Darwin's Yearbook: Clayton/Transcript

"We're clearly missing something." "You notice it too?"
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Looking for the Photo[]

[The episode opens with Darwin on his laptop with the Yearbook cover opened on Shotophop]

Darwin: So, Clayton! He's pretty photogenic. Let's have a look. [opens Elmore Plus and clicks on Clayton's profile]

[All the photos on the profile are of Clayton in a different shape]

Darwin: Oh, I didn't think this through. Clayton's a shape-shifter. Maybe one of his friends can help. [Clicks on Tobias' profile]

Asking Tobias[]

Darwin: [texting] Hey, Tobias?

Tobias: [texting] What's up, Darwinkle?

Darwin: [texting] I'm just making the front cover of the yearbook, and I can't find a good pic of Clayton.

Tobias: [texting] Don't stress, I'm on it.

[Tobias sends a picture of himself]

Darwin: [texting] Yeah...do you have one when he looks like Clayton?

Tobias: [texting] Right, right, I get it, it'd be weird to have me on the cover twice!

Darwin: [texting] Yeah, the thing is...

Tobias: [texting] You could have a front and a back view though. [Sends another picture of himself with his back facing the camera]

Darwin: [texting] Um, this is awkward...

Tobias: [texting] Or even a side view? [Sends yet another picture] I look great in profile.

Darwin: [texting] You're not on the cover.

[Tobias is shown to be typing for a while]

Darwin: [texting] Tobias? Uh, Tobias? Are you—

Tobias: [texting in large, red font] WHAT! [normal texting] Sorry, I couldn't work out how to make the font big. HOW AM I NOT ON THE COVER?!! I'm the complete package. We've been over this, remember?

[A flashback to a scene from "The Third" begins]

Tobias: [Overlooking from the next stall] Hey, you guys! I couldn't help, uh, listening to everything you just said, and I... uh... think you're in luck. Athletic? Check! [Showing off] Rich? Check! [Shows some notes] Colourful? [Changes color] Check-a-leck-a-ding-dong.

Darwin: [texting] But Clayton can shape-shift!

Tobias: [texting] Yeah, only because he's too boring to be himself. He doesn't even have any videos of himself showing off online, and everyone knows that's the true sign of coolness.

Darwin: [texting] Yeah, I'm looking at yours now. What's "Where there's a Wilson there's a way"?

Where there's a Wilson there's a way[]

[Darwin clicks on the video and a clip from "The Tape" begins playing]

Tobias: [Turns to face the camera] Hi, I'm Tobias Wilson, and a lot of people ask me, "Can you teach me to be as cool as you?" [Shakes his head and deepens voice] And I say, "No, you'll never be as cool as me." [Voice goes back to normal] But I can teach you to be cooler than you, [Crosses arms] and maybe you'll be a hit with the ladies like me.

[Cut to Tobias at the gym with weights in front of him]

Tobias: BOOOYAH!! If you wanna get dates.. you gotta pump weights, 'cause girls can't deny.. a guy who's this fly. So let's get some muscles and score some girls from...like, Brussels!... or...something. Let's do this!

[Tobias grabs weights and cannot lift them. The scene jump cuts to Tobias lifting a smaller weight]

Tobias: [Drops weight] Yeah!! That's what I'm talkin' about!

Darwin: [texting] I just think Clayton has a more bouncy personality. Literally.

[A clip from "The Anybody" begins playing]

Clayton: This was such a good idea! Wahoo!

[He bounces away]

Tobias: [texting] Yeah, but is he funny? Check out when I punk'd my dad.

Punk'd[]

[Darwin clicks on a video titled "PUNK'D," and a clip from "The Uploads" begins playing]

Tobias: Okay, it's five A.M., and my dad is about to get up for work. But I put a skateboard at the bottom of the stairs. Shh! Let's see what happens.

[Harold walks down the stairs and trips and falls on the skateboard, waking up Jackie in the process. Harold sees Tobias and immediately thinks he is being robbed]

Tobias: What the...?

Harold: Aah! Honey! We're being robbed!

[Jackie screams and at the same time an alarm starts blaring. Harold calls the police while Jackie throws objects at Tobias]

Harold: Hello, police! We have an intruder! Yes! He's probably armed and dangerous, and he's wearing a rap-music hat.

Tobias: Guys, guys, it's me! This is a prank. You just got Tobias'd. This is extreme pranking with Tobias Wil— [The Doughnut Sheriff busts the door down and tackles Tobias while sirens go off outside]

Tobias: [laughs] [texting, in fancy voice] Is that not funny, kind sir?

Darwin: [texting] Correct. It is not funny.

Tobias: [texting, in normal voice] Okay then, I'll show you funny.

"Funny"[]

[Tobias sends a video. Darwin clicks on it and a compilation of Tobias insulting people]

Tobias: [to Gumball] Your belly has more folds than an origami convention. The only thing you could lift with that body is my self-esteem. You beef-witted peasant! Cantankerous oaf! [To Bobert] Robo-dork! [To Idaho] Rustic troglodyte! [To Gumball and Darwin] Pungent potpourri punks! Weirdos! [Laughing at Gumball and Darwin with Banana Joe and Ocho] BURN!

Darwin: [texting] Tobias, being mean is not cool.

Tobias: [texting] Come on, I'm the King of Cool! Who else in Elmore has held a legendary house party?

[A clip from "The Party" begins playing, Rachel answers the front door.]

Rachel: TOBIAS! More of your dweeb loser baby friends have arrived. [Walks back into the house]

Tobias: GUYS! GUYS! This party is totally off the hook!

[Everyone screams and violently smashes things. Rob and Tobias have lamp shades on their heads and they are switching them on and off, Alan attempts to fit himself in with some other balloons, Leslie is dancing with his pot on his head, and Sussie is still eating chips]

Jamie: Hey, look! I'm gonna throw the TV out of the window!

TV: Please, allow me. [Jumps out of the window]

Rachel: NO! Not the TV!!!

Darwin: [texting] Yeah, I've been meaning to ask—what happened to your sister Rachel?

Tobias: [texting] Oh, she's gone.

Darwin: [texting] Gone? Like, gone the way of the dinosaur?

Tobias: [texting] No, gone to college, obviously. Anyway, cool party, right? You want more cool—here's a little thing I've been working on.

"Cool"[]

[Tobias sends another video, which Darwin clicks. A compilation of Tobias being "cool" begins playing]

Tobias: Start the b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b... It's my chick-magnet dance move. ...what's happenin' Dar-wizzle? Hey Idaho, my bro-tato.

Idaho: Aah!

Tobias: Alan, my man! Yeah! Well, Where'd you think I got my muscles from? ...kiss it. ...kiss it. ...kiss it. WOOO! Okay, I'm gonna bounce. I've got gals in different locales! Hey, girl. Hey, girl. Hey, girl. Masami went to me this morning: she would like this... Ladies, the equator called! It wants his hotness back. From me.

[The video stops]

Darwin: Hmmm. [texting] I guess you are kinda cool.

Tobias: [texting] AND fun. remember that Portal gun!

Other Memories with Tobias[]

[A clip from "The Points" begins playing, Gumball and Darwin run from Tobias.]

Tobias: You think you can outrun me? Well, try to outrun my portal gun. [Switches between guns] Darn, missed it. Gotta cycle through again.

[Tobias switches to his portal gun, then shoots a portal above Gumball and another one underneath him, causing him to fall through an infinite loop]

Gumball: Darwin!

[Darwin and Tobias fight for the gun, sending Gumball flying in various directions until he bumps into them]

Darwin: Quick! His parents are only two blocks down!

Tobias: It'll look much further after I've used my shrink gun.

[Tobias shoots, causing Gumball and Darwin to scream as they shrink. He then prepares to stomp them, but is interrupted by a confused Anais]

Anais: What are you doing?

[The clip stops]

Tobias: [texting] I mean look at that - I'm like the Fourth Watterson! Me and my bro Gumball are close... really, really close.

[A clip from "The Society" begins playing]

[The school bell rings, and Tobias is seen walking in the hall. Unknown to him, Gumball is hiding behind him, with his feet in Tobias' shoes. Tobias looks around and suspects something, then shrugs and continues walking. At P.E., Tobias has a hard time doing pushups and pull-ups. He weighs himself in the locker room, and is shocked to see his weight at a whopping 180 pounds. He frowns, squeezes his belly, and scratches his head with Gumball's arm. Later, he plods up to his locker sweating and panting.]

Darwin: [To Gumball] Dude, seriously? Come on.

Tobias: I'm sorry, man. I just feel really slow and heavy.

Gumball: [Whispers to Darwin] He's gonna lead us straight to them.

Tobias: I'm losing my mind! I'm hearing voices, and I'm sweating like a pig!

Gumball: Here! [Hands Tobias body spray]

Tobias: [Sprays himself and Gumball] Wait! It was you all along!?

[Gumball sneezes, and knocks Tobias out cold. The clip stops]

Tobias: [texting] And remember the time I was stuck on the roof with him?

Darwin: [texting] No, I wasn't there.

Tobias: [texting] Oh, it was great!

[A clip from "The Slap" begins playing, Gumball and Tobias are trapped on the school's roof top.]

Gumball: We're trapped up here and nobody's gonna be here 'til Monday morning! What are we gonna do?!

Tobias: We'll do what real men do. SURVIVE. [Pounces on Gumball, chewing on his leg]

Gumball: [Screaming] No! What are you doing?

Tobias: We both know it's gonna happen at some point. And I'm clearly the alpha here.

Gumball: I'm the one who hasn't eaten for two days! [Starts eating Tobias] This isn't working.

Tobias: There's only one thing for it: we're gonna have to work together.

[They start singing "Stay Alive"]

Gumball: Companionship is needed,

Tobias: When you're in a rut.

Gumball: And when you have succeeded, you can slap each other's-

Tobias: Back!

Gumball & Tobias: You gotta do what you can, you gotta make a new plan,

And then you will survive

You gotta work with your buddy when the situation's cruddy

And you might just stay alive

Tobias: This seemed a good idea,

Gumball: But I think I should've stopped ya.

The end is gettin' near, what we need's- a helicopter

[A helicopter is flying near the building.]

Gumball & Tobias: We gotta signal the guy, so he can see us from the sky,

And then we will survive

[They remove their arms and legs to form letters on the roof.]

Tobias: I got a spare leg!

Gumball: Just throw it away.

Pilot: "Need help?" No, I'm fine, thank you!

[Helicopter flies away.]

Gumball: [Angrily] What- what were you thinking?!

Tobias: [Angrily, at the same time as Gumball] Aw, this is your fault!

Gumball: [Angrily] Why would you put a question mark at the end?!

Gumball & Tobias: So we're both gonna croak from the rain or sunstroke,

Cause friendship's not enough

You can forget the bromance,

Cause we stand a better chance with actual survival stuff!

[The clip ends.]

Darwin: [texting] Doesn't look that fun.

Tobias: [texting] Oh come on lil'D, all those times bro-ing out together at your crib?

[A clip from "The One" begins playing.]

Tobias: Yeah, so I was thinking this weekend, maybe we should just stay in. I mean if we did go out the only people we'd talk to are each other. Am I right?

Gumball: Dude, who invited you in?

Tobias: [Grabs a bucket of ice cream] What am I? A vampire? [Takes a bite of ice cream and heads to the couch] It's what friends do. [Sits between Gumball and Darwin, resting his leg on Darwin and eating the last of the ice cream] By the way, can you tell your mom to buy more ice cream? We're out.

[Darwin intervenes in clip.]

Darwin: Tobias, have you forgotten how this ended?

[The clip resumes.]

Tobias: We're out.

[Gumball tosses Tobias through the door. Tobias begins rolling like a tumbleweed through town and onto a bus, which takes him to the airport where he rolls onto a plane. He rolls over and over in his seat until he is seen rolling through the desert. He then rolls up to the summit of a mountain, balances precariously for a few seconds, then rolls down the other side.]

[Gumball is shown fixing the door with a screwdriver while Darwin watches.]

Gumball: There.

[Tobias is heard rolling into the living room before finally arriving in frame]

Tobias: Oh, hey!

[Gumball and Darwin scream]

Tobias: You fixed the door!

[Gumball and Darwin try to throw Tobias out again, but this time the door does not open]

Gumball: Dagnabbit, fixed it too well.

[The clip ends.]

Tobias: [texting] Weird, I have no memory of that. #Neverhappened.

Darwin: [texting] Maybe you've lost your short term memory. I mean you've suffered a lot blunt force head trauma.

The Amazing Fails of Tobias Wilson[]

[Darwin searches in the search bar: "TOBIAS WILSON FAIL" and plays a video called "The Amazing Fails of Tobias Wilson." The video starts with "The World" where Tobias gets hit by a Basketball as he was about to sing, then getting hit by a book which was thrown by Penny in "The Knights," tripping over invulnerable Ocho in "The Tape," running into a Football Player in "The Sorcerer," all the times he got hit by girls and gets knocked out by Clayton in "The Move," Patrick closing the door on his foot in "The Knights," falling out of a window and into trash in "The Move," being chased by biker gangs in "The Pizza," his headband stretching too far and snapping, causing him to fall over in "The Gift," Gumball trying to get his oxygen tank to work but inflates him in "The Advice," getting hit by Jamie's dodgeball in "The Stories," as well as Gumball and Darwin's invisible guns in "The Points," slapping himself trying to avoid slapping Gumball's butt in "The Slap," hitting the bottom of the pool due to the water being held up by an invisible force, and nearly drowning later in "The Scam," Gumball violently throwing up venom at his face in "The Test," soda spilling out of his nostrils in "The Revolt," crashing into a bus stop sign in "The Stars," Gumball sending him trampolining into his house in "The Coach," gets into an explosion in "The Ex," and Gumball kicking him out of his house in "The One." Then a clip plays from "The Anybody" where he is locked out of his house.]

Tobias: Please spare it! Show me no more!

[The video ends.]

Tobias: [texting] And it's exactly that noble willingness to fail that makes me so relatable... and PERFECT for the front cover! So whaddaya say?

Darwin: [texting] Okay you win.

[Tobias is shown to be typing for a while again]

Tobias: [texting in large, red font] AWESOME!

Darwin: [texting] And I'll choose a photo that shows the real Tobias, warts and all.

Tobias: [texting] ...Okay.

Darwin: [texting] One second.

Looking for a Photo of Tobias[]

[Darwin searches for photos on Tobias' Elmore Plus account. All the images he looked at had the "Bad Day!" subtitle]

Darwin: [texting] Okay, which of those should I use?

[Tobias posts a picture of Clayton (seen in "The Skull")]

Darwin: [texting] Thanks Buddy. 👍

[Later, Darwin adds the photo to the Yearbook front page, but he also adds a photo of Tobias]

Darwin: He's right. He is pretty colourful.

[Episode ends.]