The Banana/Transcript

"You're supposed to chew things you eat!"

 * This pie chart is an illustration of the composition of happiness. This portion here represents the ratio of love needed in one's life. This portion here is the- [gets drowned out]
 * My brain is amazing. When I find something boring it actually prevents me from hearing it.
 * Hm, I don't think it's your brain, I think it's his. He should seriously give up on this herbal tea.
 * [inhales sharply] And this portion here represents the- [bell rings] Class disbluffed.
 * Thanks for the pen, dude!
 * No problem.
 * Hmm... Hey!
 * Wha?
 * What the derp is that?!
 * I don't know, what are you doing?
 * The pen! You chewed his pen.
 * No, I didn't. [leaves classroom]
 * Can you believe this guy?
 * Relax, dude, it's only a pen.
 * Don't you dude me when I'm right! You're supposed to chew things you eat, not people's stuff!
 * What about gum?
 * What about it?
 * You don't eat gum, but you chew that. It's even in the name, "chewing gum".
 * Yeah, sure, but that's specifically made for chewing. It wasn't a chewing pen, you write with a pen!
 * You get a fountain pen, you won't spray water with it.
 * You just don't chew other people's pens! It's the principle! This is what society is built upon, respect!

"Can I borrow your glue?"

 * [inhales sharply] You know, there's nothing that can't be solved with an apology, Joe.
 * Hmm... I forgive you for accusing me of chewing the pen.
 * [inhales sharply] Can I borrow your glue, please?
 * Yes, of course. But don't go chewing on it! [laughs]
 * [laughs]

"Exacting justice!

 * What are you doing?
 * Exacting justice! (Gumball is furiously using a sharp pencil to put holes in Joe's tube of glue)
 * What kind of justice is there in piercing a tube of glue like a psycho?
 * [sighs, slaps Darwin with a ruler]
 * Ow!
 * Now, what do you feel is an appropriate thing to do in return?
 * Turn the other cheek.
 * Which means I can do this.[Slaps Darwin again]
 * Ooh!
 * That emotion you're feeling, it's your thirst for justice. Quench it!
 * But what if you offer love instead of hatred?
 * Oh yeah, that is nicer... but it's not justice! This is justice! This is justice! This! Is! Justice!

"A sticky situation."

 * [whistles] "Thanks for the glue." [sighs] How swell! I should make them a card to celebrate our friendship! Gee, that's what I call a sticky situation! [laughs] Whoopsie! [laughs] Hmm, Darwin's homework. Well, what am I gonna' glue now? [laughs] Looks like I'm getting more and more attached to this school. [laughs] Now I'm even bonding with myself! [laughs; grunts; screams]

"We did the best we could"

 * Okay, Joe we're going to take the bandages off now, but I just want to warn you that... we did the best we could.
 * [screams] Oh!... It's not so bad...
 * We found this tube of glue stuck to your... Anyway, in the future you need to be more careful, this tube was covered in holes.
 * But it wasn't when I lent it to Gumball.
 * Hmm...
 * Hmm...
 * Hmm... Oh, come on!

"I can understand the glue"

 * I can understand the glue, but why the glitter? It's like putting lipstick on a skeleton, it doesn't make it any nicer. Eh, you were right, we should've let that pen stuff slide.
 * [inhales sharply rapidly]
 * Dude! Please chill out! Here, have some love.
 * This, this is for my homework! [chews noisily] And this, is for the glitter!
 * Just pop it already! [screams]
 * He destroyed your desk too, so chew on this!
 * Nyeh, nyeh! That's for my desk that I don't really... care about that much... Nyeh, nyeh! Take that, you banana...
 * [grabs a fountain pen]Oh, look! A pen! And it's not chewed! [chews noisily] What else can we do to it?
 * [over intercom] Attention please, can Gumball and Darwin Watterson please come to Mr. Small's office thank you very much.

"Conflict resolution"

 * [chuckles]
 * [chuckles]
 * [clears throat] Any conflict can be resolved with these three tools. The mirror reminds us that an enemy is just ourselves, but seen from another angle, the water reminds us that we all have something in common, and the hourglass is the time we need to reach an understanding.
 * [screams as Darwin smashes many things in the room and fils an hourglass]
 * Come on, you googly-eyed punk!
 * Darwin!
 * We got one minute, let's finish this!
 * Geez, Louise! The pen! Give him the new pen!
 * I didn't chew your pen, honestly! But, I bought you a new one, because I myself have a pen of great sentimental value.
 * [laughs] It's not a fountain pen, is it?
 * Actually, yes, it is.
 * and : [whimper, as the pen they were chewing is the one Joe is talking about]
 * It's the pen that Obadiah Banana, the founder of our family, used to sign the registry when he first came to this country. It was a very expensive pen, I'm not even gonna' tell you where he had to hide it to keep it safe! [laughs] I would lose my mind if anyone chewed on that pen! Anyway, please accept this new pen, and let's be friends again.
 * Aww! [snivels]
 *  [whispering to Darwin] Dude, we have to get to his locker before he sees what we've done.
 * Thank you, we gotta' go now bye!
 * One minute! Thank you for a beautiful resolution. Banana Joe, you can go, I just need to fill out your hall pass guys. Gum...ball... [laughs] that's a funny name, isn't it? Ah, do you spell with two or three l's?
 * Two, two l's!
 * [laughs] I'm sorry, I just put one.
 * Dude! You could've just put another one at the end!
 * Of course! Silly old hippie, I'll do another one; oh wait, I'm all out, uh I'll have to print one.
 * Come. On!
 * Huh?
 * Just print it, please!
 * Yeah, sure. Here it is, old reliable. [blows dust off] I don't know how it works.
 * Just. Let. Us. Go! Okay?!
 * You seem a little stressed up guys, you wanna try my herbal infusion. It's very good for the nervaa... [trails off]
 * Mr. Small?
 * Yo!
 * Right, come on.
 * Woooohooo!

"Joe finds the pen"
'[Banana Joe walks to his locker to admire his pen. Gumball and Darwin are chasing him very quickly, plowing down several classmates and school staff as they go. Despite, Joe gets to his locker first and finds his pen. Gumball and Darwin try to turn around and walk away while Joe is "Mourning" his pen, but he catches them before they get far]'
 * Hey! Turn around, you cowards.
 * [laughs] No, thank you!
 * Turn around a face the can of butt-whoopin' that I'm gonna' open on you!
 * Wouldn't it be better to stay like we are for that?
 * Turn around!
 * [inhales] Okay.
 * [yells as he charges towards Gumball and Darwin, rushes under them and hits a water fountain, face first. He groans as he slowly becomes unconcius and a bruise covers his face]
 * Augh, that's just great! Now people are gonna' come around the corner, see him like that and think we're massive bullies!
 * Which we are! Because of us he lost an eye, and we attacked him with a mirror, we punctured his tube of glue, and ruined everything in his locker, he got a huge brown banana bruise on his little face and we even managed to ruin the most precious thing his family ever owned!
 * He did chew that pen, though.
 * It doesn't matter! What are we gonna' do now? What are you doing?
 * We need to make it look like he won the fight.
 * [gasp] And then we'll be even, and we can be friends again, and no one will ever know what horrible people we are!
 * Banana Joe, please! Not the face!
 * Oh, no! Not with the elbow!
 * Hey, pull one of my teeth out! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's completely over-the-top isn't it? Let's just get into position. [both fall down next to Joe and act unconcious as Joe wakes up]
 * [coughs] What happened?
 * [groans] You kicked our butts like a beast, that's what happened.
 * Awesome. Oh, [laughs] I mean, I'm sorry. How did it ever come to this?
 * It's our fault, Joe. We didn't know it was your family pen.
 * Well, Obadiah Banana always said that nothing was lost until you lose a friend, and I don't want that to happen to us.
 * [sadly] That's really lame.
 * Group hug?
 * Ow! What is that? Oh, hey Darwin here's your pen.
 * What?
 * Your pen, look, its got your initials on it. Wait, [laughs] oh, man. You know what this means? It means the pen you lent Joe was my pen, not yours, and I was the one who chewed it. I always chew my pen. [laughs] Isn't that funny? All this fighting for nothing, when I had the pen in my pocket the whole time. Pretty fun, huh guys? Guys? [Both Joe and Darwin make a fist at Gumball, but start stroking Gumball rather than harming him for starting this tragic episode, Gumball stares in confusion]