The Singing/Transcript

I'm Singing

[The song starts during the titlecard; the episode starts with Nicole and Richard sleeping. Meanwhile, a showerhead is singing in the background]

Showerhead: [Singing] The day might be gray

But you can chase all your troubles away

When you're singing!

Nicole: Huh?

Showerhead: So things may seem blue,

But what does that matter to you

When you're singing!

[Nicole opens the curtain to find the showerhead]

[Spoken] Hey, don't you ever knock?

Nicole: You're too loud, keep it down,

Or you'll wake everybody in town

With your singing!

Showerhead: Aww!

[Chuckles]

[Singing] You look rough and half dead

Did you get out the wrong side of bed?

Let's keep singing—

[Nicole rips the showerhead away and throws it into a trash can]

Showerhead: Aah!

[Nicole goes to the car]

I've been ripped from the wall

But it feels like no trouble at all

'Cause I'm singing!

[Scene cuts to the doorway of the Robinsons' house]

Gaylord: My wife hates my guts

And my neighbors are driving me nuts

But I'm singing— oof!

[Mrs. Robinson hits him with his briefcase; Gary enters on his bike, hitting him again with a newspaper]

Gary: I'm tired, underpaid

My hair prematurely grayed

But I'm singing!

Hobo: A bird stole my shoes

I thought I had nothing to lose

Still I'm singing! Hey!

[Sal Left Thumb steals his money, then bumps into the Doughnut Sheriff]

Larry: My fifth all-night shift

My mind is startling to bamboo

But I'm singing!

[Mrs. Jötunheim flies across the screen; the scene cuts to her]

Mrs. Jötunheim: My face looks a state

Though I've only just turned twenty-eight

Still I'm singing!

[She summons Hector to go to Elmore Junior High]

Hector: My head's up in space

I've got aeroplanes stuck in my face

But I'm singing!

[Scene cuts to Miss Simian in the middle of class, while the students are causing chaos]

Lucy Simian: These kids are all brats

And the school is infested with rats

Still I'm singing!

[A rat falls into her cup]

Lucy Simian: Hmm?

[The rat pops up]

Lucy Simian: Aah!

Rat: My life's on the skids

Got a hundred and seventy kids

Still I'm singing!

[Miss Simian pours the rat along with the beverage into a trash can; the trash can falls. Billy Parham enters]

Billy: [Spoken] I say, old horse, it's really rather not on to make such a mess. 'Tis high time somebody taught you ruffians some manners, although I fear I must address you hoodlums in a matter you'll understand. I believe it is known in common parlance as rap music.

Billy Parham in Your House

[Rap music plays]

Billy: [Rapping] Billy Parham in your house

Turn me up but not too loud

For fear of disturbing someone

Enunciating to the masses, mm-hmm.

I'm here to tell you of the relevance of etiquette

'Tis quite important, though I fear you might not get it yet

Feet on the seats

I'm sure I don't approve

Hold the door for the ladies

When they go through

Wipe your feet

When you're entering a neighbor's house

And when he chews,

A gentleman will always close his mouth

Close his mouth, close his mouth

The speed a virus spreads is beyond belief

When you sneeze, please be sure to use a handkerchief

Handkerchief

A handkerchief, a handkerchief, a handkerchief, a handkerchief, a handkerchief, a handkerchief...

[While saying the preceding line, he performs the enigmatically popular dance move known as "dabbing."]

Spray-Paint Bottle: Sad when a kid lets himself go like that, am I right?

Billy: A handkerchief...

8-Bit Dog: Dude, I'm just a background character. I'm not supposed to say anything. I don't even have a name.

Spray-Paint Bottle: But everyone has a song, even unimportant background characters.

8-Bit Dog: Maybe I do. You see... [Singing] If I told you my l—

[Teri enters; the 8-bit dog gets cut off]

Teri: Eww, gross! Oh, someone should clean this up.

[A rat appears and hisses at Teri, causing Teri to faint. J-pop music then begins to play as Teri begins dreaming]

Filth, Filth, All Around

Teri: Filth, filth, all around

In the air and on the ground

Grime, grime, everywhere

In your mouth and in your hair

Oh can't you see

This world's unclean

They say brush twice a day

I think that's not enough

Oh, can't you see

All this disease

The smell of sweaty feet

Makes me throw up

Filth, filth—

[Scene cuts back to reality; Teri is being carried to the ambulance van]

Teri: All around, in the air and on the ground...

Bandage Doctor: That is the worst case of J-pop I've ever seen.

Joan: Is it contagious?

Bandage Doctor: [Ironically appears dressed as a Japanese pop star] Absolutely not.

[The van is infected with J-pop; it drives away with musical wails, leading to Richard discussing with Larry at Joyful Burger]

Larry: I'm sorry, sir. I cannot in good conscience sell you a meal with that many calories. You might as well strap a hose to your face and pump a hundred pounds of hot lard directly down your throat.

Richard: Sure, I'll take one of those too.

Larry: Sir, so much unhealthy food is seriously dangerous for you.

Richard: Larry, let me tell you something about how I like my food. [Clears throat]

Larry: Yeah, is there any way we could skip this, sir—

I Prefer All My Food Fried

Richard: Maybe you didn't hear me

Larry: 'Cause I've, uh, got a line forming behind you, and-

Richard: When I asked for all those fries...

[The scene changes to Richard singing in a karaoke-style film]

Richard: I assure you, I spoke clearly

I said yes to super-sized

Spicy wings and some onion rings

With chicken nuggets on the side

Singers: Nuggets on the side...

Richard: I prefer all my food fried,

I prefer all my food fried!

Larry: Fine, fine, just please stop singing! Here's your bucket, sir. Have a nice day.

Richard: Ahh, I can feel my arteries hardening already!

[The chicken drumsticks grease and penetrate through the paper]

Richard: Huh? That's probably a bad sign.

[The chicken melts through the car]

Richard: That's definitely a bad sign.

Continuation of I'm Singing

[A drop of grease falls onto the sewer water]

Rat: Yuck! These sewers are a maze

Rat: And we haven't eaten in days

Both: But we're singing!

[They pop up to a restaurant]

Rat: Let's try here, there's no queues

Rat: That's because it's had awful reviews

Let's keep looking!

You're a Hairy Lady

[Miss Simian and Principal Brown are dating in the restaurant]

Lucy Simian: So I said to Steve, I said "How—

Nigel Brown: Are you okay, my sweet? You haven't said a word since we got here.

Lucy Simian: What? You interrupted me to say that? I was right in the middle of a—

Nigel Brown: Shh. There's no need to feel insecure. I know you see the way other women look at me.

Lucy Simian: No, Nigel. You promised you wouldn't do this.

Nigel Brown: You got something other girls don't have. Thick hair all over your body. Now just lie down and listen.

Lucy Simian: Nigel, I'm not going to lie down in a restaurant.

Nigel Brown: [Singing] You're a hairy lady

Hair from your head to your toes, girl

You're a hairy lady

You even got hair up your nose, girl

I see you talkin' with those other boys

I see you speakin', I don't hear no noise

Too busy lovin' all that fur, I see

Your body's hairier than a bumblebee

You're my honey, girl

Hairy girls, y'all best believe I'm a connoisseur

I look away if I don't see that matted fur

Hugging you is like a hug from a grizzly bear

Did I happen to mention I'm really into body hair, yeah

Larry: [Spoken] Oh, please, no.

Nigel Brown: [Spoken] You promised.

Larry: [Rapping] It's plain to see you give your barber every night off

Every drain in your house is a total write-off

Girl, you looking like a fur-covered miracle

And all those follicles, they got me waxing lyrical

Nigel Brown: 'Cause your hairy bod makes the guys all swoon

Don't shave or pluck or wax any time soo–

[Miss Simian breaks his arm; Principal Brown screams. Miss Simian causes chaos all over the restaurant]

Nigel Brown: Please, stop! Please, no, no!

Continuation of I'm Singing

[Nicole passes by driving her car; the showerhead is still in the trunk]

Showerhead: I'm claustrophobic, I can't breathe

She could've just asked me to leave

But I'm singing!

A Lovely Encounter With Pluto

[The scene rises up to the planets laughing]

Earth: Oi, oi, hey, hey, hey, who's this? Who's this? [Imitating Pluto] I didn't complete a single orbit before losing me planet status.

[The planets laugh; Pluto enters. The planets' laughter dies]

Mars: Pluto.

Earth: That's right, it's Pluto. Stripped of her planet status like a common moon. [Realizes Pluto's presence] Ah sorry, I, uh, I didn't see you there.

Pluto: So, uh, what you guys doing this evening?

Jupiter: Oh, you know, usual planet stuff. Bowling.

Pluto: That's— that's— that's cool— cool. [Chuckles]

Earth: So yeah, anyway, we'll see you around, I guess.

Pluto: Oh yeah. Cheers. [Chuckles] Have a— have a nice um... [Sighs]

The Hurt I Feel

Pluto: You know

It's mean

To be declassified after all these years

And rendered obsolete

And there's such a distance between us

Approximately four point six billion miles...

The hurt I feel is deep inside...

Singers: Deep inside...

Pluto: My planet status has been denied—

Singers: Been denied—

[Music stops]

Earth: Sorry, sorry, love. Can you keep it down a bit? You're putting Uranus off his strike.

Uranus: Actually, it's pronounced "Ur-anus."

Pluto: [Sighs] Why did I ever hang out with those dorks?

[Meteors enter]

Meteor: Hey toots, you going our way? We're off to trash a planet a few light years away. You want to tag along?

Meteor: You can join us if you're cool. [Drops 3D glasses] I'm not getting those back.

Pluto: Is minus two-hundred twenty-nine degrees cool enough for you?

[Pluto and the meteors cheer and go off-screen]

Pluto: Yeah!

Banana Joe's 5^th Symphony

[Scene cuts to Banana Joe imitating Beethoven's 5^th Symphony with a flashlight]

Banana Joe: Ba-na-na-naa! Ba-na-na-naa! Ba-na-na-na! Ba-na-na-na! Ba-na-na-naa! Ba-na-na-na! Ba-na-na-na! Ba-na-na-naa! Ba-na-na-naa! Ba-na-na-naa! Ba-na-na-na! Na! Naa! Ba-na-na— whoa!

[Banana Barbara opens the door, causing Banana Joe to launch into the ceiling fan; Banana Joe is splattered everywhere across the room]

Banana Barbara: Oh, sorry, honey, I didn't know the fan was on.

[Banana Joe groans. It appears to have been a video posted on Elmore Stream-It named "Classical fail."]

The Small Hours

[The mouse clicks on another video, "The Small Hours."]

Announcer: Available now for a limited time, Mr. Small's self-funded masterpiece, "The Small Hours," featuring the hit single, "Hit Single."

Mister Small​​​​​​: [Singing] Hit single,

Hit single...

Announcer: Also featuring the haunting ballad "This Boy's Not My Son."

Mister Small​​​​​​: [Singing, autotuned, altered] Can't you see, it's clear to me

This boy is not my son.

Announcer: And the party favorite, "Rock and Roll Orthodontist."

Mister Small​​​​​​: [Singing from far away] Rock and roll orthodontist, rock and roll orthodontist.

Announcer: And the wildly experimental "Mother."

["Mother" appears to be merely Mister Small screaming wildly onto Alison]

Announcer: Hurry! This CD is available for a limited time only while stocks last.

Final Part of I'm Singing

[The garbage truck dumps all the CDs in the dump, while Nicole driving in her car enters it]

Showerhead: [Muffled] Cast off, thrown away

But I won't let it ruin my day

'Cause I'm singing!

[Nicole retrieves it from the trunk and throws it across the many piles of garbage]

Showerhead: Ah, oh!

I'm cold and alone

And I fear that I'm not going home

But I'm singing!

[Episode ends]

v • e Transcript

Episode 1 The DVD	Episode 2 The Responsible	Episode 3 The Third	Episode 4 The Debt
Episode 5 The End	Episode 6 The Dress	Episode 7 The Quest	Episode 8 The Spoon
Episode 9 The Pressure	Episode 10 The Painting	Episode 11 The Laziest	Episode 12 The Ghost
Episode 13 The Mystery	Episode 14 The Prank	Episode 15 The Gi	Episode 16 The Kiss
Episode 17 The Party	Episode 18 The Refund	Episode 19 The Robot	Episode 20 The Picnic
Episode 21 The Goons	Episode 22 The Secret	Episode 23 The Sock	Episode 24 The Genius
Episode 25 The Poltergeist	Episode 26 The Mustache	Episode 27 The Date	Episode 28 The Club
Episode 29 The Wand	Episode 30 The Ape	Episode 31 The Car	Episode 32 The Curse
Episode 33 The Microwave	Episode 34 The Meddler	Episode 35 The Helmet	Episode 36 The Fight

Episode 1 The Remote	Episode 2 The Colossus	Episode 3 The Knights	Episode 4 The Fridge
Episode 5 The Flower	Episode 6 The Banana	Episode 7 The Phone	Episode 8 The Job
Episode 9 Halloween	Episode 10 The Treasure	Episode 11 The Apology	Episode 12 The Words
Episode 13 The Skull	Episode 14 The Bet	Episode 15 Christmas	Episode 16 The Watch
Episode 17 The Bumpkin	Episode 18 The Flakers	Episode 19 The Authority	Episode 20 The Virus
Episode 21 The Pony	Episode 22 The Hero	Episode 23 The Dream	Episode 24 The Sidekick
Episode 25 The Photo	Episode 26 The Tag	Episode 27 The Storm	Episode 28 The Lesson
Episode 29 The Game	Episode 30 The Limit	Episode 31 The Voice	Episode 32 The Promise
Episode 33 The Castle	Episode 34 The Boombox	Episode 35 The Tape	Episode 36 The Sweaters
Episode 37 The Internet	Episode 38 The Plan	Episode 39 The World	Episode 40 The Finale

Episode 1 The Kids	Episode 2 The Fan	Episode 3 The Coach	Episode 4 The Joy
Episode 5 The Puppy	Episode 6 The Recipe	Episode 7 The Name	Episode 8 The Extras
Episode 9 The Gripes	Episode 10 The Vacation	Episode 11 The Fraud	Episode 12 The Void
Episode 13 The Boss	Episode 14 The Move	Episode 15 The Law	Episode 16 The Allergy
Episode 17 The Mothers	Episode 18 The Password	Episode 19 The Procrastinators	Episode 20 The Shell
Episode 21 The Burden	Episode 22 The Bros	Episode 23 The Mirror	Episode 24 The Man
Episode 25 The Pizza	Episode 26 The Lie	Episode 27 The Butterfly	Episode 28 The Question
Episode 29 The Saint	Episode 30 The Friend	Episode 31 The Oracle	Episode 32 The Safety
Episode 33 The Society	Episode 34 The Spoiler	Episode 35 The Countdown	Episode 36 The Nobody
Episode 37 The Downer	Episode 38 The Egg	Episode 39 The Triangle	Episode 40 The Money

Episode 1 The Return	Episode 2 The Nemesis	Episode 3 The Crew	Episode 4 The Others
Episode 5 The Signature	Episode 6 The Check	Episode 7 The Pest	Episode 8 The Sale
Episode 9 The Gift	Episode 10 The Parking	Episode 11 The Routine	Episode 12 The Upgrade
Episode 13 The Comic	Episode 14 The Romantic	Episode 15 The Uploads	Episode 16 The Apprentice
Episode 17 The Hug	Episode 18 The Wicked	Episode 19 The Traitor	Episode 20 The Origins
Episode 21 The Origins: Part Two	Episode 22 The Girlfriend	Episode 23 The Advice	Episode 24 The Signal
Episode 25 The Parasite	Episode 26 The Love	Episode 27 The Awkwardness	Episode 28 The Nest
Episode 29 The Points	Episode 30 The Bus	Episode 31 The Night	Episode 32 The Misunderstandings
Episode 33 The Roots	Episode 34 The Blame	Episode 35 The Slap	Episode 36 The Detective
Episode 37 The Fury	Episode 38 The Compilation	Episode 39 The Scam	Episode 40 The Disaster

Episode 1 The Rerun	Episode 2 The Stories	Episode 3 The Guy	Episode 4 The Boredom
Episode 5 The Vision	Episode 6 The Choices	Episode 7 The Code	Episode 8 The Test
Episode 9 The Slide	Episode 10 The Loophole	Episode 11 The Fuss	Episode 12 The Copycats
Episode 13 The Potato	Episode 14 The Outside	Episode 15 The Vase	Episode 16 The Matchmaker
Episode 17 The Box	Episode 18 The Console	Episode 19 The Ollie	Episode 20 The Catfish
Episode 21 The Cycle	Episode 22 The Stars	Episode 23 The Grades	Episode 24 The Diet
Episode 25 The Ex	Episode 26 The Sorcerer	Episode 27 The Menu	Episode 28 The Uncle
Episode 29 The Weirdo	Episode 30 The Heist	Episode 31 The Singing	Episode 32 The Best
Episode 33 The Worst	Episode 34 The Deal	Episode 35 The Petals	Episode 36 The Nuisance
Episode 37 The Line	Episode 38 The List	Episode 39 The News	Episode 40 The Puppets

Episode 1 The Rival	Episode 2 The Lady	Episode 3 The Sucker	Episode 4 The Vegging
Episode 5 The One	Episode 6 The Father	Episode 7 The Cringe	Episode 8 The Cage
Episode 9 The Neighbor	Episode 10 The Anybody	Episode 11 The Faith	Episode 12 The Candidate
Episode 13 The Pact	Episode 14 The Shippening	Episode 15 The Brain	Episode 16 The Parents
Episode 17 The Founder	Episode 18 The Schooling	Episode 19 The Intelligence	Episode 20 The Potion
Episode 21 The Spinoffs	Episode 22 The Transformation	Episode 23 The Understanding	Episode 24 The Ad
Episode 25 The Ghouls	Episode 26 The Stink	Episode 27 The Awareness	Episode 28 The Slip
Episode 29 The Drama	Episode 30 The Buddy	Episode 31 The Possession	Episode 32 The Master
Episode 33 The Silence	Episode 34 The Future	Episode 35 The Wish	Episode 36 The Factory
Episode 37 The Agent	Episode 38 The Web	Episode 39 The Mess	Episode 40 The Heart
Episode 41 The Revolt	Episode 42 The Decisions	Episode 43 The BFFS	Episode 44 The Inquisition