The Hero/Transcript

What's Our Dad Good At...?
''[Elmore Junior High playground. The students are gathered, eating their lunch.]''


 * What happened to you? You look like a Florida grandma.

Masami: This, my ignorant friend, is a suntan. My dad just took me skiing. You've probably never heard of it. It's what rich people do.


 * My dad is rich -- vitamin B6 and potassium. He's also a good source of fiber.


 * Well, my dad can beat rock.


 * Well, that's nothin'. My dad's so big that three mountain climbers got lost in his belly button.

''[Richard pulls up in his car and comes out with a paper bag. He listens closely to the conversation.]''


 * What's your dad good at?


 * Hm... what's our dad good at?  He's good at being nice.


 * No. More like a skill.


 * Is sweating without moving a skill?

[The kids laugh.]


 * How about...putting on weight?  He's awesome at that.

[The kids laugh again.]


 * He must be good at something.


 * I guess he's only good at being embarrassing.

[They laugh.]

Yeah, uh...like that time at the mall.

''[Flashback. Elmore Mall. Several citizens are dancing to hip-hop music. Richard storms into the scene and starts dancing.]''


 * Ohh!  Oh-oh-uh-ohh-ohh!  Ohh!  Oh-oh!  Uh-ohh-ohh!

[Bystanders, including Gumball and Darwin, look on with chagrin.]


 * Mother, I feel so sorry for this man's children.


 * Oh, don't worry, honey. It's very unlikely anyone like that would have children.

''[End of flashback. Gumball and Darwin laugh.]''


 * Yeah, or the time he came to school to talk about his job.

''[Flashback to Ms. Simian's classroom. Richard is dancing the same way as he was at the mall.]''


 * Ohh!  Oh-oh!  Uh-ohh-ohh!

[End of flashback.]


 * And you'd expect someone who eats that much would be way better at cooking.


 * [Muffled] Yeah, I chipped a tooth on one of his cupcakes.


 * Hah!  What's he doing, using cement instead of flour?

''[They laugh. Richard is very hurt. Two cupcakes fall out of the paper bag, crashing into concrete with a thud. He retreats into his car, crying.]''

Raw Dinner
''[The Wattersons' house, dining room. Gumball and Darwin take their seats. Anais is on the opposite side of the table with a plate of cupcakes.]''


 * Hey, Ma.  What's for dinner?

[Nicole throws an unopened package of raw chicken thighs and a unwashed potato onto the table in front of him.]


 * Chicken and fries.


 * Hm... does this look a little overdone to you?


 * I think there's something wrong with my fries, too.


 * Can we just skip to dessert?

[Anais tosses a cupcake at Gumball and Darwin.]

and : Aah! [They dodge.]


 * What is wrong with you?!


 * You know very well what's wrong!

[She tosses another cupcake at them, and they dodge again.]


 * What's going on?! Why is dinner raw?


 * You know very well why dinner is raw!


 * I'm just gonna try something. [inhales deeply] We're both very sorry for what we've done.


 * So you don't know what you've done!

and : No!


 * Then how can you apologize for something you don't even know about?!


 * I don't know!


 * Look, Dad overheard what you said in the playground.


 * Ohhh! That!


 * And he's been hiding in the shed ever since.


 * Well, at least he can't embarrass us in there.


 * Incoming!

[Another cupcake flies at them, and once again they dodge.]


 * Look, I'd happily apologize to Dad... if what we said wasn't the truth!


 * Right. That's it. You clearly don't appreciate your parents, so until you apologize to your father, we won't be doing anything else for you. Let's see how long you.


 * Challenge accepted.

''[He eats the raw potato. Nicole and Anais are surprised.]''


 * [puts her hand out] I paid for that potato.


 * [spits out bits of potato into Nicole's hand] I wasn't hungry anyway.

No Shower
''[The next morning. Gumball and Darwin are standing in front of the closed bathroom door. Gumball is wearing nothing but briefs, and has a towel on his arm. Likewise, Darwin is wearing a towel. Gumball is pounding on the door.]''


 * Anais! Come on! You've been in there forever!

[Anais peeks from behind the door.]


 * Oh, I'm sorry. But as Mom pays the water bill and you two are insensitive brats, I think you'll need to shower somewhere else. [She closes the door.]


 * [mockingly] As Mom pays the water bill, I think you should shower somewhere else.

[Anais peeks from behind the door again.]


 * You can say what you like, but you're not going to annoy me! [She closes the door again.]


 * [mockingly] You can say what you like, but you're not going-- [A soap bar flies from behind the door, hitting Gumball squarely in the face.  His nose swells up.] Ugh! My...nose!


 * [mockingly] Ow! My toast!


 * [growls, then chuckles] Who's the loser now? We got soap. All we need is water.

''[Outside the Watterson house. The boys are on the street, in front of a puddle. They are lathering up.]''


 * Dude, I think I'm starting to regret this challenge.


 * Incoming! [A truck passes by, splashing the puddle onto the boys which was just mud.] Ugh. I think I should've closed my mou-- [Another vehicle passes by, and the boys are splashed on again.]

Rotten Meal
''[The dining room. Gumball and Darwin rush to the table with bags full of groceries.]''


 * I can't believe we got all this stuff for a dollar! Thank you, clearance aisle.

[They dump the groceries onto the table.]


 * Well, you heard what Larry said. We got to eat this stuff before it goes past its expiration date.


 * Oh, young Darwin, you're so gullible. Food doesn't have a sell-by date. That's what the corporations want you to think so you buy more oil and believe in moon landings, like the sheep you are. Take this banana. According to your "sell-by date," it should go bad today, but as you can see, it's absolutely fine. [peels the banana and takes a bite of it.  The banana immediately withers.  He spits it out.] Dude, we need to eat this food real quick.

and : Aaaah!

''[Darwin runs to the kitchen with an egg carton. He cracks one egg onto the pan. A live chick flies out of it. The rest of the eggs hatch, and the chicks chrip around.]''


 * Aah!

''[Gumball dumps a bag of sunflower seeds onto his palm. The sunflowers grow from the seeds, then wilt.]''


 * Daaah!

''[Darwin returns to the dining room. He opens a package of meat. It quickly rots. Maggots suddenly appear and rapidly eat all of the meat. Swarms of flies emerge and eat most of the spoiled groceries in a blink.]''

and : Aaah!

[Only a unlabled tin can is left standing on the table.]


 * Well, this is all we have left. Things don't go off in cans, right?


 * What do you think is in it?


 * Please...let it be peaches in syrup.


 * I hope it's hot dogs.


 * As long as it's edible, I don't care. [He opens the can, and an apparently dead rat falls onto the plate.] Aw, poor little thing.

[The rat comes to life and hisses at the boys.]

and : Aaah!


 * Get it!

[The rat flees before Darwin bashes the plate to pieces with a frying pan.]


 * Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! [He cries.]

Ready to Apologize
''[Gumball and Darwin are on the school bus. They're filthy, starving, and surrounded by flies.]''


 * So, you ready to apologize now?


 * Nope.


 * [holding his nose] Uh, boys? I'm gonna have to ask you to get off the bus.


 * Why?


 * 'Cause the suspension can't take it anymore.

''[The rest of the students are at the rear of the bus, away from Gumball and Darwin. The bus itself is tipping over. The boys are dropped off onto the street.] ''


 * Okay, I guess I'm ready now. Ugh! I can't believe we're apologizing.


 * I don't care. I'm not eating canned rats again.

My Little Ones
''[The Watterson's backyard. Gumball and Darwin approach the shed, and peer inside. Richard is seated, hammering nails into a board on his lap. He sighs and gets up, wobbling slowly.]''


 * I'm sorry, I know I said I would... [laughs] I can't do this. [continues laughing as he walks away.]

''[Darwin peers into the shed again. Richard picks up a framed photo. It's his younger self holding baby Gumball. He begins singing as the camera pans over a collage of photos containing younger Gumball, Darwin, and Richard in happier times, as well as drawings from the boys to Richard.]''


 * : I remember when you were still little, my little ones.


 * I was the giant who picked you up when you fell down.


 * And life was just one funny riddle, my little ones.


 * We laughed every day as the world went around.


 * I was the hero who taught you how to talk.


 * I was the hero who taught you how to walk.


 * And now you're no longer so little, my little ones.


 * You see so much more than I ever will see.


 * And though I'm just Dad and not a hero, my little ones.


 * Being just Dad's good enough for me.

''[It's now raining outside the shed. Darwin's very touched by Richard's song.]''


 * [sobbing] I understand everyting now. No, I don't. Yes, I do! No, I don't. What'd he say, again? Little one, I was the hero who taught you to walk, I was the hero who taught you to talk--  Hero! That's it! I need to make him feel like a hero again!

The Rescue
''[The junkyard. It's raining heavily, and Gumball and Darwin are inside a rusty car body.]''


 * Okay, so, where's the surprise?


 * He should be here any minute.


 * "He"? I thought there was gonna be a cake or something.


 * The surprise is gonna be better than a cake. I'm giving you a reconciliation with your father.


 * [sighs] Oh, man. I should've known it was something lame like that. Nobody invites people to eat cake in a junkyard. Go on, tell me your plan, then.


 * It's simple. We get picked up by that magnet and get dropped into that cruncher.

[Gumball does a double take as thunder crashes.]


 * What?! Are you insane?!


 * And I've called Dad to come and rescue us.


 * [does a double take again] What?! Are you insane?!


 * Don't worry. I can stop it at any time with this remote.


 * Ohh! I thought you were relying on Dad there for a minute. [chuckles] All right. Let's get started.

''[Darwin clicks the remote, activiating the magnet crane. It lifts the car body up, and the powerful magnet draws the remote out of Darwin's fins, sticking to the roof. Gumball and Darwin attempt to pry it off the car's roof.] ''


 * Oh, great job! What are we gonna do now?!


 * It's okay! There's Dad now! He can stop it from that control box!

''[The Watterson car plows through the wire fence and crashes into the station. Richard rushes out the car door.]''


 * I'm coming to save you!