A Principal Without Diploma[]
- [In the Principal's Office]
- Nigel Brown: [Sighs] Can you please explain why your clothes are painted on?
- [Cut to Gumball and Darwin, who are naked and have colored on themselves to make it look like their clothes]
- Gumball: Well, you see, Principal Brown, the thing is...
- [A flashback starts where Richard has Gumball and Darwin's clothes in the dishwasher]
- Richard: Okay, Nicole said I needed to use a quarter cup of washing liquid and a half cup of softener, and set it for exactly one hour and two minutes. Wait three seconds... and go!
- Gumball: Did you just put the clothes in the dishwasher?
- Richard: [upset] Yeah.
- Darwin: Then what did you do with the dishes?
- [Scene changes to the washing machine, "washing" the dishes]
- [End of flashback]
- Gumball: Let's just say we like to dress sharp, but not that sharp.
- Darwin: We thought no one would notice. What gave it away? Did we mess up the back part?
- [Gumball turns around revealing they have not painted their backsides]
- Nigel Brown: No, it was the PIXELATED PART! Surely, you must realize you can't walk around in public looking like you feel asleep at an art student's party! Do I really need to add another Watterson amendment to the school's rule book?! [He pulls out a heavy rule book from his drawer, panting]
- Gumball: But what's the difference? Sure, the clothes are fake, but they're just as good as the real ones.
- Nigel Brown: [Inhales deeply] Let me make this clear for you. If you wear fake clothes, you're NAKED, which is bad! If you pay with fake money, you're A CROOK, which is bad! If you eat fake meat, you're A VEGETARIAN! Which I... Guess is not that bad, just a bit boring. I mean, it's good for the animals, I guess, but they always have a smug, superior attitude, and for some reason, the men are always topless and playing bongos in the park. That and the sandals just makes me want to eat raw liver.
- [While he talks, Gumball observes the diploma on Principal Brown's wall. He sees it is just painted on the wall and has a banana sticker for a seal of authenticity]
- Gumball: What if you have a fake diploma?
- Nigel Brown: Well, then you're a— [Gasps, then slowly looks at his "diploma"]
- Gumball: A principal, Principal Brown?
- Nigel Brown: Uh, what gave it away? [worried]
- Gumball: I don't know. [He walks towards the fake diploma, followed by Darwin and Principal Brown] Maybe the fact you painted it directly onto the wall or probably because you used a banana sticker as a seal of authenticity. [Peels off banana sticker]
- Darwin: Wait, so do you have a diploma or not?
- Nigel Brown: [Chuckles] Kids, I am a principal, and you need a diploma to be a principal.
- Gumball: Is that a yes or a no?
- Nigel Brown: It is.
- Gumball and Darwin: OH MY GOSH, YOU'RE A FRAUD!
- Nigel Brown: All right, you got me, but I have one more trick up my sleeve. [Crying] PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T TELL ANYONE, PLEASE! [Cries on their legs] HAVE SOME PITY ON ME, PLEASE!
- Gumball: Don't worry, Principal Brown. We wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you.
- Nigel Brown: [Menacingly] Oh I see. It's gonna be like that, is it?
- Darwin: Yeah, it's gonna be like that.
- Nigel Brown: Oh I get it.
- Gumball: Uh, do you? 'Cause it doesn't seem like you do. [Principal Brown faces Gumball and sticks out his nose]
- Nigel Brown: [Grunts] I got the message.
- Gumball: Riiight...
- [Gumball and Darwin leave the Principal's office]
- Darwin: I'm still not sure he understood.
- Gumball: Yeah, me neither, but that seemed like it was gonna go on forever.
- [Gumball and Darwin begin to walk away, but Principal Brown immediately drags then back into the office]
- Nigel Brown: O-okay, so, what do you want? Just name it. Anything, anything! Uh, do you want me to bump your grades? I can do that! I can bump your grades! I can do that!
- Gumball: Uh, no thanks. We'd be forced to maintain that kind of standard forever. I think it's best if we stay in our comfort zone.
- [Gumball raises his arm but Darwin lowers it a bit]
- Darwin: Just above fail.
- Nigel Brown: [takes out notes] Uh, what about sick notes?! I can fix you up!
- Gumball: Uh, t-thanks, but I don't think I'd feel good about everyone believing I've got mange.
- Nigel Brown: [throws them away] You're making this tough. [He rips open the front part of his fur, revealing a jacket of sorts full of hall passes]
- Gumball: Ugh!
- Nigel Brown: What about hall passes?
- Gumball: Doesn't that hurt?
- Nigel Brown: Yes, every time.
- Gumball: I... think we're gonna pass on the passes. Please cover up.
- Nigel Brown: I see. [Sticks his fur back on] Ah, then I've got just what you need. [takes out a case] Behold the chest of confiscated treasures. [Opens the case, light shines from inside] You may pick anything you like. These fireworks are illegal, even in Russia.
- Gumball: [takes a firework rocket out] Seems like a lot of this stuff should require a license.
- Darwin: Who buys stuff like this?
- Gumball: People with fingers to spare.
- Darwin: But as you can see, I don't.
- Gumball: Thanks, but no thanks.
- [Gumball closes the case and they leave the office]
- Nigel Brown: No, no, no, no, wait! [begins setting off the rockets] I-I've got bottle rockets, cherry bombs, and this big one! I-I don't even know what it does! [Start screaming]
- [The fireworks explode, destroying the office. A ringing sound is heard, which turns out to be a phone]
- Nigel Brown: [Hangs up the phone] They can't be bought, they're bound to denounce me. I need to find another angle!
- [Principal Brown's hair starts to burn]
Hip With The Kids[]
[At the cafeteria]
- Gumball: Dude, check this out!
- [Gumball catapults a pea in the air and gets launched directly into his mouth]
- Gumball: That's right, baby!
- Darwin: It would've been more impressive if you succeeded the first time.
- [Ceiling is shown, covered in peas. All students are annoyed at being covered in them]
- Leslie: Hmph! [Almost trips on the floor]
- [Principal brown comes in the cafeteria, dressed in a hip-hop outfit and bling]
- Nigel Brown: Swag! Rap music!
- Gumball: What the what?!
- Nigel Brown: Piercings! YOLO! Hashtag! MP3! Tweets! Selfies! Skinny jeans! L-O-
- [Mr. Small smacks Principal Brown with a tray]
- Mister Small: I'm sorry, Principal Brown, but you look like such a jerk that even a granola-crunching pacifist like me had to do something about it.
- Nigel Brown: Fair enough.
- [Principal brown crawls up to Gumball and Darwin's table]
- Darwin: What are you doing, Principal Brown?
- Nigel Brown: Well, I thought if I was cool and became your friend, you wouldn't tell anyone.
- Gumball: Okay. Well, it's a bit weird, but, yeah, I guess we could be friends if it makes you feel better.
- Nigel Brown: That is so refrigerated! You guys are riddled with disease! We should very much be suspended in an exterior environment.
- Gumball: Did you mean to tell us that that's cool, we're sick, and we should totally hang out together?
- Nigel Brown: For sure! Uh, izzle.
Awkward Camping[]
- [Scene changes to the inside of a tent at Gumball and Darwin's house. Gumball clears his throat and inhales deeply, as if about to say something, but then sighs]
- Nigel Brown: So, now we're friends. Do you want to share some girl stories?
- [Gumball and Darwin inhale sharply]
- Gumball: AWKWARD, AWKWARD, AWKWARD!
- Darwin: YEP, YEP, YEP!
- Nigel Brown: Okay, I'll go first. I must say, things are going pretty well with me and Miss Simian.
- [Gumball and Darwin inhale sharply again]
- Nigel Brown: Oh, come now. Just because you're students and I'm your principal, it doesn't mean we can't share a few— AAAND I finally heard myself out loud. Goodbye.
- [Principal Brown jumps through the window, trapped inside the tent, leaving only Gumball and Darwin, and crashes off-screen]
- Nigel Brown: [Off-screen] It's okay! I landed in a dumpster!
Blackmailing and Blackshaming[]
- [Gumball finds a note in his locker from Principal Brown]
- Gumball: [Reading the note] "Please don't tell." Uh, he attached twenty dollars to the note. How cheap does he think we are?
- [Another note comes out, then another, until twenty dollar notes are pouring out rapidly. When they stop, Gumball begins to say something, but Darwin cuts him off]
- Darwin: No, you can't even remember what he doesn't want us to talk about!
- [Gumball sighs, then suddenly Principal Brown’s muffled voice comes from inside a nearby locker]
- Nigel Brown: If money isn't enough to stop you revealing I don't have a diploma...
- [Gumball opens the locker by snapping his fingers, and Principal Brown gets out]
- Nigel Brown: I've got a little dirt of my own. What if this were to go public? [He shows a picture of Gumball in goth clothes and Darwin in 90s clothes]
- Gumball: [Sighs] Look Principal Brown, first, that was a phase, and secondly, we've felt ashamed so many times in life that I think we're now incapable of feeling it, as in chemically.
- Darwin: The doctor says we've run out of shame-osterone. Let me show you.
- [Darwin opens up Gumball's head and takes out various glands from his brains]
- Darwin: As you can see, the brain is composed of many sections dedicated to emotion. Here is anger. Here is sadness. This here...
- [The gland makes a weird relaxed gesture]
- Darwin: We just don't know. And finally, this is the shame gland.
- [The camera zooms on the shame gland's wrinkled face]
- Darwin: As you can see, It's pretty dried out.
- [Principal Brown sighs and walks away]
- Gumball: Dude, could you put me back together, please?
- Darwin: Sure.
- [Darwin puts the glands back together in a messy way and puts Gumball's head back to his body]
- Darwin: How's that?
- Gumball: [In Danish] Jeg tror der er et eller andet der er sat helt forkert sammen [English: I think there's something that's put together completely wrong]
- [Darwin shakes Gumball]
- Gumball: Thanks. That's much better.
- Nigel Brown: [Over intercom] Gumball and Darwin Watterson, please report to the Principal's office.
- Gumball: [Sighs] What does he want now?
Spare Pair of Glasses[]
- [The kids are again in the Principal's office, with a safe next to them]
- Nigel Brown: Kids, I think I'm losing my mind.
- [Gumball and Darwin both sigh]
- Gumball: Finally!
- Darwin: Well, at least you realize it's a problem.
- Nigel Brown: I looked everywhere. I looked in the drawer. I looked under my desk, behind the bookshelf.
- Gumball: Wait, what are we talking about here?
- Nigel Brown: My glasses! I can't find my glasses.
- Gumball: Uh, you're wearing them.
- Nigel Brown: Oh, no, not these... My spare pair. I think they might be in this safe.
- [Darwin crawls inside the safe]
- Gumball: You keep your spare glasses in a safe?
- Darwin: [Muffled] I can't see them!
- Nigel Brown: Oh, no, no, no, they're right in the back. Just keep going further in.
- [Principal Brown winks at the screen; Gumball looks at the screen and then back at Principal Brown]
- Gumball: You're gonna lock us in the safe, aren't you?
- Nigel Brown: Uh, would you believe a "no?"
- Gumball: Look, Principal Brown, this is ridiculous! If you keep wasting your time on us instead of doing your job, this place is gonna start falling apart!
- [Rocky crashes through the ceiling]
- Rocky: Oh, sorry.
- Gumball: [Sighs] Okay, you really want to do something for us?
- Nigel Brown: Anything!
- Gumball: Then you'll leave us alone?
- Nigel Brown: Of course!
- Gumball: Then just take care of the school!
- Nigel Brown: Yes, yes, yes, of course. That's it, take care of the school, and all my problems will be solved. Thank you, Watterson! All I have to do is blow this place up!
- Gumball: Exactly!
- Darwin: All I could find was these. [He holds up a pair of red high-heels]
- Gumball: Oh, well, that would explain the sound when he walks. WAIT, DID HE SAY BLOW UP THE SCHOOL?!
Blowing up the School[]
- [Gumball and Darwin start running down the hallway]
- Darwin: We need to raise the alarm!
- Gumball: Are you crazy?! No one can know about this! There'd be complete panic! We just have to stop him before he blows up the school!
- Leslie: Who's gonna blow up the school?!
- [Gumball and Darwin stop]
- Gumball: [Laughing] No, no, we were just saying how the wind blows up the [Mumbling] Help me out here!
- [Darwin kicks Leslie out of the school]
- Leslie: [Screams] Whoa!
- Gumball: [Sputters] WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR?!
- Darwin: You said no one could know, and you winked at me!
- Gumball: YEAH, BUT I WAS.... Uh, uh. Never mind. Let's go.
- Nigel Brown: Rocky, can I have the keys to the boiler room? I'm gonna blow up the school.
- Rocky: Eh, sure.
- Nigel Brown: Uh, you'd better run.
- Rocky: Oh, it's the little blue one! Sometimes it sticks, so you might need to give it a— PRINCIPAL BROWN'S GONNA BLOW UP THE SCHOOL?!
- Gumball: No, no, no, no, no, that's not what he meant! It's [Chuckles] It's not what you... [Chuckling nervously. Looks at Darwin, and gestures his head to Rocky]
- [Darwin runs to Rocky, and rapidly punches his stomach multiple times]
- Darwin: HI-YAH! HI-YAH! [Shouting indistinctly] HI-CHA-CHA-CHA-CHA!!
- Rocky: Wait a minute. Are you trying to knock me ou— [Faints]
- Nigel Brown: If there's no school, then there's nothing to lose!
- Coach Russo: Excuse me, Principal Brown, I—
- Nigel Brown: [Walks over Coach] Take the children outside, Coach. I'm gonna blow up the school.
- Coach Russo: [Pulls out hair from Principal Brown off of her tongue.] Uh, wait, blow up what?
- Gumball: Okay, okay, enough violence! I'll take care of her. I'm sorry, Coach. [pinches her several times]
- Darwin: What's that?
- Gumball: I'm trying to pinch a nerve cluster, but it's buried pretty deep.
- Darwin: Oh, let me try something. Apparently, it works on cows.
- [Darwin pushes Coach. She then moos and falls over]
- Nigel Brown: I've got to blow this place up!
- Mister Small: Principal Brown is gonna blow up the school?!
- Gumball: Mr. Small, we can explain!
- Mister Small: Hold on, kids. I need to make a symbolic gesture of protest. HALT IN THE NAME OF LOVE! [Gets run over by Principal Brown]
- Nigel Brown: Once this place is gone, my reputation will be safe! Save yourself, Lucy! [Hits the drywall] Ohh! Oh, sorry. I thought that was another drywall. [Hits the drywall again] Ohh! And again. Everyone, evacuate the school!
- [Everyone starts screaming. Principal Brown raises the alarm]
- Nigel Brown: [Grunting] Now all I have to do is increase the oxygen supply, shut off the carbon dioxide release valve, which should combine with the boiling H2O, kick-start a reaction, which will BLOW UP THE WHOLE SCHOOL!
- Gumball: STOP! DON'T DO THIS!
- Nigel Brown: SAVE YOURSELVES!
- Gumball: YOU MISUNDERSTOOD US! We don't want you to blow up the school!
- Nigel Brown: But it's the only solution!
- Lucy Simian: Nigel, what is going on?!
- Nigel Brown: Wait, it should've blown by now. Oh, yeah, it's because of chemistry that I failed my diploma.
- [The teachers look confused, while Gumball and Darwin feel pitiful]
- Gumball: Tell them the truth, Principal Brown.
- Nigel Brown: [Sighs] I don't have a diploma. Your principal is nothing more than a... a fraud! I should go. But promise me you'll find a new principal to look after this place.
- Darwin: But you are our principal.
- Gumball: Or at least you were until you started worrying about that stupid diploma.
- Lucy Simian: We all lie sometimes. I lied about my age to get this job. I'm not quite the spring chicken you think I am.
- Mister Small: Hey, man, I'm not even a U.S citizen!
- Coach Russo: And I'm not a woman! [Everyone looks at her] Who can say she's never lied on her résumé either.
- Gumball: Haven't you been doing this job for twenty years? Surely, no one else is more qualified to be our principal than our principal.
- Nigel Brown: You know what? You're right. I'm gonna get this place back on track starting right here, right now!
- [The whole school explodes, everyone coughs]
- Nigel Brown: Oh, yes, sorry, it was mathematics that I failed. [Faints]
- [Episode ends]
v • e Transcript
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| Episode 1 The DVD |
Episode 2 The Responsible |
Episode 3 The Third |
Episode 4 The Debt |
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| Episode 5 The End |
Episode 6 The Dress |
Episode 7 The Quest |
Episode 8 The Spoon |
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| Episode 9 The Pressure |
Episode 10 The Painting |
Episode 11 The Laziest |
Episode 12 The Ghost |
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| Episode 13 The Mystery |
Episode 14 The Prank |
Episode 15 The Gi |
Episode 16 The Kiss |
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| Episode 17 The Party |
Episode 18 The Refund |
Episode 19 The Robot |
Episode 20 The Picnic |
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| Episode 21 The Goons |
Episode 22 The Secret |
Episode 23 The Sock |
Episode 24 The Genius |
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| Episode 25 The Poltergeist |
Episode 26 The Mustache |
Episode 27 The Date |
Episode 28 The Club |
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| Episode 29 The Wand |
Episode 30 The Ape |
Episode 31 The Car |
Episode 32 The Curse |
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| Episode 33 The Microwave |
Episode 34 The Meddler |
Episode 35 The Helmet |
Episode 36 The Fight |
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| Episode 1 The Remote |
Episode 2 The Colossus |
Episode 3 The Knights |
Episode 4 The Fridge |
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| Episode 5 The Flower |
Episode 6 The Banana |
Episode 7 The Phone |
Episode 8 The Job |
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| Episode 9 Halloween |
Episode 10 The Treasure |
Episode 11 The Apology |
Episode 12 The Words |
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| Episode 13 The Skull |
Episode 14 The Bet |
Episode 15 Christmas |
Episode 16 The Watch |
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| Episode 17 The Bumpkin |
Episode 18 The Flakers |
Episode 19 The Authority |
Episode 20 The Virus |
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| Episode 21 The Pony |
Episode 22 The Hero |
Episode 23 The Dream |
Episode 24 The Sidekick |
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| Episode 25 The Photo |
Episode 26 The Tag |
Episode 27 The Storm |
Episode 28 The Lesson |
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| Episode 29 The Game |
Episode 30 The Limit |
Episode 31 The Voice |
Episode 32 The Promise |
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| Episode 33 The Castle |
Episode 34 The Boombox |
Episode 35 The Tape |
Episode 36 The Sweaters |
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| Episode 37 The Internet |
Episode 38 The Plan |
Episode 39 The World |
Episode 40 The Finale |
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| Episode 1 The Kids |
Episode 2 The Fan |
Episode 3 The Coach |
Episode 4 The Joy |
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| Episode 5 The Puppy |
Episode 6 The Recipe |
Episode 7 The Name |
Episode 8 The Extras |
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| Episode 9 The Gripes |
Episode 10 The Vacation |
Episode 11 The Fraud |
Episode 12 The Void |
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| Episode 13 The Boss |
Episode 14 The Move |
Episode 15 The Law |
Episode 16 The Allergy |
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| Episode 17 The Mothers |
Episode 18 The Password |
Episode 19 The Procrastinators |
Episode 20 The Shell |
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| Episode 21 The Burden |
Episode 22 The Bros |
Episode 23 The Mirror |
Episode 24 The Man |
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| Episode 25 The Pizza |
Episode 26 The Lie |
Episode 27 The Butterfly |
Episode 28 The Question |
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| Episode 29 The Saint |
Episode 30 The Friend |
Episode 31 The Oracle |
Episode 32 The Safety |
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| Episode 33 The Society |
Episode 34 The Spoiler |
Episode 35 The Countdown |
Episode 36 The Nobody |
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| Episode 37 The Downer |
Episode 38 The Egg |
Episode 39 The Triangle |
Episode 40 The Money |
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| Episode 1 The Return |
Episode 2 The Nemesis |
Episode 3 The Crew |
Episode 4 The Others |
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| Episode 5 The Signature |
Episode 6 The Check |
Episode 7 The Pest |
Episode 8 The Sale |
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| Episode 9 The Gift |
Episode 10 The Parking |
Episode 11 The Routine |
Episode 12 The Upgrade |
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| Episode 13 The Comic |
Episode 14 The Romantic |
Episode 15 The Uploads |
Episode 16 The Apprentice |
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| Episode 17 The Hug |
Episode 18 The Wicked |
Episode 19 The Traitor |
Episode 20 The Origins |
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| Episode 21 The Origins: Part Two |
Episode 22 The Girlfriend |
Episode 23 The Advice |
Episode 24 The Signal |
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| Episode 25 The Parasite |
Episode 26 The Love |
Episode 27 The Awkwardness |
Episode 28 The Nest |
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| Episode 29 The Points |
Episode 30 The Bus |
Episode 31 The Night |
Episode 32 The Misunderstandings |
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| Episode 33 The Roots |
Episode 34 The Blame |
Episode 35 The Slap |
Episode 36 The Detective |
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| Episode 37 The Fury |
Episode 38 The Compilation |
Episode 39 The Scam |
Episode 40 The Disaster |
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| Episode 1 The Rerun |
Episode 2 The Stories |
Episode 3 The Guy |
Episode 4 The Boredom |
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| Episode 5 The Vision |
Episode 6 The Choices |
Episode 7 The Code |
Episode 8 The Test |
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| Episode 9 The Slide |
Episode 10 The Loophole |
Episode 11 The Fuss |
Episode 12 The Copycats |
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| Episode 13 The Potato |
Episode 14 The Outside |
Episode 15 The Vase |
Episode 16 The Matchmaker |
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| Episode 17 The Box |
Episode 18 The Console |
Episode 19 The Ollie |
Episode 20 The Catfish |
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| Episode 21 The Cycle |
Episode 22 The Stars |
Episode 23 The Grades |
Episode 24 The Diet |
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| Episode 25 The Ex |
Episode 26 The Sorcerer |
Episode 27 The Menu |
Episode 28 The Uncle |
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| Episode 29 The Weirdo |
Episode 30 The Heist |
Episode 31 The Singing |
Episode 32 The Best |
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| Episode 33 The Worst |
Episode 34 The Deal |
Episode 35 The Petals |
Episode 36 The Nuisance |
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| Episode 37 The Line |
Episode 38 The List |
Episode 39 The News |
Episode 40 The Puppets |
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| Episode 1 The Rival |
Episode 2 The Lady |
Episode 3 The Sucker |
Episode 4 The Vegging |
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| Episode 5 The One |
Episode 6 The Father |
Episode 7 The Cringe |
Episode 8 The Cage |
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| Episode 9 The Neighbor |
Episode 10 The Anybody |
Episode 11 The Faith |
Episode 12 The Candidate |
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| Episode 13 The Pact |
Episode 14 The Shippening |
Episode 15 The Brain |
Episode 16 The Parents |
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| Episode 17 The Founder |
Episode 18 The Schooling |
Episode 19 The Intelligence |
Episode 20 The Potion |
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| Episode 21 The Spinoffs |
Episode 22 The Transformation |
Episode 23 The Understanding |
Episode 24 The Ad |
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| Episode 25 The Ghouls |
Episode 26 The Stink |
Episode 27 The Awareness |
Episode 28 The Slip |
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| Episode 29 The Drama |
Episode 30 The Buddy |
Episode 31 The Possession |
Episode 32 The Master |
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| Episode 33 The Silence |
Episode 34 The Future |
Episode 35 The Wish |
Episode 36 The Factory |
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| Episode 37 The Agent |
Episode 38 The Web |
Episode 39 The Mess |
Episode 40 The Heart |
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| Episode 41 The Revolt |
Episode 42 The Decisions |
Episode 43 The BFFS |
Episode 44 The Inquisition |