The Saint/Transcript

In the Library

[Alan, Gumball, and Darwin are browsing the internet. Gumball eats some chips noisily while they do this.]

Darwin: Shh!

[Gumball tries to chew slowly and quietly, and Darwin shakes his head. He continues chewing, then tries to swallows as silent as possible. Just as Darwin continues browsing, Gumball opens a bottle of soda with a hiss. He glares at his brother, and the latter again tries to open the bottle slowly and quietly.]

Gumball: [To bottle] Shh! [Drinks]

Darwin: [Quietly] Dude. You're not allowed to bring food into the library! You might damage one of the computers!

Gumball: [Mockingly] Oh, no -- Scary drink! What would happen if I spilled it? [To computer] Ooooooh!

[He threatens to spill some soda on their computer.]

Gumball: [Normal voice] What do you take me for -- some kind of klu--uhh! [Slips on chair]

[He slams his head into the computer, and causes it to burst into flames. He and Darwin scream silently. Gumball motions to his soda, but Darwin shakes his head. He dumps his soda on the flames anyway, and this makes the fire to go out. But the soda electrocutes the computer monitor, and starts another fire. The duo scream silently again, and Gumball takes a fire extinguisher. He tries to put out the fire by literally beating the fire with the extinguisher, and this makes the computer explode and stop burning. The explosion is heard by the Librarian.]

Gumball: [Grabs Darwin] Dude! I'm a goner! The Librarian is gonna hang me, quarter me, roast me, feed me to the dogs, pick up the pieces, rebuild me, and… and say really mean things to me!

Darwin: Dude, calm down. The Librarian is pretty chill. She'll understand it was an accident.

[The Librarian shows up behind them, growling like an alligator, on the other side of the room.]

Librarian: Who… did... THAAAAAAAAAAAA... ?! [Screams and charges at them frantically]

[Gumball and Darwin brace themselves. Alan suddenly stands in their way.]

Alan​​​: It was I.

Librarian: Detention!

Gumball: Dude, why?

[Alan turns around with a handsome/saintly face.]

Alan​​​: It's okay. [Gets pulled away]

Testing Alan

[From the hallway, Gumball and Darwin watch as Alan takes the blame for them in the principal's office. Principal Brown, Miss Simian, and the Librarian shout at him while he sheds a tear down his saintly face.]

Gumball: Dude, why would he do that?

Darwin: Because he's pure! That's not even the nicest thing he's done! Remember the swimming pool?

[Flashback. Tobias is unconscious by the pool with a group of students gathered around him.]

Teri: Somebody help! Who knows CPR?!

[Alan barges into the pool.]

Alan​​​: I do.

[He puts his end on Tobias's mouth, and pushes some of the air inside him into Tobias.]

Alan​​​: Come on! Come ON!

[He continues to do this, and in the process deflates himself slowly.]

Teri: But, Alan, what about you?!

Alan​​​: There are more important things than me.

[He strains, and completely deflates himself. Tobias wakes up, inhales deeply, and grabs Alan.]

Tobias​​​: [High-pitched] I will never forget this, Alan! [Cries on Alan's body]

[The flashback ends with Gumball and Darwin shivering.]

Gumball: He was so disgustingly nice, I threw up puppies for days. But you know what? I bet he isn't really that nice! Everyone has a breaking point, and I'm gonna prove it to you!

[Darwin frowns at his brother.]

Darwin: Why on earth would you want to do that?

Gumball: For science! And because the people deserve to know! And because I got nothing else to do today. [Walks away]

[Scene skips to Alan thumbs-upping every post on Elmore Plus. Gumball and Darwin watch him with their faces sandwiched through books.]

Gumball: For a dude with no thumbs, he sure does give a lot of thumbs-up.

Alan​​​: Well, it doesn't cost anything, and it might just buy someone a smile.

Gumball: [Evil voice and eyes] I will break you!

Alan​​​: What?

[Gumball and Darwin drop their "disguises."]

Gumball: Someone over there needs your help for like two minutes.

Alan​​​: Always happy to help!

Gumball: Alan? Make it three.

Alan​​​: [Laughs] You got it!

Gumball: Right. [Goes to computer] What status update will ruin his life? [Laughs] I know. [Types] "Oh, my gosh! Why are there so many drawn people in Elmore? Go back to your flat country and stop ruining our economy!" [Updates status] Nobody likes a two-Dist.

[The status update immediately receives so much thumbs-down that the screen overflows with them. Alan returns.]

Gumball: Oh, Alan! So, did you help 'em?

Alan​​​: Everyone was okay, but I made them even more okay!

[Gets pummeled by thumbs-down icons being launched from the computer.]

Alan​​​: [Confused] What happened?!

Gumball: I just assassinated your social life. What are you gonna do about it?

[Alan glares at them as there is a ominous tolling bell ring, and goes menacingly near Gumball. But he kisses Gumball, and pulls his "saintly" face.]

Alan​​​: Thank you. Now I get a chance to befriend them all again. [Flies away]

Gumball: I WILL BREAK YOU, MAN! No one's this nice! NO ONE! Because if they were, I'd have to ask some very difficult questions about myself!

Framed

[The bell rings, and the scene cuts to the Watterson duo in the yard. Darwin is drawing on a balloon that looks exactly like Alan.]

Darwin: What does Alan look like again?

Gumball: He's got this cheesy, noble expression all the time, like this.

[He rubs his face, and creates a perfect replica of Alan's face. He also imitates the music that plays when Alan does the face.] Make sure you get it exactly right. Don't forget any details.

Darwin: [Draws] Okay, I think it's done!

[Darwin shows his work. He not only draws the face, but Gumball doing it in the schoolyard. Gumball scowls at him.]

Darwin: What? You said, "don't forget any details."

[Gumball grabs Darwin's face, and puts it on the balloon.]

Gumball: That'll have to do.

Darwin: What's this for, anyway?

[Gumball does an evil laugh, and his brother laughs along, albeit nervously.]

Darwin: Why are we-- w-why are we laughing?

[Gumball continues his evil laughter.]

Darwin: Well, whatever it is, it sounds like it's gonna be a fun surprise!

[The scene cuts to the principal's office. Carmen and Alan are both sitting in front of Principal Brown's desk]

Carmen: Principal Brown, is there a reason you wanted to see us?

Gumball: [Accented] Yes, but I'm not Principal Brown.

[Gumball turns around to face them. His chair continues wheeling around.]

Gumball: That's right-- it's me.

[The chair's backrest pushes Gumball, and he quickly pushes it away, accidentally knocks a cup of coffee, pencils, and papers down and composes himself.]

Gumball: [Clears throat and slides file] Open it. [Carmen grabs the file]

Carmen: [Deadpans] It's a prescription for butt cream?

[Gumball nervously replaces it with the right file. Carmen lets out a big gasp at what she sees, and Alan becomes shocked]

Gumball: Yes. I'm afraid Alan's been cheating on you...with everyone-- and I mean everyone-- and everything.

[Carmen sees photos of "Alan" (Darwin's face on a teal balloon) kissing Carrie, Teri, Jamie, Tobias, Banana Joe, Leslie, and a toilet bowl.]

Darwin: [Wipes lips]

Carmen: [To Alan, angrily] What have you got to say for yourself?!

Alan​​​: Uh…

Gumball: Yes, Alan. What do you have to say for yourself?

Carmen: Come on! I can take it!

Alan​​​: I… I…

Carmen: Where does this leave us?! What am I supposed to think?!

Alan​​​: Carmen, I love you too much to tell you how to feel.

Carmen: Well, I'll tell you how to feel!

[She gets up, and walks to the door.]

Carmen: Single! [Slams door]

Gumball: [To Darwin] Any minute now.

[Alan has a shocked and confused expression.]

Gumball: Here it comes.

Alan​​​: [Makes the face] Gumball, I'm not angry with you, because when you truly love someone, you have to know--

Gumball: WHY- [Bangs head on table] CAN'T [Bangs head on table and develops a purple eye] I [Bangs head on table] MAKE [Bangs head on table] YOU ANGRY?! [Collapses]

The Last Meatball

[In the cafeteria, the scene skips to Alan finishing his spaghetti meal.]

Alan​​​: [Singing] I'm eating spaghetti and meatballs. But I'm saving the meatballs till last!

[From the far corridor, Gumball comes in.]

Alan​​​: Now it's time for the very last meatball-

[Gumball runs, and grabs his last meatball.]

Gumball: Ha ha! Oh, no! I stole the last meatball! Mmm! [Rubs it over his face] It tastes so good 'cause it's the only one left! MMM! The secret ingredient is your despair!

[He laughs, then eats the meatball, taunting Alan all the while.]

Alan​​​: But I always save the best part of my meal for someone who deserves it more than I. I wanted you to have it for being such a great friend.

[Gumball goes mad, and starts acting like Miss Simian.]

In the Classroom

[Gumball holds a tape, and he stands next to a TV with Darwin.]

Gumball: Am I going too far?

Darwin: No no no. You went too far about seven hours ago. Now you're going to prison.

Alan​​​: So, what's the surprise?! I can barely contain myself! [Squeaks excitedly]

Gumball: I sold your parents.

Alan​​​: What?!

Gumball: I said, "I sold your parents."

[He puts on the tape, and it shows the creepy clown entertaining some kids.]

Clown (TV): Now, who wants to see balloon tricks? [Grabs Jessica]

Jessica (TV): No! Please! I have a son! [Gets twisted] Dexter, make it stop!

Dexter (TV): JESSICA!

[The clown continues, and makes her into an animal. He proceeds to twist Dexter. Alan is smiling.]

Gumball: Dude, how can you be smiling at this?!

Alan​​​: Look at the happiness they're bringing to those children. It's beautiful. Also, they're balloons, you know. It's not that bad.

[Gumball and Darwin gape at him.]

Dexter (TV): They've made me into a hat!

Alan's Secret to Life

[Outside the school, Gumball breathes close to Alan. Then he grabs him, and bang heads together. While this happens, Alan squeaks.]

Gumball: HOW CAN YOU NOT BE ANGRY AFTER ALL I'VE DONE TO YOU?! [Gasps] After all I've done to you. I made you lose all your friends, your girlfriend, sold your parents. Even worse, I ate your last meatball -- all of this to prove you can be just as bad as me? Could it be that… that… that I was wrong?

Darwin: IS THAT EVEN A QUESTION?!

Gumball: Oh, thanks, man. I almost doubted myself there.

Darwin: [Sighs]

Alan​​​: The secret is to stay positive. You know, Gumball, when a man says "yes" to life, life says "yes" to him.

Hobo: Hey, kid, you want to buy this popsicle? I just found it on the sidewalk.

Alan​​​: Yes! [Pays] Here's twenty dollars!

Rosie: Do you want to swap your popsicle for my balloons?

Alan​​​: Yes! [Untangles balloons, the balloons turn out to be his parents] Mom! Dad!

[They hug, then his parents fly away.]

Hobo: [Comes back, rich] Here's the kind young guy who was the only one to help me out. [Hands briefcase full of money] Here's the twenty dollars I owe you. With interest, that comes to twenty million.

[As he leaves, Carrie and Sarah go to Alan, and touch him affectionately]

Carmen: GET OFF MY MAN! [Carmen tosses Sarah away, and Carrie floats away] Do you still love me, Alan?

Alan​​​: [Laughs] Yes!

Carmen: [Holds up container with lots of meatballs] Then have some of these meatballs I prepared for you.

Alan​​​: Yes. ["Eats" meatball]

Alan​​​ and Carmen: I love you. [Walks away together]

Gumball and Darwin: UH-

[Gumball rubs his eyes while they're still open, then yelps in pain.]

Darwin: Dude, what did you expect? You just rubbed your bare eyeballs with your fists.

Gumball: We've been living our lives wrong all this time! From now on, we say yes to everything!

In Elmore Hospital

Twitchy Scientist: Thank you for agreeing to do this highly experimental testing! Are you sure that you want to go ahead with it?

Gumball and Darwin: Yes?

Twitchy Scientist: [Grabs serum] I'm not gonna lie to you. We found these in the back of the fridge. If you're worried about the taste, I can always inject it! What do you say?!

[The scene shows the outside of their room, and Gumball and Darwin scream/steam in pain. It cuts to Gumball on a bed, horribly disfigured/mutated.]

Gumball: [Muffled] I don't feel so good.

Darwin: Yeah.

Gumball: What?

[Darwin is shown, even more disfigured than Gumball is.]

Darwin: [Coughs gas] Me, neither.

Twitchy Scientist: [Walks in] Thanks, guys! I'll file those under "Never try this again."

Gumball and Darwin: Yay.

Saving the Pigeons

[Gumball and Darwin walk across the streets, then encounter Mr. Small.]

Mister Small​​​: Hey, do you kids want to do something for charity?

[Gumball and Darwin look at each other.]

Gumball and Darwin: Yes.

[The scene skips to them up in the air, in a plane with a banner that says "SAVE THE PIGEONS" on it. The two are dressed as pigeons.]

Gumball: What charity is this for again?

Mister Small​​​: "Save the pigeons!" I made the costumes myself. Pretty cool, huh? Although the parachutes are rated for slightly lighter people. Is that gonna be okay?

Gumball and Darwin: [Anxiously] Yes.

Mister Small​​​: Good. [Kicks them off]

Gumball: Quick -- pull!

[They pull their parachutes only to find that they are too small to carry them. Gumball and Darwin plunge directly to the ground.]

Gumball: At least we saved some pigeons!

Mister Small​​​: [Lands with larger parachute] Oh, no, no, no. We raised awareness of the cause. We didn't actually save any.

Gumball: [Groans] Wait. Who's flying the plane?

[The plane crashes into a building.]

Saving a Stranger

Gumball: Dude, this isn't working! We said "yes" to everything, and has anything good happened?!

[On the sidewalk across them, Tony suddenly collapses, and his face turns red.]

Mr. Russo: Is there a doctor in the street?

Doctor Literature: I am a doctor… of literature.

Soap Opera Doctor: I'm a doctor… in a soap opera!

Twitchy Scientist: I was a doctor!

Mr. Russo: Is there an actual doctor in the street?

Gumball: [To Darwin] No.

Darwin: But he needs us!

Gumball: Okay. We'll help him -- but only after we study medicine for seven years.

Darwin: But he needs us now!

Gumball: I am not putting my hand on the slimy gizzard of some stranger!

Darwin: But what if we save his life, he lives, wins the lottery, and we end up with our own jetpacks, wearing pants made out of white tiger skin while eating unobtanium in a house made of crystal?!

Mr. Russo: Please, is there a doctor in the street?!

Gumball and Darwin: [Inhale] Yes!

[The scene switches to the Watterson's house, now a mound with large crystals embedded in it. Gumball (with blonde hair) and Darwin (with brown hair) live out their life, flying with jet packs while wearing pants made out of tiger skin and eating unobtanium. They toast their unobtanium together.]

Gumball: Dude, this is amazing!

Darwin: It's everything we ever wanted!

[They laugh, and toast again.]

Gumball: I hate it.

Darwin: I know, right? I feel like I've got something heavy in the pit of my stomach.

Gumball: That'll be the unobtanium. The problem is, when you have everything, you have nothing left to complain about. I think I liked it better when life was crummy.

Darwin: Let's get back to the way we were.

[They unstrap their jet packs, and fall down.]

Saint Alan

[In the school hallway, Gumball walks to Alan, depressed. His paws squeak the floor. Alan closes his locker.]

Gumball: I'm sorry for trying to break you, Alan. I should have known it was impossible. But I learned a lot about myself -- mostly that I'm a disgusting person and you're a better man then me. So, yeah. Thanks for that.

Alan​​​: [Makes face] What's important is that you stay true to yourself.

[Gumball grunts in irritation, then sighs and walks away. His squeaks suddenly make Alan angry.]

Alan​​​: AAH! Can you please stop making that noise?!

Gumball: [Surprised] What?

Alan​​​: Dragging your feet! It's grating!

Gumball: [Amused] Oh, but I don't understand. You mean this? [Squeaks floor]

Alan​​​: [Yells] STOP IT, YOU JERK!

Gumball: YES! Ha ha! I finally dragged you down to my level! I knew you could be broken! Oh, I feel so much better about myself. I got to go tell Darwin!

[Gumball runs off, and Alan screams in rage. Then Alan calms down, smiles, and makes his face again.]

Alan​​​: [Whispering] Whatever makes you happy, my friend.

[Alan floats away, and the episode ends.]

v • e Transcript

Episode 1 The DVD	Episode 2 The Responsible	Episode 3 The Third	Episode 4 The Debt
Episode 5 The End	Episode 6 The Dress	Episode 7 The Quest	Episode 8 The Spoon
Episode 9 The Pressure	Episode 10 The Painting	Episode 11 The Laziest	Episode 12 The Ghost
Episode 13 The Mystery	Episode 14 The Prank	Episode 15 The Gi	Episode 16 The Kiss
Episode 17 The Party	Episode 18 The Refund	Episode 19 The Robot	Episode 20 The Picnic
Episode 21 The Goons	Episode 22 The Secret	Episode 23 The Sock	Episode 24 The Genius
Episode 25 The Poltergeist	Episode 26 The Mustache	Episode 27 The Date	Episode 28 The Club
Episode 29 The Wand	Episode 30 The Ape	Episode 31 The Car	Episode 32 The Curse
Episode 33 The Microwave	Episode 34 The Meddler	Episode 35 The Helmet	Episode 36 The Fight

Episode 1 The Remote	Episode 2 The Colossus	Episode 3 The Knights	Episode 4 The Fridge
Episode 5 The Flower	Episode 6 The Banana	Episode 7 The Phone	Episode 8 The Job
Episode 9 Halloween	Episode 10 The Treasure	Episode 11 The Apology	Episode 12 The Words
Episode 13 The Skull	Episode 14 The Bet	Episode 15 Christmas	Episode 16 The Watch
Episode 17 The Bumpkin	Episode 18 The Flakers	Episode 19 The Authority	Episode 20 The Virus
Episode 21 The Pony	Episode 22 The Hero	Episode 23 The Dream	Episode 24 The Sidekick
Episode 25 The Photo	Episode 26 The Tag	Episode 27 The Storm	Episode 28 The Lesson
Episode 29 The Game	Episode 30 The Limit	Episode 31 The Voice	Episode 32 The Promise
Episode 33 The Castle	Episode 34 The Boombox	Episode 35 The Tape	Episode 36 The Sweaters
Episode 37 The Internet	Episode 38 The Plan	Episode 39 The World	Episode 40 The Finale

Episode 1 The Kids	Episode 2 The Fan	Episode 3 The Coach	Episode 4 The Joy
Episode 5 The Puppy	Episode 6 The Recipe	Episode 7 The Name	Episode 8 The Extras
Episode 9 The Gripes	Episode 10 The Vacation	Episode 11 The Fraud	Episode 12 The Void
Episode 13 The Boss	Episode 14 The Move	Episode 15 The Law	Episode 16 The Allergy
Episode 17 The Mothers	Episode 18 The Password	Episode 19 The Procrastinators	Episode 20 The Shell
Episode 21 The Burden	Episode 22 The Bros	Episode 23 The Mirror	Episode 24 The Man
Episode 25 The Pizza	Episode 26 The Lie	Episode 27 The Butterfly	Episode 28 The Question
Episode 29 The Saint	Episode 30 The Friend	Episode 31 The Oracle	Episode 32 The Safety
Episode 33 The Society	Episode 34 The Spoiler	Episode 35 The Countdown	Episode 36 The Nobody
Episode 37 The Downer	Episode 38 The Egg	Episode 39 The Triangle	Episode 40 The Money

Episode 1 The Return	Episode 2 The Nemesis	Episode 3 The Crew	Episode 4 The Others
Episode 5 The Signature	Episode 6 The Check	Episode 7 The Pest	Episode 8 The Sale
Episode 9 The Gift	Episode 10 The Parking	Episode 11 The Routine	Episode 12 The Upgrade
Episode 13 The Comic	Episode 14 The Romantic	Episode 15 The Uploads	Episode 16 The Apprentice
Episode 17 The Hug	Episode 18 The Wicked	Episode 19 The Traitor	Episode 20 The Origins
Episode 21 The Origins: Part Two	Episode 22 The Girlfriend	Episode 23 The Advice	Episode 24 The Signal
Episode 25 The Parasite	Episode 26 The Love	Episode 27 The Awkwardness	Episode 28 The Nest
Episode 29 The Points	Episode 30 The Bus	Episode 31 The Night	Episode 32 The Misunderstandings
Episode 33 The Roots	Episode 34 The Blame	Episode 35 The Slap	Episode 36 The Detective
Episode 37 The Fury	Episode 38 The Compilation	Episode 39 The Scam	Episode 40 The Disaster

Episode 1 The Rerun	Episode 2 The Stories	Episode 3 The Guy	Episode 4 The Boredom
Episode 5 The Vision	Episode 6 The Choices	Episode 7 The Code	Episode 8 The Test
Episode 9 The Slide	Episode 10 The Loophole	Episode 11 The Fuss	Episode 12 The Copycats
Episode 13 The Potato	Episode 14 The Outside	Episode 15 The Vase	Episode 16 The Matchmaker
Episode 17 The Box	Episode 18 The Console	Episode 19 The Ollie	Episode 20 The Catfish
Episode 21 The Cycle	Episode 22 The Stars	Episode 23 The Grades	Episode 24 The Diet
Episode 25 The Ex	Episode 26 The Sorcerer	Episode 27 The Menu	Episode 28 The Uncle
Episode 29 The Weirdo	Episode 30 The Heist	Episode 31 The Singing	Episode 32 The Best
Episode 33 The Worst	Episode 34 The Deal	Episode 35 The Petals	Episode 36 The Nuisance
Episode 37 The Line	Episode 38 The List	Episode 39 The News	Episode 40 The Puppets

Episode 1 The Rival	Episode 2 The Lady	Episode 3 The Sucker	Episode 4 The Vegging
Episode 5 The One	Episode 6 The Father	Episode 7 The Cringe	Episode 8 The Cage
Episode 9 The Neighbor	Episode 10 The Anybody	Episode 11 The Faith	Episode 12 The Candidate
Episode 13 The Pact	Episode 14 The Shippening	Episode 15 The Brain	Episode 16 The Parents
Episode 17 The Founder	Episode 18 The Schooling	Episode 19 The Intelligence	Episode 20 The Potion
Episode 21 The Spinoffs	Episode 22 The Transformation	Episode 23 The Understanding	Episode 24 The Ad
Episode 25 The Ghouls	Episode 26 The Stink	Episode 27 The Awareness	Episode 28 The Slip
Episode 29 The Drama	Episode 30 The Buddy	Episode 31 The Possession	Episode 32 The Master
Episode 33 The Silence	Episode 34 The Future	Episode 35 The Wish	Episode 36 The Factory
Episode 37 The Agent	Episode 38 The Web	Episode 39 The Mess	Episode 40 The Heart
Episode 41 The Revolt	Episode 42 The Decisions	Episode 43 The BFFS	Episode 44 The Inquisition