The One/Transcript

Insults

[The episode starts with the bell of Elmore Junior High ringing. Gumball and Darwin are then shown in the showering stalls]

Gumball: [Standing in front of a mirror] Oh, man, I'm so tubby, I don't have a muffin top. I've got the whole bakery.

[Darwin giggles]

Gumball: [Squeezing his stomach] I'm so porky, I don't have a six-pack, I have a barrel.

Darwin: Yeah, your midsection looks like someone tried to shove a grapefruit through a garden hose.

[Both laugh as Tobias walks by them]

Tobias​​​: Yeah, man, your belly has more folds than an origami convention.

[The camera suddenly zooms in on Gumball making a disgusted face, as a low-pitched drone plays. The school bell rings again as the scene switches to Gumball struggling to lift a stack of books from his locker with Darwin watching him; Gumball drops all of the books]

Gumball: Dagnabbit, I'm so weak that if I was a superhero, I'd be Boy-Man— the man with the strength of a twelve-year-old boy.

Darwin: What are you talking about? You're as strong as a bear... naked old lady.

[Both laugh]

Gumball: [Squeezing his arm muscles] I got so little muscle definition, I need a muscle dictionary.

[Both laugh as Tobias passes by again]

Tobias​​​: Yeah, dude, the only thing you could lift with that body is my self-esteem.

[The camera again zooms in on Gumball making a disgusted face accompanied by the low-pitched drone. The scene switches to the cafeteria. Next to Darwin, Gumball places his food and his soda on the table.]

Gumball: Bottle trick! [Flips his soda bottle in the air. It lands in his meal, causing it to splatter all over his face and the table] Well, at least I stuck the landing- [The soda begins spewing on his face. After the bottle is empty, Gumball and Darwin both laugh] Ah dagnabbit, I'm such a loser. [Shakes his head to clean his face]

Darwin: The only thing you ever won was our mother's love. And you didn't even get first place!

[Both laugh. Tobias suddenly rises up between them]

Tobias​​​: You're such a loser, the only time people miss you is when they're throwing rotten tomatoes.

[The camera zooms in on Gumball's disgusted face as the low-pitched drone plays once again]

Darwin: What's the matter, dude? Why do you always pull that face every time Rocky's around?

[Rocky is cleaning the floor near Gumball and Darwin's table. He sees Gumball’s face and nervously leaves]

Gumball: It's not that... [Shakes his head, regaining his regular face] It's Tobias. I don't understand why but every time he ribs me, I feel like he's actually broken one of my ribs.

Darwin: Maybe it's because deep down, you really respect Tobias's opinion.

[Gumball and Darwin both laugh after a short pause]

Gumball: [Sheds a tear] Oh man!

Darwin: Whoo! Woo. But you're right, it is weird. You don't mind when I insult you. You even do it to yourself.

Gumball: I know, right!

Darwin: Well then maybe the problem isn't Tobias. Maybe your problem... [Wears glasses] is your fragile ego.

Darwin Checks Gumball's Ego

[Cut to the Watterson's house, where Darwin is talking to Gumball about his self-esteem.]

Darwin: Let's start by stripping back the layers of your personality. [A yellow emotion with a round, red nose comes out from Gumball.] So, who do we have here?

Humor: Hahaha, I'm Humor. [Claps] You wanna hear a joke? Me! [Laughs then transitions to sobbing]

Darwin: And who's hiding behind that nose?

Humor: [Removes his nose, causing him to slightly flatten out] Anxiety.

Darwin: That's what I thought. [Whispers] Carry on.

[A blue emotion comes out from Humor.]

Fear: I'm Fear.

[A small, purple emotion pops up after.]

Optimism: And I'm Optimism.

[Fear smashes Optimism. Some purple goo flies onto Darwin's glasses.]

Darwin: [Wipes glasses] And tell me Fear, why the aggression?

Fear: Because I'm afraid, afraid of who is behind all of us... the ego.

Darwin: Well, maybe we should meet him.

Fear: Oh, no that's not a good idea--

[Suddenly, a large, grey, creature comes out of Fear. Darwin is shocked, then quickly runs out of the house. The roof explodes, making Darwin stumble.]

Ego: I...AM...AWESOME!

Darwin: I guess I was wrong, looks like your ego's doing just great.

Friendship Problems

[Gumball and Darwin are both seen sitting on a bench]

Gumball: Well on the plus side, we now know I truly love myself.

Darwin: Yeah but, I really didn't need to see your ego smooching itself.

Gumball: Oh, I'm sorry. Are you jealous? You want a kiss too, Marwin Wawerson? [Leans towards Darwin to try and kiss him]

Darwin: Get off of me, or I'll kiss you back!

[Gumball and Darwin begin trying to kiss each other. Tobias appears behind the bench and kisses Gumball on his head.]

Tobias​​​​: I won! [Walks away]

[Gumball and Darwin sit motionless for a moment. The camera then zooms in on them, with Gumball once again, making the same disgusted face from earlier, again accompanied by the low-pitched drone]

Gumball: Dude, I think I'm having an epic-pony.

Darwin: What?

Gumball: No, an EpiPen.

Darwin: For an allergy?

Gumball: A happy faffily.

Darwin: Do you mean an epiphany?

Gumball: Yes, a pee-pee-phony. I'm having one of those. Tobias isn't good enough friends with me. That's the problem.

Darwin: What do you mean?

Gumball: Well, you know how we're not just brothers, but best friends too?

Darwin: I know, I must have really low standards.

[Both laugh]

Gumball: Exactly. It's okay for you to say that because you're my number one. But not Tobias, because he's a lesser friend. I mean look at the difference between the way we treat our friends and the way we treat each other.

[Flashback to a hospital room where Gumball is seen with a broken leg. He then begins reading some cards laying at his side]

Gumball: [Reads aloud] "Get well soon. Love, Leslie." "Miss you. Love, Bobert." "That bus should've ended you. Love, Darwin." [Laughs.]

[Scene cuts to the school corridor where Darwin checks his formal wear as Carrie checks him out.]

Carrie: Yeah! I think you pull it off.

[Gumball closes Darwin's locker]

Gumball: Think you should pull it off.

[Gumball and Darwin high-five and Darwin removes the bow tie. Scene then cuts to the Watterson's house, Gumball walks past Darwin and suddenly burps. Gumball concentrates the green gas in his hands]

Gumball: Hadouken! [Launches green gas at Darwin]

[Darwin fake-screams and writhes on the sofa, then both laugh. Flashback ends.]

Darwin: I see what you mean. We should talk with Tobias about it.

Gumball: Yeah, but it can wait 'till school on Monday.

Breaking In

[The scene cuts to the Wattersons' living room.]

Gumball: I don't wanna hurt his feelings, but he needs to understand there are boundaries and he can't just-

[Tobias walks into the Watterson's house. Gumball and Darwin gape at him as he enters their kitchen.]

Tobias​​​: Yeah, so I was thinking this weekend, maybe we should just stay in. I mean if we did go out the only people we'd talk to are each other. Am I right?

Gumball: Dude, who invited you in?

Tobias​​​​​​​​​​: [Grabs a bucket of ice cream] What am I? A vampire? [Takes a bite of ice cream and heads to the couch] It's what friends do. [Sits between Gumball and Darwin, resting his leg on Darwin and eating the last of the ice cream] By the way, can you tell your mom to buy more ice cream? We're out.

[Gumball throws Tobias out the door, causing him to faceplant onto the road]

Gumball: That gentle enough for ya? [Sits on couch]

[Tobias' arm takes Gumball's wallet. Gumball and Darwin gape at him again]

Tobias​​​​​​​​​​: You know what's cool about being best friends? You never need to ask before borrowing money. [Short pause] And that's the other thing, the comfortable silences. Nobody feels they have to say anything or... make small talk. it's just [Slouches] comfortable, you know? Just... totally quiet. Nobody's sayin' anything. Total... silen-

[Gumball quickly grabs the money and tosses Tobias through the door. Tobias begins rolling like a tumbleweed through town and onto a bus, which takes him to the airport where he rolls onto a plane. He rolls over and over in his seat until he is seen rolling through the desert. He then rolls up to the summit of a mountain, balances precariously for a few seconds, then rolls down the other side.]

What Do You Mean?

[Gumball is shown fixing the door with a screwdriver while Darwin watches.]

Gumball: There.

[Tobias is heard rolling into the living room before finally arriving in frame]

Tobias​​​​​: Oh, hey!

[Gumball and Darwin scream]

Tobias​​​​​: You fixed the door! That reminds me of that time we fixed the roof after Ocho blew it up.

[Flashback to the epilogue of "The Phone," though Darwin is shown with large buck teeth]

Darwin: You know, I'm glad I had the strength of character to give up that cell phone- [Scene pauses, music stops] Okay. First of all, why did you alter this memory just to give me massive teeth? And secondly, you weren't even there!

Tobias​​​​​​​​​​​​: [Answering off-frame] Yes I was!

[Camera zooms out to Tobias; watching using binoculars. After a short pause, Tobias laughs]

Tobias​​​​​​​​​​​​: Classic us.

[Tobias makes a funny face while a horn plays in synchronization.]

Gumball: 'Kay, enough! [Flashback ends] You weren't there when we fixed the roof, and won't be here when we fix the door.

Tobias​​​​​​​​​​​​: But you already fixed the-

[Gumball and Darwin try to throw Tobias out again, but this time the door does not open]

Gumball: Dagnabbit, fixed it too well.

Tobias​​​​​​​​​​​​:[muffled] That's okay. [Stands up] That's what best friends do, am I right?

Darwin: Okay, Tobias. I didn't want to have say this, so [Pushes Gumball in front of Tobias] Gumball will.

Gumball: [Sighs] Isn't it obvious? I mean, read between the lines.

Tobias​​​​​​​​​​​​: [Gasps, begins talking fast] What do you mean there are unspoken differences between types of friends and the "we're kind of okay" friends but not best friends?

Gumball: Well, I, uhh-

Tobias​​​​​​​​​​​​: What do you mean this all stemmed from a narcissistic delusion brought on by my inner fear about my facing my true place in the universe?

Gumball and Darwin: Uhh...

Tobias​​​​​​​​​​​​: What do you mean!? [Sings] You don't wanna be more than just regular friends.

Darwin: Really?

Gumball: Sorry, I was thinking that. Look, you're- you're just not the kind of friend that we'd call for really important stuff. Like, moving a couch.

Tobias​​​​​​​​​​​​: Nah, I get it. I can't be your best friend, Gumball. Because there can be only one.

Darwin: Yeah, but you're definitely fifth-

Gumball: [Whispers] Sixth.

Darwin: Sixth in line.

Tobias​​​​​​​​​​​​: So, if all of those other friends were gone, we'd be best friends.

Gumball: Technically, yeah. I guess I'd just have to make do with you.

Tobias​​​​​​​​​​​​: Thank you.

Gumball: You're welcome.

[Tobias shakes Gumball and Darwin's hands, and leaves the house]

Gumball: There, all's well that ends well.

[An iris then closes on Gumball, leaving the screen black for a few seconds. It suddenly opens up again when Darwin speaks]

Darwin: Do you ever get that tingly feeling in your stomach when someone tragically misinterprets something you said, in a dangerously, fundamental way?

[Iris shot expands to show Gumball. Gumball thinks for a moment]

Gumball: Hmm... Nope!

[Gumball slams the door. Smash to black.]

There Can Only Be One!

[At the mall, Leslie is seen walking out of Dinner. Leslie sees Tobias, wearing an oversized coat and sunglasses. They both nod to each other. Tobias suddenly disappears after a person walks in front of the camera. Leslie is then seen entering the parking garage. A pipe leaks out, which cues Tobias to come behind Leslie.]

Leslie​​​​​​​​​​: [Turns back] So...

Tobias​​​​​​​​​​: Let's get started.

[Tobias pulls an exaggeratedly long sword out of his coat and points it to Leslie.]

Leslie​​​​​​​​​​: Yeah, not really in a market for a sword, I thought you are selling knockoff handbags.

Tobias​​​​​​​​​​: No, there can only be one.

Leslie​​​​​​​​​​: One handbag?

Tobias​​​​​​​​​​: No. ONE FRIEND!

[Tobias tries to slice Leslie, but Leslie ducks, causing Tobias to miss and pierce through a column. Leslie runs away, but stops to rest shortly after. Tobias makes a few flips while wielding his long sword, then walks towards Leslie. While Leslie walks backwards in fear, he throws a trashcan but Tobias quickly slices the trashcan in half. Leslie throws his pot but Tobias slices it in half as well. Leslie then pulls off his own head and throws it at Tobias]

Leslie​​​​​​​​​​: Bad idea. [Collapses]

Tobias​​​​​​​​​​: Yes! Give me the power of your friendship! The friendening empowers me!

[While speaking, Tobias absorbs Leslie's "powers," surrounded by blue lightning and shock waves, destroying nearby cars in process.]

Voice: There can only be one...

[Bobert is shown walking through the corridor at school. Tobias appears behind Bobert and inserts a USB killer into his back. Bobert then goes crazy, with virus popups appearing in his view, until he blows a fuse. Tobias absorbs Bobert's "powers," destroying lockers in process. At the stadium, Banana Joe is listening to a cassette player that has the same song as played in background. At the bottom of his seat, Tobias grabs Banana Joe's inside, leaving only his peel. Tobias, shown at a distance on the football field, absorbs Banana Joe's "powers." Tobias then knocks on the door of Sarah's house. Once Sarah answers, Tobias pulls out a hairdryer and points it to Sarah. Sarah screams in distress, but then stops]

Sarah: I think it's on cold?

Tobias​​​​​​​​​​: Oh, thanks. [Switches hairdryer to hot]

[Tobias points the hairdryer to Sarah, causing her to melt. Tobias absorbs her "powers" as well. At the graveyard, Tobias tries to hit Carrie using a stick. However, the stick passes through Carrie]

Carrie: I'm a ghost, you joke of a jock! All you've done there is turn a stick into two sticks.

Tobias​​​​​​​​​​: Wrong, I've turned it into the ghost of a stick!

[Tobias hits Carrie with an invisible stick. Carrie faints and goes through the ground. Tobias then absorbs Carrie's "powers."]

The Last Target

[At the Watterson's house, Tobias rings the doorbell. Gumball and Darwin open the door.]

Tobias​​​​​​​​​​: Gumball! I have defeated all of your friends but one! [Lightning strikes in background] Yeahhh! Yeaa- [Gumball slams the door]

Gumball: Seems he got the wrong end of the stick.

[Gumball and Darwin notice the lights begin to flicker. They turn to the door and gasp]

Tobias​​​​​​​​​​: [Phasing through the door, floating like a ghost] Sorry, Darwin! But there can be only one. I've absorbed the powers of Gumball's friends. [Readies laser eyes] Surrender to your doom, Darwin! [Blasts laser eyes at Darwin while laughing menacingly. Darwin runs away and hits the cabinet]

Gumball: Darwin!

[After a short pause, Darwin throws books from the cabinet. Tobias approaches Darwin with a dance, avoiding all the books thrown at him]

Gumball: Dagnabbit, he must have got to Leslie. No one can touch him on the dance floor.

[After Darwin runs out of books to throw, Tobias tries to irradiate Darwin.]

Gumball: What are you doing?

Tobias​​​​​​​​​​: I'm using Banana Joe's powers to irradiate him. It's gonna take a while. There's only three hundred and sixty milligrams of potassium in a banana. [Continues trying to irradiate Darwin]

Darwin: Okay, can we move onto next one? I've got a life to live.

Tobias​​​​​​​​​​: Well, I was gonna use Sarah's powers but turns out that drawing your opponents falling in love with you isn't that useful in a fight. But Carrie, on the other hand...

[Tobias puts his fingers to his forehead, and the couch moves all of the sudden, making Gumball fall off of it. Tobias makes the couch float and throws it at Darwin. When the dust settles, Darwin is seen suffocating under the weight of the couch. Gumball rushes to his aid]

Gumball: Darwin!

Tobias​​​​​​​​​​: I am number one! [Laughs]

Gumball: No, you're not! [Tries to lift couch] That is not how friendship works. You do not get friend points by beating up everybody I know. And you didn't get their magic powers by the way.

[Flashback starts. The first clip shows Tobias screaming while flailing a long, yellow pool noodle around as Leslie stares at him, shaking his head, while Felicity and Billy are walking by, staring at Tobias. The second clip shows Tobias, next to Bobert, screaming and waving his arms around.]

Nigel Brown: [Opens door] Can you keep it down, please? [Slams door]

[Tobias continues to scream quietly. The third clip shows Tobias struggling to enter the Wattersons' house through the mail slot on the door. Gumball and Darwin watch him with shocked and utterly disturbed expressions]

Tobias​​​​​​​​​​: [Struggling] There can be...only one!

[Flashback ends. Tobias sighs. Gumball approaches him.]

Gumball: [Sighs] Look, it doesn't really matter if we're best friends. Because you're a good friend, Tobias. And... good is good, [Pats Tobias] right?

Tobias​​​​​​​​​​: I know. I'm sorry. I just wanted more and, I did get a bit... [Makes a funny face]

Gumball: [Laughs] Yeah. It was pretty [Makes a funny face]

[Gumball and Tobias make funny faces, then both laugh.]

Gumball: [Hugs Tobias] Come on then, friend, give me a hand with this couch.

Tobias​​​​​​​​​​: Yeah, I'm a good friend, but not the kind of friend you call to move a couch. [Winks and finger-guns Gumball, then struts away coolly. Gumball looks on, satisfied.]

Gumball: Hmm. Fair enough. [Looks at Darwin, who is gasping for air] It's fair enough.

[Episode ends.]

v • e Transcript

Episode 1 The DVD	Episode 2 The Responsible	Episode 3 The Third	Episode 4 The Debt
Episode 5 The End	Episode 6 The Dress	Episode 7 The Quest	Episode 8 The Spoon
Episode 9 The Pressure	Episode 10 The Painting	Episode 11 The Laziest	Episode 12 The Ghost
Episode 13 The Mystery	Episode 14 The Prank	Episode 15 The Gi	Episode 16 The Kiss
Episode 17 The Party	Episode 18 The Refund	Episode 19 The Robot	Episode 20 The Picnic
Episode 21 The Goons	Episode 22 The Secret	Episode 23 The Sock	Episode 24 The Genius
Episode 25 The Poltergeist	Episode 26 The Mustache	Episode 27 The Date	Episode 28 The Club
Episode 29 The Wand	Episode 30 The Ape	Episode 31 The Car	Episode 32 The Curse
Episode 33 The Microwave	Episode 34 The Meddler	Episode 35 The Helmet	Episode 36 The Fight

Episode 1 The Remote	Episode 2 The Colossus	Episode 3 The Knights	Episode 4 The Fridge
Episode 5 The Flower	Episode 6 The Banana	Episode 7 The Phone	Episode 8 The Job
Episode 9 Halloween	Episode 10 The Treasure	Episode 11 The Apology	Episode 12 The Words
Episode 13 The Skull	Episode 14 The Bet	Episode 15 Christmas	Episode 16 The Watch
Episode 17 The Bumpkin	Episode 18 The Flakers	Episode 19 The Authority	Episode 20 The Virus
Episode 21 The Pony	Episode 22 The Hero	Episode 23 The Dream	Episode 24 The Sidekick
Episode 25 The Photo	Episode 26 The Tag	Episode 27 The Storm	Episode 28 The Lesson
Episode 29 The Game	Episode 30 The Limit	Episode 31 The Voice	Episode 32 The Promise
Episode 33 The Castle	Episode 34 The Boombox	Episode 35 The Tape	Episode 36 The Sweaters
Episode 37 The Internet	Episode 38 The Plan	Episode 39 The World	Episode 40 The Finale

Episode 1 The Kids	Episode 2 The Fan	Episode 3 The Coach	Episode 4 The Joy
Episode 5 The Puppy	Episode 6 The Recipe	Episode 7 The Name	Episode 8 The Extras
Episode 9 The Gripes	Episode 10 The Vacation	Episode 11 The Fraud	Episode 12 The Void
Episode 13 The Boss	Episode 14 The Move	Episode 15 The Law	Episode 16 The Allergy
Episode 17 The Mothers	Episode 18 The Password	Episode 19 The Procrastinators	Episode 20 The Shell
Episode 21 The Burden	Episode 22 The Bros	Episode 23 The Mirror	Episode 24 The Man
Episode 25 The Pizza	Episode 26 The Lie	Episode 27 The Butterfly	Episode 28 The Question
Episode 29 The Saint	Episode 30 The Friend	Episode 31 The Oracle	Episode 32 The Safety
Episode 33 The Society	Episode 34 The Spoiler	Episode 35 The Countdown	Episode 36 The Nobody
Episode 37 The Downer	Episode 38 The Egg	Episode 39 The Triangle	Episode 40 The Money

Episode 1 The Return	Episode 2 The Nemesis	Episode 3 The Crew	Episode 4 The Others
Episode 5 The Signature	Episode 6 The Check	Episode 7 The Pest	Episode 8 The Sale
Episode 9 The Gift	Episode 10 The Parking	Episode 11 The Routine	Episode 12 The Upgrade
Episode 13 The Comic	Episode 14 The Romantic	Episode 15 The Uploads	Episode 16 The Apprentice
Episode 17 The Hug	Episode 18 The Wicked	Episode 19 The Traitor	Episode 20 The Origins
Episode 21 The Origins: Part Two	Episode 22 The Girlfriend	Episode 23 The Advice	Episode 24 The Signal
Episode 25 The Parasite	Episode 26 The Love	Episode 27 The Awkwardness	Episode 28 The Nest
Episode 29 The Points	Episode 30 The Bus	Episode 31 The Night	Episode 32 The Misunderstandings
Episode 33 The Roots	Episode 34 The Blame	Episode 35 The Slap	Episode 36 The Detective
Episode 37 The Fury	Episode 38 The Compilation	Episode 39 The Scam	Episode 40 The Disaster

Episode 1 The Rerun	Episode 2 The Stories	Episode 3 The Guy	Episode 4 The Boredom
Episode 5 The Vision	Episode 6 The Choices	Episode 7 The Code	Episode 8 The Test
Episode 9 The Slide	Episode 10 The Loophole	Episode 11 The Fuss	Episode 12 The Copycats
Episode 13 The Potato	Episode 14 The Outside	Episode 15 The Vase	Episode 16 The Matchmaker
Episode 17 The Box	Episode 18 The Console	Episode 19 The Ollie	Episode 20 The Catfish
Episode 21 The Cycle	Episode 22 The Stars	Episode 23 The Grades	Episode 24 The Diet
Episode 25 The Ex	Episode 26 The Sorcerer	Episode 27 The Menu	Episode 28 The Uncle
Episode 29 The Weirdo	Episode 30 The Heist	Episode 31 The Singing	Episode 32 The Best
Episode 33 The Worst	Episode 34 The Deal	Episode 35 The Petals	Episode 36 The Nuisance
Episode 37 The Line	Episode 38 The List	Episode 39 The News	Episode 40 The Puppets

Episode 1 The Rival	Episode 2 The Lady	Episode 3 The Sucker	Episode 4 The Vegging
Episode 5 The One	Episode 6 The Father	Episode 7 The Cringe	Episode 8 The Cage
Episode 9 The Neighbor	Episode 10 The Anybody	Episode 11 The Faith	Episode 12 The Candidate
Episode 13 The Pact	Episode 14 The Shippening	Episode 15 The Brain	Episode 16 The Parents
Episode 17 The Founder	Episode 18 The Schooling	Episode 19 The Intelligence	Episode 20 The Potion
Episode 21 The Spinoffs	Episode 22 The Transformation	Episode 23 The Understanding	Episode 24 The Ad
Episode 25 The Ghouls	Episode 26 The Stink	Episode 27 The Awareness	Episode 28 The Slip
Episode 29 The Drama	Episode 30 The Buddy	Episode 31 The Possession	Episode 32 The Master
Episode 33 The Silence	Episode 34 The Future	Episode 35 The Wish	Episode 36 The Factory
Episode 37 The Agent	Episode 38 The Web	Episode 39 The Mess	Episode 40 The Heart
Episode 41 The Revolt	Episode 42 The Decisions	Episode 43 The BFFS	Episode 44 The Inquisition