The Lady/Transcript

Mr. Small's Candy

[The episode begins at the Teachers' Lounge in Elmore Junior High, where Principal Brown walks up to a plate of red and white-striped candy on a plate. He takes it and begins eating the candy. However, he notices it tastes weird, and he spits it out.]

Moonchild Corneille: [From off-screen] Take my hand, Nigel! [Zoom out to reveal Mr. Corneille sitting on a drawer with a tree stump on his head] I've come to show you the journey within.

Nigel Brown: [Opens door] Uhh, Mr. Small? Is there anything weird in this candy you brought back from your vacation?

Moonchild Corneille: Fear me not, Nigel! For I am your spirit animal-l-l!

[Principal Brown walks out of the room and closes the door, with a freaked out expression]

Nigel Brown: Um, Mr. Small? [He freaks out over something off-screen]

[Zoom out to reveal Coach licking a fire extinguisher]

Coach Russo: My hands! They're like spiders made out of meat! [Freaks out with auto-tuned screaming]

[Zoom back in on Principal Brown]

Nigel Brown: Uh, Mr. Small? Mr. Small! [Walks away]

[Cut to behind Mr. Small's door. Principal Brown walks up to the door and opens it]

Nigel Brown: What is in this candy?!

[A giant goat head is shown inside Mr. Small's office and races towards the camera]

Nigel Brown: [Anxiously turns the candy around revealing a black wick] Ah, it's not candy, it's a candle. [Pupils dilate and he falls backwards hitting the floor]

No School Today

[Outside the school, two doctors are driving a stretcher with a twitching Principal Brown on it towards a ambulance. Gumball, Darwin, Masami, Alan and Carmen are all standing by looking at the doctors]

Bandage Doctor: [While driving the stretcher] Sorry, kids, but there's no school today. The staff have all been evacuated to the hospital.

[Zoom in on Gumball and Darwin. Gumball puts on a giant smile]

Darwin: Dude, you can at least show some concern.

Gumball: [Muffled by his smile] Yeah, you're right.

[Gumball swipes his face down and changes to an overly concerned face in the process. Camera zooms out as Gumball secretly dances with his legs; Darwin notices it]

Darwin: Come on, let's go home. [Walks away]

Gumball and Darwin Spy on Samantha

[Gumball and Darwin walk towards the door of their house]

Darwin: Mr. Dad will be surprised to see us.

Gumball: Yeah, we might interrupt his third breakfast.

[Samantha opens the door; Gumball and Darwin look at Samantha with confused/surprised expressions. Then Samantha quickly closes the door, her footsteps decreasing in volume. After that, Gumball takes a step and knocks on the door]

Gumball: Hey!

[Richard opens the door with a red smear over his lips, as he is sweaty and looks suspiciously nervous]

Richard: Uh, h-hi guys, what's up?

Gumball: School's canceled, what's that on your lips?

[Richard checks his lips, and pretends to be surprised about the smear]

Richard: Uh, I, uh... [Cleans some of red smear on his lips] I was just eating some, uhh... What's that awful stuff that's like fruit that people decorate plates with?

Darwin: You mean a vegetable?

Richard: Uhh, yes. That's what's stained on my lips. A vergetule.

Gumball: What kind?

Richard: A re- a red one?

Gumball: Okay, stop lying. We saw her. Who is she?

Richard: Uh, what is the name of these people that you pay to make your skin cry until you're thin?

Darwin: A personal trainer?

Richard: That's it. She was reminding me I have to go to that place where the bicycles go nowhere.

Gumball: You mean the gym?

Richard: Yes, the gym, and I'm late. 'Kay, bye.

[Richard leaves the house with a yellow purse, leaving Gumball and Darwin with a look of suspicion on their faces]

Gumball: I don't think he's going to the gym.

Darwin: 'Cause the only gym that he goes to is Jim the cashier at the donut store?

Gumball: No- I mean yes. But also because the gym bag he grabbed...was a woman's purse. [Makes a suspicious gesture]

At the Mall

[Scene cuts to outside mall entrance. Inside the store, Gumball and Darwin are at a wallpapered counter; Gumball watches Richard with a pair of binoculars]

Gumball: [Imitating Richard's voice] Ohh, I'm going to the gym. [Normal voice] Liar! He's buying perfume for that woman.

Darwin: Maybe it's just for him.

Gumball: Yeah, sure. To hide the scent of his SHAME!

[Richard hears Gumball's scream and looks concerned. Gumball and Darwin hide]

Gumball: [Voice reverb] That was close, he nearly saw u- [Looks at the screen]

[Gumball and Darwin freeze while looking at the camcorder. Richard looks at the giant television screen that projects the camcorder]

Richard: [Confused] Huh?

[Screen shows Gumball and Darwin in detailed form, the screen marked "4K" at the top left corner]

Gumball: I guess 4K is how far you have to stand away from the camera so you don't look like a photo from a dermatology textbook.

[Gumball shuts off the camcorder; while Darwin gasps, Richard is gone]

Darwin: Where did he go?

[Richard goes to the restroom, looking around for any witnesses. Inside the restroom, Richard throws the purse at the counter, looking serious. Richard applies his makeup, and his ladylike attire, becoming a lady named Samantha]

Meet-up with the Girls

[Gumball and Darwin are walking outside the store. Darwin sees Samantha]

Darwin: [Pinpoints Samantha] Look! It's the lady we saw at home!

[The shot focuses on Samantha, as she walks toward a lady trio]

Samantha: Well, hello, girls.

Gumball: Let's eavesdrop.

[Gumball and Darwin grow disproportionately large ears]

Maria: Ah, Samantha. Finally. We've been waiting so long, Angela's clothes are back in fashion.

[Canned laughter is played]

Samantha: Better late than ugly, Maria. A girl needs to make some effort for her man.

Maria: Samantha darling, the last time you were a girl, men still had gills.

[Canned laughter is played]

Angela: So, when do we get to meet this elusive boyfriend of yours?

Samantha: Oh, he's not elusive, Angela. He just doesn't like to answer questions straightforwardly and prefers changing the subject to avoid them.

Violet​​​: Samantha, are you nervous because we might judge your new boyfriend?

Angela: No, Violet. She's worried about how mimes place their orders at the drive-through.

[Canned laughter is played]

Maria: Ah, you, younger women are so demanding! So, what if Samantha's boyfriend isn't around that much? As long as a man has a pulse and a smile, who cares?

Violet​​​: I'd be so happy to get a man with either of those things, and at my age, I don't care which. Do you think he might have a friend for me?

Angela: Yes, Violet. The Easter Bunny.

[Canned laughter is played]

Samantha: Now, you listen here, my man does exist! As a matter of fact, I'm meeting him in the park later.

[Gumball and Darwin believe that Richard might be Samantha's boyfriend]

Gumball and Darwin: [Gasp] What the wh-a-a-a-a-! [Voices echoing]

[Due to the major efforts in screaming, Gumball and Darwin pass out]

Samantha's Boyfriend at the Park

[As Samantha sits on a bench in the park, the other women are hiding behind the park directory.]

Maria: Ugh, This is taking forever. I've not got a lot of time. Skins and regrets, yes, but time, no.

Violet​​​​: Do you think maybe he's running a little late?

Angela: No, Violet, he arrived on time. He just set our watches early for a prank.

[Canned laughter is played. Then the camera focuses on the bush, where Gumball and Darwin show up and observe Samantha's "boyfriend"]

Gumball and Darwin: Hmm.

[Samantha looks at her watch]

Samantha: Oh, there he is! [Facing the tree] Hello, sugar!

[Maria, Violet and Angela gasp upon seeing Samantha's boyfriend]

Samantha now speaking Richard: Hey, honey. How's your day been?

[Gumball and Darwin gasp in exaggerated shock. The camera focuses on a portion of Richard's arms hugging Samantha; however, at a different perspective, the scene reveals that Samantha is making smooching noises while hugging herself with the portion of his real arms, having a worried expression on her face]

Maria: Aww, it makes my heart skip a beat to know that love can still blossom at our age. Wait. That's two beats. Three! Somebody do something— [Angela hits Maria's back; she stands relieved] Oh, yeah, there it is.

Darwin: I can't believe it.

Gumball: Dad always said Mom is out of his league. But I never thought he'd want to get back down into his own league.

[A whistling noise is played as Gumball and Darwin look upward]

Darwin: What's that?

Gumball: [Pointing upwards] The bombshell that just got dropped on us.

Darwin: Huh. I always thought it was a metaphor.

[Camera zooms out to reveal a literal bombshell dropping; when it comes into contact with the ground, the screen cuts to black as it explodes]

Gumball and Darwin Confront Richard

[Scene cuts to Wattersons' house. Richard enters the house and is shocked upon seeing Gumball and Darwin. Gumball and Darwin angrily glare at Richard with bloodshot eyes from grief]

Gumball: We know about Samantha.

Richard: Oh. Well, I guess you were bound to find out one day. How do you feel about it?

[Darwin smashes a plate from the table]

Gumball: Oh, just great! How do you think Mom would feel about it?!

Richard: Well, she's not around in the day. I've got to find some way of keeping myself entertained.

Gumball: [Slams the table] ENTERTAINED!?

[Darwin smashes another plate]

Richard: Is it so bad that I have some fun? I enjoy the time I spend with my girls.

Gumball: Girls!? PLURAL!?

[Darwin smashes the last plate]

Richard: What difference does it make if it's more than one?

Gumball: You maggot. How many? [Shakes his head in disapproval and touches the bridge of his nose]

Richard: Three at the moment, but you know, the more the merrier.

Gumball: I think I'm gonna be sick. [Welling up tears] Our dad has a secret double life. [Sniffs] Darwin, smash another plate.

[Scene reveals that Darwin has run out of plates to smash]

Darwin: [Gasps] Hold on.

[While upbeat music plays, Darwin goes to his room to order plates online. Then he waits until the mailman arrives with the package. Once he receives the package, he opens it at the table and smashes one of the plates. The plate falls in a swiveling manner]

Darwin: Dagnabbit, I bought the paper ones.

Richard: [Arguing] I don't see what's so wrong with having a secret double life.

[Gumball is revealed to be caressing Darwin in order to appease him, while he is hysterically bawling]

Gumball: Look how it's already affecting us!

Richard: Yeah, well, only because it's not secret anymore. So I was technically correct. Nothing wrong with a "secret" double life.

Gumball: [Voice breaking] Dad, this whole thing is based on lies, and that's not right!

Richard: [Sighs] I understand. I've deceived the people I love. I'm gonna go end it with the other girls. Then I'll take all of Samantha's stuff down to the junkyard and burn it in a big bonfire! [Walks away from Gumball and Darwin]

Gumball: Or maybe just tell her by text or something?

Richard: [Walking up the stairs] No. I need to make sure I can never go back. [Lets out a tear]

Gumball: Yep. Burning all her stuff on the dump— that'll do it.

[Richard takes a deep breath, and climbs upstairs. Then he reveals himself to be Samantha, in a courageous pose]

Samantha: [In Richard's voice] I'm sure gonna miss this pretty face. [In Samantha's voice] But at least I'm bowing out with grace.

[Samantha walks down the stairs and heads for the door]

Samantha: [In Richard's voice] Aah! Darn heels! [Leaves the house and closes the door]

Gumball: Do you realize what this means?

[Darwin reacts in realization]

Darwin: Of course! Samantha was in the bathroom the whole time!

[Gumball's countenance indicates him being incorrect; Darwin reacts in realization]

Darwin: Of course! Mrs. Mom is Samantha! Mr. Dad is... Mrs. Mom?

[Gumball touches the bridge of his nose]

Darwin: I'm Mr. Dad?

Gumball: Dad and Samantha are the same person! So, we better stop him before he ruins his beautiful friendship with those sassy girls.

[Gumball and Darwin run out]

Samantha's True Identity

[Scene switches to a shot of the lady trio's house, in which the ladies are eating cheesecake]

Angela: Mmm, Maria, this cheesecake is so good, I wanna marry it and have its cupcakes.

[Canned laughter is played]

Violet​​​: Oh, that reminds me of a story from Minnesota.

Angela: Does it involve a woman marrying a cake?

Violet​​​: Oh no. I'm afraid it was at a time when society wasn't as tolerant as it is now. People were only allowed to marry a potato from a different farm.

[Canned laughter is played]

Angela: Can we skip the nonsense part and get to the end, please?

Violet​​​: Oh. Sure. The end.

[Maria facepalms. Samantha suddenly enters the house in agitation]

Samantha: I have a dramatic announcement to make!

Maria: He dumped you for a slimmer woman.

Samantha: No.

Angela: He dumped you for a younger woman.

Samantha: No!

Violet​​​: He dumped you for a potato from a different farm?

Samantha: What? No. It's about my new boyfriend. He doesn't really exist.

[Angela immediately stands up and takes Maria's money for losing a presumed bet]

Angela: And the rest of the forfeit.

[Maria sighs and eats her own purse]

Samantha: And there is more. I've been deceiving y'all. But I have decided to break the circle of lies. My real name isn't Samantha.

Angela: Wait, so your name is not Samantha, that's all?

Samantha: No, there's more.

[Samantha removes her wig, and the girls gasp in disgust]

Violet​​​: You're bald?

Samantha: I'll give you one more clue.

[Samantha removes her makeup. The girls gasp in disgust again]

Violet​​​: You're ugly?

Richard: Okay, one more clue.

[Richard removes his ladylike dress, revealing his naked body; the girls gasp]

Violet​​​: You're a naturist?!

Angela: [Shocked] HE'S A MAN, VIOLET!

Maria: Well, I guess the clue was in the name— Sa-man-tha. Also, guess what you get if you switch the letters of the name around? "Thas-a-man!"

Thank You For Being a Friend

Richard: [Sighs] I'm sorry.

Violet​​​: But why would you lie to us?

Richard: I was a bored house-husband. I did try to make some male friends...

[The scene crossfades on flashbacks where Richard tries to make male friends. At the stadium, the surrounding audience being the sphere citizens, Richard is seated next to Hot Dog Guy]

Richard: [Constantly nudging] Hey, bro! Did you see that boxing game last night with the guy who did a touchdown in the hoop with his basketball stick?

[Due to the awkwardly incorrect sport terminology, all the people in the stadium stare at him, as the referee whistles at him, Richard exiting in response]

Richard: Sorry. Excuse me. Coming through.

[Another flashback plays, showing Richard as a mechanic assisting Orange Security Guard]

Orange Security Guard: Hey, bud, can you pass me the nut spinner flex?

[Richard tries to find said tool, then passes the yellow car jack]

Richard: Here you go.

Orange Security Guard: Wait what is that- [Car falls on top of him] Oww!

[The next flashback features Harold, the Cowboy and the Tattoo Artist playing basketball. After the basketball is thrown down the hoop, they celebrate, but not before Richard is unexpectedly slapping their butts]

Richard: Hey, nice one! Hey... [Laughs] Not.

[A flashback of a depressed Richard sitting on a bench in the mall is then seen]

Richard: But I guess I'm just not great at being a man. Then I saw you guys.

[Richard sees the girls as they enjoy their time]

Richard: You were so free and loving. You were just being yourselves.

[The flashback abruptly ends]

Richard: I did what I had to do! It's not my fault if society doesn't approve of men being friends with mature women.

Angela: Literally no one has a problem with that.

Richard: Ah. Well, in that case, I did what I didn't have to do.

Angela: Well, Richard, there is something you should know, too—

[Gumball and Darwin suddenly enter the house]

Gumball: Samantha, wait!

Richard: It's okay, boys. The cat's out of the bag.

Gumball: Yeah, or more like the large, pink, naked rabbit is out of his pants.

Richard: But before I go, I just want to say one last thing: thank you for being a friend. [Begins his exit]

Violet​​​: [Hindering his exit] No, please, wait!

[Violet removes her wig and wipes her makeup, revealing herself to be Marvin]

Marvin: You're not the only one who lied.

[Angela removes her mask, revealing herself to be George]

George: We all felt the same way.

Maria: Yes, me too. [Tries to remove her hair] I guess not.

[Short pause]

Maria: Well, this is awkward.

Marvin: So, I guess we just have to go back to being sad, lonely old men.

Gumball: But why don't you just carry on hanging out as guys?

George: Unless we keep dressing up and just pretend none of this ever happened.

Maria, Richard, Marvin, George: Mm-hmm!

Darwin: Or you could just be friends.

George: Well, if it's the choice between continuing to dress up as old ladies...

Gumball: It isn't.

George: ...or we stop spending time together...

Gumball: It isn't.

Marvin: That's settled then. We have no option but to ignore the fact we're all actually men. [Puts his wig back on]

Gumball: No, you don't.

Richard: We all have to make sacrifices.

Gumball: No, you don—

Season After Season

[A concluding parody of "Thank You for Being a Friend" plays; Gumball and Darwin notice the music, as the men, now dressed up as their respective ladies again, enjoy their time together in a montage]

Voice: You've been a pal to me for so long now

Season after season, you kept going somehow

And I know

You'll always be on cable—

[The ending scene of the ladies posing to be excited turns into a realistic awkward moment]

Gumball: Eh, whatever floats your boat.

[Gumball and Darwin exit the house]

Voice: And when you're needin' a helpin' hand—

[Episode abruptly ends]

v • e Transcript

Episode 1 The DVD	Episode 2 The Responsible	Episode 3 The Third	Episode 4 The Debt
Episode 5 The End	Episode 6 The Dress	Episode 7 The Quest	Episode 8 The Spoon
Episode 9 The Pressure	Episode 10 The Painting	Episode 11 The Laziest	Episode 12 The Ghost
Episode 13 The Mystery	Episode 14 The Prank	Episode 15 The Gi	Episode 16 The Kiss
Episode 17 The Party	Episode 18 The Refund	Episode 19 The Robot	Episode 20 The Picnic
Episode 21 The Goons	Episode 22 The Secret	Episode 23 The Sock	Episode 24 The Genius
Episode 25 The Poltergeist	Episode 26 The Mustache	Episode 27 The Date	Episode 28 The Club
Episode 29 The Wand	Episode 30 The Ape	Episode 31 The Car	Episode 32 The Curse
Episode 33 The Microwave	Episode 34 The Meddler	Episode 35 The Helmet	Episode 36 The Fight

Episode 1 The Remote	Episode 2 The Colossus	Episode 3 The Knights	Episode 4 The Fridge
Episode 5 The Flower	Episode 6 The Banana	Episode 7 The Phone	Episode 8 The Job
Episode 9 Halloween	Episode 10 The Treasure	Episode 11 The Apology	Episode 12 The Words
Episode 13 The Skull	Episode 14 The Bet	Episode 15 Christmas	Episode 16 The Watch
Episode 17 The Bumpkin	Episode 18 The Flakers	Episode 19 The Authority	Episode 20 The Virus
Episode 21 The Pony	Episode 22 The Hero	Episode 23 The Dream	Episode 24 The Sidekick
Episode 25 The Photo	Episode 26 The Tag	Episode 27 The Storm	Episode 28 The Lesson
Episode 29 The Game	Episode 30 The Limit	Episode 31 The Voice	Episode 32 The Promise
Episode 33 The Castle	Episode 34 The Boombox	Episode 35 The Tape	Episode 36 The Sweaters
Episode 37 The Internet	Episode 38 The Plan	Episode 39 The World	Episode 40 The Finale

Episode 1 The Kids	Episode 2 The Fan	Episode 3 The Coach	Episode 4 The Joy
Episode 5 The Puppy	Episode 6 The Recipe	Episode 7 The Name	Episode 8 The Extras
Episode 9 The Gripes	Episode 10 The Vacation	Episode 11 The Fraud	Episode 12 The Void
Episode 13 The Boss	Episode 14 The Move	Episode 15 The Law	Episode 16 The Allergy
Episode 17 The Mothers	Episode 18 The Password	Episode 19 The Procrastinators	Episode 20 The Shell
Episode 21 The Burden	Episode 22 The Bros	Episode 23 The Mirror	Episode 24 The Man
Episode 25 The Pizza	Episode 26 The Lie	Episode 27 The Butterfly	Episode 28 The Question
Episode 29 The Saint	Episode 30 The Friend	Episode 31 The Oracle	Episode 32 The Safety
Episode 33 The Society	Episode 34 The Spoiler	Episode 35 The Countdown	Episode 36 The Nobody
Episode 37 The Downer	Episode 38 The Egg	Episode 39 The Triangle	Episode 40 The Money

Episode 1 The Return	Episode 2 The Nemesis	Episode 3 The Crew	Episode 4 The Others
Episode 5 The Signature	Episode 6 The Check	Episode 7 The Pest	Episode 8 The Sale
Episode 9 The Gift	Episode 10 The Parking	Episode 11 The Routine	Episode 12 The Upgrade
Episode 13 The Comic	Episode 14 The Romantic	Episode 15 The Uploads	Episode 16 The Apprentice
Episode 17 The Hug	Episode 18 The Wicked	Episode 19 The Traitor	Episode 20 The Origins
Episode 21 The Origins: Part Two	Episode 22 The Girlfriend	Episode 23 The Advice	Episode 24 The Signal
Episode 25 The Parasite	Episode 26 The Love	Episode 27 The Awkwardness	Episode 28 The Nest
Episode 29 The Points	Episode 30 The Bus	Episode 31 The Night	Episode 32 The Misunderstandings
Episode 33 The Roots	Episode 34 The Blame	Episode 35 The Slap	Episode 36 The Detective
Episode 37 The Fury	Episode 38 The Compilation	Episode 39 The Scam	Episode 40 The Disaster

Episode 1 The Rerun	Episode 2 The Stories	Episode 3 The Guy	Episode 4 The Boredom
Episode 5 The Vision	Episode 6 The Choices	Episode 7 The Code	Episode 8 The Test
Episode 9 The Slide	Episode 10 The Loophole	Episode 11 The Fuss	Episode 12 The Copycats
Episode 13 The Potato	Episode 14 The Outside	Episode 15 The Vase	Episode 16 The Matchmaker
Episode 17 The Box	Episode 18 The Console	Episode 19 The Ollie	Episode 20 The Catfish
Episode 21 The Cycle	Episode 22 The Stars	Episode 23 The Grades	Episode 24 The Diet
Episode 25 The Ex	Episode 26 The Sorcerer	Episode 27 The Menu	Episode 28 The Uncle
Episode 29 The Weirdo	Episode 30 The Heist	Episode 31 The Singing	Episode 32 The Best
Episode 33 The Worst	Episode 34 The Deal	Episode 35 The Petals	Episode 36 The Nuisance
Episode 37 The Line	Episode 38 The List	Episode 39 The News	Episode 40 The Puppets

Episode 1 The Rival	Episode 2 The Lady	Episode 3 The Sucker	Episode 4 The Vegging
Episode 5 The One	Episode 6 The Father	Episode 7 The Cringe	Episode 8 The Cage
Episode 9 The Neighbor	Episode 10 The Anybody	Episode 11 The Faith	Episode 12 The Candidate
Episode 13 The Pact	Episode 14 The Shippening	Episode 15 The Brain	Episode 16 The Parents
Episode 17 The Founder	Episode 18 The Schooling	Episode 19 The Intelligence	Episode 20 The Potion
Episode 21 The Spinoffs	Episode 22 The Transformation	Episode 23 The Understanding	Episode 24 The Ad
Episode 25 The Ghouls	Episode 26 The Stink	Episode 27 The Awareness	Episode 28 The Slip
Episode 29 The Drama	Episode 30 The Buddy	Episode 31 The Possession	Episode 32 The Master
Episode 33 The Silence	Episode 34 The Future	Episode 35 The Wish	Episode 36 The Factory
Episode 37 The Agent	Episode 38 The Web	Episode 39 The Mess	Episode 40 The Heart
Episode 41 The Revolt	Episode 42 The Decisions	Episode 43 The BFFS	Episode 44 The Inquisition