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The Quest Is Offered!

[An armored skeleton sits on a throne in a room illuminated by only a few rays of sunlight. It wields a spear in one hand and a shield in the other, sitting as if still watching over the space before it]
Narrator: In an age long forgotten, legend speaks of an unsung hero. Some call him "The Couch Crusher," to others he is known simply as "The Oncoming Wind." But to a special few, he is known as—
Gumball, Darwin, and Anais: Dad!
[The scene cuts to Richard sleeping on the couch at home, in the same pose, the spear replaced by a broom, the shield by a half-eaten pizza in its box. Anais, Darwin and Gumball surround him. They are all poking him impatiently, to no avail]
Gumball: Wake up!
[Gumball pokes his arm all the way into Richard's face]
Gumball: Gah! My arms are too short to reach a nerve!
Darwin: Why do we wanna wake him up anyway?
Gumball: Because, it's completely unfair that he gets to veg out all day while we have to go to school!
Anais and Darwin: Hmm!
[Nicole passes behind them as they continue their futile poking]
Nicole: If you want him to wake up, you have to use the magic word.
Gumball: "Please?"
Nicole: No, "bacon."
Richard: [Suddenly wakes up] YES!
[A bus honks outside]
Nicole: Come on, guys, you're gonna be late for school.
Gumball: Why does he get to sit there all day?
Nicole: He doesn't! He has a very important list of chores to do while I'm at work.
[She shows a list to Gumball, which reads: "To Do List: (1) Get mayo."]
Gumball: "Get mayo?" Where's the rest of the list?
Nicole: Well, I've never seen him make it down to two, so... [Shrugs] Eh.
Richard: Hey! It's not as easy as it looks.
Gumball: You're right, I'm sorry. [Dramatically] Please be careful, O, father, on this dangerous and mighty quest!
Richard: Thank you!
Gumball: I was being sarcastic.
Richard: Thank you?
Gumball: [Closing the front door as he leaves] Never mind.
Richard: [Examining the list] Hmm... [He raises his broom and sunlight dramatically shines on it]
Narrator: And thus begins our hero's quest. He shall not rest until he has returned with the sacred sauce. [The broom tilts as Richard falls asleep] Or maybe he shall quickly rest for a little bit—then go on his quest for the sacred sauce... [Richard is still snoring] Uuu-uuurgh! Let the quest begin!

The Quest Begins!

[Richard jumps to his feet, startled. The scene cuts to a sequence as he gets dressed. He tries to wear his pants over his boots]
Richard: I should have put the pants on first. Oh, forget it.
[He kicks down the door and leaves the house to get in his car, screaming and brandishing a feather duster and a broom]
Gaylord: Cover your eyes, Margaret, the neighbor's going to the store again.
Richard: [Starts the car] Onwards, Cartax!
Narrator: And so our hero begins his journey through the perilous kingdom of Elmore.
Richard: Go, Cartax, go! Go!
[Richard is seen driving on a mountain road, before it is revealed he is stuck in a traffic jam]
Richard: Go! Go!

The Oracle of Suburbia

[Some time later, he traverses a misty area in town]
Narrator: After many miles, our warrior reaches the territory of the oracle of suburbia.
[The car's hazard lights turn on]
Richard: What is it, Cartax? Your hazard lights are on. Is there danger ahead?
[Mrs. Jötunheim suddenly appears in the middle of the road]
Richard: [Thrown out of the car as he brakes] Ah! Who goes there?! Where are you?
Mrs. Jötunheim: Down here. [Shouting dramatically] Turn back or perish! Your quest for mayo is doomed!
Richard: How do you know about my quest?
Mrs. Jötunheim: Underpants don't have pockets. [Points to the list poking out of Richard's clothes] But I can also read your future, rotund warrior. I will let you see it...at a cost.
Richard: Name your price, troll thing.
Mrs. Jötunheim: I know almost everything... [Takes out her phone] Apart from this: what does LOL mean? I keep getting it in messages and want to use it myself to feel cool, but I don't know what it means.
Richard: [Unsure] Uh, it means...lots of love?
Mrs. Jötunheim: Thank you. [Typing on her phone] "Dear master of the Dark Arts, sorry to hear about your mother, LOL." Now kneel before me.
[Richard kneels, allowing Mrs. Jötunheim to place her hand on his forehead. A vision in black and white shows Richard walking down the street, then a building on fire, a roaring T-Rex, and finally the side of a car being splattered]
Mrs. Jötunheim: Many of Elmore's unemployed heroes went to the supermarket, and never came back.
Richard: You don't mean...
Mrs. Jötunheim: Yes, they got hired and now work there.
Richard: I do not scare so easily, goblin-head, [He gets in his car] for I am totally unemployable! [Drives off]
Mrs. Jötunheim: Then may the spirits be with you and your journey, destroyer of burgers. [Her phone rings] Master of the Dark Arts... [Reading text] Ah, bummer. [Receives an electric shock]

The Trolls of the Toll Booth

[Richard keeps driving until he reaches a toll booth. A guard closes the barrier in front of him]
Guard: If you wish to pass the gates of old, you must first cross our palms with gold.
Richard: What?
Guard: We be the trolls of this toll booth. Pay for your passage or lose a tooth.
Richard: I still don't get it, are you speaking English?
Guard: Ugh. It's twenty-five cents to go through.
Richard: What?! Are you highway bandits?!
Guard: Technically we are at the service of the government, but basically, yes.
Richard: Then feel my wrath!
[Richard closes the window on the guard's hand]
Guard: My hand!
[He sprays the guard's face with washer fluid, causing him to fall over]
Guard: Ah, my eye!
Richard: Go, Cartax, go!
[Richard drives through the gate. More guards appear and throw tickets at the car, covering the windshield]
Richard: Toll penalty tickets!
[Richard opens the hood, which blocks most of the tickets. A giant guard stands in his way, but when it seems Richard is going to joust with him, he throws his broom at a nearby lamppost. He then turns on the headlights, blinding the guard]
Richard: Psyche!
[Richard drives past the guard just before the lamppost falls down and knocks him out]

A Noble Sacrifice

[A map shows the different areas Richard has crossed]
Narrator: Our warrior continued his journey through the kingdom. He almost broke his wrist honking too much in the Valley of Car-tastrophia. He fought for a long time to escape the deadly vortex of the drive-through window, where your worst enemy is yourself, until he made it to the dreaded Swamps of Asphalt.
[Richard drives slowly on a road which appears to be under construction. The wheels of his car start sinking in the asphalt]
Richard: No, we cannot continue this way, Cartax. We must turn back. But at least the tension hasn't been artificially heightened by having that precariously balanced tree fall and block our way.
[Richard goes in reverse, but has to brake when the tree falls down on the road]
Richard: No! The tension has heightened now that the precariously balanced tree has fallen and blocked our way!
[Cartax neighs]
Richard: What's that, Cartax? Can I please stop stating the obvious?
[Cartax neighs again]
Richard: What's that, Cartax? There is another solution?
[Cartax neighs again before driving at full speed onto a slope]
Richard: [Gasps] Cartax, no!
[The car flies over the pool of asphalt for a short moment before dropping straight into it]
Richard: Don't move, I'll find a solution! [Walks out of the car] What's that, Cartax? Use that plank? Yes, of course! [Grabs a plank and throws it at the car, causing it to neigh] Cartax, language!
[Cartax neighs as it sinks into the asphalt]
Richard: Oh, you meant put it under the tires. Right. Cartax, no! I don't wanna say goodbye! [Tears up] I blblblbl love you too! I blblblbl love you too! [Sobs]
[Eventually, the car sinks completely and disappears]
Richard: NOOOO!

To the Supermarket

[Richard continues on foot, exhausted]
Narrator: Alone, the warrior continued his journey. Many hours he walked to cover the hundred yards leading to his final destination: the supermarket—but there was nothing special on offer here.
[Richard makes it to the supermarket, which is on fire and partially destroyed. Richard notices Larry's hand rising from a pile of debris, and helps him out of it]
Richard: Larry... Which aisle is the mayo in?
Larry: It's gone. It's all gone.
Richard: Don't exaggerate, Larry, there's still a good third of it burning. What happened?
Larry: The beast discovered the power of coupons. It bided its time stockpiling them, then it shopped us to oblivion.
[A short sequence shows a T-rex taking everything in the store]
Larry: It bought everything in sight, leaving nothing but destruction in its wake.
Richard: Just like the witch's prophecy. Where goes the lair of this beast?
Larry: Surely you don't intend to fight it?
Richard: My queen requires only a jar of mayo, not the head of a beast. I don't know how you do burger night at your house, weirdo.

Retrieving the Mayo

[Richard walks through the junkyard with caution]
Narrator: And as night fell, our weary traveler arrived at the arena, where the final act of his destiny shall play out.
[He spots a jar of mayo sitting on top of a pile of junk]
Richard: [Gasps] Finally, my quest is coming to an end. What was it again? [Checking his list] Oh, yeah. Get mayo!
[Richard climbs up the pile, and takes a victorious pose as he holds the jar of mayo. Mr. Rex growls behind him and Richard turns around, mouth agape as he remembers Mrs. Jötunheim's prophecy. In his surprise, he drops the jar, which rolls down to the bottom of the pile where it is crushed by Mr. Rex, splattering a nearby car]
Richard: Eh, that prophecy was misleading. That's nowhere near as bad as I—
[Mr. Rex roars loudly in Richard's face]
Richard: [Takes another jar from the pile] It was buy one, get one free!
[Richard leaps as if to fight Mr. Rex, but drops down instead]
Richard: Psyche!
[Richard starts running away with Mr. Rex's jaws snapping at him. He hides behind what appears to be a locked door, only to find out the door is the only part of the wall remaining; Mr. Rex looms over and quickly destroys his hiding place. Richard grabs a baguette from the trash, but the dinosaur eats part of it. He tosses the piece of bread at a button, activating a crane which hits Mr. Rex. The crane swings back in Richard's direction, throwing him onto a car: Cartax]
Richard: [Gasps] Cartax!
[He climbs in his car, seemingly about to drive forward where Mr. Rex bares his teeth at him, but decides to drive in reverse instead]
Richard: Psyche!
[Richard starts driving off. Mr. Rex goes after him again but quickly loses track of his prey, making time for Richard to drive around the corner]
Richard: Cartax, go!
[Richard accelerates, using Mr. Rex as a ramp to escape the junkyard]

Homeward Bound

[Richard makes it home, he undresses, places the mayo in the refrigerator, and falls asleep on the couch right before his family comes home]
Gumball: [Sighs] Well, I guess he did do something today: he put his pants on.
[They all laugh]
Nicole: Come on, let's set the table for burger night.
[Gumball takes the jar of mayo, and the narrator starts speaking again as Richard snores on the couch]
Narrator: And so our hero's tale comes to an end.
[The camera slowly zooms out of the house, eventually showing Cartax]
Narrator: To the beast, he is a thief. To his family, he is a huge slob. To his neighbors, he is the reason house prices are going down in the area. But to me, he will always be...my master.
[Cartax neighs, ending the episode]
veTAWOGEPISODESfont.png Transcript
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TheDVDSeason1.png TheResponsibleSeason1.png TheThirdSeason1.png TheDebtSeason1.png
Episode 1
The DVD
Episode 2
The Responsible
Episode 3
The Third
Episode 4
The Debt
TheEndSeason1.jpg TheDressSeason1.png TheQuestSeason1.png TheSpoonSeason1.png
Episode 5
The End
Episode 6
The Dress
Episode 7
The Quest
Episode 8
The Spoon
ThePressure Season1.png ThePaintingSeason1.png TheLaziestSeason1.png TheGhostSeason1.png
Episode 9
The Pressure
Episode 10
The Painting
Episode 11
The Laziest
Episode 12
The Ghost
TheMysterySeason1.png ThePrankSeason1.png TheGiSeason1.png TheKissSeason1.png
Episode 13
The Mystery
Episode 14
The Prank
Episode 15
The Gi
Episode 16
The Kiss
TheParty Season1.png TheRefundSeason1.png TheRobotSeason1.png ThePicnicSeason1.png
Episode 17
The Party
Episode 18
The Refund
Episode 19
The Robot
Episode 20
The Picnic
TheGoonsSeasonOne.png TheSecretSeason1.png TheSockSeason1.png TheGeniusSeasonOne.png
Episode 21
The Goons
Episode 22
The Secret
Episode 23
The Sock
Episode 24
The Genius
ThePoltergeistSeasonOne.png TheMustacheSeason1.png TheDateSeason1.png TheClub28.png
Episode 25
The Poltergeist
Episode 26
The Mustache
Episode 27
The Date
Episode 28
The Club
TheWandSeason1.png TheApeSeason1.png The Car 35.jpg TheCurse season1.png
Episode 29
The Wand
Episode 30
The Ape
Episode 31
The Car
Episode 32
The Curse
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Episode 33
The Microwave
Episode 34
The Meddler
Episode 35
The Helmet
Episode 36
The Fight
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TheRemoteSeason2.png Colossus Giant.png TheKnightsSeason2.png TheFridgeSeason2.png
Episode 1
The Remote
Episode 2
The Colossus
Episode 3
The Knights
Episode 4
The Fridge
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Episode 5
The Flower
Episode 6
The Banana
Episode 7
The Phone
Episode 8
The Job
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Episode 9
Halloween
Episode 10
The Treasure
Episode 11
The Apology
Episode 12
The Words

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TheBetSeason2.png ChristmasSeason2.png TheWatchNavbox.png
Episode 13
The Skull
Episode 14
The Bet
Episode 15
Christmas
Episode 16
The Watch

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Episode 17
The Bumpkin
Episode 18
The Flakers
Episode 19
The Authority
Episode 20
The Virus
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Episode 21
The Pony
Episode 22
The Hero
Episode 23
The Dream
Episode 24
The Sidekick
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TheLessonNavbox.png

Episode 25
The Photo
Episode 26
The Tag
Episode 27
The Storm
Episode 28
The Lesson

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ThePromiseSeason2.png
Episode 29
The Game
Episode 30
The Limit
Episode 31
The Voice
Episode 32
The Promise
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Episode 33
The Castle
Episode 34
The Boombox
Episode 35
The Tape
Episode 36
The Sweaters
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Episode 37
The Internet
Episode 38
The Plan
Episode 39
The World
Episode 40
The Finale
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TheKidsSeason3.png TAAGDSpage1.png CoachisAWOMAN.png The joy revealed.png
Episode 1
The Kids
Episode 2
The Fan
Episode 3
The Coach
Episode 4
The Joy
ThePuppySeason3.png TheRecipeSP4.png Tnam15.png TheExtrasSeason3.png
Episode 5
The Puppy
Episode 6
The Recipe
Episode 7
The Name
Episode 8
The Extras
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Episode 9
The Gripes
Episode 10
The Vacation
Episode 11
The Fraud
Episode 12
The Void
TheBossSeason3.png TheMoveSeason3.png TheLawSeason3.png Allergyithink5.png
Episode 13
The Boss
Episode 14
The Move
Episode 15
The Law
Episode 16
The Allergy
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Episode 17
The Mothers
Episode 18
The Password
Episode 19
The Procrastinators
Episode 20
The Shell
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Episode 21
The Burden
Episode 22
The Bros
Episode 23
The Mirror
Episode 24
The Man
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Episode 25
The Pizza
Episode 26
The Lie
Episode 27
The Butterfly
Episode 28
The Question
The Saint 75.png TheFriendSeason3.png TheOracleSeason3.png Gumball Season 3 Episode 53B Still.jpg
Episode 29
The Saint
Episode 30
The Friend
Episode 31
The Oracle
Episode 32
The Safety
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Episode 33
The Society
Episode 34
The Spoiler
Episode 35
The Countdown
Episode 36
The Nobody
Gumball Season 3 Episode 57A Still.jpg Gumball Season 3 Episode 57B Still.jpg Gumball Season 3 Episode 58A Still.jpg GB340MONEY69.png
Episode 37
The Downer
Episode 38
The Egg
Episode 39
The Triangle
Episode 40
The Money
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TheReturnSeason4.png TheNemesisSeason4.png TheCrewSeason4.png TheOthersSeason4.png
Episode 1
The Return
Episode 2
The Nemesis
Episode 3
The Crew
Episode 4
The Others
TheSignatureSeasonFour.png TheCheckSeason4.png Pest Billnis.png TheSaleSeason4.png
Episode 5
The Signature
Episode 6
The Check
Episode 7
The Pest
Episode 8
The Sale
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Episode 9
The Gift
Episode 10
The Parking
Episode 11
The Routine
Episode 12
The Upgrade
Comic Comic.png Penny Fitzgerald and Gumball Watterson on The Romantic 17.png Uploads Sussie.png Apprentiance me.png
Episode 13
The Comic
Episode 14
The Romantic
Episode 15
The Uploads
Episode 16
The Apprentice
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Episode 17
The Hug
Episode 18
The Wicked
Episode 19
The Traitor
Episode 20
The Origins
TheOriginsPreview3-00011.png Girfriend Scary.png Advice Redacted.png Signal Signal.png
Episode 21
The Origins: Part Two
Episode 22
The Girlfriend
Episode 23
The Advice
Episode 24
The Signal
TheParasiteSeasonFour.png TheLoveSeason4.png TheAwkwardnessSeason4.png TheNestSeason4.png
Episode 25
The Parasite
Episode 26
The Love
Episode 27
The Awkwardness
Episode 28
The Nest
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Episode 29
The Points
Episode 30
The Bus
Episode 31
The Night
Episode 32
The Misunderstandings
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Episode 33
The Roots
Episode 34
The Blame
Episode 35
The Slap
Episode 36
The Detective
TheFurySeason4.png Happy Elmore Town.jpg Anime Darwin and Carrie.jpg TheDisasterSeasonFour.png
Episode 37
The Fury
Episode 38
The Compilation
Episode 39
The Scam
Episode 40
The Disaster
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Episode 1
The Rerun
Episode 2
The Stories
Episode 3
The Guy
Episode 4
The Boredom
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Episode 5
The Vision
Episode 6
The Choices
Episode 7
The Code
Episode 8
The Test
NowWeAreTalking.png S5E10 The Loophole p03.png Fuss Sweet.png CopyCatsSeason5.png
Episode 9
The Slide
Episode 10
The Loophole
Episode 11
The Fuss
Episode 12
The Copycats
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Episode 13
The Potato
Episode 14
The Outside
Episode 15
The Vase
Episode 16
The Matchmaker
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Episode 17
The Box
Episode 18
The Console
Episode 19
The Ollie
Episode 20
The Catfish
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Episode 21
The Cycle
Episode 22
The Stars
Episode 23
The Grades
Episode 24
The Diet
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Episode 25
The Ex
Episode 26
The Sorcerer
Episode 27
The Menu
Episode 28
The Uncle
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Episode 29
The Weirdo
Episode 30
The Heist
Episode 31
The Singing
Episode 32
The Best
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Episode 33
The Worst
Episode 34
The Deal
Episode 35
The Petals
Episode 36
The Nuisance
TheLine.png ListDolphin.png GumballNews.png ThePuppets.png
Episode 37
The Line
Episode 38
The List
Episode 39
The News
Episode 40
The Puppets
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The Rival 1 (52).png Lady Laugh.png The Sucker (28).png Meltysons.png
Episode 1
The Rival
Episode 2
The Lady
Episode 3
The Sucker
Episode 4
The Vegging
One Lightning.png The Father (121).png Cringe Awkwardness.png The Cage (11).png
Episode 5
The One
Episode 6
The Father
Episode 7
The Cringe
Episode 8
The Cage
TheNeighbor GumballDarwin&ThisGuy.png TwoGamboliesOneTheater.png The Faith (100).png Candidate Leak8.jpg
Episode 9
The Neighbor
Episode 10
The Anybody
Episode 11
The Faith
Episode 12
The Candidate
Bedball.png Shippening67.png The Brain (1).png TheArents.png
Episode 13
The Pact
Episode 14
The Shippening
Episode 15
The Brain
Episode 16
The Parents
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Episode 17
The Founder
Episode 18
The Schooling
Episode 19
The Intelligence
Episode 20
The Potion
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Episode 21
The Spinoffs
Episode 22
The Transformation
Episode 23
The Understanding
Episode 24
The Ad
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Episode 25
The Ghouls
Episode 26
The Stink
Episode 27
The Awareness
Episode 28
The Slip
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Episode 29
The Drama
Episode 30
The Buddy
Episode 31
The Possession
Episode 32
The Master
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Episode 33
The Silence
Episode 34
The Future
Episode 35
The Wish
Episode 36
The Factory
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Episode 37
The Agent
Episode 38
The Web
Episode 39
The Mess
Episode 40
The Heart
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Episode 41
The Revolt
Episode 42
The Decisions
Episode 43
The BFFS
Episode 44
The Inquisition
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