The Catfish/Transcript

Friend Requested

[The episode begins with Gumball and Darwin at home in their bedroom. Gumball is busy browsing the internet on his computer]

Darwin: Are you searching your name online again?

Gumball: No, I've learned my lesson. Every time I close my eyes, I can still see those weird drawings of me.

[Gumball shudders and cries out in fear as he recalls different fan-art]

Gumball: [Traumatized] Who draws that stuff? No, I'm searching other people's names. Like, did you know that Rocky trained at a mime school for a whole year?

Darwin: Hmm. [Mimes cleaning a window] I can see how those skills would be useful to a janitor.

Gumball: And did you know that Mr. Small released an album?

[The screen shows an image of Mr. Small, with a tube inserted in his mouth]

Darwin: What does it sound like?

[Gumball clicks play, and a throaty, buzzing sound resonates]

Darwin: [Disturbed] Uh, like the cover would suggest.

Gumball: And you want to know what's even weirder? Grandpa Louie has an Elmore Plus profile. [Reads] "Just a fun guy looking to get into your friend zone."

[Both of their faces fully recede into their bodies]

Gumball: I just cringed all the way back into my lower intestine.

[The computer beeps, and they return to normal]

Darwin: Oh! He sent us a friend request.

Gumball: Being friends online with your grandpa is like taking your mom to the prom.

Darwin: But he's got zero friends. And look at that post. "Anyone up for a game of squash?" No one replied. He probably ended up playing against the wall.

Gumball: Squash, the lonely man's tennis.

Darwin: [Depressed] Or here, he typed "How to make friends online." He then realized it wasn't a search bar, so he typed "Sorry, I don't know who wrote that." Then he typed, "What is the term for someone updating your status as a joke?" Then he must've banged his head on the keyboard, because it says-- [Speaks gibberish; Tears up] This is so sad!

Gumball: [Bluffing] No it's not.

Darwin: Dude, stop hiding your tears. I know you feel sorry for him too.

Gumball: No I don't.

Darwin: Don't repress your feelings.

Gumball: I feel nothing for him. [Whispers] Nothing.

Darwin: I know you're holding back, because--

[Water jets gush from Gumball's eyes, knocking Darwin to the floor as he screams]

Darwin: [Stands up] Okay, are you--

[The same thing happens again, and Darwin gets back up]

Darwin: So, you agree we need to help Grandpa Louie.

Gumball: [Gasps] You know what we should do? Pretend to be his friend online by creating an entirely fictitious persona.

Darwin: Now, when you say "should," surely you mean "definitely shouldn't."

Gumball: [Taps the keyboard] Nope. I mean "have."

Painting a Muriel

[Gumball and Darwin get off the bus at school and stand on the sidewalk]

Darwin: Isn't Grandpa Louie too old to have imaginary friends?

Gumball: She won't be imaginary to him. And besides, that comment was ageist. You're never too old to have imaginary friends. [Privately] I still love you, Mr. Smiggles.

[He exchanges an awkward glance with Darwin, then heads for the entrance. A sudden gust of wind rustles the papers Darwin is holding]

Raspy Voice: I love you too.

Darwin: Huh?

[Later, the brothers are talking in the school's playground]

Gumball: Ah, don't worry. It's just a little white lie.

Darwin: But why do you have to make her a woman?

Gumball: [Acts feminine] It's just how I feel inside.

Darwin: [Sighs] Okay, so what's her name?

Gumball: [Breathes deeply] Muriel.

[His cellphone beeps, and he pulls it from his pocket]

Gumball: [Gasps] Grandpa Louie's accepted! And he wants to know more about Muriel. Uh... what are old people into?

Darwin: [Shrugs; Mumbling] I dunno.

Gumball: Um. [Types] "I like mortgages, and v-voting. And... I drive cars with my driver's license."

Darwin: Oh, and putting cucumbers on your eyes.

Gumball: Yeah. [Types] "Please tell me more about you."

Darwin: [Nods in agreement] Hm.

Gumball: [Reads the texts] "Thanks for asking. My story begins four score and seven years ago, back when things were very different."

[Gumball's voice fades, replaced by Grandpa Louie's]

Louie: ...things were very different. As a young boy, I had no trouble making friends. In fact, I was so popular, I got invited to all the birthday parties. And when they got older, their weddings. Even their honeymoons... which was a bit awkward. I was so well-liked, they used to call me "Fluey Louie," after the Spanish Influenza which was very popular at the time.

[During the non-stop texts, Gumball's phone continuously vibrates. It interferes with his daily activities, such as schoolwork, eating lunch, and painting]

Louie: Even animals loved me, apart from horses. But I never trusted horses. Their faces are too long, and they have mohawks. I was so popular at school, I even became friends with the teachers. We had such crazy nicknames for each other, like "Mr. Klein," or "Sir," or sometimes accidentally, "Dad." When I got older, things got even better. I met Jojo. She opened my eyes to something greater. Love. Everything about her was magical. Her luscious lips, her flowing hair, her cutie patootie.

[Gumball is standing at a bus stop with Darwin, when his cellphone comes to life]

Phone: I'm sorry, but I refuse to picture that last image. Goodbye, cruel world. [Throws itself to the cement]

[Louie's messages carry on through the night, the flashing of the computer monitor keeping Gumball and Darwin awake]

Louie: Our romance was ravenous, insatiable, our hearts melting with hunger until we consumed each other like a pair of feasting lions. We spent every hour of every day...

[Gumball gets out of bed and leaves the room, with Darwin following after him]

Gumball: I'm gonna go bathe in disinfectant.

Darwin: Good idea. I'm gonna steam-clean my brain.

Louie: But very soon, her loving arms refused to let go of me, and she kept me captive. Her tender fingers now the bars of a gilded cage, from which I can never escape! Anyhoo, enough about me. What's your favorite food?

[In the living room, Gumball is on the sofa, using the laptop. Darwin is seated beside him, observing]

Gumball: [Types] "Edible. Listen, I gotta go."

Darwin: [Reads] "That's fine. Just take your phone so we can keep messaging."

Gumball: [Replies; Reads responses] "I'm going places where I can't use my phone." "Where?" "The cinema." "Just use silent mode?" "The bathroom." "Camera off mode?" [Annoyed] "What if I'm in the middle of a hold-up or something?" "Hand's free mode?!" Aah! He just doesn't give up!

Darwin: What are we gonna do?

Gumball: I don't know. You're the one who wanted to help him.

Darwin: What?! You're the one who came up with Muriel!

Gumball: [Sighs] You're right. [Loudly] I blame Muriel!

Darwin: [Grabs the laptop] I mean I blame you! We have to tell him the truth and put an end to this before he starts telling us things we're too young to know about. [Types] "We have to meet. There's something you should know."

Gumball: [Reads] "There's something you should know, too. I thought I needed a friend, but the way you patiently listened to me made me realize something else. Muriel, I think we're more than just Elmore Plus friends?!"

Hopping Mad

[Meanwhile, Louie is in a booth at the Joyful Burger restaurant. He quickly conceals his phone when Jojo approaches him]

Louie: [Nervous] Oh, hello pumpkin. Uh, didn't see you there.

Granny Jojo: [Suspicious] You look guilty.

Louie: What? [Chuckles] That's weird, because my conscience is so clean. Spotless.

Granny Jojo: You're lying. Your eyes always look to the right when you're lying.

Louie: No, I'm not.

[His eyeballs rotate in their sockets, after which his fur lights up]

Granny Jojo: What's that? [Rips the cellphone out, leaving a bald spot] Sorry, honey. Was that your favorite shirt?

Louie: [Groaning] No, it was my favorite skin.

Granny Jojo: [Shows him the screen] What's this heart icon?!

Louie: What? Oh, that. That's just a health application telling me how unhealthy I am.

[Jojo glares at him, causing Louie to tense up and sweat. She starts to laugh, and he joins in]

Granny Jojo: [Returns the phone] I thought I'd found you cheating on me.

Louie: I know, me too. For a second there, I thought you were looking at all my messages to Muriel.

Granny Jojo: Muriel?! [Enraged; Swipes the phone back] Who's Muriel?! [Reads] "I want to be more than just Elmore Plus friends?!" "Let's meet in real life?!" "Two PM at the mall?!"

Louie: Wait, I can explain!

[Jojo snarls at him. Back in the Wattersons' living room, Gumball and Darwin are fighting over the laptop]

Gumball: Are you crazy?! Why do you want to meet with him?

Darwin: Because we have to come clean.

[A message pops up on the monitor]

Gumball: "Muriel, if you happen to see a two hundred pound raging rodent in a dress running towards you while screaming and wielding a sledgehammer, please stay out of her way. I know that's good advice generally, but in this specific instance, it's most likely my wife coming after you."

Darwin: Wait, it's fine. Muriel doesn't exist. You made her up. Where'd you get her profile picture form?

Gumball: Meh, just randomly online. [Taps the keyboard] Okay, there's one funny piece of news, and another not so funny piece of news.

Darwin: Funny one first, please.

Gumball: When I search for her photo, all the related pictures are of guinea fowl.

[The brothers share a laugh]

Gumball: And the not so funny news is, that the picture comes from the mall's website. She works there.

[On the road, Jojo is recklessly driving through traffic as she rushes to Elmore Mall]

Louie: Jojo, please! I never meant to hurt you!

Granny Jojo: Of course you didn't. Now would you mind closing your window, dear?

Louie: Sure, why?

[The car swerves and crashes through a barricade, causing Louie to smack his head against the glass]

Granny Jojo: So you can feel on the outside how I feel on the inside!

Louie: So now we're even?

Granny Jojo: Yes, we are. [Furious] But I'm not even with Muriel!

[Gumball and Darwin enter the mall's parking lot. On their right, they see the woman whose likeness they borrowed, while to their left, Granny Jojo is racing toward her]

Gumball: [Shouting] MURIEL!

[An entirely different person answers his call]

Muriel: Yes, dear?

Gumball: Oh, right. [Speaking quickly] Uh, so basically we made a fake profile online to be friends with our grandpa because we felt sorry for him. And then her made-up name is Muriel, but I forgot that wasn't her real name, which is funny because when I called her, you answered. Now you should probably jump out of the way, because our grandma is about to run you over with her car.

Muriel: What?

Gumball: Hm. Maybe I shoulda just said-- [Shoves her away] WATCH OUT!

[Jojo spots her target on the other side of the lot, and accelerates]

Granny Jojo: There she is!

Gumball: [Steps in front of the car] Grandma, stop!

[She slams the brakes and veers to avoid hitting Gumball. The vehicle flips over his head and rolls to a stop by the entrance. Punching the door off of the car, Jojo continues her pursuit inside the mall]

Mall Brawl

Granny Jojo: Where is she? [Sees fake Muriel boarding the down escalator; Growls]

[Gumball and Darwin go after their grandmother, but she is already on the second floor, trying to take Hexagon Lady's shopping cart]

Gumball: We need to stop Granny Jojo!

Hexagon lady: They're my groceries! Give it back!

[Jojo knocks Hexagon Lady over, then pushes the cart onto the same escalator]

Gumball: Muriel!

Muriel: [Comes on-screen] Yes?

Gumball: [Groans] Not you!

[He sprints to the escalator, and, with a leaping dive, hits the button to reverse its direction. The runaway cart stops at the bottom, and fake Muriel walks away unscathed. Jojo follows her from above, stopping by the railing]

Granny Jojo: There she is!

[Climbing onto the rail, Jojo prepares to use a banner decoration as a rope swing, but Darwin unties the other end and she falls backward instead]

Granny Jojo: Ohh! My hip replacement.

[Jojo catches up with fake Muriel as she is leaving a grocery store]

Granny Jojo: [Roars; Resumes chasing her] You're not getting away from me!

[She picks up a baseball bat from a nearby display and prepares to throw it, but Darwin quickly swaps it for a boomerang]

Granny Jojo: Stop meddling! This is none of your business!

Darwin: Granny Jojo, there's been a mistake! Muriel-- [Gets knocked out by the boomerang]

Granny Jojo: [Holds him gently] Oh, honey, are you okay? [Notices fake Muriel; Drops Darwin] Eh, a rest will do you good.

[At the pet shop, she meets up with her unwitting prey once more. Reaching into a cage, she pulls out a striped snake, as Gumball and Darwin race up behind her]

Gumball: G-Granny Jojo, you don't get it!

Granny Jojo: I may not, but she certainly will!

[Jojo tries to toss the snake, but a dove flies from her hand instead. The bird delivers an olive branch to fake Muriel]

Fake Muriel: [Pleased] Ahh.

[Granny Jojo turns to face her grandchildren, while Gumball attempts to remove the snake now wrapped around his screaming brother's head]

Granny Jojo: That's the exact opposite of the message I was trying to send!

Gumball: You don't understand! Muriel doesn't exist! We made her up!

Louie: NOO--

Granny Jojo: Eh?

Louie: ...problem then.

Granny Jojo: Well then, who's that?

Gumball: We just used her photo. [Puts the snake in its cage] We made her up so Grandpa Louie could have a friend online.

Louie: [Upset] What?! Do you know what a cat and a fish pretending to be someone else online is called?

Gumball: Cat... fishing?

Louie: No! It's called... wait. Actually, yes, that is what it's called.

Gumball: But if we lied to make you happier, is that really so wrong?

Louie: It is literally illegal.

Darwin: None of this woulda happened if Granny Jojo wasn't so controlling.

Granny Jojo: What are you talking about?

Louie: Well, honey, you must admit...

[The scene flashbacks to Louie brushing his teeth. Upon spitting, he smiles at his reflection, and a thrown pair of dentures suddenly shatters the mirror]

Granny Jojo: Oh, sorry. I thought you were smiling at someone else.

[Next, they are at a store's self-checkout machine]

Machine: Please scan your items.

Granny Jojo: [Destroys the machine in a blind rage] Who do you think you're talking to?! He's my boyfriend! Mine!

Machine: [Distorted] Please place your item in the bagging... [Shuts off]

Granny Jojo: I'll stick my foot in your bagging area!

[Lastly, at the doctor's office]

Louie: Thank you for your advice, Doc. I'll make sure to eat more fiber next time.

[Louie attempts to shake the doctor's hand, but Jojo slaps it away]

Louie: You're even jealous of the exes in my X-rays.

Granny Jojo: Then why did you want to be more than just friends with Muriel?

Louie: I meant more than just Elmore Plus friends. A friend in real life. You must admit, you don't really let me see my other friends anymore.

Granny Jojo: It's just, I love you so much, Louie. I didn't realize I was stifling you. I'm sorry. Come here. [Gives him a hug]

Gumball: Aww. So, does this mean Grandpa Louie's allowed to have friends?

Granny Jojo: Maybe just one.

[Gumball is back in his bedroom with Darwin, and is again using the computer]

Gumball: Ah, he's finally got an online friend.

Darwin: Really? Who is it?

[He clicks, and an image of Granny Jojo fills the screen]

Gumball & Darwin: Ugh.

[The episode ends]

v • e Transcript

Episode 1 The DVD	Episode 2 The Responsible	Episode 3 The Third	Episode 4 The Debt
Episode 5 The End	Episode 6 The Dress	Episode 7 The Quest	Episode 8 The Spoon
Episode 9 The Pressure	Episode 10 The Painting	Episode 11 The Laziest	Episode 12 The Ghost
Episode 13 The Mystery	Episode 14 The Prank	Episode 15 The Gi	Episode 16 The Kiss
Episode 17 The Party	Episode 18 The Refund	Episode 19 The Robot	Episode 20 The Picnic
Episode 21 The Goons	Episode 22 The Secret	Episode 23 The Sock	Episode 24 The Genius
Episode 25 The Poltergeist	Episode 26 The Mustache	Episode 27 The Date	Episode 28 The Club
Episode 29 The Wand	Episode 30 The Ape	Episode 31 The Car	Episode 32 The Curse
Episode 33 The Microwave	Episode 34 The Meddler	Episode 35 The Helmet	Episode 36 The Fight

Episode 1 The Remote	Episode 2 The Colossus	Episode 3 The Knights	Episode 4 The Fridge
Episode 5 The Flower	Episode 6 The Banana	Episode 7 The Phone	Episode 8 The Job
Episode 9 Halloween	Episode 10 The Treasure	Episode 11 The Apology	Episode 12 The Words
Episode 13 The Skull	Episode 14 The Bet	Episode 15 Christmas	Episode 16 The Watch
Episode 17 The Bumpkin	Episode 18 The Flakers	Episode 19 The Authority	Episode 20 The Virus
Episode 21 The Pony	Episode 22 The Hero	Episode 23 The Dream	Episode 24 The Sidekick
Episode 25 The Photo	Episode 26 The Tag	Episode 27 The Storm	Episode 28 The Lesson
Episode 29 The Game	Episode 30 The Limit	Episode 31 The Voice	Episode 32 The Promise
Episode 33 The Castle	Episode 34 The Boombox	Episode 35 The Tape	Episode 36 The Sweaters
Episode 37 The Internet	Episode 38 The Plan	Episode 39 The World	Episode 40 The Finale

Episode 1 The Kids	Episode 2 The Fan	Episode 3 The Coach	Episode 4 The Joy
Episode 5 The Puppy	Episode 6 The Recipe	Episode 7 The Name	Episode 8 The Extras
Episode 9 The Gripes	Episode 10 The Vacation	Episode 11 The Fraud	Episode 12 The Void
Episode 13 The Boss	Episode 14 The Move	Episode 15 The Law	Episode 16 The Allergy
Episode 17 The Mothers	Episode 18 The Password	Episode 19 The Procrastinators	Episode 20 The Shell
Episode 21 The Burden	Episode 22 The Bros	Episode 23 The Mirror	Episode 24 The Man
Episode 25 The Pizza	Episode 26 The Lie	Episode 27 The Butterfly	Episode 28 The Question
Episode 29 The Saint	Episode 30 The Friend	Episode 31 The Oracle	Episode 32 The Safety
Episode 33 The Society	Episode 34 The Spoiler	Episode 35 The Countdown	Episode 36 The Nobody
Episode 37 The Downer	Episode 38 The Egg	Episode 39 The Triangle	Episode 40 The Money

Episode 1 The Return	Episode 2 The Nemesis	Episode 3 The Crew	Episode 4 The Others
Episode 5 The Signature	Episode 6 The Check	Episode 7 The Pest	Episode 8 The Sale
Episode 9 The Gift	Episode 10 The Parking	Episode 11 The Routine	Episode 12 The Upgrade
Episode 13 The Comic	Episode 14 The Romantic	Episode 15 The Uploads	Episode 16 The Apprentice
Episode 17 The Hug	Episode 18 The Wicked	Episode 19 The Traitor	Episode 20 The Origins
Episode 21 The Origins: Part Two	Episode 22 The Girlfriend	Episode 23 The Advice	Episode 24 The Signal
Episode 25 The Parasite	Episode 26 The Love	Episode 27 The Awkwardness	Episode 28 The Nest
Episode 29 The Points	Episode 30 The Bus	Episode 31 The Night	Episode 32 The Misunderstandings
Episode 33 The Roots	Episode 34 The Blame	Episode 35 The Slap	Episode 36 The Detective
Episode 37 The Fury	Episode 38 The Compilation	Episode 39 The Scam	Episode 40 The Disaster

Episode 1 The Rerun	Episode 2 The Stories	Episode 3 The Guy	Episode 4 The Boredom
Episode 5 The Vision	Episode 6 The Choices	Episode 7 The Code	Episode 8 The Test
Episode 9 The Slide	Episode 10 The Loophole	Episode 11 The Fuss	Episode 12 The Copycats
Episode 13 The Potato	Episode 14 The Outside	Episode 15 The Vase	Episode 16 The Matchmaker
Episode 17 The Box	Episode 18 The Console	Episode 19 The Ollie	Episode 20 The Catfish
Episode 21 The Cycle	Episode 22 The Stars	Episode 23 The Grades	Episode 24 The Diet
Episode 25 The Ex	Episode 26 The Sorcerer	Episode 27 The Menu	Episode 28 The Uncle
Episode 29 The Weirdo	Episode 30 The Heist	Episode 31 The Singing	Episode 32 The Best
Episode 33 The Worst	Episode 34 The Deal	Episode 35 The Petals	Episode 36 The Nuisance
Episode 37 The Line	Episode 38 The List	Episode 39 The News	Episode 40 The Puppets

Episode 1 The Rival	Episode 2 The Lady	Episode 3 The Sucker	Episode 4 The Vegging
Episode 5 The One	Episode 6 The Father	Episode 7 The Cringe	Episode 8 The Cage
Episode 9 The Neighbor	Episode 10 The Anybody	Episode 11 The Faith	Episode 12 The Candidate
Episode 13 The Pact	Episode 14 The Shippening	Episode 15 The Brain	Episode 16 The Parents
Episode 17 The Founder	Episode 18 The Schooling	Episode 19 The Intelligence	Episode 20 The Potion
Episode 21 The Spinoffs	Episode 22 The Transformation	Episode 23 The Understanding	Episode 24 The Ad
Episode 25 The Ghouls	Episode 26 The Stink	Episode 27 The Awareness	Episode 28 The Slip
Episode 29 The Drama	Episode 30 The Buddy	Episode 31 The Possession	Episode 32 The Master
Episode 33 The Silence	Episode 34 The Future	Episode 35 The Wish	Episode 36 The Factory
Episode 37 The Agent	Episode 38 The Web	Episode 39 The Mess	Episode 40 The Heart
Episode 41 The Revolt	Episode 42 The Decisions	Episode 43 The BFFS	Episode 44 The Inquisition