The episode begins with Jamie barging into the schoolcafeteria and everyone thinks she is after their food. Alan shares his soup with Carmen when Jamie steals her food, Jamie is confused why Alan then says "You may have an empty heart."
At the school bus, she realizes that she needs a boyfriend. Then, the bus explodes and everyone besides Darwin and Jamie run away. Then, Jamie has her eyes straight at Darwin. In the next scene, Gumball could not believe why Darwin let Jamie be his girlfriend, but Darwin does not see what is bad about the situation.
In the school locker room, Gumball suggests to repel Jamie with garlic, but then Jamie shoves Gumball in his locker and says there will be serious consequences if Darwin ignores her or breaks up with her. Then, she gives Darwin a present, which happens to be another present. She says she is giving him the gift of giving and takes the present. It reveals some perfume. Jamie gets mad, thinking Darwin is saying she smells bad, and starts attacking Gumball's locker. She stops, and says sorry. She blow kisses Darwin, who avoids it, and walks away. The locker opens and shows Gumball, in pieces with black eyes.
Jamie then appears in the cafeteria, feeding Darwin Gumball's food, so Gumball confuses her with coconuts having hair and milk but not being classified as a mammal. He takes Darwin under the table to discuss dumping her. He tries to make Darwin look ugly, but Darwin's "curse" only allows him to look adorable. Jamie then calls Gumball, as she figured out why coconuts are not mammals. Gumball then walks away after another of Jamie threats.
At the schoolyard, Jamie and Darwin are sitting in complete silence. It is revealed that they are sitting on Gumball, who has contorted himself into the shape of a bench. Sarah then walks by, saying hi to Darwin. Jamie is insulted by this, accusing Darwin of cheating on her with Sarah. Sarah becomes confused, as Jamie proceeds to throw a bin at her in a gorrila-like state. She then chases and attacks Sarah around the schoolyard, as Gumball and Darwin watch in confusion. Gumball tells Darwin to use body language if he does not want to speak to Jamie, making multiple signs with his head. Jamie reappears, covered in ice-cream. Gumball goes to take Sarah to the infirmary, as Jamie smiles at Darwin.
Now at the school's gym, Gumball, Darwin and Richard watch in amazement as Jamie lifts a treadmill. Richard gives Gumball and Darwin a 'Gym dodging kit'. Richard asks who Jamie is, and is told by Gumball she is Darwin's girlfriend. Richard proceeds to make many strange faces, assumingly associated with love. Richard then goes to introduce himself to Jamie. Jamie thinks Richard does not support her relationship with Darwin and threatens him and assaults him with a gym item. Richard is seen entering his car, with a deformed head, as Gumball and Darwin watch in shame.
Jamie made an apology for assaulting Richard with the staff members taped to the locker, that says, "SORREE."
Jamie then begins terrorizing Gumball everywhere around the school, then Darwin saves Gumball, only to receive a punch from Jamie. Darwin ends up in the infirmary with Gumball patting gently on Darwin's head ending the episode.
[Jamie bursts into the cafeteria and walks to the front of the lunch line]
Jamie: [To Banana Joe] It's lunchtime. [Banana Joe offers her his money] That is not what I asked for. [Banana Joe sighs and peels his head. Jamie bites it and spits it out. She walks away] Not in the mood for banana.
Banana Joe: [Brainless, drooling] Potato please can have.
[Leslie and Tobias run and hide. Anton spits out his chocolate milk, screams, butters himself, puts cheese on his face, and lies on his tray. Jamie approaches]
Anton: [Muffled] Oh, sorry. You don't like the crusts, do you?
[He cuts the crust off of himself, screaming]
Jamie: Not in the mood for sandwich. You eat it.
[She walks away and he eats himself. Alan eats soup]
Alan: Mmm, perfect. [To Carmen] Try some.
[Jamie pops up and takes Carmen's lunch]
[She begins eating]
Carmen: [Whispering to Alan] My lunch.
Alan: Here, Carmen, you can have mine.
Jamie: Wait. Are you, sharing with her?
Alan: Of course. There's no greater happiness than sharing with your sweetheart.
Jamie: I don't get it.
Alan: Then maybe it's not just your stomach that's empty.
[Jamie grabs Alan and lets the air out of him]
Jamie: Are you saying I've got an empty head?
Alan: No! I meant your heart! Your heart!
[Jamie throws him on the table]
Jamie: What do you mean, my heart?
[Alan talks, but is muffled so Jamie picks him up]
Alan: I mean, maybe you'd feel better if you found someone to share things with.
[Jamie goes brain-dead]
Carmen: Well played, you made her think. [Grabs Alan from Jamie and walks away] That buys us some time to escape.
[On the bus, Jamie, still brain-dead, gasps]
Carmen: [To Alan] That was way more time than we needed.
Jamie: I need a sweetheart.
[The bus explodes and everyone runs away screaming, except Darwin, whom Jamie slowly turns to...and grins at]
[Cut to the Watterson household. Gumball and Darwin are in their room]
Gumball: Dude, what were you thinking? Why didn't you just run?
Darwin: I thought you said I need to sweat hard, like at the gym or something.
Gumball: Well, why did you say nothing when she asked you out?
Darwin: Because when a gorilla charges you, you stay still and say nothing. I saw it on TV.
Gumball: Dude, she's not a gorilla.
Darwin: What is she, then?
Gumball: [Softly] She's your new girlfriend. [Dramatic sting as the camera closes in on Darwin. Beat] Didn't you get that? "Dun dun dun" is usually not a good sign.
Darwin: It's okay. I'll just ride out the storm and say nothing.
The New Girlfriend
[At school, the bell rings. Gumball is at his locker with Darwin]
Gumball: Trust me, man, you need to rub yourself with garlic.
Darwin: She's not a vampire.
Gumball: Yeah, but it would still keep most people away.
[Jamie approaches, pushes Gumball into his locker, and shuts it]
Jamie: Okay, rule one: If you ignore me or break up with me, there will be serious consequences involving you, me, a spoon, and a saltshaker. [Darwin thinks, then shudders] Oh, by the way, I got you a present to celebrate our love. [Shoves the present in Darwin's face. He opens it - it's a slightly smaller present] My present to you is a present for me. I've given you the gift of giving. Now hand it over! [He does and she opens it] Perfume?! [She throws the perfume on the floor, breaking it] Are you saying I smell bad?! Gosh darn it! [Beats up Gumball's locker] Sorry, honey. Lost my temper there for a second. See you at lunch.
[She begins to walk away, then turns and blows Darwin a kiss. The kiss gets caught in a locker. She waves at him and walks away. Gumball's locker opens and he falls out, beat up. His limbs are detached]
[The bell rings. In the cafeteria, Gumball is about to eat his pizza slice when Jamie approaches and takes his tray, pushing it against Darwin's]
Jamie: Wanna share Gumball's lunch with me, sweetheart?
[She shoves the pizza slice into Darwin's mouth]
Gumball: Hey, Jamie, if a coconut has both hair and milk, why isn't it classified as a mammal? [Jamie goes brain-dead again] So, Darwin, why don't we get some more food in the [Points downward] basement? [Imitates walking down the stairs as he goes under the table. Beat. Gumball pulls Darwin down with him] Were you just gonna sit in silence up there, why aren't you saying anything?
Darwin: Simple - her problem is that she doesn't understand love so the best thing to do is to wait quietly until she works it out for herself.
Gumball: But, dude, you're encouraging her. Could you at least look less adorable? Something more like this.
[His face turns ugly. Darwin sighs]
Darwin: You know I can only look adorable. [Whispers] It's my curse. [His face turns into a cute real-life face] See?
[Gumball and Darwin go back up]
Jamie: A coconut has milk, but it doesn't have nipples, which means it's not a mammal, it's a hairy milk carton from a tree.
Gumball: [Whispers] Wow.
Jamie: Can we get some privacy?! We're having a romantic meal here!
Gumball: Yeah, I know, it's mine.
Jamie: Look, if you don't get out of here, there will be serious consequences involving you, me, an electric fan, and a pair of dice.
[Gumball thinks, whispering, and shudders. He walks away. Jamie shoves a spoonful of food into Darwin's mouth]
In the Schoolyard
[Jamie stares at Darwin creepily and breathes for several seconds]
Jamie: To think we've only been together for a day. It takes some couples years to have the kind of long, comfortable silence as we have when we're alone.
Gumball: You're not alone [He's being used as a bench for Darwin and Jamie] And this isn't exactly comfortable.
Jamie: What did I tell you?!
Gumball: [Whispers] Benches don't talk.
[Sarah walks past]
Sarah: Hey, guys.
Jamie: So how long has this been going on??
Jamie: No one asked for your opinion, you frozen freak! [Gets off of Gumball] Do you know what happens when you mess with my man?!
Sarah: I think you might be overreacting.
Jamie: I'll show you overreacting! [Starts acting like a monkey, throwing a trashcan at Sarah and passing gas] Yeah.
Sarah: Who does that?
[Jamie chases her around]
Darwin: Now it's pretty gorilla-ish to me.
Gumball: Dude, she's your girlfriend, do something. Look, if you don't wanna talk, how 'bout you just use body language? It's easy: "I, [No symbol] don't, [Heart] love, [Jamie's face and voice] you. I respect you as a person and hope we can be friends in the future. [Throws pebbles] Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye." [Jamie comes back. She has ice cream on her cheek] Uh, you got a bit of yellow on you. [She wipes it off] No, on your hand. [She licks it off] Right, I'll just, uh, g-g-go scrape Sarah off that, uh, general area and take her to the infirmary.
[He runs away and Jamie grins at Darwin]
[Jamie cracks her joints and bench-presses a treadmill. Gumball, Darwin, and Richard look on]
Richard: Now I can see why you guys don't want to go to gym class.
Gumball: You should see what she does with the lacrosse stick. Wait, what are you doing here?
Richard: You forgot your gym-dodging kit.
[He brings out crutches and hospital equipment]
Gumball: Thanks. The less interaction with her, the better.
Richard: Who is she?
Gumball: Your future daughter-in-law.
Richard: Really? [Elbows Darwin] Daaaaarwiiin!
[He makes random noises]
Gumball: Are you done?
Richard: Almost. [Continues] I need to introduce myself. [Runs to Jamie] Hello, young lady. I'm Darwin's father. Listen, I just wanted to say--
Jamie: No, you listen to me, mister. I DON'T CARE THAT YOU DISAPPROVE OF OUR LOVE, YOU CAN'T STOP US FROM SEEING EACH OTHER!
Jamie: [Mocking him] What? What? You find this hard to swallow?! Then I have plenty more where that came from!
[Time lapse. In the schoolyard, Gumball and Darwin watch as Richard, now with a lacrosse stick lodged in his head, gets into his car and drives off]
Gumball: How could you let that happen to your own father and say nothing? [Beat]
[Time lapse. Gumball and Darwin walk down the hall]
Gumball: I mean, if she were a food, there would be a label on her saying "Contains nut". If she were an animal, she'd be a crayfish. If she were a bird, her song would go "Cuckoo cuckoo [Pretends to strangle something]".
[Jamie comes out of a room, looking sad]
Jamie: There's a message in there for you about your dad.
[She walks away. Gumball opens the door to see Mr. Small, Rocky, Mr. Corneille, the librarian, Principal Brown, and the nurse taped to the lockers, spelling out "SORREE" with their bodies]
Nigel Brown: Is she gone?
Gumball: Uh-huh. And if her spelling were better, she could've spared one of you. [A lopsided kiss is seen next to the "message"] Whoa, she even left a kiss next to it. Who kisses like that? It's like a rap star snarl. Mwah. Dude, for the sake of everyone's safety, can you please talk to her and put an end to this?
Darwin: Mm-mm. [Walks away]
Gumball: Bummer. Usually, it works on TV.
Jamie: Darwin. Why aren't you sitting next to me?
Gumball: He is next to you.
Jamie: But he's also next to you.
Jamie: "So"? I'm tired of having to share my boyfriend with his other boyfriend.
Gumball: Wait, there's a big difference between a boyfriend and a friend who's a boy, you know.
Jamie: Not to me. Darwin, do you realize how this makes me feel?
Darwin: Mmmm. ["I don't know"]
Jamie: Then I'll show you. Gumball, from now on, you're my boyfriend, too.
[Zoom in on a shocked Gumball. He imagines a wedding on the beach involving him, Darwin, and Jamie]
Larry: You may now kiss the brides.
[Gumball and Darwin lift their veils and Jamie kisses them]
[Fast forward. Jamie leaves the Watterson household while Gumball and Darwin stand in the doorway dressed as housewives]
Jamie: You already have a job, your job is to look after the kids.
[She drives off while Gumball and Darwin look on as their many kids cry]
[Cut to the living room where Gumball and Darwin have new hairdos, which they show Jamie]
Gumball: Do you, uh, notice anything different?
Jamie: Hmm. [Beat] You look older.
[Back to reality. Gumball begins to hyperventilate and say something]
Darwin: Don't say anything. She has to work it out for herself.
[The bell rings]
Gumball: [Leaving] Okay, I'll just run.
Darwin: No, don't do anything either, just stay here. [Smiles nervously at Jamie]
[Gumball bolts out of the room and runs]
Jamie: Gumball! Come back here! [Singsong voice] I'll make it romantic for you! [Turns all the lights in the hall off. Gumball turns the corner and bumps into Jamie, who's surrounded by candles and romantic messages] Look, candles. Now give me your heart. [Gumball screams and runs away] Wait! How about some music? [Plays "Daisy Bell" and Gumball stops to catch his breath] Sooooo cuuute. [Gumball screams and begins to run, but Jamie's around the corner] Come back; I wrote you a poem! "Roses are red, violets are blue, you're so cute, I could just eat you!" [Gumball runs into the cafeteria and jumps behind the lunch counter] I baked you a cake. [Gumball screams, Jamie smashes the cake, and he runs away] It's delicious! What is it? Am I not pretty enough for you? [Gumball runs into the janitor's closet. Jamie's in it, too. She shines a flashlight in her face. She has purple stuff on her lips] Is this better? [Gumball runs out of the closet only to face Jamie again. She's wearing a dress] Do you like my dress? [Gumball runs away] What? Is it the color? Wait, I got you a present! [Gumball runs into the library and into a dead end]
Jamie: Hello, boyfriend. I hope you're ready for your [Singsong voice] special present.
[She wields a bat with a bow wrapped around it]
Gumball: Somebody! Darwin!
[He sucks his thumb and rocks back and forth]
Jamie: [Singsong voice] Here it comes!
Gumball: What do you want from me?!
[Jamie goes brain-dead. Gumball waves his hand in her face. She drops the bat, back to normal]
Jamie: I can't do this. I can't force you to be my boyfriend. That's not how love works.
Gumball: Okay, so you're not--
Jamie: I'M NOT DONE YET! If you wanna be in a relationship, there has to be a mutual bond of trust.
Gumball: Okay, so--
Jamie: THERE'S MORE! Love is not something you take, it's something you earn. [Beat] I'M DONE NOW!
Gumball: O-okay, good! I-I only have one question, though. What were you gonna do with the fan and the dice?
Jamie: Nothing. I know people who imagine way scarier stuff than anything I could think of. So I just took any two words together. You, me, a jug of gravy, and an umbrella. A flame and a French horn. A feather duster and a pack of mini pizzas.
[Gumball is about to speak when the lights turn on]
Darwin: Stop! Stop, Jamie! You don't understand! Love is not something you take, it's something you earn!
[As Darwin speaks, Gumball tries to signal to him to stop]
Jamie: YOU THINK I'M STUPID? YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS?
[Darwin's point of view. Jamie sucker punches him. He wakes up in the infirmary with Gumball looking at him]
Gumball: [stroking Darwin] You know, dude, all you had to do was keep your mouth shut and say nothing.