The Joy/Transcript

At Home
"[In front of the Watterson household, a dripping bright red timestamp says Monday, 07:53 AM. Richard and Anais are at the dining room table. Anais eats breakfast while Richard plays a handheld game. Gumball and Darwin come to the table, grumpy. They splash their food and milk all over their faces, then dab with napkins and walk off]": I think someone needs a hug. [Richard hugs her] Not me, them! "[Gumball and Darwin repeatedly stomp and slam the front door. Richard walks up to them]": What's up?


 * [grumpily] It's Monday!


 * I see. Do you want a hug?


 * There's no point, everything on Monday's crummy!


 * What about a wonder hug?


 * [grumpily] What's that?


 * It's filled with all the love and happiness in the world!


 * That sounds crummy, too!


 * [inhales deeply and hugs them] WONDER HUUUUG! "[Exterior shot. A rainbow mushroom cloud explodes out of the Watterson household and sparkles are seen everywhere]"

At School
"[A timestamp says 09:01 AM. Gumball and Darwin are walking down the hallway]": [smiling] It was a good hug, but I still feel grumpy.


 * Then why are you smiling?


 * I don't know, why are you heel-clicking? "[Gumball is heel-clicking]": Yeah. I don't know. "[Miss Simian and Bobert bump into each other]": You better run, you're late for class! [Bobert begins to run] No running in the halls!


 * Command unachievable, assessing personal level of utilities: 0%, system obsolete, engaging self-destruct. "[He blows a fuse. Banana Joe is strutting down the hallway to a hip-hop beat with his peel down]": Dress code."[She fixes Banana Joe with a little bit of his insides stuck in a gap in the peel. He has a live-action painful look on his face. Miss Simian walks past him and spots a drawing of some children playing in the sea on the wall. She draws a shark fin on the drawing, making the children look at it unhappily]""[Time lapse, in her office, she clicks through CCTV cameras, with various people exhibiting depressed behavior]": [Rocky cries while mopping] Good. [A sad Teri opens a photocopier lid and drops her face onto the scanner, creating duplicates] Hm, excellent. [The Eggheads miserably bang their heads together, cracking each other's shells] Perfect. [Inhales] I love the smell of despair on a Monday morning. But there's something missing. [Giggles] I know. [Presses a button on a cassette player, which plays Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata"] Yeesss...[Drinks from her coffee mug, which has a sad face on the bottom of it] Hmm?"[She looks at the screen at a camera showing Gumball and Darwin walking to class, looking quite happy. She spits out her coffee through her nose]""[A timestamp says 10:28 AM. In class, Gumball has a big smile on his face]": [also smiling somewhat] Dude, stop smiling, I can feel her eyes burning the back of my head! "[He turns around. Miss Simian is staring through a hole that has been burned into Teri's face. Sarah's head has melted and is boiling]": It's not my fault! [Auto-Tuned singing] My cheeks are begging me to stop! But my heart, my heart says keep smiling, homie!


 * [storms over to Gumball] HOW dare you sing in my class?


 * I'm sorry, but since this morning, [Auto-Tuned singing] I think there might be something strange with us, maybe-- "[Gumball puts his hand over Darwin's mouth]": What is wrong with you?


 * [Auto-Tuned singing] If joy like this is wrong, then gosh darn it, I don't wanna feel right, bab--"[Darwin jams his fin against Gumball's cheek, shutting him up]": How could you be in such a good mood on a Monday morning in the middle of a surprise test?"[Gumball takes Darwin's fin and sticks it in the middle of Darwin's face, making it look like he has a long nose]": I don't understand it myself, miss, I just feel so hap-- "[He sees Darwin's face with his fin on it, then points at him and starts laughing maniacally while coughing up a rainbow-colored fluid. Miss Simian starts to look shocked. The camera hits her face]""[In Principal Brown's office, he stands in front of a recording camera on a tripod, pretending to talk to a student in trouble]": I'm sorry, what did you say? Young man, I'll have you know that I'm the authority in this school. I'll let it slide for now this time. Or maybe I'll JUST-- [pretends to fight, thrusting his fists near the camera. Miss Simian opens the door and Principal Brown freezes. Miss Simian closes the door and opens it again. This time, Principal Brown is in his chair and the camera is on his desk] Ah! Miss Simian! What can I do for you?


 * [gets close to Principal Brown] There's a disease, spreading through the school.


 * What? What do you mean?


 * An outbreak. An outbreak of joy.


 * Rrright, now I'm not implying what you just said sounds crazy, it sounds more like: [starts to flail around his chair, making weird noises, faces, and poses. Miss Simian looks unimpressed. He keeps doing it for a few more seconds before stopping], actually, now that I said it out loud, it does sound a little crazy."[Miss Simian shrieks, frustrated]": I'LL PROVE IT TO YOU!"[She takes the camera and leaves]": Wait! Don't play the tape! [Softly] Uh, but if you do, for pity's sake, don't let it get on the Internet; people's lives have been ruined by things like that.

The Experiment
"[A timestamp says 11:06 AM]": [recording herself on the camera in the nurse's office] Dr. Simian's log. The subjects' state is now getting worse. The disease has distorted their faces into a hideous grimace."[She turns the camera to Gumball and Darwin, who have big smiles on their faces and dilated pupils]": There's nothing wrong with these kids, they're just smiling because they're happy. And for the record, you're not a doctor.


 * The happiness is the disease! And for the record, [makes a long fart sound]. [To Gumball] All right, try and stop smiling.


 * Okay!


 * [to the nurse] This should prove my point. [Gumball tries to pull his lower lip down so he looks unhappy] Try harder!"[Gumball tries harder, ripping his mouth off]": Oh! I know! [Puts his mouth back upside down] There.


 * Hmm... [Gumball's face and mouth rotate, his expression ultimately going back to being smiley] See? This is proof that these children are diseased! It's scientific!


 * That was a lot of things ending in "ic", it was graphic, it was idiotic, it was sick, one could even say it was horrific, but it certainly wasn't scientific!


 * I thought that was fin-flapping-tastic! "[A timestamp says 15:33 PM]": [recording on the camera] The subjects seem to be getting worse, but still, no one takes me seriously.


 * Maybe that's because you're full of it.


 * Professor Simian, signing out.


 * You're not a prof-- [Static]"[Miss Simian shines a flashlight on Gumball, whose pupils are now very dilated and puppy-dog like]": Look at their eyes. They're all weird.


 * Maybe it's because you've been shining a flashlight into them for half an hour.


 * What, really? What time is it? [A timestamp says 16:06 PM, knocking down Miss Simian. She pants while getting back up and pushing down the timestamp] It's not just the flashlight. Look at those faces. [Waves at Darwin] Hello? Hello, is anyone there? [Switch to Darwin's point of view. Miss Simian is a live-action color-changing sock monkey and the nurse is a candy cane] Hello? Hello? "[Darwin turns to Gumball, who is live-action - except his eyes, brows, and whiskers. His mouth has human lips]": Can you see what I see?"[Exit Darwin's point of view]": The cuddle monkey says it wants a kiss."[They both try to kiss Miss Simian]": No, no, no, no. Stop that. No, don't do that. What the--[Pinches Gumball's lips] No humiliarity! [Gumball and Darwin get up and Miss Simian backs up in front of the infirmary door] Oh, no, no. Get back. [She starts throwing jars at them] No! Aah! [Opens up a jar and throws the liquid at them]


 * [from the infirmary] What are you doing??


 * Throwing water at them."[Gumball and Darwin squeak happily]": That's not water. It's cough syrup. AND THAT'S NOT HOW YOU TREAT STUDENTS!

The Proof
"[A timestamp says 16:36 PM. Gumball and Darwin are now in the infirmary, lying in beds, still smiling]": [recording on the camera] I had no other choice but to put the subjects into quarantine. Their state is deteriorating. I will soon have proof of their infection. I also resolved my difference of opinion with the medical staff. [The nurse pulls off tape on her mouth] Research supervisor Lucy Simian, signing out.


 * [standing near the hallway] Supervisor?? More like a super nut job! I'm not watching you torture children for being happy! I'm getting Principal Brown!"[She leaves, closing the door]": Fine! I'll conduct my experiments without you!


 * You are not qualified to conduct experiments! [Miss Simian mocks her] You're ugly enough without making faces!


 * Wait, what? How did she see that?"[Gumball and Darwin begin laughing hysterically. They cough up rainbows, stars, hearts, bunnies, and sparkles and they fall unconscious. The monitor flatlines, then becomes rainbow-colored and sparkly, playing a cheery tune]": Oh. My. Gosh. PROOOOOOF!

[Principal Brown and the nurse are walking to her office]


 * Like this? [Mocks Miss Simian]


 * No, more like this. [Mocks Miss Simian] And she's giving herself all these titles, I mean, what is a "Senior Mega-Consultant Supervirologist" anyway?"[They open the office door while Miss Simian dances]": IN YOUR FACE! Told you they were ill! Look at them!"[They go to the door window of the infirmary and look in]": Oh, my goodness. The children! [Opens the door] Miss Simian, do you realize what this means??


 * [looks worried] Oh, yes. It means [smiles, points to him] YOU WERE WRONG and [points to the nurse] YOU WERE WRONG and I WAS RIGHT! [Dances again]

The Contagion
"[As Miss Simian dances, Gumball and Darwin wake up as huggers and jump onto Principal Brown, knocking him down and infecting him with the Joy Virus. Rainbow fluid splatters onto the camera. Principal Brown gets up, laughing creepily. Miss Simian and the nurse back away into the hall as Gumball, Darwin, and Principal Brown approach them. Miss Simian throws the nurse into the infected, infecting her as well. Miss Simian enters her office, trying to close the door as they try to get in. She gets tickled a bit]": No! NO! ''[Slaps their hands away and closes the door. They break the door window, reaching in. Miss Simian screams and backs away toward her desk. She looks at the CCTV footage]'' Oh, no! It's spreading! IT'S SPREADING! "[On a surveillance camera, in the cafeteria, Gumball and Darwin enter and infect Alan and Bobert while Carmen and Tobias run away]""[Elsewhere, Rocky sprays something under his arm. The nurse jumps onto him, knocking him down]": Aah! [Looks at the spray] Oh, it really works! [Becomes infected and laughs]"[In the hallway, Bobert shorts out the electrical power, darkening the school]""[On another surveillance camera, in the hallway, Alan infects the Eggheads, Juke, and Carmen. Touching her pops him, splattering rainbow fluid on the camera]""[Elsewhere in the hallway, Idaho runs away from Teri, Jamie, and Masami, who are infected and inching closer. Tobias steps forth]": Lay-dees! Contaminate me. ''[They avoid him and go for Leslie instead, knocking him down and infecting him. Tobias sighs] The flower boy, typical."[Elsewhere in the hallway, Bobert chases Anton while riding an electric floor scrubber. Gumball and Banana Joe chase Penny into the library, cornering her]": No!"[Gumball infects Penny and kicks Banana Joe away. Penny laughs]": [from her office]'' It's infected everyone. [Inhales and in slow motion, says] NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ''[In slow motion, she punches the file cabinet and hits it with a chair. She pulls out books from the bookcase and breaks off one of the shelves. She flips over the desk, but it lands exactly where it was. She tips everything off of it and flips it upside down. She knocks over a fan, causing a book to hit the cassette player, which plays "Moonlight Sonata". Principal Brown, who is outside of the office trying to get in, pulls a sad face, gets cured, and runs away] ''The music! The music is the cure! [Looks up at the intercom] The PA system. It's our only chance."[A timestamp says 18:20 PM. Miss Simian is slowly walking down a dark hallway, carrying the cassette player. Lockers are open and there is rainbow fluid on the wall and floor. She spots Anais faced in a corner, who sounds like she's crying]": Hey. Hey, kid. Kid, stop crying. I'm not infected. Just look at this face. ''[Anais turns around - she's infected. Laughing maniacally, she runs toward Miss Simian, who screams. Anais tumbles into a locker, which Miss Simian quickly closes] ''No running in the halls. [Turns to another hallway filled with infected people and quickly hides] There's no other way. ''[Tries to pull a smiley face. She struggles, but eventually succeeds. She walks down the hallway, attempting to blend in] ''Haha, rainbows! Peace!


 * [infected] Uuuhhhh!


 * Uuuhhh!"[Banana Joe is strutting down the hallway, his peel down again. Miss Simian tries to resist, but...]": [fixing his peel] DRESS CODE!!! "[She catches everyone's attention and they start chasing her. She runs around the corner and encounters Teri, who tries to infect her. Miss Simian rips her arms off and continues running. As she dodges more infected people, she encounters the nurse, who also tries to infect her. Miss Simian sticks her to the wall and continues running. She runs into another hallway, encounters an infected Tina, and screams. Tina roars while backing her into the lockers. As some of her rainbow drool drips onto Miss Simian, Tina tries to infect her, but her arms are too short. Miss Simian gets past her and continues running. She turns another corner and runs into Tobias, who is not infected. She screams and he smiles nervously at her. Beat. She slams his locker door on him, knocking him down]": Ow! What the...ow!


 * I'm sorry, but it's your own fault, you're so multicolored, I thought you were one of them. [Continues running as everyone approaches from around the corner. She enters the PA room, puts the cassette player near the mic, and rewinds the tape] Come on, come on, come on, come on. [Everyone is now outside of the door] Hurry up. [The tape finishes rewinding] Yes. [As she's about to play the song, Gumball and Darwin emerge out of the darkness behind her] You gotta be kidding me. [She screams as everyone outside in the hall is shown. Fade to black]"[Static, then Gumball and Darwin are shown on top of Miss Simian, who's on the floor. The camera is recording]": [to the camera] The joy. It's starting to get to me. There's only one way to defeat it. [Cringes] You have to play a piece of music. [Inhales] I don't actually [coughs] know what it's called, but it goes something like this. [Inhales] DAA DAA-- Oh, sorry, I'm not much of a singer. DAA-- [Coughs] I'm sorry. [Coughs] I've let you down. This story...came to a happy...ENDING! [Becomes infected and laughs maniacally]"[Static. The camera's tape cuts to Principal Brown in his office, wielding and swinging a mop around. He stops for a few seconds to catch his breath, then continues]"[Episode ends]