves? Uhh... not The Three Musketeers, no, uh... something like, The Three Amigos? Uh... ah, cheesecakes, what is it sweetheart?
- Siciliana: Pete’s saying it all the time. [Presses the bridge of her nose] The Three- uh-
- Gumball: The Three... Guys?
- Quattro and Siciliana: [pause for a moment] That’s it! [They laugh]
- Siciliana: Ah, he's a funny fella, eh?
- Gumball: Oh, he's... definitely got a way with words!
- Peter: [Catches up with them] Buddies! After the time in meeting!
- Siciliana: Oh, Petey, you're the one that's late! Your buddies were on time!
- Peter: Peter 'course! Doctor told me the seconds. Her mistakes!
- Darwin: Hey, don't worry. We totally understand.
- Gumball: We do?
- Siciliana: Well, you comin' or what?
- Gumball: [As he and Darwin nod and laugh awkwardly] Ahh, here we go again.
The Pepperonis' Day Out
[Gumball, Darwin, and the Pepperonis are all in the car together]
Siciliana: So, what's your head size? Let's see. [Points at Darwin] Okay, so that's one small, [points at Gumball] and one extra-extra-extra-extra-extra large.
Darwin: [blushing] Whoa, that was pretty insensitive. [To Gumball] Are you okay?
Gumball: I'm fine. I'm totally cool with people saying how big your head is.
Darwin: Maybe she's buying us party hats! [gasps] It must be Peter's birthday! Oh, but we haven't got him anything... Maybe we should improvise something! Whatcha got in your pockets?
Gumball: Something that swam in my pants when we were in the sewer and now, I'm too afraid to look.
Darwin: Let's put that in the "maybe" pile.
Quattro: Okey-cokie, here we are at the town hall!
[The car swerves recklessly into a parking space but parks without a scratch]
Siciliana: [puts black beanies on Gumball and Darwin's heads] There you go!
Darwin: See? It is a party hat!
Gumball: Woolen ones. How...very warm.
Siciliana: Oh-ho, sweetie, they're not party hats!
[Quattro, Siciliana, and Peter put on black ski masks and get out of the car. Gumball and Darwin turn around and watch them from the back window.]
Darwin: It still could be his birthday!
Gumball: Who'd hold a kid's party at the town hall?
Darwin: I don't know. Maybe instead of a clown tripping over his long shoes, it's a democratically elected official making long and administrative errands?
[Quattro hoists Siciliana up into a window. She opens it and whistles for Peter, who throws her a hand grenade. She pulls the pin out and throws it into the building, covering her ears when it explodes. They put on gas masks and everyone in the town hall runs out in a puff of smoke. They run in]
Darwin: Dude, I knew something was weird! Party hats only come in one size!
Gumball: That's all you think is weird? Not the ski masks or grappling hooks?
[Peter grabs a grappling hook from the back of the car, swings it, and throws it at the town hall balcony. Siciliana grabs it and pulls it taut. She and Quattro zip line down.]
Darwin: Well, we should have at least got him a card!
Gumball: Darwin, I don't think--
[The Pepperonis get back into the car and they take off. They jerk to a halt, but keep pushing. The grappling hook on the back is pulling on a safe inside the building]
Darwin: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO--AAAAHHHHH!!!
[They break the wall and the safe breaks through, dragging behind the car. They recklessly drive through the streets, destroying cars with the safe. Darwin screams all the while. They pass by the Doughnut Sheriff's car]
Doughnut Sheriff: This one's mine! [Smashes his coffee cup in the side of the window, leaving a stain.] Ah, I coulda sworn that window was open. [He blares the siren and drives after them.]
Gumball: WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!
Siciliana: Oh! I thought Peter explained all this to you!
Gumball: Yeah, he might've, heh!
Siciliana: Well, we know you boys share our views! Peter's always saying how you agree with him on practically everything!
Gumball: About WHAT?!
Siciliana: About the government!
Gumball: The government?!
Siciliana: DAAAAHHHH!!! THE GOVERNMENT! Took every step upon the government with their endless forms and their great shape! GAAAHHH!!! Oh, it's the next left honey!
[They take a wide left turn, and the safe destroys Pantsbully's hot dog stand. A piece of paper lands on his face. He reads it]
Pantsbully: ID violation order?! I guess servin' hot dogs in my underwear for six years was gonna catch up to me someday.
[They take a right turn, and the safe destroys some scaffolding on the side of a building. Another paper lands in the hand of a construction worker]
Worker: Structure permit denied?! [The entire building crumbles around him] Well, they work fast.
[They keep straight, and more papers fly out behind them. One lands in the Hobo's hands]
Hobo: Eviction notice? Ah, come on! I don't even have a house! [Crumples it and throws it away. Another one lands in his face.] Littering?! Aaahh!!
[Cut back to the Pepperonis' car, still recklessly driving]
Gumball: But what did the-AAAHHH!!!!-What did the government ever do to you?!
Quattro: Always telling us what to do and what not to do!! You can't take your son out of school, you can't teach him at home, you can't teach him how to speak!! DO I LOOK LIKE I CAN'T TEACH MY OWN SON HOW TO SPEAK PROPERLY??!!!
[Gumball and Darwin laugh awkwardly and nod]
Quattro: I'm glad you guys share our views!
[As they keep driving, another paper lands in front of Mr. and Mrs. Robinson.]
Gaylord Robinson: Our marriage certificate?! It's going up in flames! [Holds out a lighted match, but a passing car puts it out] Any minute now.
[Meanwhile, the Pepperonis' car swerves and knocks over a truck. Back to Mr. Robinson with another match]
Gaylord Robinson: Aha! [His breath puts it out] Uh oh. [Margaret holds out a lighter to him.] Thanks, honey.
[The Pepperonis have been chased by the police all the way to the desert. They screech to a halt right at the edge of a cliff and get out.]
Siciliana: Okay, so I've removed the license plates, put the fake ones on, wiped everything down for prints, and...I found some candies in the glove compartment! Who wants one?
Gumball: For the love of Mike!! Will someone tell me WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!! And yes, I will be having one of those candies.
Quattro: Once these records are destroyed, the people of Elmore will be able to live like we do!
Siciliana: Freely, without the GOVERNMENT!!!! telling them what to do!
[Two police cars pull up, sirens blaring]
Doughnut Sheriff: Step away from the vehicle!
Quattro: Are you telling me what to do?! [He discreetly puts the car into drive]
Doughnut Sheriff: Yes! Step away!
Quattro: Whatever you say...Uncle Sam! [He puts his hands up and the car plummets down the cliff, taking the safe of records with it. It explodes behind the Pepperonis as they pose smugly, while Gumball and Darwin cower in fear. The cops watch in disbelief as records fly around them.}
Doughnut Sheriff: You're under arrest!
[Two cops handcuff Quattro and Siciliana. Peter looks down, defeated, until he gets an idea.]
Peter: Officers! [They all turn to look at him] Please. Do not judge these actions in facts of one or both. Or all! [Dramatic music swells. Fade to the officers, with tears in their eyes.] But understand that is not the deed, or even the doer that is. For was Benjamin Washington Abrams, who liberty said that they do but do not sometimes! And if so, two in the bush, and one left free stone. So I ask, please. [Quattro and Siciliana smile at each other.] My old lady, we found it's not them. It was society's. And no independences. But--for America!!
French Fry Cop: I don't know what he's saying... [takes off hat] but it's beautiful!
Doughnut Sheriff: Yeah. ...And I'll be jiggered if I'm writin' all that down for evidence, so you're off the hook! [Takes handcuffs off Quattro and Siciliana and gets in his car] 'Cuz that's how the law works! Oh--and all those files you destroyed? They're on the internet anyway! Bye! [drives off]
Quattro and Siciliana: [exchange confused looks] What on the flat earth is the internet?!
Gumball: I'll let Peter explain. [nudges Peter forward]
Peter: Buddy, it's just not--[Snap to black as the episode ends.]