The episode starts with the Watterson family having a fake civilized dinner. Gumball asks Anais to pass the salt, though Anais proceeds to throw the salt at Gumball, scraping his head as a result. Gumball then thanks Anais as he takes some leftover salt from his head. Anais then asks Darwin for some gravy, though Darwin pours all of the gravy on Anais' plate and proceeds to blow the gravy into Anais's face. Nicole then tells the kids to settle down for some cake and proceeds to throw the whole cake at Gumball and Darwin, but Richard was able to catch the cake before it hits the floor, angering him in the process. He then asks why there's tension in the family and asks them to "lay it out on the table". Darwin reveals that Anais told him and Gumball that they only have 24 hours to live because of a disease, and Anais replies that she wrote it in her diary to teach Darwin and Gumball a lesson on privacy for bedazzling the toilet seat, covering her rear end in diamonds, and Nicole blames the kids for crashing her car, and another fight ensues. Having had enough, Richard stops the fight and tells them that he meant to lay the board game on the table because it was family night and he picked live action role-playing. Gumball tries to walk out but was stopped by Richard throwing a die on the floor, and Gumball angrily returns to his seat.
As the gamemaster, Richard then proceeds to assign everyone their roles and names (Nicole as a barbarian named Testosterona, Anais as a wizard named Norovirus, Darwin as a elf named Frumpet, and Gumball as a dwarf warrior named Mario Kebab) and starts the scenario at a tavern. Inside, another fight broke out between the family but was interrupted when a witch tells them that there is a hidden treasure at a place known as the "Black Crystal Dungeon" (which Nicole later mocks by stating it sounds like "nightclub"). The four immediately went out to the adventure and proceed to the Forrest of Grok. An Owlbear blocks their path and Richard asks the family to take turns for their initiative roll and Gumball starts by throwing Anais into the Owlbear's mouth. Darwin follows and plays a happy tune and danced while Gumball laughs at Anais as she is being eaten. Nicole follows and does not participate, still angry at the children for making her crash her car, and was eaten next. Anais follows last and does a suggestion charm and tells Gumball and Darwin to headbutt their butts while walking towards the mouth of the Owlbear. Before his last breath, Gumball wants to hit Anais, but lands on one upon rolling the dice, causing his character to hit Nicole instead. Angry, Nicole swings her sword inside the Owlbear and kills it, causing a massive explosion. Rather than healing everyone when she gets a crystal from the Owlbear, Anais starts another fight.
The Wattersons continue on their journey, but spend most of the time bickering with each other rather than focus on the game, with Nicole tricking Gumball into being burnt while the latter was trying to solve a riddle, Anais disfiguring Darwin's face by drawing on it (causing Darwin to throw a cup of water at her), Nicole accidentally rolling a two (due to Darwin and Anais's bickering) while trying to kill a giant snake, and Anais setting Darwin's cape on fire and causing him to scream so loud, it alerted his presence to a giant troll. Annoyed with their bickering, Richard decides to just conveniently teleport them to the dungeon where the treasure is held. However, before picking it up, the witch from the tavern pops out of the shadows. Gumball and Anais quickly deduce it as a trap, and light a torch to reveal the witch as a giant, turtle-like monster. Apparently, the witch lured the Wattersons in the dungeon for food.
Rather than fight the monster, the Wattersons again start fighting amongst themselves, allowing the monster knock them down. Realizing their predicament, the Wattersons finally decide to take the fight seriously. They start with the kids insulting Nicole, causing her to fly into a barbarian rage and take her anger out on the beast. Darwin then charms the beast into falling in love with him, later breaking up with her by text message (with Richard using "Rule of Cool" for that one). Anais then teleports the monster's face into its butt, but before they continue, Gumball calls for a snack break. However, the Wattersons' overeating renders them and the monster exhausted, though Darwin sings an opera to get the Wattersons back on their feet. Now with fresh determination, Anais casts a wind spell to distract the beast while Nicole heaves Gumball towards the monster, and Gumball deals the final blow to the monster by hitting it on the head with his axe. In a flash of light, the monster disappears, allowing the family to get the glowing treasure chest. Upon opening it, the Wattersons only find a piece of paper, which reads "The greatest treasure on Earth is the time you spend together." Thus, the Wattersons finally resolve their differences and hug. Richard, satisfied, dramatically leaves, but not before accidentally running into the bookshelf.
Gumball: Could you pass me the salt, please, Anais?
Anais: But of course.
[Anais throws a saltshaker at Gumball, the saltshaker and flies past him, which scrapes some fur off of the top of his head. A few pieces of salt end up on his head, which Gumball sprinkles onto his dinner]
Gumball: Thank you.
Anais: My pleasure. May I have the gravy, please, Darwin?
[Darwin pours a lot of gravy onto Anais's dinner, then blows it into her face.]
[Nicole uses a napkin to wipe away some gravy that got on her face]
Nicole: Now, now. Maybe a little desert will sweeten you.
[Nicole tries to throw a cake at Gumball and Darwin, but they dodge it and Richard catches the cake.]
Richard: [In deep, scary voice] I will not tolerate this kind of behavior in my house. [In Richard's normal voice] I barely got to lick the icing!
[Richard walks back to his seat with the cake in his hand.]
Gumball: [Grossed out] Wait a minute, you licked the cake?!
Richard: Well, duh! How else can you tell they're ripe when you buy them at the store? Anyway, what's with all the tension?
[Nicole, Anais, Darwin, and Gumball cross their arms and turn away from each other]
Richard: Right, I think it's time we layed it all out on the table.
Darwin: [Points arms towards Anais] She made us believe we only had 24 hours to live because of a disease called gullibilitis!
Gumball: And that our butts were gonna fall off and everything inside of us was gonna spill out from the bottom like an undercooked flan!
Anais: I only wrote that in my diary to teach you a lesson about privacy.
Gumball: I was so distressed I spent the whole afternoon by the lake listening to soft rock while cross-fading!
Richard: You what?
Gumball: [Sighs] Like this. [Pours water from his glass into his plate and listens to soft rock as he's crossfading]
Anais: Well maybe you shouldn't have dazzled the toilet seat. [Stands up and points to her butt] My butt looks like a Fabergé egg!
Gumball: No amount of butt dazzling can make up for the day we had because of you!
[Gumball throws some mashed potatoes at Anais. Anais throws mashed potatoes back at Gumball. Darwin tries to throw mashed potatoes at Anais but misses and hits Nicole.]
Nicole: Oh, you little...
[Nicole, Anais, Darwin, and Gumball keep throwing mashed potatoes at each other.]
Richard: [slams fists on table] Stop fighting!
[Nicole, Anais, Darwin, and Gumball cross their arms and turn away from each other]
Richard: First of all, that is how you crashed the car earlier. Secondly, what I meant by lay it all out on the table was the game! [unfolds board games and lays it out on the table, gets out four cards, a bag of dice, and a bowl of cheese curls.] For Saturday night is family time, and since it's my turn to choose, we're raiding dungeons and fighting dragons! [grabs a dungeon master cover and dresses himself up in the process. He notices Gumball is trying to escape, and throws a die in his path, making him flip and hit the ground.] Sorry Gumball, you rolled a two in stealth, get back here.
Gumball: [goes back to his seat.] How's this gonna help?
Richard: [takes out a music recorder and plays it.] You're all travelers from distant lands seeking refuge from a great storm. [hands a card to Nicole.] Testosterona the Barbarian, [hands a card to Anais.] Norovirus the Wizard, [hands a card to Darwin.] Frumpet the Elf Bard, [hands a card to Gumball.] and finally, Mario Kebab the Dwarf Warrior! Because I ran out of name ideas. You stumble across a tavern called the Merl Inn, and find yourself in the midst of a brawl. [fighting appears to be going on inside the tavern. People resembling John, the Goblin, and Leonard run out of the tavern. It is revealed that the Wattersons' characters are fighting each other.] Not against each other! [the Wattersons throw dice, pencils, and cheese curls at each other.] All right, against each other, I guess. But you're interrupted, by a mysterious voice.
Witch: Do you want to be rich?
Testosterona: How rich are we talking, enough to get my kids new battle armor?
Norovirus: Enough to get healthcare against loss of limbs and dental for my tooth?
Witch: Even more.
Mario Kebab: Enough for us to pay to get into a good pillaging college?
Witch: The riches I speak of are to be found in the Black Crystal Dungeon, and they will give you a lifetime of joy, but the road to the dungeon and the treasure is treacherous, but not as treacherous as- [the Witch notices that the four have left.] uh?
Norovirus: The treasure will be mine!
Testosterona: Not if I get there first, wizard!
[Norovirus tries to teleport in front of Testosterona, but she keeps pulling her back. Mario Kebab and Frumpet chant "treasure" while they all cross a log.]
Richard: Had you stayed and listened to the Witch, you'd have known that the road was far less treacherous than the path you took through the forest of [chokes]
Mario Kebab: Who comes up with these names, man?
Richard: [coughs up a cheese curl.] Sorry, that was a cheese curl stuck in my throat. It's called the forest of Grok, and there's an Owlbear blocking your path.
[The Owlbear screeches]
Richard: Everyone, roll for initiative.
[everyone rolls. Gumball has the highest number]
Gumball: I guess it's me first.
Richard: What are you gonna do?
Gumball: I throw Norovirus into the mouth of the Owlbear. [Mario Kebab throws her in, the Owlbear chews for a bit and swallows]
Norovirus: Oh, come on!
Richard: Darwin, you're next. What do you do?
Frumpet: I play a merry tune and I dance. [plays and dances]
Mario Kebab: Ah, hahahaha!
Richard: Ugh. Nicole, what do you do?
Nicole: Testosterona sits this one out. She already crashed her station horse wagon because of these fools.
Richard: All right, whatever. He swallows you. [the Owlbear chews her for a bit and swallows]
Richard: Norovirus, what do you do?
Norovirus: I perform a suggestion charm.
Anais: [Rolls a die] 17 plus 2 intelligence bonus, 19!
Richard: Finally, someone's getting into the game and playing it properly.
Anais: Mario Kebab, Frumpet, head-butt yourselves in the butt as you walk towards the Owlbear.
[Mario Kebab and Frumpet's butts magically come out in front of them, and head-butt themselves into them as they walk into the mouth of the Owlbear. The Owlbear chews for a bit and swallows]
Richard: Right. You're now all inside the stomach of the beast. What do you do before your last breath?
Gumball: I pop Norovirus in the face. [rolls a die]
Richard: Your attack roll is one, you miss, and hit Testosterona.
Nicole: Then I enter a rage and I swing my sword!
[All of the Wattersons' characters start fighting inside the Owlbear. The Owlbear spits out blasts of Norovirus' wand and eventually explodes. The Wattersons' characters lay on the ground]
Richard: Okay, you're fighting again, but somehow your literal internal struggle frees you from the beast. However, you are hurt, and in the remains of the beast you find its fire gland. What do you do?
Norovirus: I pick it up.
Richard: Of course! With your knowledge of potions you can use it to heal everyone.
Norovirus: No, I throw it at Mario Kebab's face.
Mario Kebab: I throw it at Testosterona.
Testosterona: And I throw it at Frumpet.
[Everyone starts fighting again]
Richard: Despite your constant bickering, you continue your journey towards the dungeon.
[Spirited music plays while the Wattersons' characters progress in the game. The characters are at "The Sphinxes"]
Richard: The Sphinx gives you this question: What comes up from the deepest darkest mine, rots men's souls, and lingers in their senses?
Testosterona: The dungeon master's toots?
[everyone laughs, and fire burns Mario Kebab]
Richard: Ugh, the answer was gold.
[The map shows the characters at Lake Maer]
[Darwin is shown washing himself at the lake, but gets more gruesome every time he washes himself]
[Norovirus is seen laughing, but a tsunami appears, and it is revealed that Darwin was throwing water from a cup at Anais]
[They continue their journey to the Estrala Mountains. Darwin and Anais are fighting over a card while Nicole throws the die and lands a 20. Testosterona is about to throw a spear at a giant snake, but Darwin jostles the table and the die changes to a 2. Testosterona plants the spear into her foot and the snake starts eating her.]
Anais: Give me that! Let go of it!
[Later, in a forest, a giant walks by, not noticing them, but Norovirus sparks a flame by Frumpet's feet. He screams, and the giant punches him.]
[They are crossing an icy bridge that Norovirus is forming. Mario Kebab cracks the ice with his axe and laughs, but everyone falls through the ice except for Norovirus, who keeps going]
[The line on the map showing their journey starts zigzagging]
Gumball: Where are we even going?
Darwin: I think it's this way!
Anais: No, I think it's over here!
Nicole: No, ugh, listen, we already went that way!
[The line goes off the map, and the characters fall off the edge of the world. Richard pauses a tape playing epic music.]
Richard: In the name of Gygax's beard, stop fighting, otherwise we'll be here all night! Ugh. [plays tape] Before you plummet into the depths of the nether floor, an astral portal appears and conveniently teleports you across the kingdom to the entrance of...the Black Crystal Dungeon!!
Nicole: Hm. Kinda sounds like a night club.
Richard: [sighs heavily] You enter the dungeon. Finally, after all your travels and battles, mostly with each other, the object of your quest lies before you: the treasure. [The characters see the treasure chest in the middle of the empty cave. They gasp in wonder.] Suddenly, out of the darkness, a familiar face appears! It is the witch from the tavern! [The witch's face is seen in the shadows.]
Witch: Come closer, my valorous warriors!
Gumball: It's a trap.
Richard: [in his witch voice] It's not a trap!
Anais: It's totally a trap.
Richard: [witch voice] No it ain't.
Mario Kebab: This is more trap than an autotuned rapper. [Lights a torch, and the rest of the creature comes into view: it's not the witch, but a giant turtle-like monster with the witch's face.]
Richard: Yeah, okay, it's a trap. The beast swallows the treasure!
Mario Kebab: Beast? LOL! It looks more like a police drawing of the imaginary friend of some crayon-eating kid! [They laugh]
Witch Monster: LOL all you want! I lured you here for food! And a band of warriors is easier to swallow when they've been chewing each other up all day!
Richard: You face certain doom! What are you gonna do?
Gumball: Right. We're gonna have to use our greatest weapon. [His eyes turn yellow. Dramatic music sting.] BLAME!
[Everyone breaks out into another fight. Richard, amidst all the flying dice, pencils and cheese curls, sighs and rolls the die.]
Richard: The tarrasque successfully attacks. You all lose 30 HP. [Everyone falls off their chairs.]
Gumball: Okay! Time out! [The four huddle for a moment, and sit back down with evil grins.] We decided to change tactics and use our greatest weapon. [His eyes turn yellow again. Dramatic music sting.] BLAME!
Richard: [Sighs and shakes his head]
Gumball: But this time, we blame the game master for making us spend time together! [Zoom in] So now it's us against you.
Mario Kebab: I heard the beast say Testosterona's neck was so thick, she'd have to wear drapes as a necktie! [Testosterona growls]
Norovirus: And I heard it ask if she's wearing hairy boots, or if she just forgot to shave her legs! [She gets angrier]
Frumpet: And I heard it say her hair looks great!
Frumpet: Said it makes her look fifty again! [Testosterona can barely contain her anger now]
Nicole: I fly into an epic barbarian rage and take my anger out on the beast! [Testosterona jumps up and swings her sword, but merely chops off some of the beast's hair]
Richard: Your attack works! The beast is weakened! Who's next?
Darwin: Me! I play a seduction ballad to woo the monster!
Richard: But you can't! It's an animal!
Darwin: Yeah, but it's half-witch!
[Frumpet busts out his flute and dances as he plays a seductive tune. The beast is hit by glittering pink beams and it looks at Frumpet with hearts in its eyes.]
Richard: Hahaha!! What do you do now? The creature is in love with you!
Darwin: I break up with her! By text message! [A carrier pigeon drops a scroll by the beast.]
Richard: Ha ha! Okay! [Rolls die] I'll use Rule of Cool for that one.
[The beast is seen crying and sad music plays.]
Voice: This house don't feel like home anymore, you say-
Richard: The beast is down, but not defeated! Mario! It lunges at you, its fangs bared! What do you do?
Gumball: Uhh--I panic and scream!!!
Anais: I cast a portal spell between Mario Kebab and the tarrasque! [Its head gets stuck in the portal]
Richard: Its head disappears into the portal, just before it bites Mario! Where is the other portal opening?
Anais: Its butt! [The monster's head comes out of its butt.]
Richard: Good one! The beast loses more HP through shame! Suddenly, the monster rears and plans to strike! Whaddya say to that?
Mario Kebab: Snack break?
[Everyone nods. Cut to the Wattersons eating Joyful Burger. Back to game]
Richard: The beast has eaten so much it is exhausted and on the verge of defeat! But you too have overeaten, and are now on the edge of a food coma! What do you do?
Darwin: [stands up, lethargic and teary-eyed] I sing a song to inspire strength in my fellow warriors so we can deliver the final blow! [He inhales deeply, and starts passionately singing “Un bel dí vedremo.” Nicole, Gumball, and Anais all come out of their food comas and tear up, mesmerized by Darwin's singing.]
The Greatest Lesson of All
[Anais lifts up her pencil and the scene cuts to Norovirus, creating wind with her staff. Darwin's singing underscores the entire scene. Testosterona throws Mario Kebab at the monster. Gumball throws the die. It almost lands on a 2, but changes to a 20. The Wattersons cheer as Mario Kebab delivers a blow to the monster. He explodes! When the dust settles, the chest is seen again.]
Richard: As the light fades, you see the chest!
Mario Kebab: The treasure!
Richard: You open it, and inside find only a small piece of parchment. [Slides a paper to Gumball]
Mario Kebab: "The greatest treasure on earth is the time you spend together." [Looks up, watery-eyed]
Gumball: [Crumples paper, smiling while holding back tears] Lame.
[Mario Kebab, Frumpet, Norovirus, and Testosterona start crying with joy and share a group hug. Fade to the Wattersons, in the same position. They all look at Richard, who shrugs with an "I told you so" expression.]
Richard: [smirks] Boom. [draws his cape] Mega happy ending. Game master out! [Covers himself with his cape and slinks out, but slams against the bookcase and falls over, and groans. Episode ends.]