The Singing/Transcript

I'm Singing

[The song starts during the titlecard; the episode starts with Nicole and Richard sleeping. Meanwhile, a showerhead is singing in the background]

Showerhead: [Singing] The day might be gray

But you can chase all your troubles away

When you're singing!

Nicole: Huh?

Showerhead: So things may seem blue,

But what does that matter to you

When you're singing!

[Nicole opens the curtain to find the showerhead]

[Spoken] Hey, don't you ever knock?

Nicole: You're too loud, keep it down,

Or you'll wake everybody in town

With your singing!

Showerhead: Aww!

[Chuckles]

[Singing] You look rough and half dead

Did you get out the wrong side of bed?

Let's keep singing—

[Nicole rips the showerhead away and throws it into a trash can]

Showerhead: Aah!

[Nicole goes to the car]

I've been ripped from the wall

But it feels like no trouble at all

'Cause I'm singing!

[Scene cuts to the doorway of the Robinsons' house]

Gaylord: My wife hates my guts

And my neighbors are driving me nuts

But I'm singing— oof!

[Mrs. Robinson hits him with his briefcase; Gary enters on his bike, hitting him again with a newspaper]

Gary: I'm tired, underpaid

My hair prematurely grayed

But I'm singing!

Hobo: A bird stole my shoes

I thought I had nothing to lose

Still I'm singing! Hey!

[Sal Left Thumb steals his money, then bumps into the Doughnut Sheriff]

Larry: My fifth all-night shift

My mind is startling to bamboo

But I'm singing!

[Mrs. Jötunheim flies across the screen; the scene cuts to her]

Mrs. Jötunheim: My face looks a state

Though I've only just turned twenty-eight

Still I'm singing!

[She summons Hector to go to Elmore Junior High]

Hector: My head's up in space

I've got aeroplanes stuck in my face

But I'm singing!

[Scene cuts to Miss Simian in the middle of class, while the students are causing chaos]

Lucy Simian: These kids are all brats

And the school is infested with rats

Still I'm singing!

[A rat falls into her cup]

Lucy Simian: Hmm?

[The rat pops up]

Lucy Simian: Aah!

Rat: My life's on the skids

Got a hundred and seventy kids

Still I'm singing!

[Miss Simian pours the rat along with the beverage into a trash can; the trash can falls. Billy Parham enters]

Billy: [Spoken] I say, old horse, it's really rather not on to make such a mess. 'Tis high time somebody taught you ruffians some manners, although I fear I must address you hoodlums in a matter you'll understand. I believe it is known in common parlance as rap music.

Billy Parham in Your House

[Rap music plays]

Billy: [Rapping] Billy Parham in your house

Turn me up but not too loud

For fear of disturbing someone

Enunciating to the masses, mm-hmm.

I'm here to tell you of the relevance of etiquette

'Tis quite important, though I fear you might not get it yet

Feet on the seats

I'm sure I don't approve

Hold the door for the ladies

When they go through

Wipe your feet

When you're entering a neighbor's house

And when he chews,

A gentleman will always close his mouth

Close his mouth, close his mouth

The speed a virus spreads is beyond belief

When you sneeze, please be sure to use a handkerchief

Handkerchief

A handkerchief, a handkerchief, a handkerchief, a handkerchief, a handkerchief, a handkerchief...

[While saying the preceding line, he performs the enigmatically popular dance move known as "dabbing."]

Spray-Paint Bottle: Sad when a kid lets himself go like that, am I right?

Billy: A handkerchief...

8-Bit Dog: Dude, I'm just a background character. I'm not supposed to say anything. I don't even have a name.

Spray-Paint Bottle: But everyone has a song, even unimportant background characters.

8-Bit Dog: Maybe I do. You see... [Singing] If I told you my l—

[Teri enters; the 8-bit dog gets cut off]

Teri: Eww, gross! Oh, someone should clean this up.

[A rat appears and hisses at Teri, causing Teri to faint. J-pop music then begins to play as Teri begins dreaming]

Filth, Filth, All Around

Teri: Filth, filth, all around

In the air and on the ground

Grime, grime, everywhere

In your mouth and in your hair

Oh can't you see

This world's unclean

They say brush twice a day

I think that's not enough

Oh, can't you see

All this disease

The smell of sweaty feet

Makes me throw up

Filth, filth—

[Scene cuts back to reality; Teri is being carried to the ambulance van]

Teri: All around, in the air and on the ground...

Bandage Doctor: That is the worst case of J-pop I've ever seen.

Joan: Is it contagious?

Bandage Doctor: [Ironically appears dressed as a Japanese pop star] Absolutely not.

[The van is infected with J-pop; it drives away with musical wails, leading to Richard discussing with Larry at Joyful Burger]

Larry: I'm sorry, sir. I cannot in good conscience sell you a meal with that many calories. You might as well strap a hose to your face and pump a hundred pounds of hot lard directly down your throat.

Richard: Sure, I'll take one of those too.

Larry: Sir, so much unhealthy food is seriously dangerous for you.

Richard: Larry, let me tell you something about how I like my food. [Clears throat]

Larry: Yeah, is there any way we could skip this, sir—

I Prefer All My Food Fried

Richard: Maybe you didn't hear me

Larry: 'Cause I've, uh, got a line forming behind you, and-

Richard: When I asked for all those fries...

[The scene changes to Richard singing in a karaoke-style film]

Richard: I assure you, I spoke clearly

I said yes to super-sized

Spicy wings and some onion rings

With chicken nuggets on the side

Singers: Nuggets on the side...

Richard: I prefer all my food fried,

I prefer all my food fried!

Larry: Fine, fine, just please stop singing! Here's your bucket, sir. Have a nice day.

Richard: Ahh, I can feel my arteries hardening already!

[The chicken drumsticks grease and penetrate through the paper]

Richard: Huh? That's probably a bad sign.

[The chicken melts through the car]

Richard: That's definitely a bad sign.

Continuation of I'm Singing

[A drop of grease falls onto the sewer water]

Rat: Yuck! These sewers are a maze

Rat: And we haven't eaten in days

Both: But we're singing!

[They pop up to a restaurant]

Rat: Let's try here, there's no queues

Rat: That's because it's had awful reviews

Let's keep looking!

You're a Hairy Lady

[Miss Simian and Principal Brown are dating in the restaurant]

Lucy Simian: So I said to Steve, I said "How—

Nigel Brown: Are you okay, my sweet? You haven't said a word since we got here.

Lucy Simian: What? You interrupted me to say that? I was right in the middle of a—

Nigel Brown: Shh. There's no need to feel insecure. I know you see the way other women look at me.

Lucy Simian: No, Nigel. You promised you wouldn't do this.

Nigel Brown: You got something other girls don't have. Thick hair all over your body. Now just lie down and listen.

Lucy Simian: Nigel, I'm not going to lie down in a restaurant.

Nigel Brown: [Singing] You're a hairy lady

Hair from your head to your toes, girl

You're a hairy lady

You even got hair up your nose, girl

I see you talkin' with those other boys

I see you speakin', I don't hear no noise

Too busy lovin' all that fur, I see

Your body's hairier than a bumblebee

You're my honey, girl

Hairy girls, y'all best believe I'm a connoisseur

I look away if I don't see that matted fur

Hugging you is like a hug from a grizzly bear

Did I happen to mention I'm really into body hair, yeah

Larry: [Spoken] Oh, please, no.

Nigel Brown: [Spoken] You promised.

Larry: [Rapping] It's plain to see you give your barber every night off

Every drain in your house is a total write-off

Girl, you looking like a fur-covered miracle

And all those follicles, they got me waxing lyrical

Nigel Brown: 'Cause your hairy bod makes the guys all swoon

Don't shave or pluck or wax any time soo–

[Miss Simian breaks his arm; Principal Brown screams. Miss Simian causes chaos all over the restaurant]

Nigel Brown: Please, stop! Please, no, no!

Continuation of I'm Singing

[Nicole passes by driving her car; the showerhead is still in the trunk]

Showerhead: I'm claustrophobic, I can't breathe

She could've just asked me to leave

But I'm singing!

A Lovely Encounter With Pluto

[The scene rises up to the planets laughing]

Earth: Oi, oi, hey, hey, hey, who's this? Who's this? [Imitating Pluto] I didn't complete a single orbit before losing me planet status.

[The planets laugh; Pluto enters. The planets' laughter dies]

Mars: Pluto.

Earth: That's right, it's Pluto. Stripped of her planet status like a common moon. [Realizes Pluto's presence] Ah sorry, I, uh, I didn't see you there.

Pluto: So, uh, what you guys doing this evening?

Jupiter: Oh, you know, usual planet stuff. Bowling.

Pluto: That's— that's— that's cool— cool. [Chuckles]

Earth: So yeah, anyway, we'll see you around, I guess.

Pluto: Oh yeah. Cheers. [Chuckles] Have a— have a nice um... [Sighs]

The Hurt I Feel

Pluto: You know

It's mean

To be declassified after all these years

And rendered obsolete

And there's such a distance between us

Approximately four point six billion miles...

The hurt I feel is deep inside...

Singers: Deep inside...

Pluto: My planet status has been denied—

Singers: Been denied—

[Music stops]

Earth: Sorry, sorry, love. Can you keep it down a bit? You're putting Uranus off his strike.

Uranus: Actually, it's pronounced "Ur-anus."

Pluto: [Sighs] Why did I ever hang out with those dorks?

[Meteors enter]

Meteor: Hey toots, you going our way? We're off to trash a planet a few light years away. You want to tag along?

Meteor: You can join us if you're cool. [Drops 3D glasses] I'm not getting those back.

Pluto: Is minus two-hundred twenty-nine degrees cool enough for you?

[Pluto and the meteors cheer and go off-screen]

Pluto: Yeah!

Banana Joe's 5^th Symphony

[Scene cuts to Banana Joe imitating Beethoven's 5^th Symphony with a flashlight]

Banana Joe: Ba-na-na-naa! Ba-na-na-naa! Ba-na-na-na! Ba-na-na-na! Ba-na-na-naa! Ba-na-na-na! Ba-na-na-na! Ba-na-na-naa! Ba-na-na-naa! Ba-na-na-naa! Ba-na-na-na! Na! Naa! Ba-na-na— whoa!

[Banana Barbara opens the door, causing Banana Joe to launch into the ceiling fan; Banana Joe is splattered everywhere across the room]

Banana Barbara: Oh, sorry, honey, I didn't know the fan was on.

[Banana Joe groans. It appears to have been a video posted on Elmore Stream-It named "Classical fail."]

The Small Hours

[The mouse clicks on another video, "The Small Hours."]

Announcer: Available now for a limited time, Mr. Small's self-funded masterpiece, "The Small Hours," featuring the hit single, "Hit Single."

Mister Small​​​​​​: [Singing] Hit single,

Hit single...

Announcer: Also featuring the haunting ballad "This Boy's Not My Son."

Mister Small​​​​​​: [Singing, autotuned, altered] Can't you see, it's clear to me

This boy is not my son.

Announcer: And the party favorite, "Rock and Roll Orthodontist."

Mister Small​​​​​​: [Singing from far away] Rock and roll orthodontist, rock and roll orthodontist.

Announcer: And the wildly experimental "Mother."

["Mother" appears to be merely Mister Small screaming wildly onto Alison]

Announcer: Hurry! This CD is available for a limited time only while stocks last.

Final Part of I'm Singing

[The garbage truck dumps all the CDs in the dump, while Nicole driving in her car enters it]

Showerhead: [Muffled] Cast off, thrown away

But I won't let it ruin my day

'Cause I'm singing!

[Nicole retrieves it from the trunk and throws it across the many piles of garbage]

Showerhead: Ah, oh!

I'm cold and alone

And I fear that I'm not going home

But I'm singing!

[Episode ends]

v • e

Episode 1 "The DVD"	Episode 2 "The Responsible"	Episode 3 "The Third"	Episode 4 "The Debt"
Episode 5 "The End"	Episode 6 "The Dress"	Episode 7 "The Quest"	Episode 8 "The Spoon"
Episode 9 "The Pressure"	Episode 10 "The Painting"	Episode 11 "The Laziest"	Episode 12 "The Ghost"
Episode 13 "The Mystery"	Episode 14 "The Prank"	Episode 15 "The Gi"	Episode 16 "The Kiss"
Episode 17 "The Party"	Episode 18 "The Refund"	Episode 19 "The Robot"	Episode 20 "The Picnic"
Episode 21 "The Goons"	Episode 22 "The Secret"	Episode 23 "The Sock"	Episode 24 "The Genius"
Episode 25 "The Poltergeist"	Episode 26 "The Mustache"	Episode 27 "The Date"	Episode 28 "The Club"
Episode 29 "The Wand"	Episode 30 "The Ape"	Episode 31 "The Car"	Episode 32 "The Curse"
Episode 33 "The Microwave"	Episode 34 "The Meddler"	Episode 35 "The Helmet"	Episode 36 "The Fight"

Episode 1 "The Remote"	Episode 2 "The Colossus"	Episode 3 "The Knights"	Episode 4 "The Fridge"
Episode 5 "The Flower"	Episode 6 "The Banana"	Episode 7 "The Phone"	Episode 8 "The Job"
Episode 9 "Halloween"	Episode 10 "The Treasure"	Episode 11 "The Apology"	Episode 12 "The Words"
Episode 13 "The Skull"	Episode 14 "The Bet"	Episode 15 "Christmas"	Episode 16 "The Watch"
Episode 17 "The Bumpkin"	Episode 18 "The Flakers"	Episode 19 "The Authority"	Episode 20 "The Virus"
Episode 21 "The Pony"	Episode 22 "The Hero"	Episode 23 "The Dream"	Episode 24 "The Sidekick"
Episode 25 "The Photo"	Episode 26 "The Tag"	Episode 27 "The Storm"	Episode 28 "The Lesson"
Episode 29 "The Game"	Episode 30 "The Limit"	Episode 31 "The Voice"	Episode 32 "The Promise"
Episode 33 "The Castle"	Episode 34 "The Boombox"	Episode 35 "The Tape"	Episode 36 "The Sweaters"
Episode 37 "The Internet"	Episode 38 "The Plan"	Episode 39 "The World"	Episode 40 "The Finale"

Episode 1 "The Kids"	Episode 2 "The Fan"	Episode 3 "The Coach"	Episode 4 "The Joy"
Episode 5 "The Puppy"	Episode 6 "The Recipe"	Episode 7 "The Name"	Episode 8 "The Extras"
Episode 9 "The Gripes"	Episode 10 "The Vacation"	Episode 11 "The Fraud"	Episode 12 "The Void"
Episode 13 "The Boss"	Episode 14 "The Move"	Episode 15 "The Law"	Episode 16 "The Allergy"
Episode 17 "The Mothers"	Episode 18 "The Password"	Episode 19 "The Procrastinators"	Episode 20 "The Shell"
Episode 21 "The Burden"	Episode 22 "The Bros"	Episode 23 "The Mirror"	Episode 24 "The Man"
Episode 25 "The Pizza"	Episode 26 "The Lie"	Episode 27 "The Butterfly"	Episode 28 "The Question"
Episode 29 "The Saint"	Episode 30 "The Friend"	Episode 31 "The Oracle"	Episode 32 "The Safety"
Episode 33 "The Society"	Episode 34 "The Spoiler"	Episode 35 "The Countdown"	Episode 36 "The Nobody"
Episode 37 "The Downer"	Episode 38 "The Egg"	Episode 39 "The Triangle"	Episode 40 "The Money"

Episode 1 "The Return"	Episode 2 "The Nemesis"	Episode 3 "The Crew"	Episode 4 "The Others"
Episode 5 "The Signature"	Episode 6 "The Check"	Episode 7 "The Pest"	Episode 8 "The Sale"
Episode 9 "The Gift"	Episode 10 "The Parking"	Episode 11 "The Routine"	Episode 12 "The Upgrade"
Episode 13 "The Comic"	Episode 14 "The Romantic"	Episode 15 "The Uploads"	Episode 16 "The Apprentice"
Episode 17 "The Hug"	Episode 18 "The Wicked"	Episode 19 "The Traitor"	Episode 20 "The Origins"
Episode 21 "The Origins: Part Two"	Episode 22 "The Girlfriend"	Episode 23 "The Advice"	Episode 24 "The Signal"
Episode 25 "The Parasite"	Episode 26 "The Love"	Episode 27 "The Awkwardness"	Episode 28 "The Nest"
Episode 29 "The Points"	Episode 30 "The Bus"	Episode 31 "The Night"	Episode 32 "The Misunderstandings"
Episode 33 "The Roots"	Episode 34 "The Blame"	Episode 35 "The Slap"	Episode 36 "The Detective"
Episode 37 "The Fury"	Episode 38 "The Compilation"	Episode 39 "The Scam"	Episode 40 "The Disaster"

Episode 1 "The Rerun"	Episode 2 "The Stories"	Episode 3 "The Guy"	Episode 4 "The Boredom"
Episode 5 "The Vision"	Episode 6 "The Choices"	Episode 7 "The Code"	Episode 8 "The Test"
Episode 9 "The Slide"	Episode 10 "The Loophole"	Episode 11 "The Fuss"	Episode 12 "The Copycats"
Episode 13 "The Potato"	Episode 14 "The Outside"	Episode 15 "The Vase"	Episode 16 "The Matchmaker"
Episode 17 "The Box"	Episode 18 "The Console"	Episode 19 "The Ollie"	Episode 20 "The Catfish"
Episode 21 "The Cycle"	Episode 22 "The Stars"	Episode 23 "The Grades"	Episode 24 "The Diet"
Episode 25 "The Ex"	Episode 26 "The Sorcerer"	Episode 27 "The Menu"	Episode 28 "The Uncle"
Episode 29 "The Weirdo"	Episode 30 "The Heist"	Episode 31 "The Singing"	Episode 32 "The Best"
Episode 33 "The Worst"	Episode 34 "The Deal"	Episode 35 "The Petals"	Episode 36 "The Nuisance"
Episode 37 "The Line"	Episode 38 "The List"	Episode 39 "The News"	Episode 40 "The Puppets"

Episode 1 "The Rival"	Episode 2 "The Lady"	Episode 3 "The Sucker"	Episode 4 "The Vegging"
Episode 5 "The One"	Episode 6 "The Father"	Episode 7 "The Cringe"	Episode 8 "The Cage"
Episode 9 "The Neighbor"	Episode 10 "The Anybody"	Episode 11 "The Faith"	Episode 12 "The Candidate"
Episode 13 "The Pact"	Episode 14 "The Shippening"	Episode 15 "The Brain"	Episode 16 "The Parents"
Episode 17 "The Founder"	Episode 18 "The Schooling"	Episode 19 "The Intelligence"	Episode 20 "The Potion"
Episode 21 "The Spinoffs"	Episode 22 "The Transformation"	Episode 23 "The Understanding"	Episode 24 "The Ad"
Episode 25 "The Ghouls"	Episode 26 "The Stink"	Episode 27 "The Awareness"	Episode 28 "The Slip"
Episode 29 "The Drama"	Episode 30 "The Buddy"	Episode 31 "The Possession"	Episode 32 "The Master"
Episode 33 "The Silence"	Episode 34 "The Future"	Episode 35 "The Wish"	Episode 36 "The Factory"
Episode 37 "The Agent"	Episode 38 "The Web"	Episode 39 "The Mess"	Episode 40 "The Heart"
Episode 41 "The Revolt"	Episode 42 "The Decisions"	Episode 43 "The BFFs"	Episode 44 "The Inquisition"

Episode 1 "The Burger"	Episode 2 "The Assistant"	Episode 3 "The Distance"	Episode 4 "The Thing"
Episode 5 "The Butts"	Episode 6 "The Traffic"	Episode 7 "The Astrological"	Episode 8 "The Cheerleader"
Episode 9 "The Boring"	Episode 10 "The Teacher"	Episode 11 "The App"	Episode 12 "The Entrance"
Episode 13 "The Letter"	Episode 14 "The Gut"	Episode 15 "The Wrinkle"	Episode 16 "The Gourmet"
Episode 17 "The Pool"	Episode 18 "The Portrait"	Episode 19 "The Climb"	Episode 20 "The Amadain"

Episode 21 "The Summoning"	Episode 22 "The Unfollow"	Episode 23 "The Promposal"	Episode 24 "The Trumpet"
Episode 25 "The Synthesis"	Episode 26 "The Cheapmas"	Episode 27 "The Score"	Episode 28 "The Diary"
Episode 29 "The Punishment"	Episode 30 "The Roast"	Episode 31 "The Survivalists"	Episode 32 "The Labels"
Episode 33 "The Fools"	Episode 34 "The Homework"	Episode 35 "The Sonder"	Episode 36 "The Mister"
Episode 37 "The Tracking"	Episode 38 "The Pants"	Episode 39 "The Necroprancer"	Episode 40 "The Rewrite"