Darwin's Yearbook: Banana Joe/Transcript

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Darwin's Mission

[The episode opens with Darwin's profile on Elmore Plus]

Darwin: [texting] Hey Carrie. What are you up to today?

Carrie: Eh, [texting] thought I might hide in the restroom mirror, and then..

[A dramatic cue and an ominous scream play over a picture of a skull being texted]

Carrie: [texting] You know, freak out the first years.

Darwin: [texting] Fun! I've got a day to myself, I might just sit around and—

[A notification from Principal Brown pops up]

Darwin: [texting] Brown!

Carrie: [texting] I'm not sure I want to know what that means.

Darwin: [texting] I mean I got a message from Principal Brown!

Carrie: [texting] Ugh, what does it say?

[Darwin opens the notification. Brown's message is poorly written; many words are misspelled]

Darwin: [as Principal Brown] Deer Orringe Waterson. I knead a student to destine the school yearbook. I'm asking you because I ca'nt remmemmber the other kids' names a-part from the blue Waterson and hes here in dettenshon. Kind rigards, Principle Brown. Ps. No hurry but it go's two print tomorow morning. Welcum to the reel wurld.

Carrie: [texting] Wow, you're really good at his voice!

Darwin: [as Principal Brown] Thank you. [Switches back to regular voice] Well, I guess that's my day filled, catch you later Carrie. [He adds a love heart emoji]

Looking for the Photo

Darwin: Okay, I'm gonna start with... Banana Joe. The class clown has definitely gotta be on the front cover. Should be easy to find a good picture of him. He's always uploading.

[Darwin clicks onto Joe's profile]

Darwin: How about... "BEDROOM BACKFLIP?"

[A video of Banana Joe attempting to perform a backflip from "The Compilation" is shown]

Banana Joe: [video] It's back flip time! One... two... three... [Banana Joe back flips out of his banana peel and falls back in upside down. He tries again] It's back flip time! Again. One... two... three... [Banana Joe back flips again, and goes through his peel onto the floor. He tries one more time] Okay. It's back flip time. This time it'll work. One, two, three! [Banana Joe flies up to the ceiling and gets stuck. Banana Bob comes in his room and takes his banana peel. Banana Joe falls on the floor] Ta-da...

Darwin: Nah, he doesn't look too good there. Let's try "BANANA BANAAAANA."

[The video appears, showing Banana Joe dancing to "I Say Banana"]

Banana Joe: [autotuned; video]: I say BA-NAH-NA

Banana Joe's head: [high-pitched; video]: And I say BA-NA-NA

Banana Joe: BA-NAH-NA

Banana Joe's head: BA-NA-NA

Banana Joe: BA-NAH-NA

Banana Joe: [Scatting] I say BA-NAH-NA

Banana Joe's head: And I say BA-NA-NA

Banana Joe: BA-NAH-NA

Banana Joe's head: BA-NA-NA

Banana Joe: BA-NAH-NA

Banana Joe's head: BA-NA-NA

Banana Joe: BA-NAH-NA

Banana Joe's head: BA-NA-NA

Banana Joe's butt: [Scatting] Yeah!

Darwin: [pausing the video] Inappropriate. [Going back to Joe's profile and scrolling down] Come on, Joe, There's gotta be something where you look like a regular banana!

[He clicks onto a video of Joe's dream from "The Night," wherein Joe chases his own rear end around]

Darwin: [pausing the video early] Nope. [Going back to Joe's profile] This looks a bit different: "Joseph A. Banana's Afterschool Stories."

[Joe's show from "The Spinoffs" plays]

Banana Bob: [video; screen on a young Banana Joe] Um, son, I know this might be difficult to understand, but, your mother and I feel like we need some distance between us.

Banana Barbara: Nothing will change between you and I. It's just between ourselves.

Banana Bob​​​​​​​: Son...

Banana Barbara and Banana Bob​​​​: [screen on the parents] We're splitting up!

[Banana Bob and Banana Barbara literally split up from being united, and soon start dancing with Banana Joe]

Darwin: [pausing the video] He really is a bit of a one-trick banana. [Going back to Joe's profile] Ah! I got it! "Banana Joe's Body Jam!" People always look cool in the gym, right?

[Joe's video from "The Promise" plays]

Banana Joe: [video] Welcome back to Banana Joe's Body Jam! Explosion! [Imitates explosion] Title card. Volume 3: Pecs! [Imitates electric guitar] Now, let's start with a basic bench-press move.

[He moves the camera, and demonstrates with a barbell]

Banana Joe: [video] Now, what you wanna do is- [Gets squished by barbell] That's an example of what you shouldn't do. I wanted to show you how important it is to always have someone around to spot you. But since I don't have anybody-yet, I'm gonna demonstrate how you get out of a situation like this. What you wanna do is [Gets squeezed by one of the disks] Ooh. Okay, that's clearly expected. Just roll back to the side and- [Gets squished by other disk] Ow! It's okay! I'm sure they'll be here any minute now.

[Static cut. Banana Joe rolls the weight across his body in an attempt to get it off him. He ends up mashing and spilling himself]

Banana Joe: Aw... man...

Darwin: [pausing the video] Well, he's definitely ripped. [Going back to Joe's profile] Maybe a fail montage is the way to go, though. Gotta be one on here somewhere.

[He types "fail montage" into the search bar. A video by Chi Chi titled simply "Banana Joe" appears.]

Darwin: Perfect. [He clicks]

The Many Fails of Banana Joe

[It begins with a clip of Joe from "The Banana," running and screaming at the Watterson brothers, but tripping over them and hitting his head on a drinking fountain. As a bruise spreads on his face, mournful music begins to play. The next clip is of Joe in "The Promise," injured, and attempting to lean on a rack of dumbbells, which falls on him. He tries to grab onto another device, but is flung onto the treadmill, which sucks him into it before short-circuiting. A clip from "The Goons" is up next, showing Joe participating in the Dumb Race and being cut into pieces by a wire-mesh fence. Next is a clip from "The Photo" of Joe knocking his arm against Bobert's, injuring it. After this is a clip from "The Worst" of Anais angrily walking towards Joe]

Banana Joe: [video] Oh, hi Anais!

[Anais steps on him, sending him flying out of his peel. The Melted Cheese Guy steps on him and slips. Next, Joe is shown in "The Inquisition," walking away from Superintendent Evil, having cut himself into six segments. Following this is a clip from "The Coach" of Jamie with a makeshift banana split composed of Sarah's head and a peeled Joe, both screaming. Then, a clip from "The Spoiler" is shown of Joe re-enacting a scene from The Screamening with his screaming head sitting next to him, covered in spaghetti. Next is shown a clip from "The Rerun" of Joe being ejected at Laser Video by the Universal Remote. After this, a clip from "The Roots" is shown of Joe falling into two pieces at Joyful Burger. Then is a clip from "The Vision" of Hector slipping on Joe. Next is a clip from "The Weirdo" of Joe throwing himself into a bin, then a clip from The Candidate" of Joe, in Hot Dog Guy's buns, being attacked by Hot Dog Guy's limbs, which are still attached to the buns. Afterwards, a clip from "The Shippening" of Joe twisting into a knot is played, then a clip from "The Decisions" of Joe sliding on his peel into a bin. Next to be shown is a clip from "The Advice" showing Coach sliding down the stairs, colliding with Rocky and squashing Joe against the screen, then a clip from "The Girlfriend" of Jamie biting the top of Joe's head off and spitting it out, followed by a clip from "The One" of Tobias ripping Joe out of his peel, then a clip from "The Future" of Rob bashing Joe with a crowbar, and finally a clip from the same episode of Joe smashing a window in an attempt to put up a "missing" poster for his mother. Text reading "In memory of Joseph A. Banana" and "Somehow still alive" fades in]

Darwin: Perhaps his Elmore Plus page, I'll have something less tragic...

Searching an other photo

[He stops the video and scroll his Elmore Plus uploads]

Darwin : Oh, men, so much banana. I don't know where to start! How about "BEST photo EVER of a banana!"?

[He clicks on a video named "BEST photo EVER of a banana!," showing a scene of "The Butterfly," showing Darwin looking something with a microscope]

Darwin: [video] Hmm. Is it a leaf?

Gumball: [video; amused; snickers] Nooo.

Darwin: [video] Is it a really small sandwich?

Gumball: [video; amused] Nooo!

Darwin: [video] It looks like a yellow eye, but closed.

Banana Joe: [video] Nah! [Zooms out to show him, Gumball and Darwin in class] It's my butt!

[Gumball and Joe laugh while Darwin screams]

Darwin: [video] It's imprinted on my eyes! Everything is ruined! [Looks at Leslie, whose face is now a butt] Nature is ruined! [Looks at wedding couple whose faces are now butts] Love is ruined! [Looks at a cropped image of The Creation of Adam where God and Adam's fingertips are butts] Art is ruined! [Screams] Even Miss Simian is ruined!

Lucy Simian: [video; with butt face] Everyone pay attention!

Darwin: [video] Uh...she kinda looks better actually.

[He stops the video]

Darwin: I'm gonna have to try and unsee that all over again. 'Kay, I'll have to ask him directly.

[He opens Elmore Plus Joe's chat]

Asking to Joe

Darwin: [texting] Hey Joe!

Banana Joe: [texting] I'd love to [many smileys]

Darwin: [texting] What, i haven't asked you anything

Banana Joe: [texting] I know, im bored, you want to hang out?

Darwin: [texting] I can't, I'm working on the school yearbook. I need it to be much colorful as possible, so...

Banana Joe: [texting] I can be any color you want, as long as it's yellow or purple.

Darwin: [texting] Purple?

Banana Joe: [texting] Uh huh

[Video of "The Misunderstandings," starting with Gumball running]

Banana Joe: [video] Hey man, wanna hang out?

Gumball: [video; stops running] Hey Joe. I'm sorry, I really can't talk right now.

Banana Joe: [video; singing] Should we just sing instead?

Gumball: [video] Dude, I didn't have time for this. I really gotta go.

Banana Joe: [video] Number one or number two? [wiggles his eyebrows]

Gumball: [video] What? Eww, no. Look, I don't wanna be rude but I need to leave. Follow me?

Banana Joe: [video] Got it.

Gumball: [video; walks slowly past Joe but realizes he is following him] What are you doing?!

Banana Joe: [video] What? You said 'follow me'. I thought we were doing a walk and talk.

Gumball: [video] Dude, I don't have time to talk! Am I clear?!

Banana Joe: [Zips his mouth and winks at Gumball]

[Gumball starts walking again, but Banana Joe walks after him]

Gumball: [video] No! Just me walking. For you, there's no walking and no talking! Alright?!

Banana Joe: [Nods]

Gumball: [Walks backward]

Banana Joe: [Moves forward without moving his legs]

Gumball: [video] That was a- uh. Actually that was too impressive for me to be mad. But I'm gonna be as specific as I possibly can. You stay here and don't do anything. I will go to the mall, and see you later. Okay?

Banana Joe: [Inhales and salutes in agreement]

Gumball: [Runs away and leaves Joe alone]

Banana Joe: [Stand stills until his skin turns purple due to lack of oxygen]

Darwin: [texting] I prefer the yellow. So, can you send me a picture?

Banana Joe: [texting] Sure!

[Joe sends him a shoe picture]

Darwin: [texting] No,No. i mean a photo

[Joe sends him a shoe photo]

Darwin: [texting] OF YOU!

Banana Joe: [texting] Oh I get it, here's one, it's a close up and i look a bit younger but..

[Joe sends him a photo of the inside of a banana with seeds inside]

Darwin: [texting] Gross, is that your insides?

Banana Joe: [texting] No, its my mom's insides. I'm the third seed on the right.

Darwin: [texting] You must have a better shot than that!

Banana Joe: [texting] Well i did make a supercut of all my best bits. But for some reason they won't let me upload it!

[Joe sends him a video, Darwin clicks]