The New Greeting[]
- [Elmore Junior High schoolyard. Gumball has a finger in Darwin's mouth.]
- Gumball: No? [Takes his finger out]
- Darwin: No, I don't think USB-ing will replace the high-five.
- Gumball: Maybe it's the name. What about..."digit-docking".
- Darwin: I don't think the name's the problem. Although admittedly that name would be a problem.
- Gumball: Oh, how about a more manly version of the classic French greeting? Okay, do this. [Puts his arms up as if flexing]
- Darwin: [Flexes]
- Gumball: [Kisses Darwin's biceps] And now you kiss my guns.
- Darwin: [Looks him up and down]
- Gumball: Too manly?
- Darwin: [Nods] ...Yeah.
- Gumball: What about the dog salute? [Barks, imitating a dog with his hand]
- Darwin: Uh, maybe?
- Gumball: [Sniffing noises]
- Darwin: What's that?
- Gumball: They're sniffing each other's backsides.
- Darwin: Eh, I suppose that's still better than what Tobias does.
- Gumball: What does he do?
- Darwin: Starts kinda normal with a high-five but then, right after, he gives you a slap on the butt.
- Gumball: [Offended] That's outrageous! Exactly the sort of unpleasant macho behavior that my new greeting will eliminate. The nerve!
- Darwin: Here he comes.
- [Tobias enters the schoolyard and greets his friends.]
- Tobias: Hey. [High-fives Leslie and smacks the back of his pot]
- Leslie: [Outraged] Oh!
- Tobias: Hey Idaho, my bro-tato. [High-fives Idaho and slaps his butt]
- Idaho: [Sent flying] Aah!
- Tobias: Alan, my man! [High-fives and "butt"-slaps Alan]
- Alan: Ow!
- Tobias: Hey big guy, put it right there. [High-fives Hector then climbs up his leg to slap him]
- Hector: Ow.
- [Tobias walks up to Gumball and Darwin.]
- Tobias: Hey dude, gimme some fin! [High-fives and butt-slaps Darwin] Hey man. [High-fives Gumball normally then walks away]
- Darwin: What? He did it to everyone except you!
- Gumball: Psh. Yeah I know, I wouldn't, like, take that, you know?
- Darwin: You're lucky. You're literally the only guy he doesn't do it to.
- Gumball: Yeah I know I'm- I'm lucky. Yeah. [Sad face]
Quest for the Slap[]
- [Gumball, Darwin, Tobias and others are in gym class.]
- Coach Russo: Okay, that's time, wrap it up.
- [Everyone starts heading to the exit, where Tobias waits to "high-five" classmates as they leave.]
- Tobias: Good game! [High-fives and butt-slaps Anton] Well played. [High-fives and butt-slaps Darwin] Catch you later-
- Gumball: [Looks at Tobias eagerly]
- Tobias: Uh. Good job!
- [Tobias reaches out his hand to Gumball but his legs extend so that Tobias' hand is at butt level. They awkwardly shake hands. Gumball lets out a disappointed sigh and hits his head on the door frame as he walks out with his legs still extended. The school bell rings, Gumball is in the hallway peeking around a corner to spy on Leslie and Tobias.]
- Tobias: I'm telling you man, Masami winked at me this morning! She went like this: [Closes both eyes slowly]
- Leslie: Technically if you close both eyes it's blinking.
- Tobias: Nah, double the winks, double the trouble dude! Anyway, catch you later. I gotta go wiggle my eyebrows at her. [He high-fives and slaps Leslie then walks to Gumball]
- Gumball: Oh, hey man.
- Tobias: Oh, uh. [They high-five] Hey.
- [Gumball presents his butt to Tobias, wiggling his eyebrows and smiling at him.]
- Tobias: Uh, yeah... Gotta go. [Walks away]
- Gumball: [Serious tone] You will slap my butt today, Tobias Wilson, even if it's the last thing you do- [Normal voice] Wait, if it is the last thing he does today it would probably be at bedtime, which is kinda weird. Rephrase! [Rewinds] Even if it's the last thing you do...before the end of school.
- [He starts running and spots Tobias.]
- Gumball: [Winded] Hey, hey.
- Tobias: Hey...again. [They high-five]
- Gumball: [Stares]
- Tobias: Uh, see you later.
- Gumball: [Squints] Aren't you forgetting something?
- Tobias: No, I don't think so... See you!
- [Tobias tries to walk away but Gumball's butt extends to stop him. He manages to squeeze through along the wall and runs away.]
- Gumball: Oh, come on!
- [Gumball's butt suddenly retracts, knocking Darwin out.]
- [School bell rings. At the school cafeteria, Leslie chokes on his food. Tobias slaps his back, saving him. Witnessing the scene Gumball pretends to choke.]
- Gumball: Help, help!
- Tobias: [About to slap Gumball]
- Gumball: Hold on. [Stops choking, bending to show his butt instead]
- Hector: I got this! [His hand breaks through a window and slaps Gumball into the camera, shattering it.]
- [In music class, Tobias plays the drums lined up in front of him, sees the last one is Gumball's butt and hesitates for a second before deciding to hit a crash cymbal instead. Gumball stands up, glares at him and walks off. In the next scene, Tobias tries to swat a fly with his hand. Gumball jumps in butt first, knocking the desk over and crashing into something offscreen. Finally, at the library, Tobias opens a book and Gumball's butt pops out of it.]
- Tobias: [Gasps]
- Darwin: Dude, what are you doing?
- Gumball: [Head pops out of Darwin's book] I don't know anymore.
Gumball's Despair[]
- [The Wattersons' house. Gumball looks out his room's window. He starts singing "My Lonely Backside And I"]
- Gumball: Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm just not good enough.
- Is my butt not pert?
- Is it not inviting?
- And is that the reason, for Tobias' slighting?
- I only want a pat, just a tiny bump.
- A casual little "Hey there!" for my lonely rump.
- I feel I have a duty, to defend my sad behind.
- It's not the finest booty, but it has feelings so do I.
- I don't wanna sound whiny, but I feel bad for my hiney.
- I just needed someone here, who would gently touch my rear.
- To be friendly, to be fair, to respect my derriere.
- [Sheds a tear] I'll just give up and cry.
- My lonely backside and I...
- Darwin: I'm not sure that warranted a song. Look, maybe you should just let it slide for once. I know it's not easy, but you've still got me. I'm here to help!
- Gumball: [Wipes a tear] Thanks dude. I knew I could rely on you.
Tricking Tobias[]
- [Gumball and Darwin are in the school hallway peeking around a corner.]
- Darwin: When I said "help", I didn't mean "help you trick Tobias into slapping your butt."
- Gumball: Shh, here he comes.
- Tobias: [Whistling]
- Gumball: So. When he goes to give you the slap, you jump out of the way and I get it. [Slaps his own butt]
- Darwin: Dude, do you really-
- Gumball: [Shoves Darwin in front of Tobias]
- Tobias: Hey, what's happenin' Dar-wizzle? [High-fives Darwin]
- [When Tobias is about to slap Darwin's butt, Gumball pushes him out of the way and presents his butt instead. In slow-motion Tobias realizes who he is about to slap, he slaps his own face and knocks himself out.]
- Gumball: Noo! Now he'll never slap me on the- Oh wait. It still counts if he's unconscious, right?
- Darwin: [Silently shakes his head in disapproval]
- Gumball: Yeah, it counts. [Grabs Tobias' limp arm] Aaand, I just realized this is wrong on so many levels.
Bonding with Tobias[]
- [School bell rings. Gumball and Darwin are sitting in class.]
- Darwin: If it means so much to you, why don't you ask Tobias directly?
- Gumball: Hey! I'm not a beggar, I'm a chooser.
- Darwin: Maybe he thinks you guys aren't friends enough for this kind of...contact.
- Gumball: So, you're telling me I need to [Evil voice] lure this hopeless fool into the deadly web of my friendship.
- Darwin: You're making it sound creepy. How about you just be nice to him?
- Gumball: [Evil voice] Yes! Gain his confidence then stab him in the heart with the burning blade of my friendship.
- Darwin: Yeah, that sounds even worse.
- Gumball: [Evil voice] Infiltrate his tender heart, so he will lay his hand on my-
- Darwin: You know what? Let's just...skip to the moment when you fail.
- [School bell rings. Tobias is eating at a table in the cafeteria.]
- Gumball: [Evil voice] Here, friend, have some of my dessert. Lap it up. [Shoves a spoonful of food into Tobias' mouth] Lap it up good. [Maniacal laugh]
- Tobias: [Spits] Look buddy, if you don't back off I'm gonna have to get physical! [Raises his hand threateningly]
- Gumball: [Evil voice] Yes! [Presenting his butt] Use your anger and fall into my trap, you worm!
- Tobias: I haven't touched you and I already feel like I need to wash this hand. [Walks away]
- Gumball: Oh, or we can just take it slow!
- Darwin: You know, you can't just force a friendship like that. It takes time, and a lot of shared experiences.
- Gumball: You're right! Nobody remembers the good times, it's the really bad times that bring people together.
- Darwin: Yeah you see, you're missing the point again.
- Gumball: I will put Tobias through such an emotionally scarring, physically grueling experience, that he won't slap my butt when it's over: he'll kiss it! [Runs off]
- Darwin: Wait, what the- Where are you going?
The Bromance[]
- [Tobias opens the door to the school's roof.]
- Tobias: Masami? Are you there? [Reading a note] "Dear Tobias, meet me on the roof after school, double wink. Masami. P.S. Clips your nails." ...what?
- [The door to the roof shuts. Gumball sits behind it, with ruffled fur and dark circles under his eyes.]
- Gumball: [Panicking] No no no no! The door, the door!
- Tobias: What are you doing here?
- Gumball: What took you so long?! I put that note in your locker two days ago!
- Tobias: Well, you're supposed to let girls wait. Otherwise it makes you look too desper- Wait a minute. You tricked me!
- Gumball: Yes. But that's completely irrelevant now. We're trapped up here and nobody's gonna be here 'til Monday morning! What are we gonna do?!
- Tobias: We'll do what real men do. SURVIVE. [Pounces on Gumball, chewing on his leg]
- Gumball: [Screaming] No! What are you doing?
- Tobias: We both know it's gonna happen at some point. And I'm clearly the alpha here.
- Gumball: I'm the one who hasn't eaten for two days! [Starts eating Tobias] This isn't working.
- Tobias: There's only one thing for it: we're gonna have to work together.
- [They start singing "Stay Alive"]
- Gumball: Companionship is needed,
- Tobias: When you're in a rut.
- Gumball: And when you have succeeded, you can slap each other's-
- Tobias: Back!
- Gumball & Tobias: You gotta do what you can, you gotta make a new plan,
- And then you will survive
- You gotta work with your buddy when the situation's cruddy
- And you might just stay alive
- Tobias: This seemed a good idea,
- Gumball: But I think I should've stopped ya.
- The end is gettin' near, what we need's- a helicopter!
- [A helicopter is flying near the building.]
- Gumball & Tobias: We gotta signal the guy, so he can see us from the sky,
- And then we will survive
- [They remove their arms and legs to form letters on the roof.]
- Tobias: I got a spare leg!
- Gumball: Just throw it away.
- Pilot: "Need help?" No, I'm fine, thank you!
- [The helicopter flies away.]
- Gumball: [Angrily] What- what were you thinking?!
- Tobias: [Angrily, at the same time as Gumball] Aw, this is your fault!
- Gumball: [Angrily] Why would you put a question mark at the end?!
- Gumball & Tobias: So we're both gonna croak from the rain or sunstroke,
- Cause friendship's not enough
- You can forget the bromance,
- Cause we stand a better chance with actual survival stuff!
- [Birds circle overhead as if about to feed on Gumball on Tobias, who are visibly dehydrated.]
- Tobias: We're not gonna make it. And we're in this mess because of you! You're a...a fool!
- Gumball: Yeah? Well, you look like a clown's armpit!
- Tobias: [Tears up] That's hurtful because it's true. Well, your legs are so short you hover when you break wind! [Sheds a tear into his shoe and hands it to Gumball] Okay it's full!
- Gumball: [Drinks]
- Tobias: How does it taste?
- Gumball: ...better than the other option.
- Tobias: We're never gonna survive this. But before it's over at least tell me, why?
- Gumball: All I wanted was one of your little butt slaps.
- Tobias: But, I thought you would hate that!
- Gumball: I just wanted to be included and... [Sighs] It got out of hand. And now I have to pay my taxes to this giant nostril.
- Tobias: What?
- Gumball: I usually file through my accountant, but he is in Boca.
- Tobias: Dude, I think you're hallucinating. [Looks at Gumball, who looks like a realistically drawn cat with a human face] And your face looks like a cat, but not enough.
- Gumball: [Looks at Tobias, who looks like a colorful alpaca] Yeah, you don't look too good yourself.
- [Gumball and Tobias lie down.]
- Gumball: I think...this is the end.
- Tobias: I see...
- Rocky: [Leans over Tobias]
- Tobias: I see the Grim Reaper. He looks like a high school dropout chicken Kiev.
- Rocky: Hey! I didn't drop out, I flaked out. Whatcha doin'? Me and Darwin have been lookin' for you guys for days.
- Gumball: [Yelling] What took you so long?!
- Darwin: You ran away before telling me where you were going! I think this whole experience can teach you a valuable lesson: you should never hound a friend just to get them to slap your butt.
- Gumball: Darwin, thank you. Thank you...for reminding me the point of all this, I had completely forgotten! I have to get him to slap my butt!
- Darwin: [Exasperated sigh]
The Slap[]
- [School bell rings. Tobias greets his friends as he walks through the hallway.]
- Tobias: Hey. [High-fives and butt-slaps Juke] Hey man. [High-fives and butt-slaps Leslie] Hey G-Ball, how you doin'? [He high-fives Gumball, then gives him a smack on the butt]
- Gumball: Oh! [Outraged, he slaps Tobias' face] How dare you?! You've got some nerve, young man! There are rules in this society and casually slapping people's butts is not one of them! [Storms off grumbling] Someone has to take a stand...
- Tobias: [Facepalms]
- [Episode ends]
v • e Transcript
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| Episode 1 The DVD |
Episode 2 The Responsible |
Episode 3 The Third |
Episode 4 The Debt |
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| Episode 5 The End |
Episode 6 The Dress |
Episode 7 The Quest |
Episode 8 The Spoon |
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| Episode 9 The Pressure |
Episode 10 The Painting |
Episode 11 The Laziest |
Episode 12 The Ghost |
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| Episode 13 The Mystery |
Episode 14 The Prank |
Episode 15 The Gi |
Episode 16 The Kiss |
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| Episode 17 The Party |
Episode 18 The Refund |
Episode 19 The Robot |
Episode 20 The Picnic |
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| Episode 21 The Goons |
Episode 22 The Secret |
Episode 23 The Sock |
Episode 24 The Genius |
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| Episode 25 The Poltergeist |
Episode 26 The Mustache |
Episode 27 The Date |
Episode 28 The Club |
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| Episode 29 The Wand |
Episode 30 The Ape |
Episode 31 The Car |
Episode 32 The Curse |
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| Episode 33 The Microwave |
Episode 34 The Meddler |
Episode 35 The Helmet |
Episode 36 The Fight |
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| Episode 1 The Remote |
Episode 2 The Colossus |
Episode 3 The Knights |
Episode 4 The Fridge |
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| Episode 5 The Flower |
Episode 6 The Banana |
Episode 7 The Phone |
Episode 8 The Job |
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| Episode 9 Halloween |
Episode 10 The Treasure |
Episode 11 The Apology |
Episode 12 The Words |
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| Episode 13 The Skull |
Episode 14 The Bet |
Episode 15 Christmas |
Episode 16 The Watch |
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| Episode 17 The Bumpkin |
Episode 18 The Flakers |
Episode 19 The Authority |
Episode 20 The Virus |
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| Episode 21 The Pony |
Episode 22 The Hero |
Episode 23 The Dream |
Episode 24 The Sidekick |
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| Episode 25 The Photo |
Episode 26 The Tag |
Episode 27 The Storm |
Episode 28 The Lesson |
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| Episode 29 The Game |
Episode 30 The Limit |
Episode 31 The Voice |
Episode 32 The Promise |
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| Episode 33 The Castle |
Episode 34 The Boombox |
Episode 35 The Tape |
Episode 36 The Sweaters |
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| Episode 37 The Internet |
Episode 38 The Plan |
Episode 39 The World |
Episode 40 The Finale |
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| Episode 1 The Kids |
Episode 2 The Fan |
Episode 3 The Coach |
Episode 4 The Joy |
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| Episode 5 The Puppy |
Episode 6 The Recipe |
Episode 7 The Name |
Episode 8 The Extras |
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| Episode 9 The Gripes |
Episode 10 The Vacation |
Episode 11 The Fraud |
Episode 12 The Void |
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| Episode 13 The Boss |
Episode 14 The Move |
Episode 15 The Law |
Episode 16 The Allergy |
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| Episode 17 The Mothers |
Episode 18 The Password |
Episode 19 The Procrastinators |
Episode 20 The Shell |
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| Episode 21 The Burden |
Episode 22 The Bros |
Episode 23 The Mirror |
Episode 24 The Man |
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| Episode 25 The Pizza |
Episode 26 The Lie |
Episode 27 The Butterfly |
Episode 28 The Question |
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| Episode 29 The Saint |
Episode 30 The Friend |
Episode 31 The Oracle |
Episode 32 The Safety |
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| Episode 33 The Society |
Episode 34 The Spoiler |
Episode 35 The Countdown |
Episode 36 The Nobody |
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| Episode 37 The Downer |
Episode 38 The Egg |
Episode 39 The Triangle |
Episode 40 The Money |
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| Episode 1 The Return |
Episode 2 The Nemesis |
Episode 3 The Crew |
Episode 4 The Others |
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| Episode 5 The Signature |
Episode 6 The Check |
Episode 7 The Pest |
Episode 8 The Sale |
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| Episode 9 The Gift |
Episode 10 The Parking |
Episode 11 The Routine |
Episode 12 The Upgrade |
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| Episode 13 The Comic |
Episode 14 The Romantic |
Episode 15 The Uploads |
Episode 16 The Apprentice |
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| Episode 17 The Hug |
Episode 18 The Wicked |
Episode 19 The Traitor |
Episode 20 The Origins |
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| Episode 21 The Origins: Part Two |
Episode 22 The Girlfriend |
Episode 23 The Advice |
Episode 24 The Signal |
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| Episode 25 The Parasite |
Episode 26 The Love |
Episode 27 The Awkwardness |
Episode 28 The Nest |
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| Episode 29 The Points |
Episode 30 The Bus |
Episode 31 The Night |
Episode 32 The Misunderstandings |
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| Episode 33 The Roots |
Episode 34 The Blame |
Episode 35 The Slap |
Episode 36 The Detective |
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| Episode 37 The Fury |
Episode 38 The Compilation |
Episode 39 The Scam |
Episode 40 The Disaster |
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| Episode 1 The Rerun |
Episode 2 The Stories |
Episode 3 The Guy |
Episode 4 The Boredom |
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| Episode 5 The Vision |
Episode 6 The Choices |
Episode 7 The Code |
Episode 8 The Test |
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| Episode 9 The Slide |
Episode 10 The Loophole |
Episode 11 The Fuss |
Episode 12 The Copycats |
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| Episode 13 The Potato |
Episode 14 The Outside |
Episode 15 The Vase |
Episode 16 The Matchmaker |
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| Episode 17 The Box |
Episode 18 The Console |
Episode 19 The Ollie |
Episode 20 The Catfish |
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| Episode 21 The Cycle |
Episode 22 The Stars |
Episode 23 The Grades |
Episode 24 The Diet |
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| Episode 25 The Ex |
Episode 26 The Sorcerer |
Episode 27 The Menu |
Episode 28 The Uncle |
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| Episode 29 The Weirdo |
Episode 30 The Heist |
Episode 31 The Singing |
Episode 32 The Best |
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| Episode 33 The Worst |
Episode 34 The Deal |
Episode 35 The Petals |
Episode 36 The Nuisance |
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| Episode 37 The Line |
Episode 38 The List |
Episode 39 The News |
Episode 40 The Puppets |
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| Episode 1 The Rival |
Episode 2 The Lady |
Episode 3 The Sucker |
Episode 4 The Vegging |
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| Episode 5 The One |
Episode 6 The Father |
Episode 7 The Cringe |
Episode 8 The Cage |
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| Episode 9 The Neighbor |
Episode 10 The Anybody |
Episode 11 The Faith |
Episode 12 The Candidate |
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| Episode 13 The Pact |
Episode 14 The Shippening |
Episode 15 The Brain |
Episode 16 The Parents |
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| Episode 17 The Founder |
Episode 18 The Schooling |
Episode 19 The Intelligence |
Episode 20 The Potion |
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| Episode 21 The Spinoffs |
Episode 22 The Transformation |
Episode 23 The Understanding |
Episode 24 The Ad |
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| Episode 25 The Ghouls |
Episode 26 The Stink |
Episode 27 The Awareness |
Episode 28 The Slip |
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| Episode 29 The Drama |
Episode 30 The Buddy |
Episode 31 The Possession |
Episode 32 The Master |
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| Episode 33 The Silence |
Episode 34 The Future |
Episode 35 The Wish |
Episode 36 The Factory |
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| Episode 37 The Agent |
Episode 38 The Web |
Episode 39 The Mess |
Episode 40 The Heart |
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| Episode 41 The Revolt |
Episode 42 The Decisions |
Episode 43 The BFFS |
Episode 44 The Inquisition |