The Tension
- [The Wattersons are eating dinner together]
- Gumball: Could you pass me the salt, please, Anais?
- Anais: But of course.
- [Anais throws a saltshaker at Gumball. The saltshaker flies past him, which scrapes some fur off of the top of his head. A few pieces of salt end up on his head, which Gumball sprinkles onto his dinner]
- Gumball: Thank you.
- Anais: My pleasure. May I have the gravy, please, Darwin?
- Darwin: Gladly.
- [Darwin pours all the gravy onto Anais's dinner, then blows it into her face. Nicole wipes away some gravy that got on her]
- Nicole: Now, now. Maybe a little dessert will sweeten you.
- [Nicole tries to throw a cake at Gumball and Darwin, but they dodge it and Richard catches the cake.]
- Richard: [In deep, scary voice] I will not tolerate this kind of behavior in my house. [In his normal voice] I barely got to lick the icing!
- [Richard walks back to his seat with the cake in his hand.]
- Gumball: [Grossed out] Wait a minute, you licked the cake?!
- Richard: Well, duh! How else can you tell they're ripe when you buy them at the store? Anyway, what's with all the tension?
- [Nicole, Anais, Darwin, and Gumball cross their arms and turn away from each other]
- Richard: Right, I think it's time we lay it all out on the table.
- Darwin: [Points arms towards Anais] She made us believe we only had 24 hours to live because of a disease called gullibilitis!
- Gumball: And that our butts were gonna fall off and everything inside of us was gonna spill out from the bottom like an undercooked flan!
- Anais: I only wrote that in my diary to teach you a lesson about privacy.
- Gumball: I was so distressed I spent the whole afternoon by the lake listening to soft rock while cross-fading!
- Richard: You what?
- Gumball: [Sighs] Like this. [Pours water from his glass into his plate and an instrumental remix of “Without You” from “The Matchmaker” plays in the background as he's crossfading]
- Anais: Well maybe you shouldn't have dazzled the toilet seat. [Stands up and points to her butt, which is completely bedazzled] My butt looks like a Fabergé egg!
- Gumball: No amount of butt dazzling can make up for the day we had because of you!
- [Gumball throws some mashed potatoes at Anais. Anais throws mashed potatoes back at Gumball. Darwin tries to throw mashed potatoes at Anais but misses and hits Nicole.]
- Nicole: Oh, you little...
- [Nicole, Anais, Darwin, and Gumball keep throwing mashed potatoes at each other.]
- Richard: [slams fists on table] Stop fighting!
- [Nicole, Anais, Darwin, and Gumball cross their arms and turn away from each other]
- Richard: First of all, that is how you crashed the car earlier. Secondly, what I meant by lay it all out on the table was the game! [unfolds board games and lays it out on the table, gets out four cards, a bag of dice, and a bowl of cheese curls.] For Saturday night is family time, and since it's my turn to choose, we're raiding dungeons and fighting dragons! [grabs a dungeon master cover and dresses himself up in the process. He notices Gumball is trying to escape, and throws a die in his path, making him flip and hit the ground.] Sorry Gumball, you rolled a two in stealth. Get back here.
- Gumball: [goes back to his seat.] How's this gonna help?
The Game
- Richard: [takes out a tape recorder and presses play] You're all travelers from distant lands seeking refuge from a great storm. [hands a card to Nicole.] Testosterona the Barbarian, [hands a card to Anais.] Norovirus the Wizard, [hands a card to Darwin.] Frumpet the Elf Bard, [hands a card to Gumball.] and finally, Mario Kebab the Dwarf Warrior! Because I ran out of name ideas. You stumble across a tavern called the Merl Inn, and find yourself in the midst of a brawl. [fighting appears to be going on inside the tavern. People resembling John, the Goblin, and Leonard run out of the tavern. It is revealed that the Wattersons' characters are fighting each other.] Not against each other! [the Wattersons throw dice, pencils, and cheese curls at each other.] All right, against each other, I guess. But you're interrupted, by a mysterious voice.
- Witch: Do you want to be rich?
- Testosterona: How rich are we talking, enough to get my kids new battle armor?
- Witch: More.
- Norovirus: Enough to get healthcare against loss of limbs and dental for my tooth?
- Witch: Even more.
- Mario Kebab: Enough for us to pay to get into a good pillaging college?
- Witch: The riches I speak of are to be found in the Black Crystal Dungeon, and they will give you a lifetime of joy, but the road to the dungeon and the treasure is treacherous, but not as treacherous as- [the Witch notices that the four have left.] Huh?
The Voyage
- Norovirus: The treasure will be mine!
- Testosterona: Not if I get there first, wizard!
- [Norovirus tries to teleport in front of Testosterona, but she keeps pulling her back. Mario Kebab and Frumpet chant "treasure" while they all cross a log.]
- Richard: Had you stayed and listened to the Witch, you'd have known that the road was far less treacherous than the path you took through the forest of [chokes]
- Mario Kebab: Who comes up with these names, man?
- Richard: [coughs up a cheese curl.] Sorry, that was a cheese curl stuck in my throat. It's called the forest of Grok, and there's an Owlbear blocking your path.
- [The Owlbear screeches]
- Richard: Everyone, roll for initiative.
- [Everyone rolls. Gumball has the highest number]
- Gumball: I guess it's me first.
- Richard: What are you gonna do?
- Gumball: I throw Norovirus into the mouth of the Owlbear. [Mario Kebab throws her in, the Owlbear chews for a bit and swallows]
- Norovirus: Oh, come on!
- Richard: Darwin, you're next. What do you do?
- Frumpet: I play a merry tune and I dance. [plays and dances]
- Mario Kebab: Ah, hahahaha!
- Richard: Ugh. Nicole, what do you do?
- Nicole: Testosterona sits this one out. She already crashed her station horse wagon because of these fools.
- Richard: All right, whatever. He swallows you. [the Owlbear chews her for a bit and swallows]
- Richard: Norovirus, what do you do?
- Norovirus: I perform a suggestion charm.
- Anais: [Rolls a die] 17 plus 2 intelligence bonus, 19!
- Richard: Finally, someone's getting into the game and playing it properly.
- Anais: Mario Kebab, Frumpet, head-butt yourselves in the butt as you walk towards the Owlbear.
- Richard: Ugh!
- [Mario Kebab and Frumpet's butts magically come out in front of them, and head-butt themselves into them as they walk into the mouth of the Owlbear. The Owlbear chews for a bit and swallows]
- Richard: Right. You're now all inside the stomach of the beast. What do you do before your last breath?
- Gumball: I pop Norovirus in the face. [rolls a die]
- Richard: Your attack roll is one, you miss, and hit Testosterona.
- Nicole: Then I enter a rage and I swing my sword!
- [All of the Wattersons' characters start fighting inside the Owlbear. The Owlbear spits out blasts of Norovirus' wand and eventually explodes. The Wattersons' characters lay on the ground]
- Richard: Okay, you're fighting again, but somehow your literal internal struggle frees you from the beast. However, you are hurt, and in the remains of the beast you find its fire gland. What do you do?
- Norovirus: I pick it up.
- Richard: Of course! With your knowledge of potions you can use it to heal everyone.
- Norovirus: No, I throw it at Mario Kebab's face.
- Mario Kebab: I throw it at Testosterona.
- Testosterona: And I throw it at Frumpet.
- [Everyone starts fighting again]
- Richard: Despite your constant bickering, you continue your journey towards the dungeon.
- [Spirited music plays while the Wattersons' characters progress in the game. The characters are at "The Sphinxes"]
- Richard: The Sphinx gives you this question: What comes up from the deepest darkest mine, rots men's souls, and lingers in their senses?
- Testosterona: The dungeon master's toots?
- [everyone laughs, and fire burns Mario Kebab]
- Richard: Ugh, the answer was gold.
- [The map shows the characters at Lake Maer. Darwin is shown washing himself at the lake, but gets more gruesome every time he washes himself]
- Darwin: Ah!
- [Norovirus is seen laughing, but a tsunami appears, and it is revealed that Darwin was throwing water from a cup at Anais]
- [They continue their journey to the Estrala Mountains. Darwin and Anais are fighting over a card while Nicole throws the die and lands a 20. Testosterona is about to throw a spear at a giant snake, but Darwin jostles the table and the die changes to a 2. Testosterona plants the spear into her foot and the snake starts eating her.]
- Anais: Give me that! Let go of it!
- [Later, in a forest, a giant walks by, not noticing them, but Norovirus sparks a flame by Frumpet's feet. He screams, and the giant punches him.]
- [They are crossing an icy bridge that Norovirus is forming. Mario Kebab cracks the ice with his axe and laughs, but everyone falls through the ice except for Norovirus, who keeps going]
- [The line on the map showing their journey starts zigzagging]
- Gumball: Where are we even going?
- Darwin: I think it's this way!
- Anais: No, I think it's over here!
- Nicole: No, ugh, listen, we already went that way!
- [The line goes off the map, and the characters fall off the edge of the world. Richard pauses the tape playing epic music.]
- Richard: In the name of Gygax's beard, stop fighting, otherwise we'll be here all night! Ugh. [plays tape] Before you plummet into the depths of the nether floor, an astral portal appears and conveniently teleports you across the kingdom to the entrance of...the Black Crystal Dungeon!!
- Nicole: Hm. Kinda sounds like a night club.
- Richard: [sighs heavily] You enter the dungeon. Finally, after all your travels and battles, mostly with each other, the object of your quest lies before you: the treasure. [The characters see the treasure chest in the middle of the empty cave. They gasp in wonder.] Suddenly, out of the darkness, a familiar face appears! It is the witch from the tavern! [The witch's face is seen in the shadows.]
- Witch: Come closer, my valorous warriors!
- Gumball: It's a trap.
- Richard: [in his witch voice] It's not a trap!
- Anais: It's totally a trap.
- Richard: [witch voice] No it ain't.
- Mario Kebab: This is more trap than an autotuned rapper. [Lights a torch, and the rest of the creature comes into view: it's not the witch, but a giant turtle-like monster with the witch's face.]
- Richard: Yeah, okay, it's a trap. The beast swallows the treasure!
- Mario Kebab: Beast? LOL! It looks more like a police drawing of the imaginary friend of some crayon-eating kid! [They laugh]
- Witch Monster: LOL all you want! I lured you here for food! And a band of warriors is easier to swallow when they've been chewing each other up all day!
- Richard: You face certain doom! What are you gonna do?
- Gumball: Right. We're gonna have to use our greatest weapon. [His eyes turn yellow. Dramatic music sting.] BLAME!
- [Everyone breaks out into another fight. Richard, amidst all the flying dice, pencils and cheese curls, sighs and rolls the die.]
- Richard: The tarrasque successfully attacks. You all lose 30 HP. [Everyone falls off their chairs.]
- Gumball: Okay! Time out! [The four huddle for a moment, and sit back down with evil grins.] We decided to change tactics and use our greatest weapon. [His eyes turn yellow again. Dramatic music sting.] BLAME!
- Richard: [Sighs and shakes his head]
- Gumball: But this time, we blame the game master for making us spend time together! [Zoom in] So now it's us against you.
- Richard: [perks up] Hmm! [Zoom in] Finally. [plays tape]
The Final Battle
- Mario Kebab: I heard the beast say Testosterona's neck was so thick, she'd have to wear drapes as a necktie! [Testosterona growls]
- Norovirus: And I heard it ask if she's wearing hairy boots, or if she just forgot to shave her legs! [She gets angrier]
- Frumpet: And I heard it say her hair looks great!
- Testosterona: Aw!
- Frumpet: Said it makes her look fifty again! [Testosterona can barely contain her anger now]
- Nicole: I fly into an epic barbarian rage and take my anger out on the beast! [Testosterona jumps up and swings her sword, but merely chops off some of the beast's hair]
- Richard: Your attack works! The beast is weakened! Who's next?
- Darwin: Me! I play a seduction ballad to woo the monster!
- Richard: But you can't! It's an animal!
- Darwin: Yeah, but it's half-witch!
- [Frumpet busts out his flute and dances as he plays a seductive tune. The beast is hit by glittering pink beams and it looks at Frumpet with hearts in its eyes.]
- Richard: Hahaha!! Okay, what do you do now? The creature is in love with you!
- Darwin: I break up with her! By text message! [A carrier pigeon drops a scroll by the beast.]
- Richard: Ha ha ha! Okay! [Rolls die] I'll use Rule of Cool for that one.
- [The beast is seen crying and sad music plays.]
- Voice: This house don't feel like home anymore, you say-
- Richard: The beast is down, but not defeated! Mario! It lunges at you, its fangs bared! What do you do?
- Gumball: Uhh--I panic and scream!!!
- Anais: I cast a portal spell between Mario Kebab and the tarrasque! [Its head gets stuck in the portal]
- Richard: Its head disappears into the portal, just before it bites Mario! Where is the other portal opening?
- Anais: Its butt! [The monster's head comes out of its butt.]
- Richard: Good one! The beast loses more HP through shame! Suddenly, the monster rears and plans to strike! Whaddya say to that?
- Mario Kebab: Snack break?
- [Everyone nods. Cut to the Wattersons eating Joyful Burger. Back to game]
- Richard: The beast has eaten so much it is exhausted and on the verge of defeat! But you too have overeaten, and are now on the edge of a food coma! What do you do?
- Darwin: [stands up, lethargic and teary-eyed] I sing a song to inspire strength in my fellow warriors so we can deliver the final blow! [He inhales deeply, and starts passionately singing “Un bel dí vedremo.” Nicole, Gumball, and Anais all come out of their food comas and tear up, mesmerized by Darwin's singing.]
The Greatest Lesson of All
- [Darwin's singing underscores the entire scene. Anais lifts up her pencil and the scene cuts to Norovirus, creating wind with her staff. Testosterona throws Mario Kebab at the monster. Gumball throws the die. It almost lands on a 2, but changes to a 20. The Wattersons cheer as Mario Kebab delivers a blow to the monster. He explodes! When the dust settles, the chest is seen again.]
- Richard: As the light fades, you see the chest!
- Mario Kebab: The treasure!
- Richard: You open it, and inside find only a small piece of parchment. [Slides a paper to Gumball]
- Mario Kebab: "The greatest treasure on earth is the time you spend together." [Looks up, watery-eyed]
- Gumball: [Crumples paper, smiling while holding back tears] Lame.
- [Mario Kebab, Frumpet, Norovirus, and Testosterona start crying with joy and share a group hug. Fade to the Wattersons, in the same position. They all look at Richard, who shrugs with an "I told you so" expression.]
- Richard: [smirks] Boom. [draws his cape] Mega happy ending. Game master out! [Covers himself with his cape and slinks out, but slams against the bookcase and falls over, and groans. Episode ends.]
v • e Transcript
|
|---|
| |||
|---|---|---|---|
|
|
|
|
| Episode 1 The DVD |
Episode 2 The Responsible |
Episode 3 The Third |
Episode 4 The Debt |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 5 The End |
Episode 6 The Dress |
Episode 7 The Quest |
Episode 8 The Spoon |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 9 The Pressure |
Episode 10 The Painting |
Episode 11 The Laziest |
Episode 12 The Ghost |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 13 The Mystery |
Episode 14 The Prank |
Episode 15 The Gi |
Episode 16 The Kiss |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 17 The Party |
Episode 18 The Refund |
Episode 19 The Robot |
Episode 20 The Picnic |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 21 The Goons |
Episode 22 The Secret |
Episode 23 The Sock |
Episode 24 The Genius |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 25 The Poltergeist |
Episode 26 The Mustache |
Episode 27 The Date |
Episode 28 The Club |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 29 The Wand |
Episode 30 The Ape |
Episode 31 The Car |
Episode 32 The Curse |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 33 The Microwave |
Episode 34 The Meddler |
Episode 35 The Helmet |
Episode 36 The Fight |
| |||
|---|---|---|---|
|
|
|
|
| Episode 1 The Remote |
Episode 2 The Colossus |
Episode 3 The Knights |
Episode 4 The Fridge |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 5 The Flower |
Episode 6 The Banana |
Episode 7 The Phone |
Episode 8 The Job |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 9 Halloween |
Episode 10 The Treasure |
Episode 11 The Apology |
Episode 12 The Words |
|
|
|
|
|
| Episode 13 The Skull |
Episode 14 The Bet |
Episode 15 Christmas |
Episode 16 The Watch |
|
|
|
|
|
| Episode 17 The Bumpkin |
Episode 18 The Flakers |
Episode 19 The Authority |
Episode 20 The Virus |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 21 The Pony |
Episode 22 The Hero |
Episode 23 The Dream |
Episode 24 The Sidekick |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 25 The Photo |
Episode 26 The Tag |
Episode 27 The Storm |
Episode 28 The Lesson |
|
|
|
|
|
| Episode 29 The Game |
Episode 30 The Limit |
Episode 31 The Voice |
Episode 32 The Promise |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 33 The Castle |
Episode 34 The Boombox |
Episode 35 The Tape |
Episode 36 The Sweaters |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 37 The Internet |
Episode 38 The Plan |
Episode 39 The World |
Episode 40 The Finale |
| |||
|---|---|---|---|
|
|
|
|
| Episode 1 The Kids |
Episode 2 The Fan |
Episode 3 The Coach |
Episode 4 The Joy |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 5 The Puppy |
Episode 6 The Recipe |
Episode 7 The Name |
Episode 8 The Extras |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 9 The Gripes |
Episode 10 The Vacation |
Episode 11 The Fraud |
Episode 12 The Void |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 13 The Boss |
Episode 14 The Move |
Episode 15 The Law |
Episode 16 The Allergy |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 17 The Mothers |
Episode 18 The Password |
Episode 19 The Procrastinators |
Episode 20 The Shell |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 21 The Burden |
Episode 22 The Bros |
Episode 23 The Mirror |
Episode 24 The Man |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 25 The Pizza |
Episode 26 The Lie |
Episode 27 The Butterfly |
Episode 28 The Question |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 29 The Saint |
Episode 30 The Friend |
Episode 31 The Oracle |
Episode 32 The Safety |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 33 The Society |
Episode 34 The Spoiler |
Episode 35 The Countdown |
Episode 36 The Nobody |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 37 The Downer |
Episode 38 The Egg |
Episode 39 The Triangle |
Episode 40 The Money |
| |||
|---|---|---|---|
|
|
|
|
| Episode 1 The Return |
Episode 2 The Nemesis |
Episode 3 The Crew |
Episode 4 The Others |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 5 The Signature |
Episode 6 The Check |
Episode 7 The Pest |
Episode 8 The Sale |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 9 The Gift |
Episode 10 The Parking |
Episode 11 The Routine |
Episode 12 The Upgrade |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 13 The Comic |
Episode 14 The Romantic |
Episode 15 The Uploads |
Episode 16 The Apprentice |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 17 The Hug |
Episode 18 The Wicked |
Episode 19 The Traitor |
Episode 20 The Origins |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 21 The Origins: Part Two |
Episode 22 The Girlfriend |
Episode 23 The Advice |
Episode 24 The Signal |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 25 The Parasite |
Episode 26 The Love |
Episode 27 The Awkwardness |
Episode 28 The Nest |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 29 The Points |
Episode 30 The Bus |
Episode 31 The Night |
Episode 32 The Misunderstandings |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 33 The Roots |
Episode 34 The Blame |
Episode 35 The Slap |
Episode 36 The Detective |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 37 The Fury |
Episode 38 The Compilation |
Episode 39 The Scam |
Episode 40 The Disaster |
| |||
|---|---|---|---|
|
|
|
|
| Episode 1 The Rerun |
Episode 2 The Stories |
Episode 3 The Guy |
Episode 4 The Boredom |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 5 The Vision |
Episode 6 The Choices |
Episode 7 The Code |
Episode 8 The Test |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 9 The Slide |
Episode 10 The Loophole |
Episode 11 The Fuss |
Episode 12 The Copycats |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 13 The Potato |
Episode 14 The Outside |
Episode 15 The Vase |
Episode 16 The Matchmaker |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 17 The Box |
Episode 18 The Console |
Episode 19 The Ollie |
Episode 20 The Catfish |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 21 The Cycle |
Episode 22 The Stars |
Episode 23 The Grades |
Episode 24 The Diet |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 25 The Ex |
Episode 26 The Sorcerer |
Episode 27 The Menu |
Episode 28 The Uncle |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 29 The Weirdo |
Episode 30 The Heist |
Episode 31 The Singing |
Episode 32 The Best |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 33 The Worst |
Episode 34 The Deal |
Episode 35 The Petals |
Episode 36 The Nuisance |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 37 The Line |
Episode 38 The List |
Episode 39 The News |
Episode 40 The Puppets |
| |||
|---|---|---|---|
|
|
|
|
| Episode 1 The Rival |
Episode 2 The Lady |
Episode 3 The Sucker |
Episode 4 The Vegging |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 5 The One |
Episode 6 The Father |
Episode 7 The Cringe |
Episode 8 The Cage |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 9 The Neighbor |
Episode 10 The Anybody |
Episode 11 The Faith |
Episode 12 The Candidate |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 13 The Pact |
Episode 14 The Shippening |
Episode 15 The Brain |
Episode 16 The Parents |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 17 The Founder |
Episode 18 The Schooling |
Episode 19 The Intelligence |
Episode 20 The Potion |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 21 The Spinoffs |
Episode 22 The Transformation |
Episode 23 The Understanding |
Episode 24 The Ad |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 25 The Ghouls |
Episode 26 The Stink |
Episode 27 The Awareness |
Episode 28 The Slip |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 29 The Drama |
Episode 30 The Buddy |
Episode 31 The Possession |
Episode 32 The Master |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 33 The Silence |
Episode 34 The Future |
Episode 35 The Wish |
Episode 36 The Factory |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 37 The Agent |
Episode 38 The Web |
Episode 39 The Mess |
Episode 40 The Heart |
|
|
|
|
| Episode 41 The Revolt |
Episode 42 The Decisions |
Episode 43 The BFFS |
Episode 44 The Inquisition |