The Buddy/Transcript

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In the Principal's Office

[School bell rings.]

Anais: What are we doing here?

Jamie: Could be anything for me. Everything I do is wrong according to Brown. The way I played tag on the playground two months ago?

[Flashback to said event: Billy is crying because Jamie wrote on him with a marker. Brown glares at her. End flashback.]

Jamie: The boxing gloves I bought for show and tell two weeks ago?

[Flashback to said event: Gumball, Darwin, Leslie, Colin and Carmen are all beat up, and the class trashed.]

Jamie: [Narrating] Guess they wanted me to tell...

[End flashback, which transitions into another:]

Jamie: [Narrating] The way I divided by two in my maths test yesterday?

[In the flashback, Jamie karate chops her table in half. End flashback.]

Jamie: And he'll probably be angry about how I interpreted his poster 30 seconds ago.

Anais: "Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames"?

[The office is on fire. Anais screams and frantically tries to put it out.]

Jamie: What about you, nerd? Why are you here?

[Principal Brown bursts in.]

Nigel Brown: I'll tell you why you're here. All the school's politically correct equipment has caught the flu because someone in the library used their eyebrows to watch an illegal river!

Jamie: ...Wha?

Anais: I think he means all the school's PCs have caught a virus because someone in the library used their browser to watch an illegal stream.

Nigel Brown: You were the last two in the library. I will give you one chance to fix it, or one of you will have to pay.

Anais: Um, okay. Maybe it's a motherboard problem.

Nigel Brown: Very well. [calls his mother] Ah, hello, mother. What are you doing today? [to Anais] Ha! It's bingo night, and mother loves it, so she's not bored at all.

[Anais is confused]

Nigel Brown: Someone has to pay for this. Anais, Jamie, you know what to do.

[Jamie smashes the chair she was sitting on, and prepares to hit Anais with it]

Nigel Brown: Right, right, right! I guess you don't. I meant, one of you needs to fess up to this before the end of today, or both of you will get expelled.

[Anais and Jamie exit the office]

Anais: [Sighs] I guess there's no way around it, Jamie. We're gonna have to partner up, go to the library, and find the real culprit together. Maybe even developing an unlikely but meaningful friendship! Not because I'm desperate to have a friend, and my therapist says it's because I force myself on people, and I should take things slow, and "What are you doing at my house? No, I don't want to ride a tandem bike with you. It's 1:00 A.M. I'm calling the police." No! Our souls will fuse like polyester pants with leg skin after an accident with boiling water! But, like, in a good way. This could be beautiful. Potentially life-long friendship. Maybe-- [Jamie has left]

Anais: [Sighs] Thank goodness you didn't stick around to hear that. It's like my brain got emotional food poisoning and the nearest exit was my mouth.

Library Investigation

Anais: Okay, just to be sure, it definitely wasn't you who did it, right? [Jamie shakes her head no] Maybe you should check your mailbox and make sure you didn't click some weird attachment.

Jamie: Okay, I'll check.

[Jamie walks a long distance back to her house, and checks her mailbox, which is empty. She closes it, and returns to the library]

Jamie: Nope. Nothing there.

Anais: Did you... Did you just go home?

Jamie: Well, duh. How else do you check your mail?

Anais: Okay... I guess it's safe to assume it wasn't you who downloaded the virus.

Jamie: [Chuckles] And it obviously wasn't you, either.

Anais: Yeah, I'm way too techie to make that kind of noob mistake.

Jamie: No, 'cause you're incapable of doing anything bad.

[Anais is offended.]

Anais: Oh, you want bad? I'll give you bad.

Jamie: Eh, show me what you got.

Anais: I'm gonna kick your butt!

Jamie: Mm.

Anais: With my face!

Jamie: What?

Anais: I'm gonna feed you a finger burger!

Jamie: It's "knuckle sandwich."

Anais: I'm gonna manicure that sandwich! That's right. I'm gonna go medieval on your butt! I'll build, like, a castle on it with a moat and hang tapestries inside and invite minstrels and jugglers, and we'll eat meat with our hands!

Jamie: That's just plain weird.

Anais: I'm gonna wax your blowhole!

Jamie: All right, all right. You definitely didn't do it. [Walks away]

Anais: I'm gonna toot your flute!

Investigating the computers

[Cut to a different part of the library. One of the computers there sneezes. Anais checks the temperature of one of them.]

Anais: [Gasps] It's burning up. It's definitely a virus, look at the desktop!

[Jamie takes this literally and looks at the desk top.]

Anais: I meant on the screen.

[The screen is melting]

Jamie: Yeah, I know! What do you take me for, some kind of slack-jawed yodel?!

Anais: I think you meant "yokel," unless you meant... [Yodels, and shortly afterwards, laughs]

Jamie: What?! You're saying you're intelligenter than me?

Anais: Jamie, I would never say that! Because it's not a word.

[Jamie, who has had enough of Anais' taunting, grabs her]

Jamie: [Grunts]

Anais: I'm beginning to reconsider our potential friendship!

Jamie: And I'm beginning to reconsider the angle of your nose!

Anais: [Grunts]

Jamie: Wait. There's a camera!

Anais: [gasps] Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Jamie: Uh, it means...

Anais: The culprit must've been caught on tape. Yes!

Jamie: [slowly] ...the culprit... must have been...

Anais: [as Jamie is speaking] Yes, caught on tape.

Jamie: [slowly] ...caught on...

[Anais sighs.]

v • e Transcript

Episode 1 The DVD	Episode 2 The Responsible	Episode 3 The Third	Episode 4 The Debt
Episode 5 The End	Episode 6 The Dress	Episode 7 The Quest	Episode 8 The Spoon
Episode 9 The Pressure	Episode 10 The Painting	Episode 11 The Laziest	Episode 12 The Ghost
Episode 13 The Mystery	Episode 14 The Prank	Episode 15 The Gi	Episode 16 The Kiss
Episode 17 The Party	Episode 18 The Refund	Episode 19 The Robot	Episode 20 The Picnic
Episode 21 The Goons	Episode 22 The Secret	Episode 23 The Sock	Episode 24 The Genius
Episode 25 The Poltergeist	Episode 26 The Mustache	Episode 27 The Date	Episode 28 The Club
Episode 29 The Wand	Episode 30 The Ape	Episode 31 The Car	Episode 32 The Curse
Episode 33 The Microwave	Episode 34 The Meddler	Episode 35 The Helmet	Episode 36 The Fight

Episode 1 The Remote	Episode 2 The Colossus	Episode 3 The Knights	Episode 4 The Fridge
Episode 5 The Flower	Episode 6 The Banana	Episode 7 The Phone	Episode 8 The Job
Episode 9 Halloween	Episode 10 The Treasure	Episode 11 The Apology	Episode 12 The Words
Episode 13 The Skull	Episode 14 The Bet	Episode 15 Christmas	Episode 16 The Watch
Episode 17 The Bumpkin	Episode 18 The Flakers	Episode 19 The Authority	Episode 20 The Virus
Episode 21 The Pony	Episode 22 The Hero	Episode 23 The Dream	Episode 24 The Sidekick
Episode 25 The Photo	Episode 26 The Tag	Episode 27 The Storm	Episode 28 The Lesson
Episode 29 The Game	Episode 30 The Limit	Episode 31 The Voice	Episode 32 The Promise
Episode 33 The Castle	Episode 34 The Boombox	Episode 35 The Tape	Episode 36 The Sweaters
Episode 37 The Internet	Episode 38 The Plan	Episode 39 The World	Episode 40 The Finale

Episode 1 The Kids	Episode 2 The Fan	Episode 3 The Coach	Episode 4 The Joy
Episode 5 The Puppy	Episode 6 The Recipe	Episode 7 The Name	Episode 8 The Extras
Episode 9 The Gripes	Episode 10 The Vacation	Episode 11 The Fraud	Episode 12 The Void
Episode 13 The Boss	Episode 14 The Move	Episode 15 The Law	Episode 16 The Allergy
Episode 17 The Mothers	Episode 18 The Password	Episode 19 The Procrastinators	Episode 20 The Shell
Episode 21 The Burden	Episode 22 The Bros	Episode 23 The Mirror	Episode 24 The Man
Episode 25 The Pizza	Episode 26 The Lie	Episode 27 The Butterfly	Episode 28 The Question
Episode 29 The Saint	Episode 30 The Friend	Episode 31 The Oracle	Episode 32 The Safety
Episode 33 The Society	Episode 34 The Spoiler	Episode 35 The Countdown	Episode 36 The Nobody
Episode 37 The Downer	Episode 38 The Egg	Episode 39 The Triangle	Episode 40 The Money

Episode 1 The Return	Episode 2 The Nemesis	Episode 3 The Crew	Episode 4 The Others
Episode 5 The Signature	Episode 6 The Check	Episode 7 The Pest	Episode 8 The Sale
Episode 9 The Gift	Episode 10 The Parking	Episode 11 The Routine	Episode 12 The Upgrade
Episode 13 The Comic	Episode 14 The Romantic	Episode 15 The Uploads	Episode 16 The Apprentice
Episode 17 The Hug	Episode 18 The Wicked	Episode 19 The Traitor	Episode 20 The Origins
Episode 21 The Origins: Part Two	Episode 22 The Girlfriend	Episode 23 The Advice	Episode 24 The Signal
Episode 25 The Parasite	Episode 26 The Love	Episode 27 The Awkwardness	Episode 28 The Nest
Episode 29 The Points	Episode 30 The Bus	Episode 31 The Night	Episode 32 The Misunderstandings
Episode 33 The Roots	Episode 34 The Blame	Episode 35 The Slap	Episode 36 The Detective
Episode 37 The Fury	Episode 38 The Compilation	Episode 39 The Scam	Episode 40 The Disaster

Episode 1 The Rerun	Episode 2 The Stories	Episode 3 The Guy	Episode 4 The Boredom
Episode 5 The Vision	Episode 6 The Choices	Episode 7 The Code	Episode 8 The Test
Episode 9 The Slide	Episode 10 The Loophole	Episode 11 The Fuss	Episode 12 The Copycats
Episode 13 The Potato	Episode 14 The Outside	Episode 15 The Vase	Episode 16 The Matchmaker
Episode 17 The Box	Episode 18 The Console	Episode 19 The Ollie	Episode 20 The Catfish
Episode 21 The Cycle	Episode 22 The Stars	Episode 23 The Grades	Episode 24 The Diet
Episode 25 The Ex	Episode 26 The Sorcerer	Episode 27 The Menu	Episode 28 The Uncle
Episode 29 The Weirdo	Episode 30 The Heist	Episode 31 The Singing	Episode 32 The Best
Episode 33 The Worst	Episode 34 The Deal	Episode 35 The Petals	Episode 36 The Nuisance
Episode 37 The Line	Episode 38 The List	Episode 39 The News	Episode 40 The Puppets

Episode 1 The Rival	Episode 2 The Lady	Episode 3 The Sucker	Episode 4 The Vegging
Episode 5 The One	Episode 6 The Father	Episode 7 The Cringe	Episode 8 The Cage
Episode 9 The Neighbor	Episode 10 The Anybody	Episode 11 The Faith	Episode 12 The Candidate
Episode 13 The Pact	Episode 14 The Shippening	Episode 15 The Brain	Episode 16 The Parents
Episode 17 The Founder	Episode 18 The Schooling	Episode 19 The Intelligence	Episode 20 The Potion
Episode 21 The Spinoffs	Episode 22 The Transformation	Episode 23 The Understanding	Episode 24 The Ad
Episode 25 The Ghouls	Episode 26 The Stink	Episode 27 The Awareness	Episode 28 The Slip
Episode 29 The Drama	Episode 30 The Buddy	Episode 31 The Possession	Episode 32 The Master
Episode 33 The Silence	Episode 34 The Future	Episode 35 The Wish	Episode 36 The Factory
Episode 37 The Agent	Episode 38 The Web	Episode 39 The Mess	Episode 40 The Heart
Episode 41 The Revolt	Episode 42 The Decisions	Episode 43 The BFFS	Episode 44 The Inquisition