The Deal/Transcript

Three Cents on the Dollar

[The episode starts at the Rainbow Factory, where Nicole is answering calls in her office cubicle]

Nicole: [On the phone] Elmore Rainbow Factory, yes, of course, I'll get that order completed for you today. Oh, one moment please. [Picks up a second phone] Elmore Rainbow Factory?

Karen: Uh, Nicole, do you have a moment?

Nicole: When has anybody on two phones at once ever had a moment? [Picks up a third phone] Sorry, how can I help you?

Karen: It's just that Mr. Yoshida needs to see you in his office immediately.

[Scared, Nicole drops all of the phones and cautiously approaches Mr. Yoshida's office. She breathes heavily and walks in, kicking the door down moments later and starting to rap about being the new employee of the month across the factory and back to the house]

Nicole: [Rapping] I'm employee of the month.

That's a fact, fools!

Made money and adhered to my job's rules.

Climbed the ladder, did my work, and kept my desk neat.

Haters choking on my well-planned spreadsheets.

No vacations and I never took a sick day.

If you blink, you'll miss what goes into my in tray.

Took the health and safety training, didn't have to.

Lift the box with my back straight, like you're supposed to!

I put Jim from account in the corner like a baby,

Carol from HR straight trippin', she can take me,

Employee of the month, so check my white collar,

Got a pay rise, fool.

Three cents on the dollar!

[Nicole ends up at the Wattersons' house; Richard and the children are sitting on the couch]

Anais: That's great, Mom, but what does it mean?

Nicole: It means they really appreciate all my hard work.

Richard: Well, I could do a rap about my day, too. [Clears throat] Today, I found a fry under the sofa, and then… um… [Moans]

Gumball: Yeah, Dad, that was the rap equivalent of British dental work. So Mom, what we talkin' in terms in green?

Nicole: It comes with an extra ten dollars a month. It means we no longer have to shop at the thrift store, and we can pay off our credit card bills by February.

Richard: This February?

Nicole: Nope. A February. Plus, [Displays her Employee of the Month photo] I get this cool framed photo.

Anais: That says "Nicole Wertterson."

Nicole: Okay, it's a typo, but you get the idea. Maybe we should put it [Takes off family photo to hang her plaque] here, so everyone can see it!

Richard: [Sighs] I don't see any photos with my name on them.

Anais: Sure there is. There's one right over there.

[An ElmoreTimes newspaper is displayed on the wall]

Gumball: [Reading] "Local loser ruins baby shower." Why did you frame that?

Darwin: [Noticing that Nicole is dialing on the telephone] Oh cool! Are we having pizza to celebrate?

Nicole: Nope, I'm just letting people know my good news.

Aaron Aaronson: [On the phone] Hello?

Nicole: [Answering] Hi, is that Aaron Aaronson? It's Nicole Watterson. I know you don't know me, but I just wanted to let you know I'm employee of the month! Bye! [Hangs up] Okay, let's see the next one is Adam Adamson.

Richard: Don't you want to hear what I did today?

Nicole: [Answering]: Hi, my name is Nicole Watterson, and I kick butts…

[Richard sighs]

Darwin: You okay, Mister Dad?

Richard: [His pupils dilate] I wish someone appreciated me.

Gumball: Hey, they do. Joyful Burger would go out of business if it wasn't for you.

Anais: [Sighs] He means Mom. Why don't you talk to her about it? After all, she is a calm, reasonable wom—

[The scene cuts to outside the house; Nicole expresses astonishment as fireworks light up the night, saying "Nicole Watterson / Employee of the Month." The Man in the Moon is struck with a capsule, screaming with an unpleasant shrill; the neighbours are struck with the stars of the fireworks. The scene abruptly cuts back to Richard and the children on the couch]

Richard: You're right. I'm gonna march right up to your mother and tell her, "Things have to change. You can't lead a horse to water without breaking a few eggs! Judge me not by my thighs, for the one-eyed man is worth two in the bush! If they build it, I will come, and if you've got a problem with that, buddy, well then, welcome to the Hotel California!"

Gumball: Dad, what are you talking about?

Richard: I have no idea.

Anais: He's gonna need some practice first.

Richard's Training

[Scene changes setting to the backyard, where Richard and the Watterson children are present. Anais places a pumpkin on a stool]

Anais: Okay, let's say this pumpkin is Mom. Use it to practice your pitch on her.

Richard: Okay. [Clears throat] Hi, honey. Uh, I got something to ask you. Please don't look at me like that.

[The pumpkin stays idle]

[Gasps] How could you say that in front of the children?

[The pumpkin stays idle]

[Gasps] You swore you wouldn't bring that up! It's not that unreasonable to assume the citizens of Turkey would be delicious birds.

[The pumpkin moves, creaking]

Aah! Please! Please don't leave me! Don't leave me! Kids, stop the simulation! It's too real! Deactivate! Deactivate! [Sobs]

[The Wattersons react by pulling puzzled expressions]

Anais: Well, that could've gone better.

[While Richard is still sobbing, the pumpkin appears to be absent]

Gumball: Dad, where's the pumpkin?

Richard: She left me for a butternut squash.

[Given the circumstance, the Watterson children cringe at each other]

Confronting with Nicole

[While the rest of the Wattersons are outside, Nicole enters the house, carrying with two arms several shopping bags and wearing sunglasses]

Nicole: [Refreshed] Oh, I got to tell you, it's so refreshing to go to a store where "a cleanup on aisle three" actually means someone's spilled some food.

[Anais quickly, but nervously, enters]

Anais: Uh, Mom, listen, Dad's got something he wants to tell you.

[Gumball and Darwin, offscreen, push Richard in for him to confront and face Nicole]

Richard: [Nervously] Uh, Nicole, honey, sweetie, light of my life...

Anais: [Under her breath] Reign it in, Dad.

Richard: [Clears throat] I don't think you notice all the work I do around here, and I think it's about time you appreciated me!

Nicole: Oh, really, Richard? Then why don't we check up on all this hard work of yours?

Richard's Hard Work

[The scene cuts to Nicole looking down at the grass, frustrated. Richard is also shown]

Nicole: Can you please explain why the grass is so long?

Richard: Because the kids [Brings up a cereal box of "Daisy Flakes"] haven't had their breakfast yet. [Sprinkles the cereal all over the grass; imitates a goat]

[The children are shown to eat the grass like goats, which is what they appear to be, therefore trimming it down]

And they're eating their greens!

[The scene subsequently transitions to Richard serving an entire try of spaghetti, with Gumball, Darwin and Anais eagerly sitting around the table and Nicole standing about]

Richard: Food fight! [Launches the spaghetti to Gumball, commencing the "food fight"] See, no plates and no cutlery means no washing up.

[Nicole is hit with a chunk of spaghetti]

And at least thirty percent of it goes in their mouth.

Nicole: Look at the state of them, and the tablecloth!

Richard: Ah-ah! [Gathers up the tablecloth, making a portable sack with Gumball, Darwin, Anais and the cutlery gathered up within]

[He then dumps the sack into the bathtub full of water after they go to the bathroom. Nicole reacts with complete surprise and shock, then grabs the sack up from the water]

Nicole: Are you insane?! [Proceeds to open the sack, leaving the children laying on the floor with water surrounding them]

Richard: No, there's baby shampoo in there as well as fabric softener, so their eyes won't sting. Alright kids, time to dry off. [Clicks a button on a boombox]

[Loud music plays; the kids head-bang with horn gestures and Darwin plays an air guitar]

Richard: Oh, I'd stand back if I were you! This also shakes out the head lice.

[Crawling sounds can be heard]

Nicole: Aah! They're all over the floor!

Richard: Not for much longer! [Pushes another button]

[Irish dance music plays, and the kids dance out of the room, squashing the lice]

Richard: [stops the music] And that's the way I do it every single day, so it's about time you appreciated it.

Nicole: [Angrily] Well, it's the wrong way! You're a terrible parent, and this house is disgusting! I would stamp my feet in anger but the floor is so sticky I can't actually move anymore!

Richard: Ridiculous! I could eat off this floor! [Attempts to eat off the floor, but his face gets stuck and rips off] Okay, I'll give you that one, but you need to appreciate what I do.

Nicole: Richard, you're ridiculous. [Walks away with pieces of wood glued to her feet] The only things with worse parenting skills are cuckoos and stage moms!

Richard: Fine, then I'm going on strike!

Nicole: [Half-laughs] I think we'll be fine. [Slams the door]

[The scene cuts to black]

Richard Is on Strike

[The scene fades to Nicole driving her way home, noticing Richard on the front yard on a beach chair]

Nicole: Hmm? [Stops the car] So you were serious about this strike business?

Richard: Yes! I've been sitting here all day!

Nicole: And how's that different from usual? Apart from not being able to see the TV. And what's with the banner?

[The scene shows some balloons and a banner across the house saying "Happy Birthday!"]

Richard: It was all they had in the store. They didn't have anything that said, "Fight for your efforts to be recognized by some heartless she-beast!"

Nicole: Maybe they were all sold out. And the balloons?

Richard: [With gritted teeth] I happen to like balloons.

Nicole: [Walks up to the front door] I'll go ahead and assume dinner's not ready.

Richard: Ha! You won't last five minutes in there!

Nicole: Oh please, I'm employee of the month! I can handle anything. Especially an evening without Nanny McFail.

[Nicole opens the door, with a stern expression. She turns on the light switch, but nothing is illuminated]

Nicole: Well that's weird. [Notices something offscreen] What the...?

[The scene reveals that everything in the house is wrecked, some parts lit up with fire; the dinner table is stuck to the ceiling upside-down, with Anais' toys. Nicole gasps in shock, but reacts a bit calmer when the scene reveals a renaissance-like painting depicting Nicole and Richard being tormented by three Gremlin-like creatures]

Nicole: Oh, not bad.

[All of a sudden, the phone rings]

Nicole: [Surprised] Oh! [Nervously picks up the phone] Hello?

[The phone sounds out a harsh grinding sound, which turns out to be the chicken grinding in the sink; the chicken bits are transported through the phone and splattered all over Nicole's face]

Nicole: [Gasps] Raw chicken! At least it didn't go in my—

[A piece of chicken launches directly into her mouth; Nicole screams, running to the sink and attempting to turn it on. It does not dispense any water; the fridge, now corrupted with electricity problems, blows a flame all over Nicole's face, causing the chicken and her eyebrows to burn off]

Nicole: [Infuriated] Who rewired the whole house?!

[A giggling sound is heard off-screen, causing Nicole to look around and open a cabinet. Anais, in her Gremlin-like form, causes Nicole to scream in horror and assails her by throwing a toaster at her; she runs away]

Nicole: Hey! Get back here!

[The toaster then vacuums Nicole's face, making her struggle to get it out. When she manages to do so, her mouth is formed as a toaster]

Nicole: I said come back here!

[She shakes her head, restoring its original form; as she is about to climb up the stairs, Gumball, in his Gremlin-like form, holds and shakes a grandfather clock, blocking the stairway]

Nicole: No! Don't you dare! That's a precious family heirloom! That I haven't got around to selling online yet.

[Gumball pushes and rides the clock down the stairway; Nicole avoids by jumping over it, as it crashes through the door. She catches Gumball]

Nicole: [Not recognizing Gumball] What are you doing in my house?!

Gumball: Cuckoo!

[An automated cuckoo bird pops out of Gumball's mouth, making Nicole react with surprise]

Nicole: [Surprised] Aah!

[Gumball giggles and escapes off-screen; Nicole goes to her bedroom and finds a gathering of ghosts, all creating a commotion]

Nicole: [Infuriated] What are you doing in here?!

[Once she catches all the ghosts' attention, the music stops and they immediately disappear. Carrie, who was preparing to kiss Gremlin-like Darwin, while wearing Nicole's wedding dress, disappears as well]

Nicole: Is that my wedding dress?!

[Darwin runs away]

Nicole: [Turning around, facing the children who are behind her] Get out of my house!

Gumball, Darwin, and Anais: [Mockingly] Get out of my house! [Cackle]

Nicole: I said get out or I'll call the cops!

[Gumball vomits a piece of the Donut Cop]

Anais: [Wearing the Donut Cop's hat] Send more cops!

Gumball, Darwin, and Anais: Cops, yum yum!

[Nicole screams in terror; she runs out the house. Richard relaxes still with a smug expression]

Nicole: [Shocked] What happened in there?! What are those things?! And where are the kids?!

Richard: Those things are our kids in their natural, unsupervised state.

Nicole: What? What have you done?!

Richard: Nothing, and that's what happens. Still think everything will be fine?

Nicole: [Huffs] Right. I'll deal with this.

[Once she enters the house, she is thrown through the window, back to the frontyard with her head on fire]

Richard: How'd that go?

Nicole: [Gets up; puts away the fire] Well, at least there's nothing left in the house for them to destroy.

[The entire shed is launched from the backyard over the house to the frontyard, crashing into pieces]

Nicole: Oh. I forgot about the garden. [Sighs] Okay, I'll do it your way.

[Silence occurs. Richard is still pulling a smug expression]

Um, Richard?

Richard: Uh, just give me a minute. My face is stuck. It's not used to pulling a smug expression for this long.

Catapulting the Neighbor

[Both parents go to the backyard fence; Richard looks through the peephole. It is revealed that Gary Hedges, one of their neighbors, is about to be catapulted by the demon-like Gumball and Darwin]

Richard: [Gasps] It's worse than I thought. They've got the neighbor.

Nicole: Mister Robinson?

Richard: No, the other one. The one we don't know the name of.

Nicole: Oh, it's not so bad then. What do we do?

Richard: Okay. There are three rules. One: stay calm and do not raise your voice. It just tells them they're winning. Two: never turn your back on them. That's when they take advantage. And three: always carry a little plastic bag.

Nicole: Uh, where did you get all this from?

[Richard shows an instructional book, named "How to Train Your Dog"]

Nicole: Richard, that's for dogs.

Richard: Still works.

[Gumball pulls the slingshot back, causing Gary to whimper in shock. Richard's first step catches their attention]

Richard: Stand down.

[Gumball snarls at him]

Blue, blue, what did I just say?

[Gumball bites at him]

Nicole: That's it, Gumball, you're grounded.

Richard: No, no, no! Do that, and they'll never trust me again.

[Gumball bites and snarls at him]

Richard: Back off, back off.

[Gumball pulls the slingshot even further]

No. Nicole, the neighbor!

[Nicole jumps and lands at Gary, preventing him to be launched; Gumball goes away]

Nicole: Hi, I'm Nicole Watterson. I live next door.

Gary: Yeah, I got that.

[Gumball and Darwin stand in a stance, ready to attack]

Richard: Orange, I see you. Stand down.

[Gumball snarls at him again]

Richard: Wait a minute. Where's your sister?

[Richard sees Anais hidden behind the bushes, ready to attack]

Richard: Clever girl.

[Richard pulls his hand away as Anais is about to jump and bite into it. The Watterson children separate and circle around Gary and the parents]

Nicole: [Gasps] What are we gonna do? We're surrounded. Richard, do something.

[The children snarl and go closer to Richard; he stares at them sternly]

Richard: Okay, okay, stop!

Gumball, Darwin, Anais: Huh?

Richard: I'm not gonna let you all catapult the neighbor over the house.

[They react by snarling at him]

Richard: But... I am gonna let one of you do it.

Nicole: What?

Gary: What?

Gumball, Darwin, and Anais: Huh?

Richard: I'll let you fight over which one.

[The children fight against each other]

Nicole: Richard, how is this helping?

Richard: Ah. Five, four, three, two...

[A thud sounds offscreen; the scene reveals Gumball, Darwin, and Anais in their normal ungremlin-like state soundly sleeping in a pile]

Richard: You see, the best way to deal with kids is to turn them against each other until they've worn themselves out.

Nicole: Richard, you— You did it. Whatever it is you do, it works. [Kisses Richard]

[Richard kisses her back; he licks her face]

Nicole: [Giggles] What are you doing?

Richard: [Chuckles] You taste like flame-grilled chicken. [Licks]

Gary: Excuse me. Can I go home?

[Along with Richard, Nicole freaks out, letting go of Gary. The slingshot catapults him as he is screaming. The episode ends]

v • e

Episode 1 "The DVD"	Episode 2 "The Responsible"	Episode 3 "The Third"	Episode 4 "The Debt"
Episode 5 "The End"	Episode 6 "The Dress"	Episode 7 "The Quest"	Episode 8 "The Spoon"
Episode 9 "The Pressure"	Episode 10 "The Painting"	Episode 11 "The Laziest"	Episode 12 "The Ghost"
Episode 13 "The Mystery"	Episode 14 "The Prank"	Episode 15 "The Gi"	Episode 16 "The Kiss"
Episode 17 "The Party"	Episode 18 "The Refund"	Episode 19 "The Robot"	Episode 20 "The Picnic"
Episode 21 "The Goons"	Episode 22 "The Secret"	Episode 23 "The Sock"	Episode 24 "The Genius"
Episode 25 "The Poltergeist"	Episode 26 "The Mustache"	Episode 27 "The Date"	Episode 28 "The Club"
Episode 29 "The Wand"	Episode 30 "The Ape"	Episode 31 "The Car"	Episode 32 "The Curse"
Episode 33 "The Microwave"	Episode 34 "The Meddler"	Episode 35 "The Helmet"	Episode 36 "The Fight"

Episode 1 "The Remote"	Episode 2 "The Colossus"	Episode 3 "The Knights"	Episode 4 "The Fridge"
Episode 5 "The Flower"	Episode 6 "The Banana"	Episode 7 "The Phone"	Episode 8 "The Job"
Episode 9 "Halloween"	Episode 10 "The Treasure"	Episode 11 "The Apology"	Episode 12 "The Words"
Episode 13 "The Skull"	Episode 14 "The Bet"	Episode 15 "Christmas"	Episode 16 "The Watch"
Episode 17 "The Bumpkin"	Episode 18 "The Flakers"	Episode 19 "The Authority"	Episode 20 "The Virus"
Episode 21 "The Pony"	Episode 22 "The Hero"	Episode 23 "The Dream"	Episode 24 "The Sidekick"
Episode 25 "The Photo"	Episode 26 "The Tag"	Episode 27 "The Storm"	Episode 28 "The Lesson"
Episode 29 "The Game"	Episode 30 "The Limit"	Episode 31 "The Voice"	Episode 32 "The Promise"
Episode 33 "The Castle"	Episode 34 "The Boombox"	Episode 35 "The Tape"	Episode 36 "The Sweaters"
Episode 37 "The Internet"	Episode 38 "The Plan"	Episode 39 "The World"	Episode 40 "The Finale"

Episode 1 "The Kids"	Episode 2 "The Fan"	Episode 3 "The Coach"	Episode 4 "The Joy"
Episode 5 "The Puppy"	Episode 6 "The Recipe"	Episode 7 "The Name"	Episode 8 "The Extras"
Episode 9 "The Gripes"	Episode 10 "The Vacation"	Episode 11 "The Fraud"	Episode 12 "The Void"
Episode 13 "The Boss"	Episode 14 "The Move"	Episode 15 "The Law"	Episode 16 "The Allergy"
Episode 17 "The Mothers"	Episode 18 "The Password"	Episode 19 "The Procrastinators"	Episode 20 "The Shell"
Episode 21 "The Burden"	Episode 22 "The Bros"	Episode 23 "The Mirror"	Episode 24 "The Man"
Episode 25 "The Pizza"	Episode 26 "The Lie"	Episode 27 "The Butterfly"	Episode 28 "The Question"
Episode 29 "The Saint"	Episode 30 "The Friend"	Episode 31 "The Oracle"	Episode 32 "The Safety"
Episode 33 "The Society"	Episode 34 "The Spoiler"	Episode 35 "The Countdown"	Episode 36 "The Nobody"
Episode 37 "The Downer"	Episode 38 "The Egg"	Episode 39 "The Triangle"	Episode 40 "The Money"

Episode 1 "The Return"	Episode 2 "The Nemesis"	Episode 3 "The Crew"	Episode 4 "The Others"
Episode 5 "The Signature"	Episode 6 "The Check"	Episode 7 "The Pest"	Episode 8 "The Sale"
Episode 9 "The Gift"	Episode 10 "The Parking"	Episode 11 "The Routine"	Episode 12 "The Upgrade"
Episode 13 "The Comic"	Episode 14 "The Romantic"	Episode 15 "The Uploads"	Episode 16 "The Apprentice"
Episode 17 "The Hug"	Episode 18 "The Wicked"	Episode 19 "The Traitor"	Episode 20 "The Origins"
Episode 21 "The Origins: Part Two"	Episode 22 "The Girlfriend"	Episode 23 "The Advice"	Episode 24 "The Signal"
Episode 25 "The Parasite"	Episode 26 "The Love"	Episode 27 "The Awkwardness"	Episode 28 "The Nest"
Episode 29 "The Points"	Episode 30 "The Bus"	Episode 31 "The Night"	Episode 32 "The Misunderstandings"
Episode 33 "The Roots"	Episode 34 "The Blame"	Episode 35 "The Slap"	Episode 36 "The Detective"
Episode 37 "The Fury"	Episode 38 "The Compilation"	Episode 39 "The Scam"	Episode 40 "The Disaster"

Episode 1 "The Rerun"	Episode 2 "The Stories"	Episode 3 "The Guy"	Episode 4 "The Boredom"
Episode 5 "The Vision"	Episode 6 "The Choices"	Episode 7 "The Code"	Episode 8 "The Test"
Episode 9 "The Slide"	Episode 10 "The Loophole"	Episode 11 "The Fuss"	Episode 12 "The Copycats"
Episode 13 "The Potato"	Episode 14 "The Outside"	Episode 15 "The Vase"	Episode 16 "The Matchmaker"
Episode 17 "The Box"	Episode 18 "The Console"	Episode 19 "The Ollie"	Episode 20 "The Catfish"
Episode 21 "The Cycle"	Episode 22 "The Stars"	Episode 23 "The Grades"	Episode 24 "The Diet"
Episode 25 "The Ex"	Episode 26 "The Sorcerer"	Episode 27 "The Menu"	Episode 28 "The Uncle"
Episode 29 "The Weirdo"	Episode 30 "The Heist"	Episode 31 "The Singing"	Episode 32 "The Best"
Episode 33 "The Worst"	Episode 34 "The Deal"	Episode 35 "The Petals"	Episode 36 "The Nuisance"
Episode 37 "The Line"	Episode 38 "The List"	Episode 39 "The News"	Episode 40 "The Puppets"

Episode 1 "The Rival"	Episode 2 "The Lady"	Episode 3 "The Sucker"	Episode 4 "The Vegging"
Episode 5 "The One"	Episode 6 "The Father"	Episode 7 "The Cringe"	Episode 8 "The Cage"
Episode 9 "The Neighbor"	Episode 10 "The Anybody"	Episode 11 "The Faith"	Episode 12 "The Candidate"
Episode 13 "The Pact"	Episode 14 "The Shippening"	Episode 15 "The Brain"	Episode 16 "The Parents"
Episode 17 "The Founder"	Episode 18 "The Schooling"	Episode 19 "The Intelligence"	Episode 20 "The Potion"
Episode 21 "The Spinoffs"	Episode 22 "The Transformation"	Episode 23 "The Understanding"	Episode 24 "The Ad"
Episode 25 "The Ghouls"	Episode 26 "The Stink"	Episode 27 "The Awareness"	Episode 28 "The Slip"
Episode 29 "The Drama"	Episode 30 "The Buddy"	Episode 31 "The Possession"	Episode 32 "The Master"
Episode 33 "The Silence"	Episode 34 "The Future"	Episode 35 "The Wish"	Episode 36 "The Factory"
Episode 37 "The Agent"	Episode 38 "The Web"	Episode 39 "The Mess"	Episode 40 "The Heart"
Episode 41 "The Revolt"	Episode 42 "The Decisions"	Episode 43 "The BFFs"	Episode 44 "The Inquisition"

Episode 1 "The Burger"	Episode 2 "The Assistant"	Episode 3 "The Distance"	Episode 4 "The Thing"
Episode 5 "The Butts"	Episode 6 "The Traffic"	Episode 7 "The Astrological"	Episode 8 "The Cheerleader"
Episode 9 "The Boring"	Episode 10 "The Teacher"	Episode 11 "The App"	Episode 12 "The Entrance"
Episode 13 "The Letter"	Episode 14 "The Gut"	Episode 15 "The Wrinkle"	Episode 16 "The Gourmet"
Episode 17 "The Pool"	Episode 18 "The Portrait"	Episode 19 "The Climb"	Episode 20 "The Amadain"