The episode begins with Darwin alone in his bedroom, staring at his computer screen as he breaks into heartbreaking song. Before long, Gumball appears and inquires what was on his mind but Darwin refuses to tell him and storms out in embarrassment. Riddled, Gumball checks the computer Darwin was staring at and finds a photo supposedly of Teri and concludes his brother has a crush on her. Determined to help him out, he enlists Carrie to set Darwin up with Teri. Although Carrie is saddened by this request, as she was already in love with Darwin, she accepts.
At school, Darwin is writing a poem as Gumball and Carrie look on. Seeing how desperate he is, Gumball suggests going into more extreme methods to set him up, such as making a love potion, which Carrie quickly declines to. Unbeknownst to Gumball, Carrie is still somewhat jealous and secretly plots to sabotage his plans. Their first plan involves trying to trick Teri into entering a quarantine, but Carrie sabotages this plan by throwing out the soda bottle meant to be a "deadly chemical." For the second plan, Gumball tries to convince Darwin to shout out his secrets to Teri, which only upsets Carrie more.
Later at the library, Gumball tells Carrie his next plan: marry Darwin and Teri online. Finally, the guilt-ridden Carrie admits she was trying to ruin Darwin's chances with Teri because of her feelings for him. Gumball gives her his sympathies but tells her that Darwin no longer has romantic feelings for her and there is nothing they can do about it but help him find his love. Carrie sadly agrees and decides to make the love potion that will bring Teri and Darwin together, using Darwin's shoe, a piece of Teri, and her own tear as ingredients. Once the potion is ready, Gumball dips arrows into it and shoots both Darwin and Teri, making them instantly fall in love.
Back home, Darwin is getting ready for his date. Gumball is expecting him to show his gratitude after setting him up, which only confuses the latter. Gumball explains that he saw Darwin's photo of Teri and that he and Carrie were his matchmakers. Darwin explains that the photo was not of Teri, but of Carrie, who, being a ghost, does not show up on photos. Realizing his grievous mistake, Gumball summons Carrie and tells her they have to break up Teri and Darwin as their love is not true after all. Once again, the two resort to extreme methods to break them up. They go from forcing Alan onto Teri in front of Darwin, to making Darwin obese and unattractive, to introducing Teri to Richard and his gross habits, to making Teri think she has cooties as a result of Darwin kissing others in the past. Unfortunately, none of those methods work and only bring them closer together.
Heartbroken, Carrie begins to cry. However, Darwin notices her tear, which breaks the spell. Carrie then sheepishly asks Darwin if he would like to go on a date with her. Darwin gladly accepts. Suddenly Teri, still under the spell, rises up. Gumball then shoots another arrow at Teri's spray bottle, which she promptly falls in love with. After this, Darwin and Carrie then share a kiss as Gumball happily watches them, ending the episode.
Darwin also never kissed Chris Morris. He instead kissed a waxed-off clump of Principal Brown's hair.
He also never kissed Rachel: she kissed him.
The spray bottle Teri was holding disappears after the camera zooms into Darwin's lips and remains missing during the kissing scene. It then reappears after Darwin breaks the love potion's spell when Gumball shoots it with the arrow to make Teri fall in love with it.
Italiano (Italian): I Due Cupido (The Two Cupids)
Français (French): L'entremetteur (The Matchmaker)
[The episode starts with the camera focused on the Watterson brother's bedroom window before it switches to Darwin, whom is looking wistfully at his computer's screen. He sighs, then turns on his boombox. The boombox begins to cry tears through the speakers. As an electric guitar piece starts to play, Darwin steps back, takes a seat by the bunk bed, and begins to sing.]
Darwin: Your smile answers my silent scream,
Your photo on the screen.
My eyes well up, I vent my spleen,
Your photo on the screen.
[The bedroom begins to flood even more, eventually causing Darwin to be submerged in the water.]
Darwin: Your chair a throne, you're like a queen.
My heart is drenched in gasoline.
You look at me, yet I'm unseen,
Your photo on the screen.
[Darwin starts to sink down into the water.]
Darwin: Without you, I can't breathe!
Without you, I can't brea--
[Darwin is interrupted by Gumball, whom is curious on to what Darwin's troubles are. The music also stops.]
Gumball: [with subtitles, voice gurgling] What's going on, bro?
Darwin: ... Nothing!
[The water in the bedroom suddenly vanishes. Gumball and Darwin land face-first on the floor.]
Gumball: Then whose photo were you singing about?
Darwin: [blushing] No one's! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go look wistfully at the sunset.
[Darwin heads for the door and leaves the room.]
Gumball: Dude! It's two P.M.!
[Darwin quickly returns to the room and dons a pair of sunglasses before heading out again.]
Darwin: Then I'll be gone for a while.
[Curious, Gumball gets on the computer and looks at Darwin's secret photo, an image of their classroom with Teri in the center.]
Gumball: [confused] Teri? [gushes mockingly] Aww! He wuvs her, but he doesn't know how to tell her! [With an anime-styled face and a gruff voice]This kid needs help, badly! And there's only one person who can help him badly enough!
Planning a Series of Bleak Events
[Cut to the next day. The school bus is seen passing the camera. The camera then cuts to Gumball discussing his plans with somebody on the bus.]
Gumball: Okay. So the plan is: we make her fall in love with you, then you guys date, become high school sweethearts, go to separate colleges and probably experiment more, break-up after a massive argument because one of you cheated, then you'll have to marry someone else and have kids because you'll want to feel normal, but one day you'll do an online search to see if either of you got fat or bald. Next thing you know you'll be paying a ton of money on divorce and alimony, but don't worry, because by the time you realize your mistake, you'll be in your winter years where all that matters is having someone to fight with.
[The camera angle changes revealing that Gumball has been talking to Carrie the entire time.]
Carrie: [confused] What are you talking about?
Gumball: Sorry. Normally I would talk through my plans with Darwin, but he can't really know about this one.
Carrie: [deadpans] That wasn't a plan. That was just a series of bleak things that'll probably happen.
Gumball: Yeah, but still. Would you help me make her fall in love with Darwin?
Carrie: [smiles and blushes]Heh! Well, it depends! Who's the "her" in this conversation?
Gumball: Teri! Darwin's into Teri.
Carrie: [surprised, then saddened] Oh, really? I see...
Gumball: I know! Weird, right? I thought he was into you, but nope, it's definitely Teri! There's photographic evidence if you want to see it. [Gumball pulls out his smartphone with Teri's photo and begins to rudely shove it in Carrie's face, much to her annoyance and disappointment.] Look! Look! Look! See? It's her! It's Teri! Look at it! Can you see? Look! Look! Look! Look! You're not looking!
[At the sports field, Darwin is sitting in the bleachers with a notepad in his lap, writing a love poem.]
Darwin: [quietly, while writing] The only difference between love and pain is the spelling. The only difference between me and you is...is...
Gumball: [poking his head out from behind the bleachers, whispering] ...the way I'm smelling!
[Inspired, Darwin writes down what he just heard. Gumball, who is still with Carrie, laughs immaturely until he realizes she is not amused, and stops.]
Gumball: Can kids buy potions?
Carrie: What do you mean?
Gumball: You know, some kind of love potion that tricks you into thinking everyone is beautiful.
Carrie: That sounds more like a mistake potion and we'd need a fake I.D. to buy one.
Gumball: Well, do you know how to make one? We need to help him out before he grows a fringe.
Carrie: No. Sorry, I don't. And what's wrong with emo hair?
[Gumball points to his left. The camera quickly shifts focus to Darwin, who now has a full head of black hair with streaks of magenta dye, and a pierced tail fin.]
Carrie: I-I suppose it's not for everyone.
Gumball: [excited] I got an idea! They say the feeling of falling in love is similar to experiencing a life-or-death situation.
Gumball: So, let's give Teri a little adrenaline rush! [Begins running down the stairs and out of sight] Come on, I need your help!
Carrie: Oh, sure... I'll help you.
Carrie: [to herself, with a sinister voice] I'll help you fail!
Get to the Quarantine Room!
[The school bell rings and Teri is seen in the hallway opening her locker. Suddenly, a deformed Gumball covered in a green liquid crawls out of the room across from her. Teri backs away, horrified.]
Gumball: [struggling to move] Quick, save yourself! There's been a poisonous chemical spill! Get to the quarantine room!
[The camera now shows Carrie in a darkened classroom, pouring a green soda on the floor to imitate the chemicals. She has a mischievous grin.]
Gumball: MY SKIN! IT BUUUURRRRRNS!!!
[Carrie "accidentally" throws out the soda bottle, revealing Gumball's plan. As it falls into the open, Gumball and Teri stare at the empty bottle. Teri then steps forward to take a closer look.]
Teri: Hmm... Kinda looks like soda.
Gumball: [swipes the bottle away] NO! It's a lethal cocktail of chemicals that will completely destroy your metabolism, deforming your body until your butt crack reaches your shoulder blades!
Teri: [unconvinced] Yeah, that's soda. [smiles derisively] Oh, Gumball, you're such a hypochondriac!
[Teri pulls out a disinfecting spray from her locker and proceeds to walk away from Gumball, spraying the floor in front of her before each step.]
Gumball: NO! The quarantine room is right there! [shakes off his fake injuries and sighs] Well, I guess we should get Darwin out of the quarantine room before the nurse gets back.
[Cut to inside the "quarantine room" in the nurse's office. Darwin is seen with a rose in his mouth and taped to the wall, which has a painting of a heart (which he is in the center of) and there are lit candles on the floor. Romantic music is playing in the background. The school nurse then enters the room.]
Joan: [deadpans] I don't think there's a cure for that.
[She quickly leaves and closes the door.]
[The school bell rings once more, and the scene transitions to Darwin hastily eating a burger and drinking some water in the cafeteria. Gumball then sits next to him.]
Gumball: What are you doing?
Darwin I'm eating as much as I can before it comes back.
Gumball: Before what comes back?
[Darwin suddenly regurgitates the burger he just ate in perfect condition. He also spits out the water he was drinking directly into his cup.]
Darwin: The knot in my stomach.
[Gumball looks under the table, seeing that Darwin has a literal knot in his stomach.]
Gumball: [with a playful facial expression] Okay. You know what all girls like?
Darwin: Being treated like they're all the same and having generalizations made about them?
Gumball: What? No. They all hate that... [in a sentimental voice] ...but they all love a guy who's not scared of being vulnerable. Share your secrets. She'll love you for your imperfections.
Darwin: I don't think she's going to fall for a guy who pees in the fish bowl when the water's cold.
Gumball: [apathetically] Fine. Whatever. It wasn't my idea anyways. It was hers.
[Teri and Carrie are seen laughing in the foreground. Darwin blushes, but then stands up, looking determined.]
Darwin: OKAY! SHE WANTS ME TO EXPOSE MYSELF?! THEN I'LL EXPOSE MYSELF!
Darwin: [slouching] V-verbally.
[Darwin walks over to Teri and Carrie, and starts shouting embarrassing things.]
Darwin: I HAVE A CLOACA BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS AND I'M TOO SCARED TO LOOK IT UP! ONCE I HAD A BIT OF MEAT STUCK IN MY TEETH FOR A WEEK. I SWALLOWED IT INSTEAD OF SPITTING IT OUT, AND IT TASTED LIKE TOOTHPASTE! AND WHEN I FEEL AWKWARD, I FORGET HOW TO WALK! OKAY, BYE!
[Darwin begins to awkwardly stagger away as Teri and Carrie stare at him. Teri's expression is rather bemused.]
Teri: [to Carrie]Heh! What was that?
[Teri and Carrie continue laughing. Carrie's expression, however, changes to melancholy as she sighs sadly.]
He's Just Not Into You, I Guess...
[At the library, Gumball and Carrie approach the computers.]
Gumball: Right! Plan C! We secretly marry them online, and hope that Teri's love will grow over time.
Carrie: [sighs] Great plan...
Gumball: Thank you.
Carrie: [angrily] ...if C stands for "SERIOUSLY STUPID!"
Gumball: [sarcastically] That's not how you spell "serious", so that doesn't even work. And we're not at "Plan S", so... "shh." That starts with an "S".
Carrie: [upset] Why did you have to drag me into this? You know very well that I like Darwin. It's written all over my face.
Gumball: Your face is literally two dots and a line. It's like Morse code! What does that expression even mean? Are you intrigued? Skeptical? Hungry?
Carrie: [sighs] I'm disappointed.
[Gumball's expression softens as he realizes he has been unsympathetic.]
Gumball: Oh...l-look, I'm really sorry. He's just not into you, I guess.
Carrie: I meant I'm disappointed in myself. If you like someone, you're supposed to help them find happiness. Not ruin their chances.
Gumball: Aww...come here.
[In an effort to comfort her, Gumball tries hugging Carrie, but he passes through her since she's a ghost, and falls face-first on the floor.]
Carrie: [sighs] Also, I lied.
[Gumball lifts his face off the floor, sporting a black eye.]
Gumball: About what?
Carrie: I do know how to make a love potion.
Concocting a Love Potion
[In the school science lab, Carrie is seen throwing a shoe (like the ones Darwin wears) and a piece of paper symbolizing Teri, into a cauldron full of volatile green liquid.]
Carrie: A part of him, a part of her, and one last ingredient: [beginning to tear up] the tear of someone who loves him.
[Carrie floats to the pot and sheds a tear into it. The potion turns a bright pink color, and romantic R&B music starts playing. Gumball's face becomes perplexed.]
Gumball: Uh... Where's that music coming from?
Carrie: [upset] It-it's just what happens when you stir a love potion. [sniffs]
I Can Still See!
[At the schoolyard, Darwin and Teri are seen on benches opposite to each other. Darwin is wanting to eat his sandwich, but puts it down and sighs sadly. Teri, meanwhile, is sanitizing her hands. The camera cuts to Gumball and Carrie. Carrie is carrying a vial of love potion.]
Gumball: [feeling sympathy for Carrie] Mmm...
Carrie: [sighs] It's fine. This is all for Darwin.
[Gumball grabs a headless arrow, sticks it in the vial of love potion and readies a bow he arbitrarily pulled off-screen.]
Carrie: [surprised] Wha--? Wait! What are you doing?!
Gumball: Well, I thought it would be more romantic than putting it in their drinks when they're not looking.
[Carrie stammers in protest, but says nothing. Gumball proceeds to shoot the arrow at Darwin off-screen.]
Darwin: AHH! I LOVE YOU, TERI!
[Gumball dips another headless arrow into the vial of love potion, loads it into the bow, and shoots at Teri off-screen.]
Teri: AHH! I LOVE YOU TOO, DARWIN!
[Gumball and Carrie look at each other and shrug. They then look back at Darwin and Teri, who are now giggling and kissing off-screen. Gumball and Carrie, repulsed, cover each other's eyes. However, due to Carrie being a ghost, Gumball sees through her hands.]
Gumball: [whispering, horrified]I can still see!
That's Not A Photo Of Teri!
[In Gumball and Darwin's bedroom, Darwin is seen spraying pink cologne in excess everywhere. He is humming happily while doing so. He then drops the cologne and looks at himself in a mirror, winking at his reflection. Gumball suddenly walks in.]
Gumball: What the--?! [breaks into a fit of coughs] Dude, are you nuts?![Still coughing, he runs to the window and opens it. The camera zooms out, revealing a hole in the sky.] I'm pretty sure you just punched a hole in the ozone layer, man!
Darwin: I just want to smell my best for my date!
Gumball: [clears throat] Hmm?
Gumball: Well, I think I'm owed a little "thank you--" [starts coughing] A little "thank you" for-- [coughs again] Dude, there's still way too much deodorant. [coughs again then stops] I think I'm owed a little "thank you" for fixing your love life.
Darwin: What are you talking about?
Gumball: Darwin, I saw it.
Darwin: Saw what?
[Gumball turns on the computer, showing Darwin's photo.]
Gumball: Your photo of Teri. Let's just say, Carrie and I lent a "helping hand," and let's just say that this "helping hand" involved the dark arts and a dangerous weapon. Because it did.
Darwin: Ohhh... That's not a photo of Teri! It's of Carrie! But she doesn't show up on film.
[Gumball, suddenly looking horrified, turns to the computer. The camera zooms in on the photo and a transparent outline of Carrie is shown in the desk in front of Teri's.]
Gumball: [blushing] What?
Darwin: Yeah, she used to be the girl of my dreams. Anyway, gotta go. [He begins to walk away.] Don't want to be late for the date with the new love of my life! [Off-screen, Darwin shuts the door.]
Gumball: Carrie, Carrie, Carrie!
[Responding to Gumball's summoning, Carrie appears in front of Gumball.]
Gumball: Give me a gentle slap on the arm.
[Carrie lightly slaps his hand.]
Carrie: [confused] What was that for?
Gumball: [embarrassed and afraid] I, uh... got it all mixed up. Darwin never loved Teri... He loved you!
[Carrie, now furious, prepares to hit Gumball for real.]
Gumball: BUT YOU SLAPPED ME ALREADY SO YOU'VE HAD YOUR REVENGE!
[Carrie puts down her hand and groans in frustration.]
Carrie: So what now?
Gumball: Instead of playing Matchmaker, we're going to have to play Matchbreaker!
[At the schoolyard, Teri is seen lovingly texting Darwin. Carrie, hiding behind a tree, flies into Teri and possesses her. The possessed Teri quickly texts Darwin. Meanwhile at the library, Darwin is on a computer. He suddenly receives a strange message.]
Darwin: [reading] "Teri has invited you to an event: your wedding?" [The potion takes over and Darwin makes a "love" face, sighing lovingly.] Attending. [sighs]
[Gumball and Carrie, hiding behind a bookshelf, watch this with annoyance. Gumball then sees Alan nearby, humming while reading a book. He grabs Alan and rubs him against his fur.]
Alan: AAH! What have I done?!
[Gumball pushes Alan in a random direction, and Alan is suddenly drawn by static electricity toward Teri, who is walking with Darwin; as a result, Alan and Teri's heads get stuck together. As Darwin looks on in surprise, Carrie appears behind Darwin with a baseball bat. She holds it out for Darwin to take.]
Darwin: What's that for?
Carrie: A crime of passion.
Darwin: [lovingly, sighs] She's too good not to be shared.
[Carrie looks surprised at first, but then sighs and turns away, throwing the bat over her shoulder. The bat clonks Gumball on the head, knocking him down. The scene then cuts to the Watterson brother's bedroom at night. Gumball and Carrie feed Darwin fish flakes while he's sleeping. Mischievously, they dump all the fish flakes into Darwin's bowl. The scene then cuts to school.]
Teri: Hmm. You're not quite the same as when we met.
[The camera zooms out to reveal Darwin has grown really fat from being overfed in his sleep.]
Teri: [lovingly, gasps] That means there's more of you to love!
[Teri and Darwin kiss. In the background, Gumball and Carrie face-plant their heads on the desks, but Carrie goes right through hers, yelping in surprise. The scene cuts to the Watterson's house; Gumball, Teri, and Richard are in the kitchen.]
Gumball: Teri, meet your future father-in-law.
[Richard is drinking milk from the carton, but then drops it when he sees Teri. He looks at Teri in confusion, then, noticing the mess he made on the floor, he then proceeds to clean it with his sock.]
Richard: I'm sorry. Please don't judge me!
Teri: Mmm... it was unhygienic, but I guess you cleaned it.
Richard: Not for that, for this.
[Richard removes his sock, squeezes the milk into his mouth, and drinks it. Teri recoils, gasping in disgusted shock, but then she forms her "love" face again.]
Teri: [lovingly] Can I call him "Dad?"
[Gumball growls in irritation. The scene cuts to the schoolyard. Darwin is sitting on a bench eating his lunch as Teri runs up to him, looking panicked.]
Teri: Darwin, I've just seen the nurse! Apparently I have cooties![Sprays her hand with disinfectant and frantically wipes her face with it]How?! Who else have you kissed?!
Darwin: [thoughtfully] Hmm...
[As Teri lists each of Darwin's past kisses, scenes from "The Party," "Halloween," "The Prank," "The Pressure," "The Dress," "The Responsible," "The Finale," "The Dream," "The Traitor," and "The Burden" are shown.]
Teri: Rachel? Carrie? Gumball? Gumball?Gumball?! OK, what's up with you guys? Penny? Sussie? Alan's balloon knot?! Chris Morris?! [interrupts the flashback, disgusted] Alright, enough!
[The camera shows a close-up of Darwin's dirty teeth, with his mouth still full of food.]
Darwin: What? What's wrong?
[Teri screams, but then sighs lovingly, imagining that Darwin looks extremely handsome. They join each other on the bench and begin kissing.]
[The camera cuts to Gumball and a heartbroken Carrie, who watch the infatuated couple. Carrie whimpers in defeat.]
Gumball: I'm sorry...
[Carrie, watching Darwin and Teri, sniffs and begins to cry. Darwin and Teri separate and look at each other with "love" faces. Darwin, however, glances over Teri's shoulder and sees Carrie breaking into tears. There is a moment where he is staring at Carrie blankly. Suddenly, the effect of the love potion is nullified and Darwin returns to his normal self. Darwin gasps, pushes Teri away, and rushes to Carrie, who is still crying. Upon seeing Darwin approach her, she is surprised. Gumball is equally in awe.]
Gumball: [gasps] True love broke the spell.
[Carrie stops crying and wipes away her tears. Gumball nudges her with his elbow.]
Gumball: Come on... say something.
[Carrie approaches Darwin. Both are blushing and smiling.]
Carrie: Uh, hey... so, would you like to go out somewhere sometime and do...something? Or-or we could go somewhere else sometime and do some...other thing.
Darwin: Hmm... they both sound great.
[Teri suddenly gets up, still love-struck, and begins growling.]
Gumball: [Suddenly pops up between Darwin and Carrie] Hold on a second.
[Taking his bow and arrow from earlier, he shoots a love potion spiked arrow at Teri's spray bottle. Teri gasps in surprise as the arrow impacts, but then she immediately falls in love with her disinfectant spray. As the camera switches back to Gumball, Darwin and Carrie, Teri is heard spraying herself with disinfectant while humming contentedly.]
Gumball: [Walks back] Please, continue.
[Darwin and Carrie tentatively inch toward each other, then they take one another's hands and kiss. Gumball watches happily as they embrace, though Carrie covers his eyes with her arm. Gumball, however, can still see through her.]
Gumball: [smiles bigger] Yeah, I can still see... but I don't mind.