The Ad/Transcript

Waiting for Dad

[The episode begins with the Watterson children sitting right outside of Elmore Junior High]

Gumball: I’m just saying, why do people say grapefruit and tunafish but not eggchicken or beefmammal?

Darwin: [wailing] Come on, Mr. Dad, when we said come pick us up after school we didn’t mean after graduation!

[Richard arrives on screen and dismounts his horse]

Richard: GET ON THE HORSE!!

Gumball, Darwin, and Anais: WHAT!?

Richard: [Jumps off horse] NO TIME TO EXPLAIN!!

[The children get on the horse and Richard slaps its behind, causing it to run]

Meet Wunderklopp!

[The scene begins with the Wattersons looking out of their backgarden]

Nicole: Let me guess: You saw it, had to have it, and tried to let the kids take the fall for it.

Nicole: [face slaps] What is it called?

Richard: Wunderklopp.

[The screen cuts to Wunderklopp, who snorts, then neighs]

Nicole: [sighs and face slaps] It’s okay. I’ve found a buyer to take him off our hands.

Anais: Wait. How can you already have a buyer for a horse Dad just brought home?

Nicole: Oh, sweetie, do you really think I didn't expect your father to buy a horse at some point in our marriage? The problem is the guy can't buy it before the first of next month, so short of having Wunderklopp for breakfast, [Wunderklopp neighs] I'm open to suggestions on how we're gonna survive until then.

Gumball, Darwin, Anais, and Richard: Hmmmmm...

Gumball: I guess we're gonna have to tap into the money you saved for me to go to college.

[Anais, Darwin, Richard, and Nicole all laugh at Gumball, who is annoyed at this] What?

Anais: [Wipes away a tear] I don't know what's the funniest: the fact you think you've got a trust fund or the fact you think you'll make it to college!

Gumball: Well, you guys come up with a solution, then.

Richard: [Inhales sharply as mafia-style music plays] I said I would never go back to that life. That it was all behind me. Sadly, the time has come for me to call... [Don Luciano] [He dials the phone. A hairy hand with many engraved rings picks it up on the other side. It suddenly is revealed that Don Luciano is the owner of a pizzeria]

Don Luciano: Don Luciano Pizza!

Nicole: Richard, no! One of their pizzas might have enough calories to keep us alive for two weeks, but they've already taken too many years off your life!

Don Luciano: Ricardo, is that you?

Nicole: [tearing up] No!

Don Luciano: Come back to us, Ricardo. We are your real family.

Nicole: [whispering, with big tearful eyes] No!

[Split screen of Richard and Don Luciano]

Don Luciano: I take 10% off. Just for you.

Richard: [tearing up] I'm sorry, Don Luciano! [Points the phone at Luciano's side of the split screen]

Don Luciano: You know, the sad thing about betrayal...it never comes from an enemy.

[Richard presses a button and the phone hangs up, causing Don Luciano's side to turn to static. Richard and Nicole drop to the floor as they embrace each other and burst into tears. The mafia music swells louder]

Darwin: Oh! I know! We can invite people who need hugs and kisses to come to our house, and we give it to them for money! [Beat] Oh! I know! We all forget I just said that!

Richard: Guys, don't panic. I spent the last of this much food money on a metal detector and some lottery tickets. Worst case scenario: we can eat those!

Anais: I've got an idea! We rent the house as a bed and breakfast!

Nicole: Anais, we can't afford our own breakfast, let alone pay for other people!

Anais: Fine! Then we rent the house as a bed and continue to fast!

Nicole: Hmmmm... [A thought bubble with a dollar sign pops up by Nicole, then by Gumball and Darwin. Richard just thinks of a crab with a human face dancing. Everyone else stares at his thought bubble, weirded out]

The New Guests

[The doorbell rings, and the door opens to reveal Ethel and Bernie Klein, the first guests]

Ethel and Bernie: Hello!

Nicole: Oh, please come in!

Ethel: I'm Ethel, and this is Bernie. [They take a selfie with a Polaroid. The Wattersons, looking confused, are in the background of their shot] Sorry! Bernie and I are making a travel map of our holiday! [She puts the photo into a map] It's been our lifelong dream, see?

Nicole: I think you're the first tourists in Elmore since those two guys back in '83! The town was so happy, they put up a statue of them in the park with their motto underneath. [The statue is shown; it is of the two tourists running scared] '"Tell us the quickest way out of this dump!" [Everyone laughs]

Ethel: Well, beats our dump. It's so small, we don't need phones. We just speak louder! [Everyone laughs except Bernie]

Bernie: I must say, the house looks a bit different than the photo on the ad! [Holds up the photo; it is of a rich, opulent room with marble floors]

Nicole: Oh, they're just closeups, is all! That one was taken right here in the living room! Look! [Zoom in on a framed picture of the room from the ad in the living room]

Bernie: Right... Yeah, it also said you had cable? Does it have subtitles? 'Cause our hearing is—

Richard: Yes! [Walks up to a telescope by the window] Let me talk you through how it works. In here, you receive cable TV from right across the street. [Telescope view of the Robinsons' TV] Until around 7 p.m. when they shut the blinds.

Nicole: Hahahaha! [Notices Wunderklopp chewing on a napkin and deftly pushes him back]

Ethel: And how do we work the AC? We get terrible migraines in the heat, so—

Gumball: Oh, you can operate it like so. [The "AC" is just a fan with ice cubes attached to a baby mobile in front if it. Gumball turns on the fan and ice crystals blow into his face] Ahhhh. Refreshing.

Ethel: Sure... And now, we also get awful rheumatic fever. [Wunderklopp comes up behind them] And I think you had a hot tub somewhere?

Nicole: Sure! [Pushes them into the kitchen while Richard takes the horse out] I give you... the hot tub!

[It is a bucket full of water, with Anais blowing bubbles into it with a straw. Darwin is bathing inside]

Nicole: Okay, I think it's time for us to go!

Bernie: Wait-is the house soundproof? We suffer from a rare ailment where—

Nicole: Payment? Yes, we'll take cash. Bye! [Walks out]

Bernie: A rare ailment which means—

Richard: Bye! [Walks out]

Bernie: We freeze and faint— 

Gumball, Darwin, and Anais: [cheerfully] Bye! [Walk out]

Bernie: If anything loud or surprising happens![Wunderklopp passes by and neighs loudly. The two freeze in midair and faint]

Living on Borrowed Food

[The Wattersons and Wunderklopp are all in the car]

Nicole: Enjoy your stay!

[They drive off and come around back, then climb and jump into the attic. Meanwhile, Ethel checks the fridge. She takes out a ham-but it's hollow in the inside. She turns around a cheese wheel-it is hollow too]

Bernie: I'm headin' to the store, do we need anything?

Ethel: Uh, we need the inside of an orange, the inside of a stick of butter, the inside of a carton of milk... [She turns around the microwave; even that is hollow] And the inside of a microwave oven.

[Cut to Richard in the attic, trying to heat up the cheese in the inside of the microwave. He takes it out; half his face is melting from the radiation.]

Richard: Huuuhhhh!

[Later, Bernie is showering with a cloud of bubbles in his eyes that he cannot remove. Unbeknownst to him, Richard is in the shower too, and he squirts more soap onto Bernie's head]

Bernie: C'mon! Why won't it wash off?

[Even later, Larry rings the doorbell. Ethel answers, and it is shown he is delivering pizza. Nicole comes out from a hole in the porch and discreetly cuts a hole into the box to take the pizza out. Ethel does not notice at all, and pays happily]

[That evening, Bernie is watching TV and eating chips. He throws one into the air, but Gumball jumps up from behind the couch and slaps it into Darwin's mouth. He throws another one, but Darwin slaps it at Gumball. He throws a third one, but Gumball's hand comes out of Bernie's coffee mug and slaps it at Wunderklopp. Bernie groans in frustration]

[The next morning, Ethel is hammering at Gumball and Darwin's computer with a mesmerized look. All the blinds are shut]

Bernie: Since when do you use the computer like that?

Ethel: I don't know, Bernie! It's like I have this interior voice that woke up! Now I know that I want my memes dank and none of that cheezburger weak sauce!

Bernie: [Shrugs] Mmm. Okay.

[She goes back to looking mesmerized as Bernie walks away. Gumball and Darwin's eyes pop out from under the bed]

Gumball: Good. Now search ten hours of Saxophone Chihuahua.

[She does. The Saxophone Chihuahua song plays while the boys' eyes dance]

[Bernie comes out of the bathroom, Richard close behind, who is copying Bernie's actions. Richard is visibly struggling to not make any noise]

[Ethel clears the table, when it shakes. It is shown that Wunderklopp is under the table, but Ethel just shrugs it off. Wunderklopp looks up and bites an apple on the table]

[In the kitchen, the Wattersons are greedily wolfing down all the food they saved. Suddenly, the light turns on, and Bernie walks in without his glasses. He starts feeling his way around. He touches Gumball's face]

Bernie: Ooh, what's that?

Gumball: Ding!

Bernie: Oh, must be the microwave. [He feels around some more, and touches Darwin] Oh! What is that?

Darwin: [Clicks tongue]

Bernie: Mmh. Must be a melon. [He grabs Richard's ears next] Now what is that?

Richard: [whispering] I am a black forest gateau with a crunchy shortbread base, multiple layers of praline, and a glossy cocoa finish!

[Everyone gasps in fear]

Bernie: Hm. Must be a black forest gateau with a crunchy shortbread base, multiple layers of praline, and a glossy cocoa finish. [He walks out of the kitchen and everyone sighs in relief]

[Ethel and Bernie are in bed, about to turn out the lights]

Bernie: Night, Ethel.

Ethel: Night, Bernie. [The lights go out, and two pairs of eyes open and get close to the couple. Ethel and Bernie open their eyes too]

Bernie: I don't understand. The bed looks big enough, but it always feels like I'm pressing against ya!

Ethel: Yeah! And it looks like there are more eyes than there should be in here!

[Bernie turns on the lights. No one is there. He turns them off again and the eyes reappear. He repeatedly flickers the light on and off, and the eyes disappear and reappear with it. Bernie imitates the light switch, and Nicole and Richard dash out from under the bed and in with them. Ethel and Bernie scream, flail around the room and faint]

Nicole and Richard: NO!

Nicole: No no no no no no no!!

Richard: What have we done?!

Gumball: What's going on?

[He, Darwin, and Anais come into the room. Nicole and Richard scream]

Nicole: Uh, our guests had so much fun that they...eh, they...

Richard: They've...gone into hibernation!

Anais: Wait, do goats hibernate?

[Nicole and Richard exchange guilty glances]

Richard: Yup. Yeah, yeah.

Gumball: Awww, does that mean they won't be able to finish their dream trip?

Nicole: Ehm.....I think it's safe to say no, honey.

Gumball: Ah. Poor little goat dudes. I wish there was something we could do to help.

Nicole: I'm sorry honey, but apart from literally dragging them around town and taking pictures of them and then putting those photos in their map thing so it looks like they had fun, [grows hysterical] and then dumping them on a train so they become someone else's problem, I really don't know how we can help!

Gumball: Let's just do that, then.

Richard: [gasps] No!

Nicole: YES!

The Klein Family Vacation

["I Still Look Forward To" starts playing as the montage begins. Nicole draws pupils on Ethel and Bernie's eyelids, and the Wattersons dress them like tourists: visor, sunglasses, polo shirt, lipstick, fanny pack, camera. First picture: them on the couch, excited for their trip]

[First, they go to the Elmore Stadium. They get flung into the air during a crowd wave, and get a picture on the kiss cam]

[Next, they go to the amusement park. They're on the Stomach Destroyer, and the picture from the ride is shown of them clearly knocked out. The Wattersons look at the picture and shake their heads. On the second try, the photo shows them with blankets, sleeping caps, and masks on. The Wattersons look at this one and nod]

[After that, they hit the shopping mall. Nicole and Richard try to force their heads through a photo-op cutout, but it falls over]

[Later, they visit the park. Gumball and Darwin drop them from a tree branch onto a bed sheet that Nicole and Richard are holding. The picture makes it look like they are jumping]

[After that, they stop at Joyful Burger. They are sitting at a booth together, and Bernie's face falls onto the table. Gumball fixes it. Anais is about to take the picture, when they are interrupted by the Dolphin Man]

Dolphin Man: Bernie Klein?![The Wattersons gasp] You old dog! That car you sold me was a lemon! I want my money back! [Bernie says nothing] Oh, you think you can just ignore this? You know what? You're right. [Raises his fist] I'll let my fist do the rest of the talking! [He swings, but Bernie falls just in time and the Dolphin Man hits himself in the face and faints. Everyone else shrugs and Anais takes the photo. It is of them sharing spaghetti, Lady and the Tramp style.]

[They go to Short Beach next and take a picture of Ethel's legs by the shore. It is then revealed that Gumball was holding up her legs to a computer with a picture of the beach on it]

[Next picture is of Bernie swimming. It is shown he's in the bathtub, with blue dye in it]

[Finally, a picture of them waving their arms frantically. Gumball is just blowing the vacuum cleaner at them while they hang from the clothesline]

[For the finishing touch, Nicole is posting a five-star review of their house on Elmorebnb under their name]

Nicole: "I've never felt more alive than during our time at the Watterson's house." Hmmmph, that should do it.

The Last Train to Glory

[Nighttime. The Wattersons are dragging Ethel, Bernie, and their luggage out their front porch]

Nicole: I guess we all learned a lesson today! It's okay to commit a crime if it means you get away with a different crime!

Richard: Nicole, that's a terrible lesson!

Nicole: Not every lesson you learn is a good one!

[All of a sudden, Ethel and Bernie wake up]

Ethel: What is going on here?!

Nicole: Oh, we're just about to put you on the last train to glory! [They suddenly realize]

Bernie: That sounds like some kind of ghoulish euphemism! [Nicole and Richard gasp in fear] Although we are indeed from Glory, Minnesota.

Ethel: Now, can someone please explain why you're draggin' us like a coupla slabs of meat under the cover of darkness?

Gumball: Because! You wouldn't wake up from hibernating!

Bernie: Hibernating? Oh, no! Like we said, we do faint when we get scared!

Gumball: Ah, you didn't get scared! You had a great time! Look at your memory map! [Shows them the map, full of the staged photos they took]

Ethel: Hmmmm. This can only mean one thing.... [Nicole and Richard gasp in fear again]

Bernie: This town's the most forgettable place we've ever been to! [Nicole and Richard sigh in relief]

Ethel: But it seems you forgot somethin' too...

Nicole and Richard: [Gasp again] What?!

Ethel: To ask for your money! [They sigh again]

Bernie: One hundred, two hundred, three hundred. Here you go. [Hands the money to Nicole]

Nicole: Ah, thanks.

Ethel: WAIT A MINUTE!!! [looks at the picture of them romantically sharing spaghetti at Joyful Burger. The photo has a heart drawn on it]

Nicole: There's nothing wrong with that! I think it's sweet that you're still in love after all these years!

Bernie: You staged these memories! You rented the house to us while still hiding and didn't let us on, we fainted in shock and you thought we croaked, so you faked the memory map and were gonna put us on the train home thinkin' you'd get away with it!

[Nicole and Richard sigh in defeat. The kids scream in shock]

Gumball, Darwin, and Anais: WHAT?!

Nicole: How'd you guess?

Bernie: We're brother and sister. [He takes the money from Nicole and they walk away in shame]

Nicole: Come on, kids. [They morosely go back into the house]

Still Broke

[The next morning. The fridge is still empty, save for some measly crumbs]

Nicole: That's it! There's nothing left to eat.

Richard: [Looks out the window] I guess there is still one last thing. [Wunderklopp is still in their yard. He looks at them]

Gumball: No!

Richard: [whispers] Yes.

[Cut to the Wattersons eating grass with Wunderklopp in the backyard. Episode ends]