The Laziest/Transcript

Richard's Condition

 * So remember, you've got to vacuum the living room, sort up the fridge and don't forget to take out the trash.
 * Yes, commander!
 * Very good. See you later!
 * Can't be bothered. Move, move.
 * Pst, dad. You wanna play?
 * I can't play right now, can't you see I am taking out the trash?
 * But you promised to play with us.
 * How about you, little bank robbers, take your loot to the safe house?  Huh?
 * We are just taking out the trash, aren't we?
 * Yeah...
 * DAD! You tricked us! That was no game!
 * Sorry, I've got a medical condition, called lazyness.
 * Yeah? Well, for now on, we're gonna be the lazy ones.
 * I'll tell you what. If you can find anyone lazier than me in this town, I'll do your jobs for a whole day, and if you lose, you'll do mine for the rest of your lives. How does that sound?
 * and : Sounds pretty fair.
 * Okay then. Let the lazy-off begin!
 * Yeah? Well, for now on, we're gonna be the lazy ones.
 * I'll tell you what. If you can find anyone lazier than me in this town, I'll do your jobs for a whole day, and if you lose, you'll do mine for the rest of your lives. How does that sound?
 * and : Sounds pretty fair.
 * Okay then. Let the lazy-off begin!
 * Okay then. Let the lazy-off begin!

The 1st lazy-off

 * Announcer: Ike Hitcher meets Rod Ironknuckle fist to fist! Thumb Wrestling Federation tonight at nine!
 * What are we do?
 * We just do everything dad does.
 * He just doesn't stop!
 * and :
 * Hey, you got a little something on your face.
 * Where?
 * There! Sorry. I don't know what's happening to me! I'm all tingling.
 * Me too buddy! What's going on?
 * Everywhere you look and everywhere you go, sugar, sugar, sugar from your head to your toes. When you've eaten lots of sugar and you've had too much, watch out everybody, it's a sugar rush! Watch out everybody, it's a sugar rush!
 * It tickles!
 * Dad! We need a time-out. We're gonna find someone else to beat you.
 * Sure! But I have to warn you, I'm invincible! Hahahaha!
 * C'mon, Darwin, let's go!
 * Dad! We need a time-out. We're gonna find someone else to beat you.
 * Sure! But I have to warn you, I'm invincible! Hahahaha!
 * C'mon, Darwin, let's go!
 * C'mon, Darwin, let's go!

Someone lazier than dad

 * Excuse me,
 * What did he say?
 * He's just saying he needs to find a guy to beat his pop in a lazy-off.
 * How about Lazy Larry?
 * Who's Lazy Larry?
 * It's a long story, son, that goes way back to the Summer of '83.
 * What's happening?
 * I dunno.
 * Everything was fast, now everything is slow, I'm all alone, in my sugar low. WHERE DID EVERYBODY GO?
 * Nevermind, just go and see Lazy Larry. He works at the convenience store.
 * and : Thank you, senior citizens.
 * What did he say?
 * Nevermind, just go and see Lazy Larry. He works at the convenience store.
 * and : Thank you, senior citizens.
 * What did he say?
 * What did he say?

Lazy Larry

 * Hello there, valued costumers.
 * Are you Lazy Larry?
 * No... No Lazy Larry is here. Ha! No.
 * Lazy Larry, please come to the check out. Lazy Larry...
 * No one calls me that anymore. I stopped being Lazy Larry years ago.
 * How come?
 * Well, it all goes back to the Summer of '83...
 * Can you just tell it quickly.
 * Yeah, sure. I was the laziest guy in Elmore, until I lost my title to... Richard Watterson.
 * and :
 * That guy is lazier than a rock.
 * But, Larry, we need you to beat our dad in a lazy-off.
 * I'm sorry kids, but I'm not that guy anymore. I've got a car now and a great new house and a girlfriend who I'm gonna marry. So, thank you for shopping at "Food N' Stuff" and please go home now. Hello there, valued...  Ah!
 * and : Please do it, Larry!
 * No.
 * and : Please do it, Larry!
 * No!
 * and : Please do it, Larry!
 * No!
 * and : Please do it, Larry!
 * No!
 * Please do it, Larry!
 * No!
 * and : Please do it, Larry!
 * No, no, no, no, NO! Oh, sorry, m'am, that's 39 cents.
 * and : Please do it, Larry!
 * LEAVE ME ALONE!!
 * Shouting at customers, Needlemeyer? Gonna have to let you go.
 * Now that you don't have a job anymore, will you come to our lazy-off?
 * No!
 * Shouting at customers, Needlemeyer? Gonna have to let you go.
 * Now that you don't have a job anymore, will you come to our lazy-off?
 * No!
 * No!