The Man/Transcript

Granny Jojo's Birthday Surprise

Gumball, Darwin, Anais, Richard, and Nicole: Happy birthday!

[Granny Jojo and the Wattersons are sitting at the table with a cake completely covered in candles]

Darwin: Come on, Granny Jojo! Blow out your candles!

Gumball: Yeah, I prefer my face medium-rare, not char-grilled.

Granny Jojo: Why are there so many candles? I'm only sixty-three.

Anais: Sorry. We didn't know exactly how old you were, so we based it on looks. Do you need some help blowing them out?

Granny Jojo: Kid, I raised your dad by myself. It's not the first time I've had to put out a fire.

[Granny Jojo blows out all her candles with a powerful gust of her breath, leaving her family's fur blown back. Richard clears his throat and taps his glass]

Richard: I think it's time for a toast. [He eats a slice of toast] Thank you.

[Gumball, Anais, Nicole, and Darwin sigh and clap halfheartedly]

Richard: And now for your birthday surprise.

[He produces a stack of papers from his pocket]

Richard: The alphabet of my mom. "A" is for "Amazing" 'cause that's what you are. "B" is for "Breakfast", one of my twelve favorite mealtimes, and because you're amazing, Mom. "C" is for…

[He continues talking]

Granny Jojo: Nicole, I just wanted to say that you look really average today.

Nicole: Oh, yeah? Well, you look like someone drew an ugly face on a butt with a— wait, what? Did you just say "average"? That's gotta be the least offensive thing you've ever said to me. You need a lie down?

Gumball: Yeah, and you gave us real candy instead of your expired fungus medication-

Darwin: And your face looks wrong. It's like your mouth is upside down-

Anais: It's almost as if you are…smiling.

Richard: …why? Because I like them. And "Z" is for "Zebra", an amazing mythical creature. But not as amazing as you, Mom.

Granny Jojo: Thank you, Richard. Like every year, that was a nice surprise. And while we're on the topic, I also have a surprise for all of you.

[The doorbell rings. Richard answers the door]

Louie: Surprise!

Richard: Sorry, sir, we already got a surprise here. We don't need any more.

Louie: Nice to meet you—

[Richard slams the door in Louie's face. His outstretched arm sticks out through the letter flap. Granny Jojo reopens the door]

Granny Jojo: This is Louie. He's my boyfriend.

[She and Louie kiss for a long time, grossing Richard out. After they seemingly finish, they kiss again. This time, Richard faints]

Reviving Richard

[Richard finally recovers. He sees Gumball, wobbling in his vision. His voice is distorted and echoing]

Gumball: Dad, are you alright?

Darwin: What's with the voice?

Gumball: [Distorted, but no longer echoing] I don't know. It just felt appropriate.

Anais: Dad, wake up!

Nicole: Get the first-aid kit!

[Gumball takes a pack of nachos and hands it to Nicole]

Nicole: Clear!

[She opens it. Immediately, Richard springs up, biting into the nacho bag and chewing on it wildly]

Some Issues

[Everyone is back at the table. Louie whispers something to Granny Jojo and she laughs. Her son watches angrily]

Richard: [Slams on the table; Yelling] IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY, MAYBE YOU SHOULD SHARE IT WITH THE WHOLE FAMILY!

Granny Jojo: To be honest with you, I have no idea what he said. My hearing isn't what it used to be.

Louie: Me, neither! I was just laughing and hoping it wasn't a question.

[They laugh]

Louie: We got so much in common.

Granny Jojo: Yeah, we're both falling apart.

[They laugh again. Louie kisses Granny Jojo, and Richard wretches once more.]

Richard: [Faking a smile] So, Louie. What career plans do you have?

Louie: Um, none.

Richard: HA HA! He's got no prospects!

Louie: Actually, I'm retired.

Richard: Come on, Nicole! Laugh at him with me!

[While he laughs, she face palms]

Richard: Come on, kids! Say something mean and ironic about him!

[They shake their heads]

Richard: No? Fine, I'll do it myself. Where did you retire from? Santa's factory? Because you're small! [Laughs] Burn! [Laughs, then covers face] Why did you steal my mom!?

Darwin: Uh… is it me, or is the atmosphere a little—

[The atmospheric pressure literally becomes heavy, and Nicole, Darwin, Gumball, and Anais sag to the floor. Darwin falls into the floor]

Darwin: Heavy!

Louie: Well, that was very nice. Catch you later, cottontail.

[He kisses her goodbye, and heads out. As he gets out of the house, Richard points at him through the closed door]

Richard: Get out of my house!

Gumball: Uh… he just did.

[He brings Louie back into the house]

Richard: Now get out of my house!

Louie: You're the one who dragged me back here, son!

Richard: Call me son one more time! I dare you! I DOUBLE-DARE YOU! You MOTHER ROBBER! Kids, come over here.

[Gumball and Darwin approach him]

Richard: Okay, you grab this arm [Gumball takes his arm]. Now you take my leg. [Darwin takes it] LEMME AT 'EM! LEMME AT 'EM! You're lucky they're here, or you'd end up in a mobility scooter for the rest of your life! LEMME AT 'EM!

[He breaks slips out of Gumball and Darwin's grip and is flung through the door like a rubber band, landing on the sidewalk. Looking up, he sees Louie taking off in his mobility scooter]

Richard: That's right! Faster! Faster, old man!

Louie: I'm trying! But this thing takes twenty minutes to go from zero to eight miles an hour.

[Richard grunts, and pushes Louie away on his scooter. Afterwards, he storms back inside to confront Granny Jojo]

Richard: What's Father gonna say when he comes back?

Granny Jojo, Anais, Gumball, Darwin, and Nicole: Father?

Richard: Yeah! You said he left to buy some milk forty-two years ago. He could be back any minute!

Granny Jojo, Anais, Gumball, Darwin, and Nicole: Uh—

[Everyone freezes and looks at each other awkwardly for 5 seconds]

Richard: What?

Granny Jojo: Let me explain something—

Richard: No, let ME explain something! I don't want you to see that guy anymore!

Granny Jojo: Well, I don't think it's for you to decide, young man!

Richard: When you're under my roof, you follow my rules, old lady!

Gumball: I don't think anyone should follow your twelve-meals-a-day rule.

Granny Jojo: Richard, I'm old enough to make my own rules, and I'm seeing Louie TONIGHT!

Richard: Go to your room, you're grounded!

Granny Jojo: You go to your room, you're grounded!

Richard and Granny Jojo: FINE!

[They storm off from each other. The rest of the Wattersons watch awkwardly]

Gumball: How long before they realize neither of them went in the direction of a bedroom?

Granny Jojo's "Hot" Date

[Nighttime. A light clicks open in Gumball's bedroom. Gumball sleeps peacefully as a shadow covers him]

Granny Jojo: Gumball.

[Opening an eye, he sees his grandmother beside him, wearing fancy clothes with make-up on. The jump cuts closer to her face]

Gumball: [Gasps] Oh wait, this is clearly a nightmare. Nothing could be this ugly in real life.

Darwin: We helped Granny Jojo make herself pretty for Louie. What do you think?

Gumball: Huh, what do you know? [Screams hysterically]

Anais: Yeah, I agree with you. But this is the best we could do short of a face transplant.

Gumball: She looks like a haunted Christmas!

Darwin: We were hoping you could help us out.

Gumball: Well how 'bout we start with a longer dress? I don't think we should see her legs, they remind me of processed ham. Actually, have you tried a bag over her head?

Darwin: Yeah, we tried that first. But she needed breathing holes and then you could see bits of her.

Gumball: Oh, I got an idea. [Switches off light]

Granny Jojo: Okay, that's enough! [Switches on light] Are you kids gonna help me sneak out, or what?

Gumball: U-uh, I don't know, Granny Jojo. I-I really don't want to come between you and Dad. It'd be like getting caught between a saggy rock and a fat, sweaty place.

Granny Jojo: Oh, Gumball, if you could only understand the meaning of true love. The yearning to be at one with another soul. To hold them tightly in your arms-

Gumball: Please stop, I'm getting a mental picture. It's really high-def.

Granny Jojo: Hear them whisper in your ear: I love you, I love you-

Gumball: Fine! Fine! We'll do it, just, please stop talking.

[From the window, Louie's whistling can be heard. They see him with his scooter outside]

Louie: Is your grandma in?

Gumball: Yeah, she'll be right down.

[A rope made up of tied sheets is lowered]

Gumball: Ugh, it's not long enough. What else can we use?

Granny Jojo: Kids, close your eyes.

[They do as she says. She takes something off. The rope suddenly lengthens. Granny Jojo's body is shown, saggy and almost shapeless]

Darwin: Oh man, I can't believe how big Granny's girdle is!

Gumball: I can't believe I'm touching it with my bare hands.

Anais: I can't believe I'm genetically predestined to wear one some day.

Granny Jojo: Okay, enough chit-chat. Help me up. I don't wanna break a leg before my hot date.

[They drop the rope, and try pushing her out the window]

Gumball: What the weight? How can someone so small be so heavy?

Granny Jojo: Well I have two metal hips, one orthopedic shoe, six gold teeth, a plate in my head, and an industrial-strength pacemaker. I got so much metal in me I'm legally classified as a motorized vehicle. Anyway, where's the rope?

[The rope is gone. Gumball turns to Anais]

Gumball: Didn't I tell you to tie the end to something?

Anais: [Anais turns to Darwin] Didn't I tell you to tie the end to something?

Darwin: [Darwin turns to nobody] Didn't I tell you to-

Gumball: Oh, sorry. My bad. I didn't tell anyone to tie it.

Granny Jojo: We need another plan.

In Nicole and Richard's Bedroom

Nicole: Oh Richard, you can't stop her from seeing Louie. Remember what you were like when we fell in love...

[Flashback to when they were younger. Richard is on a ladder, serenading Nicole with a guitar at the window of her house]

Richard: I's for "Incredible" 'cause that's what you are. J is for "Edible" 'cause-

Daniel: [Off-screen] Nicole, where are you?

Nicole: Quick, Dad's coming!

[Nicole quickly shuts the window and Richard falls down the ladder, breaking the steps]

Richard: I'm oka-

[The guitar falls inside Richard's mouth. The flashback ends]

Richard: Of course I remember. The doctor couldn't remove one of the strings. [Plucks a string inside himself]

Nicole: Richard, your mother's never been this happy… or nice. I don't want you to ruin that.

Richard: Alright, I'll speak with her.

Gumball's Rube Goldberg Machine

[An assortment of different things is in Gumball's room, making up his Rube Golberg Machine]

Gumball: Alright! So the plan is we knock over the DVDs, which sets off the mouse trap, which sends the golf ball up there, which sets off the dominoes, which sets off the toy car, which will switch on the fan, which will send the turtle to the rope, which she bites through, dropping the desk, propelling Granny Jojo through the window and she uses her bloomers to land safely in Louie's arm. Everybody ready?

[He starts it. At first, his creation seems to work. At the very end, however, it sends Granny Jojo smacking up against the ceiling instead of out the window]

Anais: Maybe we could just open the front door.

More Issues

[Gumball lets Louie in]

Louie: Ah, thanks, kid. Hello, cottontail.

Richard: No!

[As they are about to kiss, Richard comes out of his room, and blocks their mouths. He gets saliva all over his hand. Disgusted, he wipes this off on Gumball's face]

Gumball: Well, that's that face ruined.

[Gumball throws away his head, and a new one immediately sprouts in its place]

Richard: Get away from my mom, get out of our lives! I am the man of this house!

Louie: Well, [He removes his shirt] It seems there's only one way to settle this.

Granny Jojo: Uigh. Please don't lower your standards, and demonstrate your manhoods in physical confrontation.

Gumball: You're right, Granny Jojo. A man-off is a great idea!

Louie: I was gonna say we could settle this by sitting down, and having a calm, reasonable conversation.

Richard: I was gonna suggest rock, paper, scissors!

Gumball: Okay. Then man-off it is!

The Man-Off

[All the guys are in the backyard]

Gumball: A man eats meat with his fingers. A man doesn't need to wash his pants to really stand up by themselves. A man scratches whatever part of his body he likes in public, and shows no shame! A man drinks straight from the milk carton, and when he spills some on the floor, he cleans it with his sock. So, it'll be hard to figure out who of you two is the best man! But, we will give it our manly best. Gentlemen! Your first trial will be…hair-growing.

Louie: Oh, well, I've won.

Gumball: What— how?

[Louie is seen to be very hairy]

Louie: Kid, I'm seventy-two years old. I need to shave seventeen times a day. Just while you were talking, my nose hair reached my bottom lip.

Darwin: And the winner is Louie!

Richard: What!? What about my sole patch?

[Richard shows them a small patch of hair on his chin]

Gumball: Psst.

[Gumball motions to Louie. Louie's hair has grown to the point of covering his whole body]

Gumball: Next round: Man washing!

[Anais evaluates them washing themselves. Richard washes himself with his clothes on, and Anais is grossed out by his smell. Louie washes himself with a toothbrush. When Anais smells his breath, her head spins around, her ears pop off, and she melts]

Gumball: [Announcing] Man sitting!

[Louie and Richard sit on the couch. They spread their legs as wide as they can. Louie practically does a split while Richard falls on the ground trying to outdo him]

Gumball: [Announcing] Man cooking!

[Louie cooks some meat, and Gumball eats it. He spits it out]

Gumball: Ugh, it's rare!

Louie: That's how a man eats.

Richard: That's not rare, this is!

[Richard tries to eat a live cow. It kicks him away]

Gumball: [Announcing] Man whistling!

[Louie does a whistle with his hand]

Richard: Ha! I could do it better with only one finger. [He sticks his finger all the way into his mouth, choking on it]

Gumball: [Announcing] Man dancing!

[Richard dances to a radio, while Louie does nothing]

Gumball: That was a trick question. A real man doesn't dance.

The Feelings, the Bad Father and the Good Son

[Gumball, Darwin, and out two man-off contestants are sitting around the living room table.]

Gumball: And for the final challenge: sharing your emotions!

Louie and Richard: What?

Gumball: [Evil laugh] Yes! All of this was a trick to make you confront man's deepest, darkest fear: talking about your feelings.

Richard: [Scoffs] Well, that's a waste of time, there's nothing to talk about.

Granny Jojo: Oh, Richard, what about your dad? I thought you understood he didn't really go to get milk?

[Richard suppresses his emotions. He struggles to keep himself from crying.]

Richard: I know… I know. It's just that I really… r-really…

Granny Jojo: I know, I know. I liked him too. It's just…he felt otherwise. Come on, just let it all out.

[Richard cries hard. Granny Jojo comforts him amidst the shower of tears and mucus.]

Granny Jojo: Come on, kid. That's it.

Richard: [Stops crying] It's just, I'm worried that you'll like Louie better than me— [Sniffs] And then-and then, I'll lose you too. [Sniffs]

Granny Jojo: [Kisses him on cheek] Don't be sillier than you already are. Your brain might stall once and for all.

Richard: You know, I want you to be happy too. LOUIE! [Hugs] From now on, I'll call you Daddy!

Louie: Um, [Clears throat] A lot of weather we've been having lately.

[Richard puts him down, and Louis pats him]

Anais: Are you gonna be okay, Dad?

Richard: Yes, sweetie. There comes a time when in your life, you have to grow up, and become a man.

[Richard hugs his family. Louie and Granny Jojo kiss happily, making him gag one last time]

[Episode ends]

v • e Transcript

Episode 1 The DVD	Episode 2 The Responsible	Episode 3 The Third	Episode 4 The Debt
Episode 5 The End	Episode 6 The Dress	Episode 7 The Quest	Episode 8 The Spoon
Episode 9 The Pressure	Episode 10 The Painting	Episode 11 The Laziest	Episode 12 The Ghost
Episode 13 The Mystery	Episode 14 The Prank	Episode 15 The Gi	Episode 16 The Kiss
Episode 17 The Party	Episode 18 The Refund	Episode 19 The Robot	Episode 20 The Picnic
Episode 21 The Goons	Episode 22 The Secret	Episode 23 The Sock	Episode 24 The Genius
Episode 25 The Poltergeist	Episode 26 The Mustache	Episode 27 The Date	Episode 28 The Club
Episode 29 The Wand	Episode 30 The Ape	Episode 31 The Car	Episode 32 The Curse
Episode 33 The Microwave	Episode 34 The Meddler	Episode 35 The Helmet	Episode 36 The Fight

Episode 1 The Remote	Episode 2 The Colossus	Episode 3 The Knights	Episode 4 The Fridge
Episode 5 The Flower	Episode 6 The Banana	Episode 7 The Phone	Episode 8 The Job
Episode 9 Halloween	Episode 10 The Treasure	Episode 11 The Apology	Episode 12 The Words
Episode 13 The Skull	Episode 14 The Bet	Episode 15 Christmas	Episode 16 The Watch
Episode 17 The Bumpkin	Episode 18 The Flakers	Episode 19 The Authority	Episode 20 The Virus
Episode 21 The Pony	Episode 22 The Hero	Episode 23 The Dream	Episode 24 The Sidekick
Episode 25 The Photo	Episode 26 The Tag	Episode 27 The Storm	Episode 28 The Lesson
Episode 29 The Game	Episode 30 The Limit	Episode 31 The Voice	Episode 32 The Promise
Episode 33 The Castle	Episode 34 The Boombox	Episode 35 The Tape	Episode 36 The Sweaters
Episode 37 The Internet	Episode 38 The Plan	Episode 39 The World	Episode 40 The Finale

Episode 1 The Kids	Episode 2 The Fan	Episode 3 The Coach	Episode 4 The Joy
Episode 5 The Puppy	Episode 6 The Recipe	Episode 7 The Name	Episode 8 The Extras
Episode 9 The Gripes	Episode 10 The Vacation	Episode 11 The Fraud	Episode 12 The Void
Episode 13 The Boss	Episode 14 The Move	Episode 15 The Law	Episode 16 The Allergy
Episode 17 The Mothers	Episode 18 The Password	Episode 19 The Procrastinators	Episode 20 The Shell
Episode 21 The Burden	Episode 22 The Bros	Episode 23 The Mirror	Episode 24 The Man
Episode 25 The Pizza	Episode 26 The Lie	Episode 27 The Butterfly	Episode 28 The Question
Episode 29 The Saint	Episode 30 The Friend	Episode 31 The Oracle	Episode 32 The Safety
Episode 33 The Society	Episode 34 The Spoiler	Episode 35 The Countdown	Episode 36 The Nobody
Episode 37 The Downer	Episode 38 The Egg	Episode 39 The Triangle	Episode 40 The Money

Episode 1 The Return	Episode 2 The Nemesis	Episode 3 The Crew	Episode 4 The Others
Episode 5 The Signature	Episode 6 The Check	Episode 7 The Pest	Episode 8 The Sale
Episode 9 The Gift	Episode 10 The Parking	Episode 11 The Routine	Episode 12 The Upgrade
Episode 13 The Comic	Episode 14 The Romantic	Episode 15 The Uploads	Episode 16 The Apprentice
Episode 17 The Hug	Episode 18 The Wicked	Episode 19 The Traitor	Episode 20 The Origins
Episode 21 The Origins: Part Two	Episode 22 The Girlfriend	Episode 23 The Advice	Episode 24 The Signal
Episode 25 The Parasite	Episode 26 The Love	Episode 27 The Awkwardness	Episode 28 The Nest
Episode 29 The Points	Episode 30 The Bus	Episode 31 The Night	Episode 32 The Misunderstandings
Episode 33 The Roots	Episode 34 The Blame	Episode 35 The Slap	Episode 36 The Detective
Episode 37 The Fury	Episode 38 The Compilation	Episode 39 The Scam	Episode 40 The Disaster

Episode 1 The Rerun	Episode 2 The Stories	Episode 3 The Guy	Episode 4 The Boredom
Episode 5 The Vision	Episode 6 The Choices	Episode 7 The Code	Episode 8 The Test
Episode 9 The Slide	Episode 10 The Loophole	Episode 11 The Fuss	Episode 12 The Copycats
Episode 13 The Potato	Episode 14 The Outside	Episode 15 The Vase	Episode 16 The Matchmaker
Episode 17 The Box	Episode 18 The Console	Episode 19 The Ollie	Episode 20 The Catfish
Episode 21 The Cycle	Episode 22 The Stars	Episode 23 The Grades	Episode 24 The Diet
Episode 25 The Ex	Episode 26 The Sorcerer	Episode 27 The Menu	Episode 28 The Uncle
Episode 29 The Weirdo	Episode 30 The Heist	Episode 31 The Singing	Episode 32 The Best
Episode 33 The Worst	Episode 34 The Deal	Episode 35 The Petals	Episode 36 The Nuisance
Episode 37 The Line	Episode 38 The List	Episode 39 The News	Episode 40 The Puppets

Episode 1 The Rival	Episode 2 The Lady	Episode 3 The Sucker	Episode 4 The Vegging
Episode 5 The One	Episode 6 The Father	Episode 7 The Cringe	Episode 8 The Cage
Episode 9 The Neighbor	Episode 10 The Anybody	Episode 11 The Faith	Episode 12 The Candidate
Episode 13 The Pact	Episode 14 The Shippening	Episode 15 The Brain	Episode 16 The Parents
Episode 17 The Founder	Episode 18 The Schooling	Episode 19 The Intelligence	Episode 20 The Potion
Episode 21 The Spinoffs	Episode 22 The Transformation	Episode 23 The Understanding	Episode 24 The Ad
Episode 25 The Ghouls	Episode 26 The Stink	Episode 27 The Awareness	Episode 28 The Slip
Episode 29 The Drama	Episode 30 The Buddy	Episode 31 The Possession	Episode 32 The Master
Episode 33 The Silence	Episode 34 The Future	Episode 35 The Wish	Episode 36 The Factory
Episode 37 The Agent	Episode 38 The Web	Episode 39 The Mess	Episode 40 The Heart
Episode 41 The Revolt	Episode 42 The Decisions	Episode 43 The BFFS	Episode 44 The Inquisition