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School without Teachers
[The episode begins with Darwin connecting on his laptop as usual]
Darwin: [texting] Hey guys, I have one more place to fill on the yearbook cover.
Carrie: [texting] Cool, who's it going to be?
Darwin: [texting] Well, I was thinking - what is a school without teachers?
Tobias: [texting] Paradise!
Alan: [texting] Anarchy!
Banana Joe: [texting] A disco!
[Banana Joe posts a clip of him flossing from "The Inquisition"]
Carrie: [texting] Seriously, you're gonna put a teacher in it?
Darwin: [texting] Yep, mainly because I can't face another argument about which of you guys it should be.
Masami: [Disappointed, texting] So... what? I'M NOT IN IT?!
[Masami zaps Darwin's message bar out of anger]
Darwin: [texting] Exactly, So I need your help to nominate one teacher.
Alan: [texting] Well obviously it should be our Principal!
Darwin: [texting] I guess. And we already know Principal Brown is photogenic.
[The scene cuts Gumball seeing Principal Brown's photos in "The Lesson"]
Gumball: Dude, you have to see this. [Chuckles]
[They start looking at photos of Principal Brown, and they both laugh. After a while, Gumball puts the photos down and sees Principal Brown posing in the same manner as he is in the last photo and Ms. Simian in front of them. They quickly put back the photos, and Miss Simian sees them]
Lucy Simian: Ooooh! [The scene stops]
Felix: [texting] But it takes more than being photogenic to make a good Principal. I mean, is he even that clever? [Erroneously types another "he" before "is"]
[Cut to Miss Simian's classroom, where Gumball and Darwin standing in. Principal Brown walks in, which is the scene in "The Wish"]
Nigel Brown: Lucy! I've been thinking, and I'm sorry I... [looks around] Where's Miss Simian?
Gumball: I'm sorry, Principal Brown. We made a wish on a magic gnome and now Miss Simian's been transformed into a—
Nigel Brown: Don't be ridiculous, that chair's always been there.
Gumball: No, not the chair. She's been transformed into—
Nigel Brown: [gasps] A desk! Oh, my darling Lucy! [hugs the desk] What have they done?!
Darwin: Mmmm, no, not the desk.
Nigel Brown: [runs to the window] Lucy! You're a window?
Nigel Brown: [holding the globe] A globe?
Gumball and Darwin: Mm-mm.
Nigel Brown: [holding a map] Huh?
Nigel Brown: [holding a plant] Huh?
Nigel Brown: [holding the phone] Huh?
Nigel Brown: [holding a pen] Huh?
Nigel Brown: [pointing to the fire alarm] Huh?
Nigel Brown: [holding up a used tissue] Huh?
Nigel Brown: [picks up various books]
Gumball: No, no...
Nigel Brown: [Opens the book, points at a tractor image] Huh? [The scene stops]
Darwin: [texting] No. Not clever.
Idaho: [texting] But I heard he was pretty resourceful when all the town's technology failed.
Darwin: [texting] Hmm, I guess.
[Cut to the Wattersons' house front door. The door is knocked on, Gumball and Darwin answers by open the door]
[It reveals to be Principal Brown, dress like a medieval hunter, as seen in "The Intelligence"]
Nigel Brown: Good morrow, sweet imp!
Gumball: [angry] Do you have any idea what time it is?!
Nigel Brown: I know not, for my time wheel has stopped at a half-moon hence. [quietly] Also my watch is broken. We can no longer summon sustenance from the telephone, so we are assembling this day a hunting party of equipped and noble fellows. [He moves aside. Harold and Jeff, also dressed like medieval hunters, are on their front porch]
Harold: I have my whisk!
Jeff: And I, my kitchen towel!
Nigel Brown: I too have kitchen towel. No beast shall slip through our fingers!
Darwin: Um, no offense, but it doesn't look like you guys know what you're doing.
Nigel Brown: You speaketh the truth, sweet spurs of the waters. We shall almost certainly perish! We lost three good men on the way here.
Harold: [whispers to Brown] I got a splinter.
Nigel Brown: And Mr. Wilson got a splinter. But ho! Will you join us this day?
Gumball: Yeah, we'll pass. Looks like you guys are having enough fun combining cosplay and concussion without us.
Nigel Brown: Ha ha ha ha ha! I like you, sweet imp.
Harold: I too like you!
Jeff: I too have kitchen towel!
Nigel Brown: We've done that bit. [The scene stops]
Tobias: [texting] I don't get it.
Darwin: [texting] Yeah, it was a weird day.
Tobias: [texting] No, I mean what's impressive about him talking old-fashioned? He is old!
Billy: [texting] Au contraire! Principal Brown is, how do you put it, "mighty cool and down with the children".
[Cut to the school cafeteria, where Principal Brown walking in, dress in a hip-hop outfit and bling, shown in "The Fraud"]
Mister Small: I'm sorry, Principal Brown, but you look like such a jerk that even a granola-crunching pacifist like me had to do something about it.
Nigel Brown: Fair enough. [The scene stops]
Darwin: [texting] Okay, he's not clever and he's not cool.
Sarah: [texting] Then how about Mr. Small?
Tobias: [texting] He's definitely cool - [Shows Mr. Small's videos on Elmore Stream-It] have you heard the album he put out?
About Mr. Small
[Darwin clicks on a video. It's Mr. Small's "The Small Hours" album of songs in "The Singing"]
Announcer: Available now for a limited time, Mr. Small's self-funded masterpiece, "The Small Hours," featuring the hit single, "Hit Single."
Mister Small: [Singing] Hit single,
Announcer: Also featuring the haunting ballad "This Boy's Not My Son."
Mister Small: [Singing, autotuned, altered] Can't you see, it's clear to me
This boy is not my son.
Announcer: And the party favorite, "Rock and Roll Orthodontist."
Mister Small: [Singing from far away] Rock and roll orthodontist, rock and roll orthodontist.
Announcer: And the wildly experimental "Mother."
["Mother" appears to be merely Mister Small screaming wildly onto Alison]
Announcer: Hurry! This CD is available for a limited time only while stocks last.
[Darwin stops the video]
Carrie: [texting] Well there's certainly something for everyone.
Alan: [texting] What's "A Little Moment of Calm"? Sounds like my kinda thing.
[Clicks on another video. The video begins with the title, a view of the sky and a sitar strumming. It has been seen in "The Upload". Mr. Small is shown sitting in a grassy field with a boombox and a CD]
Mister Small: Welcome to "A Little Moment of Calm," with me -- Mr. Small. Oh I really should have called this "Small Moment of Calm." Anyway, un-clench your chakras, and I'll demonstrate using my new CD, now available in gas stations and supermarkets...in the bargain bin. [Mr. Small plays the CD already in the boombox and begins to meditate]
Mister Small: [Through CD] Open your chest and relax. Breathe in. Breathe out. [Mr. Small does in response in real life] Breathe in. Breathe out. [The CD gets stuck] B-b-breathe out. [Mr. Small continues to do as instructed. The CD repeats this ten times, Mr. Small still doing as instructed. As he does this, his body proceeds to invert inside out. The CD finally begins to play after his body is completely inside out] E-e-enjoy your new body. After all, yoga is a form of rebirth. Namaste. [Mr. Small collapses]
[The video stops]
Darwin: [texting] You know that's pretty much how all of his therapy sessions end.
[A cloud of dust rushes forward, blowing through everything in its path. It's Mr. Small, zooming towards them like a bullet. He dives up and lands right in between them. This is a scene from "The Silence"]
Mister Small: Did someone say...alternative medicine?
[Cut to a scene from "The Allergy," when Darwin is pinned all over his body]
Darwin: I can't feel pain, or anything from the neck down.
[Darwin sneezes, and the acupuncture pins hit Gumball and Mr. Small. Gumball deflates and Mr. Small groans. The scene immediately cuts to Mr. Small wearing a clown nose in "The Advice"]
Mister Small: Ho ho!
[Cut to Darwin splashes water on Mr. Small and smashes a mirror right in front of Banana Joe — a scene from "The Banana"]