Thread:Klonoamiyumi/@comment-5961377-20160920092054

This has gone on for long enough and I cannot pretend that it is not bothering me anymore.

We are not on good terms.

I realize that I am harboring bitterness, anger, hatred, and a plethora of other unpleasant emotions towards you and some of your friends due to your past actions. This never used to be that big of an issue because I could just forgive you all and dismiss it. However, that no longer seems to be the case, and I am tired of it.

Every time we meet I feel like I'm being dragged through a vortex of emotion that sweeps from outrage to deep sadness as painful memories bubble up and make me clench my fist and grit my teeth -- a reaction that just leaves me incredulous, silent, and drained. '''Incredibly drained. 'I am so tired of it.''

Pardon the emotionally-charged rhetoric, but I can't find any other words to express this in a civil manner. I find myself holding you (and others) in contempt for hurtful things you've done and it is turning me into a very passive-aggressive, detached and walled-off character. It becomes a constant battle to calm this new urge within my head to pick a fight with you, and I try very hard to engage in conversaion, to be kind, to be nice, but I am so tired.

So I come to you as an exhausted and broken friend. I know I've also done you wrong, but I cannot ignore the great and many painful things you've said to me that have left me questioning my self-worth as a member of this community and whether or not you really meant to say such things. I am so tired.

I ask you for forgiveness. I ask you for understanding. I ask you for assistance in burying this hatchet that I've been surreptitiously wielding in the shadows of chat.

I want to be on good terms again, and I honestly don't know how else to get back on that road other than a post like this.

I am angry. I am sad. I am confused.

But I am also sorry. And I wish to make things right again.

With that off my chest, I'd like to work on my character once more, because it seems to have been corrupted by all these negative emotions. I ask that you do not provoke me any longer, and I will try my best not to do the same to you.

I hope we may be able to reconcile quickly and peacefully.

That is all.

 