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Darwin's Campaign

[The episode begins with a shot of the Wattersons' house. Gumball and Darwin are in their room.]
Gumball: Darwin, how am I supposed to take your new charity crusade seriously when you're dressed like that?
Darwin: What's wrong with my new look?
Gumball: You look like a trust-fund baby spending his gap year ruining the Third World with his trance music and smelly feet.
[Darwin takes his wig off and sighs.]
Gumball: And please make sure you throw those clothes away.
Darwin: [uninterested] Okay, fine.
Gumball: At night, so no one can see you.
Darwin: Yes.
Gumball: Off a cliff.
Darwin: [angrily] All right!
Gumball: Into a volcano.
Darwin: [very angry] Okay, I get it! Could you at least watch my campaign video, though?
Gumball: [sighs] Yes.
[Darwin plays his video titled "The Truth."]
Darwin: [in the video] It is always better to speak the truth than to say nothing.
Gumball: Unless you're hiding from a crazy guy with an ax and he shouts "Where are you?"
Darwin: Come on, this is serious!
[The video shows Gray Man, one of the construction workers, brushing his teeth, making a toast, taking his hat and entering the bus. He does all this with a look of despair on his face.]
Darwin: [in the video] Every day, thousands of individuals are forced into labor, spending their whole lives being trampled on, struggling under the pressure society puts on them.
[We can now see Mr. Cooper on the junkyard, passing by with a sad face. In the back, a garbage truck is throwing some garbage on the ground.]
Darwin: [in the video] And when they get too old, they're thrown on the scrap heap like trash.
Gumball: Oh, I get it. It's about big businesses not caring about the little guy.
Darwin: What? No! Look closer.
[Darwin rewinds the video and zooms in a few times. This reveals that the toothbrush Gray Man was using is bitten, the toaster is corroded, the rug he was stepping on is dirty, the bus he entered has a sad expression.]
Gumball: Nope, I don't get it.
[Darwin zooms in on the objects the truck left at the junkyard.]
Darwin: It's about objects - the objects of Elmore.
Gumball: But they're objects. That's why they're there - to be used.
Darwin: [angry] You see, that's the problem! [shouts] STOP OBJECTIFYING OBJECTS!
[The chair Gumball was sitting on flops. Gumball falls on the ground.]
Darwin: Um, are you okay?
Gumball: Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
Darwin: Not you. [points to the chair] You! Are you okay? [starts singing] You think the things around you are your servants.
Gumball: Uh, no, no, no.
Darwin: [singing]: You think that they're just stuff you can mistreat.
Gumball: Dude, stop it!
Darwin: [singing]: But if you were a little more observant, you'd have some pity for the socks that spend their whole lives crammed with feet.
Gumball: Nope, they're objects.
[Gumball is heading towards the mall and looking at his phone. Darwin quickly catches up with him and continues the song. Gumball is uninterested.]
Darwin: [singing] Can you hear the cries of cotton buds inside your ear? Or the tears of trash cans stomped when overflowed? Can you feel the sobs of seats beneath your buttocks? Or the pain of all the things you'll never know?
[The duo enters the mall. Darwin climbs on a pile of boxes while singing. The boxes then start opening with different objects popping up from them.]
Darwin: [singing] So let's fight for all the rights of the inanimate and ensure that this injustice is no more! Let's relieve them from the tyranny of people and bring freedom to the objects of Elmore!
[Darwin is handed a flag so he waves it while the objects sing the last verse with him.]
Darwin and the Objects: Yes, bring freedom to the objects of Elmore!

The Objective Side

[Gumball interrupts the song, revealing that Darwin was standing on a stack of objects waving a "SALE" sign as a flag.]
Gumball: [angry] Dude! They're just objects, get down from there!
Darwin: No! They need someone to stand up for them. [takes a toaster] Come now, little friend, be free.
[Darwin throws the toaster on the ground.]
Toaster: Ow! What are you doing?!
Darwin: There, there. I'm freeing you from the shackles of oppression.
Toaster: I didn't want freeing! Sure, an air hole would have been nice, but freeing? Nuh-unh!
Darwin: But you can do anything you want now.
Toaster: All I want to do right now is make you toast.
Darwin: But you do that all the time!
Toaster: That's not the kind of toast I was talking about.
Darwin: Oh.
Gumball: See, man? Just let them do their jobs. Trying to convince them otherwise is like trying to stop a soccer mom from asking to speak to the coach. It's not gonna happen.
Toilet Brush: He's right. I, for one, am happy doing what I'm doing. There's dignity in doing a job well.
Darwin: But don't you want to make your own choices?
TV Screens: We give people choice. We don't need our own.
Darwin: But there's so much of the world to see!
Globe: Nah, everything's on the Internet now anyway.
Darwin: No, you're missing the point. You're being used by people who don't care about your pain. If you can't see it, then I'll show you.
[Darwin turns into a mop and Gumball mops the floor with him. He screams in pain.]
Darwin: Good. Now use me as a doormat. [turns into a doormat] Go on, do it!
[Gumball steps on Darwin and wipes his feet while Darwin grunts.]
Darwin: Great. Now use me as a hammer. [turns into a hammer]
[Gumball sighs and proceeds to use Darwin to drive a nail into wood. Darwin is, once again, in a lot of pain.]
Darwin: Now use me as a pencil sharpener.
Gumball: Yeah, what exactly are we trying to prove here?
Washing Machine: I don't get it.
Toilet Brush: Me neither.
Darwin: I'm holding up a mirror to you guys so you can see the suffering and tragedy in your lives.
Gumball: Wouldn't it be easier to do that literally?
[Gumball takes a rectangle-shaped mirror and puts it in front of another, circle-shaped mirror. The mirrors see each other, but also their reflections. Both gasp in surprise.]
Circle-Shaped Mirror: I stared into the abyss, and it stared back at me.
Rectangle-Shaped Mirror: I am nothing, just a meaningless speck of dust in a cold, infinite world.
[Both mirrors faint, fall and break.]
Gumball: [sighs and facepalms] Look, these objects don't know any better. They're like British people and the sun. They don't miss what they've never seen.
Darwin: Hmm, you're right. Maybe they just need some inspiration!
[Beethoven's "Ode to Joy" plays and Darwin sings the melody.]
Gumball: And what is that now?
Darwin: The introduction to this.
[The screen flashes and we can see Hexagon Lady on the catwalk. She's walking and being photographed by the paparazzi.]
Darwin: Imagine a four-poster bed could be adored as a famous catwalk model.
[A four-poster bed comes to the catwalk after Hexagon Lady and is photographed as well.]
Darwin: An umbrella could travel to distant lands and conquer the highest peaks.
[The scene shows an umbrella climbing on top of a tall mountain.]
Darwin: An electric kettle could raise millions with a sponsored bungee jumps.
[Darwin is seen tying a kettle who is preparing to jump from a bridge.]
Darwin: A corkscrew can win Olympic gold as a figure skater.
[A corkscrew is shown ice skating.]
Darwin: A magnifying glass could become an astronaut and be the first object to see Earth from space.
[A magnifying glass is happily exploring the Moon.]
Darwin: And one day, who knows, maybe a candelabra could be president.
[A candelabra is shown taking a deep bow to thank its supporters. The screen then flashes again and we're back in reality where Darwin is still humming the melody of "Ode to Joy."]
Gumball: Dude, those ideas are like lighting a candle during a power outage in a fireworks factory.
Darwin: [stops singing] What do you mean?
Gumball: Well...
[The screen flashes once again and we can see numerous scenes. The bed is struggling with its wheels scraping on the catwalk. This goes on for some time until it finally falls on the ground. The umbrella that climbed the mountain is blown away by the wind, the kettle jumps and crashes, the corkscrew breaks the ice and falls into the water, the candelabra sets the whole room on fire, the magnifying glass causes light beams that hit the Earth. The screen flashes and we're back in reality.]
Darwin: [facepalms] Okay, they were bad examples. But come on! Surely one of you guys must have some kind of ambition.
Chair: Well, I do.
Darwin: Really? That's great! You don't want to be a chair anymore?
Chair: Nope!
Darwin: What do you want to be, then?
Chair: A seat!
Darwin: Yeah, no, I don't think you're getting this. You can be anything you like.
Chair: For real? Oh boy! Even a stool?
Darwin: Same thing!
Chair: Oh, you meant literally anything?
Darwin: Yes!
Chair: Okay. Well, this is gonna sound insane, but if we're really dreaming the dream, you know those big football stars?
Darwin: Yeah?
Chair: The ones that earn millions of dollars?
Darwin: Yeah?
Chair: You know when they win the game and go back into the locker rooms?
Darwin: Yeah?!
Chair: And sit on that big bench?
Darwin: [shouts] Oh, come on! [starts sobbing]
Gumball: Aw, buddy. They may not want to be saved, but look at the bright side. The rest of the world still needs your help. The rich keep getting richer, and the poor keep getting poorer, huh? Global warming is really bad, and the ice caps are melting. That's terrible. Oh! This will cheer you up. There might be so many people on the planet soon that we could all run out of food!
Darwin: How is any of that supposed to make me feel better?!
Gumball: [angry] Well, you're the one who wants to save things. Isn't it good that there are actual causes that need your help? Surely that's better than trying to teach a toaster to paint waterfalls before it gets replaced when it's no longer useful.
Toilet Paper: Um, what do you mean, "replaced?" We're irreplaceable.
Darwin: No, you're not.
Globe: Come on, we're made of stuff that won't degrade for thousands of years.
Toilet Brush: Yeah. Once someone buys me, I'll be with them forever.
Darwin: Yeah, well, sometimes you break or people just get bored and buy a new model.
Washing Machine: Then what happens to us?
[Darwin looks up and we can see lots of different objects being thrown away, lit on fire and destroyed. Everyone gasps. It is revealed that the scenes of objects being destroyed were shown by Gumball on his phone.]
Darwin: [angry] Dude, we could have broken it to them more gently than that!
Globe: What?! That's how you treat us?! Throwing us away when we're not even broken?
Darwin: Yeah, well, some people do, but we're not all like that.
Gumball: [taps on his phone] Oh, man, this phone is so slow. Eh, I'll just order a new one.
[Suddenly, Larry comes on his motorcycle and delivers Gumball a new phone. Gumball signs a contract and opens it.]
Gumball: Thanks, Larry! Won't be needing this anymore.
[Gumball throws his old phone on the ground. The phone breaks and grunts until a dial tone is heard and the phone closes its eyes. All objects gasp in shock.]

Objection!

Toilet Brush: That's it! We're not gonna be treated like this anymore!
TV Screen: Let's take control!
Mop: We'll wipe the floor with them!
Alarm Clock: Their time is over!
Darwin: [nervous] Guys, please. Calm down.
Gumball: Uh, dude, the objects are revolting.
Darwin: I don't think insulting them is gonna help.
Gumball: No, I mean, they're revolting! Aah!
[Gumball and Darwin run away in terror as the objects start chasing them. The screen cuts to black after which we can see Jackie and Hexagon Lady walking down the street and having a conversation. They stop and see a fan angrily staring at them from the bush. The fan then appears behind them and starts chasing them. The next scene shows Mr. Robinson being tossed on the bed while his wife watches it and laughs.]
Gaylord Robinson: Help me, Margaret!
[The closet Margaret was standing in front of suddenly opens, pushing Margaret on the bed. The bed then continues tossing both of them. The next scene shows Gary trying to put a letter in the mailbox, but the mailbox suddenly closes and catches his hand. Residents of Elmore are being chased by the revolting objects, their houses are on fire and they're all screaming in terror. In the school, Tobias is being chased by a tricycle. He hides behind a wall, but is shocked when he sees file cabinets slowly approaching him.]
File Cabinets: Come play with us, Tobias!
[Tobias escapes the cabinets but finds himself in front of an aggressive vending machine that starts firing cans at him. Principal Brown is seen going to the toilet, but as soon as he sits, the toilet flushes him and burps out only his newspapers. Dolphin Man is getting a tattoo, but the tattoo machine draws a silly face on the back of his head. He is angry at the tattoo artist but then notices that the machine escaped, leaving only the "See you, suckers!" note behind. Melted Cheese Guy enters his car, but the vehicle suddenly locks itself and points the rearview mirrors towards him, causing him to start melting. The car then opens the door, dispensing its driver, and drives away. The next scene shows Doughnut Sheriff trying to arrest another file cabinet.]
Doughnut Sheriff: That's it! You're under arrest!
[The cabinet starts hitting the officer. An angry lamp jumps on Phil's head while the Cowboy is chased by flying books. Multiple hoses crawl to Pantsbully, Jeff and Betty and tie them. All of Elmore's residents are slowly getting cornered by the furious objects. The objects start cheering.]
Toilet Brush: We're in control now!
Fan: So let's start a new society.
Objects: Yeah!
Globe: A fair society where everyone is equal!
Objects: Yeah!
Toilet Brush: And no one is oppressed anymore!
[The objects start cheering and gleefully chanting. The screen fades to black.]

A New Socie-thing

[Numerous objects are seen walking in the street. The chairs greet each other and comment on the day. In one house, three chairs are laughing at their new delightful life.]
Chair One: Ah, things are so much better now!
Chair Three: Not like the bad old days.
[The chairs continue laughing and the camera zooms out, showing that they are sitting on Pantsbully and Melted Cheese Guy. Their table is actually a person wearing a tablecloth. In another house, Hot Dog Guy is acting like a TV.]
Hot Dog Guy​: And today you'll see highs of 98 degrees.
Fan: Oh, it's too darn hot!
[The farmer clicks his tongue and starts blowing air. The fan is pleased and it leans further into Harold, who is used as a chair.]
Fan: Ahh! That's better!
[The scene cuts to Gumball holding an easel for a washing machine to draw. Darwin is sitting on all fours with a pencil box on his head.]
Gumball: [sighs] You happy now? I've got to spend the rest of my days as an easel.
Darwin: It's all right for you. I've just got to hope he doesn't want to sharpen that pencil...again.
[A snap is heard - the pencil broke. Gumball and Darwin are both terrified. The episode ends.]
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