The Dirt on Carrie and Darwin

[Episode starts with Darwin and Carrie at the mall. Darwin eats a popsicle while Carrie despondently watches. He suddenly realizes what he's doing and invites her to possess him. She does, and devours the popsicle, along with many other people's food, and even bites the Doughnut Sheriff. Then, they play basketball at the arcade. Darwin misses, but Carrie uses her telekinesis to move a ball into the net and gives him the prize. Darwin is then seen acing a dance game while Carrie watches. He then jokingly imitates Carrie trying to dance and they both laugh. Afterwards, they get on a rollercoaster, but the seat passes through Carrie and she remains near the ground. Darwin screams on the ride and Carrie laughs. Lastly, they are skipping through the graveyard. Darwin tries to take a selfie with her, but she doesn't show up in the photo, so Carrie takes out a ghost camera and takes a picture of them surrounded by many other ghosts. Cuts to the Elmore Jr. High cafeteria, where Leslie "likes" the photo on Elmore Plus. ]
Leslie: All tea, no shade, but this couple's getting sickening. And not in a good way. I say they're about to lip-sync for their lives.
Masami: I have no idea what any of that means, but I'm so fluent in gossip that I understood anyway. And you're right! Darwin and Carrie's relationship is going so well, something must be going wrong.
[The two notice Gumball eating alone and exchange devious grins. They approach him slyly.]
Gumball: Before you ask, yes, I dipped my tail in the toilet while sitting, yes, they had just disinfected it, and no, I don't know how long it'll be until it goes back to normal.
[They look under the table and sure enough, the tip of his tail is white and completely hairless.]
Masami: Wow. It looks like an uncooked wiener wearing a fur coat. But, as enchanting as that is, it's not what we're here to talk about.
Gumball: What do you want, then?
Leslie​​​​​​​: [he and Masami bang their fists on the table] Carrie and Darwin! Come on, dish the dirt!
Gumball: There is no dirt! They literally look like what you get when you search "perfect couple" online.
[He holds up his phone with a photo of a happy couple, and then shows Carrie and Darwin, in the exact same pose and making similar faces.]
Leslie​​​​​​​: Come on! They have nothing in common! Surely you have a little doubt!
Gumball: No! Why do you care, anyway?
Leslie​​​​​​​: I'm only worried Darwin might get his heart broken.
Gumball: [raises an eyebrow] Hmm?
Leslie​​​​​​​: Alright! I just like drama, okay?!
Gumball: Oh! Well, I know this great place where there's lots of drama.
Leslie​​​​​​​: Don't say the theater, it's a lame dad joke. Respect yourself.
Gumball: HAH! The joke's on you! I wasn't gonna say the theater because I had no punchline for that setup! And guess what? I still haven't. Boom!
[Leslie and Masami sigh and walk away. Gumball happily goes back to eating, when he notices something strange sitting in his food: a little stick figure with a question mark on his head and a knowing smirk.]
Gumball: Uh, who are you?
Doubt: I'm Doubt.
Gumball: But I don't have any doubt.
Doubt: Are you sure?
[Gumball thinks about it, starting to look worried. On the bus home, he notices the Doubt sitting next to him, probing him again. In the evening, when he and Darwin are doing homework, Doubt, bigger than before, pops up behind Darwin.]
Doubt: Are you really, really sure?
[At night, Doubt has inflated to an even bigger size and is squeezing against Gumball in bed.]
Doubt: Mmmmmm-hmmmmm?
[The next morning, Gumball walks out the door and checks if the coast is clear. Nobody is around.]
Gumball: See? I don't have any-
[Before he can finish, Doubt, now as big as the whole city, sits right on him.]
Doubt: ARE YOU SURE?!

Spying on the Date

[In the park. Gumball is spying on Darwin and Carrie, who are sitting at a bench.]
Gumball: Darn it! They're too far away! [Colin and Felix walk by] Oh. Can I borrow those? [grabs Colin's glasses]
Colin: Hey! Excuse me, but do you realize how dangerous it is for me to walk without my-[An acorn drops onto his head and he cracks.]
[Gumball puts on Colin's glasses, but he sees a nebula in them.]
Gumball: What the? What kind of prescription is this?! That's literally the edge of the universe! [sighs] Guess I'll just have to use stealth mode!
[He ditches the glasses and pops out from inside a tree. Meanwhile, Darwin and Carrie are looking at memes with old paintings.]
Darwin: Mmh, I don't get it. "When you are at the party and you have got to stop bae from disappearing like the island of Buise in St. Peter's Flood?" [Carrie cracks up laughing. Darwin pulls up another meme.] "When Marshall de Bouffler's French troops besieged the Spanish-held town of Mons but you didn't care because you were a toddler who was only interested in golf and brioche?"
Carrie: Hahahaha! It's so true, though!
Darwin: [pulls up another meme] "When you're about to spit fire but remember the Treaty of Ryswick promised your lands in Freisberg to the Holy Roman Empire?"
Carrie: Well, the article did say "Things Only 90's Kids Will Get."
Darwin: I always thought the 90's were about floppy-haired people dressing up like children and grunge music!
Carrie: Ha! It meant the 1690's.
Darwin: Wait, how old are you, exactly?
Carrie: [nervously] I'm... three hundred and twenty-seven years old.
Gumball: Oh no! The age difference is gonna tear them apart like a dysfunctional family on a camping trip! That forgets to put their food in ziplock bags and gets attacked by a bear.
Darwin: Oh well. It's so sweet that you waited for me all those years before finding love.
Carrie: [Sweats nervously] Yeah! Sure.
Darwin: Wait! You've had boyfriends before?
Carrie: Well...one.
Darwin: Oh. Right. What was he like?
Carrie: Like this. [takes her phone and shows Darwin a picture. It's another meme with an old painting of a crowd.]
Darwin: "When you and your friends are all geared up but Coachella isn't happening for another three hundred years?"
Carrie: [Points to a young ghost in the painting] His name is Azrael. He's the one in the hoodie.
Darwin: Oh, right. Was it serious?
Carrie: Nah. We were dating for like one, maybe two d-
Darwin: Two days?! That sounds pretty serious to me!
Carrie: [inhales] I was gonna say decades.
Darwin: [looks down, crushed] Oh. I see.
Carrie: Picture it this way. He was like a roaring sports car, and you're more like a shopping cart. Sure, the convertible looks cool, sounds cool, and everyone wants one, but...the shopping cart is filled with all the stuff you love. [Caresses Darwin]
Darwin: [blushes, happier] Heh!
Carrie: [grabs his hand] Come on, you big goof. [They walk off]
[Gumball follows after them, but stops when he realizes that he's in the shape of the tree he was hiding in. He sighs]

Oh No! They're Dysfunctional!

[Darwin and Carrie are at the record store while Gumball still spies on them, disguised as a poster. Carrie listens to metal music with headphones on.]
Darwin: What are you listening to?
Carrie: It's not really your style.
Darwin: Oh yeah? And what is my style? [Carrie shows him an album: "The Editones", with a photo of three live-action men in drag on the cover.] Okay. FYI, those girls yodeled everyone's socks off at the county fair! But that doesn't mean I don't like the rock and the roll!
Carrie: [laughs] Well, who are you into, then?
Darwin: Ha-ha! Oh, you wouldn't know them.
Carrie: They're called something like the Candy Bears or the Flannelettes, aren't they?
Darwin: Heh! No. [blushes] They're called the Lollipuppies. Okay, so I don't listen to hardcore punk. But it's never too late to start, right?
Carrie: [hands him the headphones] Okay, you're gonna love it. It's gonna melt your face off!
[He listens, stoically smiling, then starts sweating. He slowly gets more and more uncomfortable.]
Darwin: What are they called?
Carrie: The Profanities!
Darwin: [sweating and trembling] The lyrics sound like someone with no head is shouting Swedish furniture names directly from their windpipe!
Carrie: Um, are you okay?
Darwin: [his face starts literally melting off] Oh, yes. I love it.
Gumball: Oh no! She's cool and he's not! Their relationship is gonna be in more pieces than a jigsaw! Which got thrown into a wood chipper.
[Later, at the park. Darwin and Carrie sit in the grass while Gumball spies on them inside a trash can. A light breeze blows.]
Darwin: Ahhh. What a beautiful, peaceful place.
Carrie: Through your eyes, maybe.
Darwin: Why do you say that?
Carrie: Don't you know this park was built on an ancient burial ground?
Darwin: Yeah, but if you think about it, the whole country was built on an ancient burial ground. [Another breeze blows] A little windy today, huh?
Carrie: [jaded] Yup.
[From Carrie's point of view, the "breeze" is really a ghost violently yelling at the park-goers.]
Darwin: Ahhhh. [The ghost yells at them, producing another breeze. Darwin smiles serenely while Carrie, seeing the ghost, recoils in horror.]
Gumball: Oh no! They see the world differently! Their relationship is gonna fall apart like a forty-year-old divorcee! Who caught leprosy and is bouncing on a pogo stick.

Azrael's Visit

[Later, at the arcade. Darwin and Carrie are at a "Test Your Love" machine while Gumball watches from inside a claw game.]
Carrie: So how does it work?
Darwin: Oh, it's simple. We put our hands here and it measures our pulses to scientifically rate our love.
Carrie: Yeah, but-
Darwin: Come on! It'll be fun!
Carrie: Okay.
[They put their hands on the machine. The lights go all the way up, then drop all the way down. A paper comes out of the slot, and Darwin reads it.]
Darwin: "Your love is in need of...CPR?"
Carrie: Uh, that's what I was trying to say! I don't have a pulse.
Gumball: Oh no! He's alive and she's not! Their relationship is gonna crash harder than a race car driver! Who forgot to have breakfast and gets low blood sugar at about eleven o'clock.
[Suddenly, an unfamiliar voice is heard offscreen.]
Azrael: Oh! Hi, Carrie!
Carrie: Azrael!
[Gumball does a huge gasp in shock. We finally see Azrael on screen, looking exactly like he did in the photo. Darwin watches their conversation.]
Azrael: So good to bump into you after all these years!
Carrie: I know, right? What have you been up to?
Azrael: Hm. The usual.
Azrael and Carrie: Keepin' it deceased and rockin' out like a beast! [They both laugh]
Azrael: Hey, we should hang out! You wanna...grab a soda?
Carrie: Yeah, that sounds great!
Azrael: Well, too bad! You can't! Neither of us can! [They both laugh] Oh, it's funny 'cause we're dead.
Gumball: Darn it! He's right! It is funny for that reason!
Carrie: Yeah. Let's hang out later. It'll be good to catch up.
Azrael: I'll see for you soon. Nice to meet you, Darwin.
Darwin: Bye!
[Gumball does another exaggeratedly long gasp while waving his hands around.]

Breaking It to Darwin

[Back at home. Darwin is writing when Gumball breaks the door with a kick, but his foot gets stuck.]
Gumball: Agh! Sorry! Uh, I tried to kick the door down for dramatic effect, but, uh...[Tries to open the door, but it hits him in the face.] Ah, darn it! [Keeps shaking the door to free his foot, but only succeeds when he pulls mercilessly, kicking himself in the face when he does. After moaning in pain, he stands up with an anime-styled face.] So, you're really gonna do nothing?
Darwin: Dude, you always do stuff like that. If I stopped to help you every time, I'd never get anything done!
Gumball: I'm talking about Carrie meeting up with that guy!
Darwin: Wait... have you been spying on us?!
Gumball: Grow up, Darwin. It's the twenty-first century! Everyone's spying on everyone! There's probably someone watching us right now! [As he says this, he waves his hand and accidentally hits the screen. He glances at the camera in confusion and taps the screen.] Huh? Wha-- [Suddenly, the camera angle changes. Gumball shrugs.] Eh. LET'S GO! [Grabs Darwin and bolts out the door]

Running for Love

[The art style changes to a stylized anime-type design. Gumball dashes down the street with Darwin in tow.]
Gumball: [yelling] Don't worry, Darwin! We'll find Carrie and her ex-boyfriend!!
Darwin: Okay, firstly, why are you yelling? I'm right here! Secondly, I don't know why you're telling me. I already know! They're at the cemetery!
Gumball: How can you not be threatened by this guy?!
Darwin: I trust Carrie! She told me I had nothing to worry about!
Gumball: Dude! This is you vs. the guy she tells you not to worry about! [Holds out his phone, showing a picture of the "You Vs. The Guy She Tells You Not to Worry About" meme with pictures of Darwin and Azrael.]
Darwin: I'm not sure you understand how that meme works.
[They slide to a screeching halt in the road.]
Gumball: WE'RE NOT GOING FAST ENOUGH!!
[Then, he sees the Dolphin Man riding a motorcycle and gets an idea. Cut to Gumball riding the Dolphin Man himself. He repeatedly slaps Dolphin Man's side.]
Gumball: FASTER! I SAID FASTER! We gotta stop Azrael!!
Darwin: From doing what?! He just said he wanted to chew the fat!
Gumball: Chew the fat?! Spare the cake! Rotate the terrarium! Those are all code names!
Darwin: For what?!
Gumball: For cheating!! Enough talking. We gotta get to them before he starts flunking the armadillo!
[They pick up speed, and reach the bridge over the interstate.]
Darwin: Look out!!
[They jump, but it doesn't look like they'll make it. As a last resort, Gumball drops the Dolphin Man on a truck passing by, then jumps off the truck and back into the air.]
Darwin: Sweet Christmas! You totally Yoshi'd that poor guy!
[They come back down on the other side of the bridge, but land on a slide, get flung back into the air, and start running across the clouds. Darwin gets hit in the face by a bird, but Gumball pulls him through. They near the cemetery, and Gumball readies himself for the blow. Cut back to reality as Carrie and Azrael are hanging out in the cemetery.]
Azrael: So how's your mum?
Carrie's Mother: [from inside the gravestone] Oh, I'm fine. Thanks for asking! [They laugh]
Carrie: Anyway, it was great to see you. Catch you next century?
Azrael: Mm, next century isn't good for me. Maybe the one after that?
Carrie: Sure.
Azrael: I'm glad we can stay friends after all these--huh? [Notices Gumball's screaming from above]
Gumball: Ahhhhhhhhh!!!
[Gumball prepares to kick as he descends, but flies right through Azrael and hits a tree full force. Darwin rolls up to them, unscathed.]
Darwin: Hey!

No Harm Done

[Back at Elmore Junior High. The bell rings. Darwin and Carrie are holding hands as Gumball talks to them]
Gumball: Sorry, guys. I really shaved the toucan on this one.
Darwin: It's fine. I blame Leslie and Masami for messing with your head. Lucky they didn't do that with you and Penny. You'd have gone completely loco!
[Darwin, Carrie, and Gumball all laugh]
Gumball: [laughing awkwardly] Haha, yeah. [looks down] Huh?
[Doubt is shown again, still testing Gumball]
Doubt: Hmm?
Gumball: No! [Kicks Doubt into Leslie and Masami, who fall to the floor]
Leslie​​​​ and Masami: Aaaahh!
Gumball: [smirks in victory] Hm! [Episode ends.]
veTAWOGEPISODESfont.png Transcript
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TheDVDSeason1.png TheResponsibleSeason1.png TheThirdSeason1.png TheDebtSeason1.png
Episode 1
The DVD
Episode 2
The Responsible
Episode 3
The Third
Episode 4
The Debt
TheEndSeason1.jpg TheDressSeason1.png TheQuestSeason1.png TheSpoonSeason1.png
Episode 5
The End
Episode 6
The Dress
Episode 7
The Quest
Episode 8
The Spoon
ThePressure Season1.png ThePaintingSeason1.png TheLaziestSeason1.png TheGhostSeason1.png
Episode 9
The Pressure
Episode 10
The Painting
Episode 11
The Laziest
Episode 12
The Ghost
TheMysterySeason1.png ThePrankSeason1.png TheGiSeason1.png TheKissSeason1.png
Episode 13
The Mystery
Episode 14
The Prank
Episode 15
The Gi
Episode 16
The Kiss
TheParty Season1.png TheRefundSeason1.png TheRobotSeason1.png ThePicnicSeason1.png
Episode 17
The Party
Episode 18
The Refund
Episode 19
The Robot
Episode 20
The Picnic
TheGoonsSeasonOne.png TheSecretSeason1.png TheSockSeason1.png TheGeniusSeasonOne.png
Episode 21
The Goons
Episode 22
The Secret
Episode 23
The Sock
Episode 24
The Genius
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Episode 25
The Poltergeist
Episode 26
The Mustache
Episode 27
The Date
Episode 28
The Club
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Episode 29
The Wand
Episode 30
The Ape
Episode 31
The Car
Episode 32
The Curse
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Episode 33
The Microwave
Episode 34
The Meddler
Episode 35
The Helmet
Episode 36
The Fight
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Episode 1
The Remote
Episode 2
The Colossus
Episode 3
The Knights
Episode 4
The Fridge
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Episode 5
The Flower
Episode 6
The Banana
Episode 7
The Phone
Episode 8
The Job
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Episode 9
Halloween
Episode 10
The Treasure
Episode 11
The Apology
Episode 12
The Words

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Episode 13
The Skull
Episode 14
The Bet
Episode 15
Christmas
Episode 16
The Watch

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Episode 17
The Bumpkin
Episode 18
The Flakers
Episode 19
The Authority
Episode 20
The Virus
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Episode 21
The Pony
Episode 22
The Hero
Episode 23
The Dream
Episode 24
The Sidekick
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Episode 25
The Photo
Episode 26
The Tag
Episode 27
The Storm
Episode 28
The Lesson

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Episode 29
The Game
Episode 30
The Limit
Episode 31
The Voice
Episode 32
The Promise
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Episode 33
The Castle
Episode 34
The Boombox
Episode 35
The Tape
Episode 36
The Sweaters
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Episode 37
The Internet
Episode 38
The Plan
Episode 39
The World
Episode 40
The Finale
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TheKidsSeason3.png TAAGDSpage1.png CoachisAWOMAN.png The joy revealed.png
Episode 1
The Kids
Episode 2
The Fan
Episode 3
The Coach
Episode 4
The Joy
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Episode 5
The Puppy
Episode 6
The Recipe
Episode 7
The Name
Episode 8
The Extras
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Episode 9
The Gripes
Episode 10
The Vacation
Episode 11
The Fraud
Episode 12
The Void
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Episode 13
The Boss
Episode 14
The Move
Episode 15
The Law
Episode 16
The Allergy
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Episode 17
The Mothers
Episode 18
The Password
Episode 19
The Procrastinators
Episode 20
The Shell
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Episode 21
The Burden
Episode 22
The Bros
Episode 23
The Mirror
Episode 24
The Man
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Episode 25
The Pizza
Episode 26
The Lie
Episode 27
The Butterfly
Episode 28
The Question
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Episode 29
The Saint
Episode 30
The Friend
Episode 31
The Oracle
Episode 32
The Safety
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Episode 33
The Society
Episode 34
The Spoiler
Episode 35
The Countdown
Episode 36
The Nobody
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Episode 37
The Downer
Episode 38
The Egg
Episode 39
The Triangle
Episode 40
The Money
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Episode 1
The Return
Episode 2
The Nemesis
Episode 3
The Crew
Episode 4
The Others
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Episode 5
The Signature
Episode 6
The Check
Episode 7
The Pest
Episode 8
The Sale
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Episode 9
The Gift
Episode 10
The Parking
Episode 11
The Routine
Episode 12
The Upgrade
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Episode 13
The Comic
Episode 14
The Romantic
Episode 15
The Uploads
Episode 16
The Apprentice
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Episode 17
The Hug
Episode 18
The Wicked
Episode 19
The Traitor
Episode 20
The Origins
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Episode 21
The Origins: Part Two
Episode 22
The Girlfriend
Episode 23
The Advice
Episode 24
The Signal
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Episode 25
The Parasite
Episode 26
The Love
Episode 27
The Awkwardness
Episode 28
The Nest
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Episode 29
The Points
Episode 30
The Bus
Episode 31
The Night
Episode 32
The Misunderstandings
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Episode 33
The Roots
Episode 34
The Blame
Episode 35
The Slap
Episode 36
The Detective
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Episode 37
The Fury
Episode 38
The Compilation
Episode 39
The Scam
Episode 40
The Disaster
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Episode 1
The Rerun
Episode 2
The Stories
Episode 3
The Guy
Episode 4
The Boredom
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Episode 5
The Vision
Episode 6
The Choices
Episode 7
The Code
Episode 8
The Test
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Episode 9
The Slide
Episode 10
The Loophole
Episode 11
The Fuss
Episode 12
The Copycats
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Episode 13
The Potato
Episode 14
The Outside
Episode 15
The Vase
Episode 16
The Matchmaker
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Episode 17
The Box
Episode 18
The Console
Episode 19
The Ollie
Episode 20
The Catfish
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Episode 21
The Cycle
Episode 22
The Stars
Episode 23
The Grades
Episode 24
The Diet
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Episode 25
The Ex
Episode 26
The Sorcerer
Episode 27
The Menu
Episode 28
The Uncle
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Episode 29
The Weirdo
Episode 30
The Heist
Episode 31
The Singing
Episode 32
The Best
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Episode 33
The Worst
Episode 34
The Deal
Episode 35
The Petals
Episode 36
The Nuisance
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Episode 37
The Line
Episode 38
The List
Episode 39
The News
Episode 40
The Puppets
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Episode 1
The Rival
Episode 2
The Lady
Episode 3
The Sucker
Episode 4
The Vegging
One Lightning.png The Father (121).png Cringe Awkwardness.png The Cage (11).png
Episode 5
The One
Episode 6
The Father
Episode 7
The Cringe
Episode 8
The Cage
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Episode 9
The Neighbor
Episode 10
The Anybody
Episode 11
The Faith
Episode 12
The Candidate
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Episode 13
The Pact
Episode 14
The Shippening
Episode 15
The Brain
Episode 16
The Parents
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Episode 17
The Founder
Episode 18
The Schooling
Episode 19
The Intelligence
Episode 20
The Potion
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Episode 21
The Spinoffs
Episode 22
The Transformation
Episode 23
The Understanding
Episode 24
The Ad
GBGhouls.png Gossamer.png GBAwareness.png TheSlip RichardAndDeliveryGuy.png
Episode 25
The Ghouls
Episode 26
The Stink
Episode 27
The Awareness
Episode 28
The Slip
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Episode 29
The Drama
Episode 30
The Buddy
Episode 31
The Possession
Episode 32
The Master
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Episode 33
The Silence
Episode 34
The Future
Episode 35
The Wish
Episode 36
The Factory
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Episode 37
The Agent
Episode 38
The Web
Episode 39
The Mess
Episode 40
The Heart
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Episode 41
The Revolt
Episode 42
The Decisions
Episode 43
The BFFS
Episode 44
The Inquisition
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