The Dirt on Carrie and Darwin
- [Episode starts with Darwin and Carrie at the mall. Darwin eats a popsicle while Carrie despondently watches. He suddenly realizes what he's doing and invites her to possess him. She does, and devours the popsicle, along with many other people's food, and even bites the Doughnut Sheriff. Then, they play basketball at the arcade. Darwin misses, but Carrie uses her telekinesis to move a ball into the net and gives him the prize. Darwin is then seen acing a dance game while Carrie watches. He then jokingly imitates Carrie trying to dance and they both laugh. Afterwards, they get on a rollercoaster, but the seat passes through Carrie and she remains near the ground. Darwin screams on the ride and Carrie laughs. Lastly, they are skipping through the graveyard. Darwin tries to take a selfie with her, but she doesn't show up in the photo, so Carrie takes out a ghost camera and takes a picture of them surrounded by many other ghosts. ]
- [In the Elmore Jr. High cafeteria, Leslie "likes" the photo on Elmore Plus. ]
- Leslie: All tea, no shade, but this couple's getting sickening. And not in a good way. I say they're about to lip-sync for their lives.
- Masami: I have no idea what any of that means, but I'm so fluent in gossip that I understood anyway. And you're right! Darwin and Carrie's relationship is going so well, something must be going wrong.
- [The two notice Gumball eating alone and exchange devious grins. They approach him slyly.]
- Gumball: Before you ask, yes, I dipped my tail in the toilet while sitting, yes, they had just disinfected it, and no, I don't know how long it'll be until it goes back to normal.
- [They look under the table and sure enough, the tip of his tail is white and completely hairless.]
- Masami: Wow. It looks like an uncooked wiener wearing a fur coat. But, as enchanting as that is, it's not what we're here to talk about.
- Gumball: What do you want, then?
- Leslie: [he and Masami bang their fists on the table] Carrie and Darwin! Come on, dish the dirt!
- Gumball: There is no dirt! They literally look like what you get when you search "perfect couple" online.
- [He holds up his phone with a photo of a happy couple, and then shows Carrie and Darwin, in the exact same pose and making similar faces.]
- Leslie: Come on! They have nothing in common! Surely you have a little doubt!
- Gumball: No! Why do you care, anyway?
- Leslie: I'm only worried Darwin might get his heart broken.
- Gumball: [raises an eyebrow] Hmm?
- Leslie: Alright! I just like drama, okay?!
- Gumball: Oh! Well, I know this great place where there's lots of drama.
- Leslie: Don't say the theater, it's a lame dad joke. Respect yourself.
- Gumball: HAH! The joke's on you! I wasn't gonna say the theater because I had no punchline for that setup! And guess what? I still haven't. Boom!
- [Leslie and Masami sigh and walk away. Gumball happily goes back to eating, when he notices something strange sitting in his food: a little stick figure with a question mark on his head and a knowing smirk.]
- Gumball: Uh, who are you?
- Doubt: I'm Doubt.
- Gumball: But I don't have any doubt!
- Doubt: Are you sure?
- [Gumball thinks about it, starting to look worried. On the bus home, he notices the Doubt sitting next to him, probing him again. In the evening, when he and Darwin are doing homework, Doubt, bigger than before, pops up behind Darwin.]
- Doubt: Are you really, really sure?
- [At night, Doubt has inflated to an even bigger size and is squeezing against Gumball in bed.]
- Doubt: Mmmmmm-hmmmmm?
- [The next morning, Gumball walks out the door and checks if the coast is clear. Nobody is around.]
- Gumball: See? I don't have any-
- [Before he can finish, Doubt, now as big as the whole city, sits right on him.]
- Doubt: ARE YOU SURE???!
Spying on the Date
- [In the park. Gumball is spying on Darwin and Carrie, who are sitting at a bench.]
- Gumball: Darn it! They're too far away! [Colin and Felix walk by] Oh. Can I borrow those? [grabs Colin's glasses]
- Colin: Hey! Excuse me, but do you realize how dangerous it is for me to walk without my-[An acorn drops onto his head and he cracks.]
- [Gumball puts on Colin's glasses, but he sees a nebula in them.]
- Gumball: What the? What kind of prescription is this?! That's literally the edge of the universe! [sighs] Guess I'll just have to use stealth mode!
- [He ditches the glasses and pops out from inside a tree. Meanwhile, Darwin and Carrie are looking at memes with old paintings.]
- Darwin: Mmh, I don't get it. "When you are at the party and you have got to stop bae from disappearing like the island of Buise in St. Peter's Flood?" [Carrie cracks up laughing. Darwin pulls up another meme.] "When Marshall de Bouffler's French troops besieged the Spanish-held town of Mons but you didn't care because you were a toddler who was only interested in golf and brioche?"
- Carrie: Hahahaha!! It's so true, though!
- Darwin: [pulls up another meme] "When you're about to spit fire but remember the Treaty of Ryswick promised your lands in Freisberg to the Holy Roman Empire?"
- Carrie: Well, the article did say "Things Only 90's Kids Will Get."
- Darwin: I always thought the 90's were about floppy-haired people dressing up like children and grunge music!
- Carrie: Ha! It meant the 1690's.
- Darwin: Wait, how old are you, exactly?
- Carrie: [nervously] I'm... three hundred and twenty-seven years old.
- Gumball: Oh no! The age difference is gonna tear them apart like a dysfunctional family on a camping trip!! That forgets to put their food in ziplock bags and gets attacked by a bear.
- Darwin: Oh well. It's so sweet that you waited for me all those years before finding love.
- Carrie: [Sweats nervously] Yeah! Sure.
- Darwin: Wait! You've had boyfriends before?
- Carrie: Well...one.
- Darwin: Oh. Right. What was he like?
- Carrie: Like this. [takes her phone and shows Darwin a picture. It's another meme with an old painting of a crowd.]
- Darwin: "When you and your friends are all geared up but Coachella isn't happening for another three hundred years?"
- Carrie: [Points to a young ghost in the painting] His name is Azrael. He's the one in the hoodie.
- Darwin: Oh, right. Was it serious?
- Carrie: Nah. We were dating for like one, maybe two d-
- Darwin: Two days?! That sounds pretty serious to me!
- Carrie: [inhales] I was gonna say decades.
- Darwin: [looks down, crushed] Oh. I see.
- Carrie: Picture it this way. He was like a roaring sports car, and you're more like a shopping cart. Sure, the convertible looks cool, sounds cool, and everyone wants one, but...the shopping cart is filled with all the stuff you love. [Caresses Darwin]
- Darwin: [blushes, happier] Heh!
- Carrie: [grabs his hand] Come on, you big goof. [They walk off]
Oh No! They're Dysfunctional!
- [Darwin and Carrie are at the record store while Gumball still spies on them, disguised as a poster. Carrie listens to metal music with headphones on.]
- Darwin: What are you listening to?
- Carrie: It's not really your style.
- Darwin: Oh yeah? And what is my style? [Carrie shows him an album: "The Editones", with a photo of three live-action men in drag on the cover.] Okay. FYI, those girls yodeled everyone's socks off at the county fair! But that doesn't mean I don't like the rock and the roll!
- Carrie: [laughs] Well, who are you into, then?
- Darwin: Ha-ha! Oh, you wouldn't know them.
- Carrie: They're called something like the Candy Bears or the Flannelettes, aren't they?
- Darwin: Heh! No. [blushes] They're called the Lollipuppies. Okay, so I don't listen to hardcore punk. But it's never too late to start, right?
- Carrie: [hands him the headphones] Okay, you're gonna love it. It's gonna melt your face off!
- [He listens, stoically smiling, then starts sweating. He slowly gets more and more uncomfortable.]
- Darwin: What are they called?
- Carrie: The Profanities!
- Darwin: [sweating and trembling] The lyrics sound like someone with no head is shouting Swedish furniture names directly from their windpipe!
- Carrie: Um, are you okay?
- Darwin: [his face starts literally melting off] Oh, yes. I love it.
- Gumball: Oh no! She's cool and he's not! Their relationship is gonna be in more pieces than a jigsaw! Which got thrown into a wood chipper.
- [Later, at the park. Darwin and Carrie sit in the grass while Gumball spies on them inside a trash can. A light breeze blows.]
- Darwin: Ahhh. What a beautiful, peaceful place.
- Carrie: Through your eyes, maybe.
- Darwin: Why do you say that?
- Carrie: Don't you know this park was built on an ancient burial ground?
- Darwin: Yeah, but if you think about it, the whole country was built on an ancient burial ground. [Another breeze blows] A little windy today, huh?
- Carrie: [jaded] Yup.
- [From Carrie's point of view, the "breeze" is really a ghost violently yelling at the park-goers.]
- Darwin: Ahhhh. [The ghost yells at them, producing another breeze. Darwin smiles serenely while Carrie, seeing the ghost, recoils in horror.]
- Gumball: Oh no! They see the world differently! Their relationship is gonna fall apart like a forty-year-old divorcee! Who caught leprosy and is bouncing on a pogo stick.
Azrael's Visit
- [Later, at the arcade. Darwin and Carrie are at a "Test Your Love" machine while Gumball watches from inside a claw game.]
- Carrie: So how does it work?
- Darwin: Oh, it's simple. We put our hands here and it measures our pulses to scientifically rate our love.
- Carrie: Yeah, but-
- Darwin: Come on! It'll be fun!
- Carrie: Okay.
- [They put their hands on the machine. The lights go all the way up, then drop all the way down. A paper comes out of the slot, and Darwin reads it.]
- Darwin: "Your love is in need of...CPR?"
- Carrie: Uh, that's what I was trying to say! I don't have a pulse.
- Gumball: Oh no! He's alive and she's not! Their relationship is gonna crash harder than a race car driver! Who forgot to have breakfast and gets low blood sugar at about eleven o'clock.
- [Suddenly, an unfamiliar voice is heard offscreen.]
- Azrael: Oh! Hi, Carrie!
- Carrie: Azrael!
- [Gumball does a huge gasp in shock. We finally see Azrael on screen, looking exactly like he did in the photo. Darwin watches their conversation.]
- Azrael: So good to bump into you after all these years!
- Carrie: I know, right? What have you been up to?
- Azrael: Hm. The usual.
- Azrael and Carrie: Keepin' it deceased and rockin' out like a beast! [They both laugh]
- Azrael: Hey, we should hang out! You wanna...grab a soda?
- Carrie: Yeah, that sounds great!
- Azrael: Well, too bad! You can't! Neither of us can! [They both laugh] Oh, it's funny 'cause we're dead.
- Gumball: Darn it! He's right! It is funny for that reason!
- Carrie: Yeah. Let's hang out later. It'll be good to catch up.
- Azrael: I'll see for you soon. Nice to meet you, Darwin.
- Darwin: Bye!
- [Gumball does another exaggeratedly long gasp while waving his hands around.]
Breaking It to Darwin
- [Back at home. Darwin is writing when Gumball breaks the door with a kick, but his foot gets stuck.]
- Gumball: Agh! Sorry! Uh, I tried to kick the door down for dramatic effect, but, uh...[Tries to open the door, but it hits him in the face.] Ah, darn it! [Keeps shaking the door to free his foot, but only succeeds when he pulls mercilessly, kicking himself in the face when he does. After moaning in pain, he stands up with an anime-styled face.] So, you're really gonna do nothing?
- Darwin: Dude, you always do stuff like that. If I stopped to help you every time, I'd never get anything done!
- Gumball: I'm talking about Carrie meeting up with that guy!
- Darwin: Wait... have you been spying on us?!
- Gumball: Grow up, Darwin. It's the twenty-first century! Everyone's spying on everyone! There's probably someone watching us right now! [As he says this, he waves his hand and accidentally hits the screen. He glances at the camera in confusion and taps the screen.] Huh? Wha-- [Suddenly, the camera angle changes. Gumball shrugs.] Eh. LET'S GO! [Grabs Darwin and bolts out the door]
Running for Love
- [The art style changes to a stylized anime-type design. Gumball dashes down the street with Darwin in tow.]
- Gumball: [yelling] Don't worry, Darwin! We'll find Carrie and her ex-boyfriend!!
- Darwin: Okay, firstly, why are you yelling? I'm right here! Secondly, I don't know why you're telling me. I already know! They're at the cemetery!
- Gumball: How can you not be threatened by this guy?!
- Darwin: I trust Carrie! She told me I had nothing to worry about!
- Gumball: Dude! This is you vs. the guy she tells you not to worry about! [Holds out his phone, showing a picture of the "You Vs. The Guy She Tells You Not to Worry About" meme with pictures of Darwin and Azrael.]
- Darwin: I'm not sure you understand how that meme works.
- [They slide to a screeching halt in the road.]
- Gumball: WE'RE NOT GOING FAST ENOUGH!!
- [Then, he sees the Dolphin Man riding a motorcycle and gets an idea. Cut to Gumball riding the Dolphin Man himself. He repeatedly slaps Dolphin Man's side.]
- Gumball: FASTER! I SAID FASTER! We gotta stop Azrael!!
- Darwin: From doing what?! He just said he wanted to chew the fat!
- Gumball: Chew the fat?! Spare the cake! Rotate the terrarium! Those are all code names!
- Darwin: For what?!
- Gumball: For cheating!! Enough talking. We gotta get to them before he starts flunking the armadillo!
- [They pick up speed, and reach the bridge over the interstate.]
- Darwin: Look out!!
- [They jump, but it doesn't look like they'll make it. As a last resort, Gumball drops the Dolphin Man on a truck passing by, then jumps off the truck and back into the air.]
- Darwin: Sweet Christmas! You totally Yoshi'd that poor guy!
- [They come back down on the other side of the bridge, but land on a slide, get flung back into the air, and start running across the clouds. Darwin gets hit in the face by a bird, but Gumball pulls him through. They near the cemetery, and Gumball readies himself for the blow. Cut back to reality as Carrie and Azrael are hanging out in the cemetery.]
- Azrael: So how's your mum?
- Carrie's Mother: [from inside the gravestone] Oh, I'm fine. Thanks for asking! [They laugh]
- Carrie: Anyway, it was great to see you. Catch you next century?
- Azrael: Mm, next century isn't good for me. Maybe the one after that?
- Carrie: Sure.
- Azrael: I'm glad we can stay friends after all these--huh? [Notices Gumball's screaming from above]
- Gumball: Ahhhhhhhhh!!!
- [Gumball prepares to kick as he descends, but flies right through Azrael and hits a tree full force. Darwin rolls up to them, unscathed.]
- Darwin: Hey!
No Harm Done
- [Back at Elmore Junior High. The bell rings]
- Gumball: Sorry, guys. I really shaved the toucan on this one.
- Darwin: It's fine. I blame Leslie and Masami for messing with your head. Lucky they didn't do that with you and Penny. You'd have gone completely loco!
- [Darwin, Carrie, and Gumball all laugh]
- Gumball: [laughing awkwardly] Haha, yeah. [looks down] Huh?
- [We see Doubt again, still testing Gumball]
- Doubt: Hmm?
- Gumball: No! [Kicks Doubt into Leslie and Masami, who fall to the floor]
- Leslie and Masami: Aaaahh!
- Gumball: [smirks in victory] Hm! [Episode ends.]
v • e Transcript
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| Episode 1 The DVD |
Episode 2 The Responsible |
Episode 3 The Third |
Episode 4 The Debt |
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| Episode 5 The End |
Episode 6 The Dress |
Episode 7 The Quest |
Episode 8 The Spoon |
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| Episode 9 The Pressure |
Episode 10 The Painting |
Episode 11 The Laziest |
Episode 12 The Ghost |
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| Episode 13 The Mystery |
Episode 14 The Prank |
Episode 15 The Gi |
Episode 16 The Kiss |
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| Episode 17 The Party |
Episode 18 The Refund |
Episode 19 The Robot |
Episode 20 The Picnic |
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| Episode 21 The Goons |
Episode 22 The Secret |
Episode 23 The Sock |
Episode 24 The Genius |
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| Episode 25 The Poltergeist |
Episode 26 The Mustache |
Episode 27 The Date |
Episode 28 The Club |
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| Episode 29 The Wand |
Episode 30 The Ape |
Episode 31 The Car |
Episode 32 The Curse |
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| Episode 33 The Microwave |
Episode 34 The Meddler |
Episode 35 The Helmet |
Episode 36 The Fight |
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| Episode 1 The Remote |
Episode 2 The Colossus |
Episode 3 The Knights |
Episode 4 The Fridge |
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| Episode 5 The Flower |
Episode 6 The Banana |
Episode 7 The Phone |
Episode 8 The Job |
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| Episode 9 Halloween |
Episode 10 The Treasure |
Episode 11 The Apology |
Episode 12 The Words |
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| Episode 13 The Skull |
Episode 14 The Bet |
Episode 15 Christmas |
Episode 16 The Watch |
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| Episode 17 The Bumpkin |
Episode 18 The Flakers |
Episode 19 The Authority |
Episode 20 The Virus |
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| Episode 21 The Pony |
Episode 22 The Hero |
Episode 23 The Dream |
Episode 24 The Sidekick |
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| Episode 25 The Photo |
Episode 26 The Tag |
Episode 27 The Storm |
Episode 28 The Lesson |
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| Episode 29 The Game |
Episode 30 The Limit |
Episode 31 The Voice |
Episode 32 The Promise |
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| Episode 33 The Castle |
Episode 34 The Boombox |
Episode 35 The Tape |
Episode 36 The Sweaters |
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| Episode 37 The Internet |
Episode 38 The Plan |
Episode 39 The World |
Episode 40 The Finale |
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| Episode 1 The Kids |
Episode 2 The Fan |
Episode 3 The Coach |
Episode 4 The Joy |
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| Episode 5 The Puppy |
Episode 6 The Recipe |
Episode 7 The Name |
Episode 8 The Extras |
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| Episode 9 The Gripes |
Episode 10 The Vacation |
Episode 11 The Fraud |
Episode 12 The Void |
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| Episode 13 The Boss |
Episode 14 The Move |
Episode 15 The Law |
Episode 16 The Allergy |
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| Episode 17 The Mothers |
Episode 18 The Password |
Episode 19 The Procrastinators |
Episode 20 The Shell |
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| Episode 21 The Burden |
Episode 22 The Bros |
Episode 23 The Mirror |
Episode 24 The Man |
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| Episode 25 The Pizza |
Episode 26 The Lie |
Episode 27 The Butterfly |
Episode 28 The Question |
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| Episode 29 The Saint |
Episode 30 The Friend |
Episode 31 The Oracle |
Episode 32 The Safety |
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| Episode 33 The Society |
Episode 34 The Spoiler |
Episode 35 The Countdown |
Episode 36 The Nobody |
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| Episode 37 The Downer |
Episode 38 The Egg |
Episode 39 The Triangle |
Episode 40 The Money |
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| Episode 1 The Return |
Episode 2 The Nemesis |
Episode 3 The Crew |
Episode 4 The Others |
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| Episode 5 The Signature |
Episode 6 The Check |
Episode 7 The Pest |
Episode 8 The Sale |
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| Episode 9 The Gift |
Episode 10 The Parking |
Episode 11 The Routine |
Episode 12 The Upgrade |
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| Episode 13 The Comic |
Episode 14 The Romantic |
Episode 15 The Uploads |
Episode 16 The Apprentice |
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| Episode 17 The Hug |
Episode 18 The Wicked |
Episode 19 The Traitor |
Episode 20 The Origins |
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| Episode 21 The Origins: Part Two |
Episode 22 The Girlfriend |
Episode 23 The Advice |
Episode 24 The Signal |
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| Episode 25 The Parasite |
Episode 26 The Love |
Episode 27 The Awkwardness |
Episode 28 The Nest |
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| Episode 29 The Points |
Episode 30 The Bus |
Episode 31 The Night |
Episode 32 The Misunderstandings |
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| Episode 33 The Roots |
Episode 34 The Blame |
Episode 35 The Slap |
Episode 36 The Detective |
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| Episode 37 The Fury |
Episode 38 The Compilation |
Episode 39 The Scam |
Episode 40 The Disaster |
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| Episode 1 The Rerun |
Episode 2 The Stories |
Episode 3 The Guy |
Episode 4 The Boredom |
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| Episode 5 The Vision |
Episode 6 The Choices |
Episode 7 The Code |
Episode 8 The Test |
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| Episode 9 The Slide |
Episode 10 The Loophole |
Episode 11 The Fuss |
Episode 12 The Copycats |
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| Episode 13 The Potato |
Episode 14 The Outside |
Episode 15 The Vase |
Episode 16 The Matchmaker |
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| Episode 17 The Box |
Episode 18 The Console |
Episode 19 The Ollie |
Episode 20 The Catfish |
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| Episode 21 The Cycle |
Episode 22 The Stars |
Episode 23 The Grades |
Episode 24 The Diet |
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| Episode 25 The Ex |
Episode 26 The Sorcerer |
Episode 27 The Menu |
Episode 28 The Uncle |
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| Episode 29 The Weirdo |
Episode 30 The Heist |
Episode 31 The Singing |
Episode 32 The Best |
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| Episode 33 The Worst |
Episode 34 The Deal |
Episode 35 The Petals |
Episode 36 The Nuisance |
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| Episode 37 The Line |
Episode 38 The List |
Episode 39 The News |
Episode 40 The Puppets |
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| Episode 1 The Rival |
Episode 2 The Lady |
Episode 3 The Sucker |
Episode 4 The Vegging |
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| Episode 5 The One |
Episode 6 The Father |
Episode 7 The Cringe |
Episode 8 The Cage |
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| Episode 9 The Neighbor |
Episode 10 The Anybody |
Episode 11 The Faith |
Episode 12 The Candidate |
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| Episode 13 The Pact |
Episode 14 The Shippening |
Episode 15 The Brain |
Episode 16 The Parents |
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| Episode 17 The Founder |
Episode 18 The Schooling |
Episode 19 The Intelligence |
Episode 20 The Potion |
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| Episode 21 The Spinoffs |
Episode 22 The Transformation |
Episode 23 The Understanding |
Episode 24 The Ad |
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| Episode 25 The Ghouls |
Episode 26 The Stink |
Episode 27 The Awareness |
Episode 28 The Slip |
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| Episode 29 The Drama |
Episode 30 The Buddy |
Episode 31 The Possession |
Episode 32 The Master |
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| Episode 33 The Silence |
Episode 34 The Future |
Episode 35 The Wish |
Episode 36 The Factory |
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| Episode 37 The Agent |
Episode 38 The Web |
Episode 39 The Mess |
Episode 40 The Heart |
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| Episode 41 The Revolt |
Episode 42 The Decisions |
Episode 43 The BFFS |
Episode 44 The Inquisition |