The Mystery/Transcript

"Who did this?"

 * I think cheese better than cake, because you can have cheesecake, but you can't have cake-cheese!
 * Urgh, what is it?
 * I don't know!
 * Ah, it smells like manure!
 * It looks like a rancid burrito!
 * I think it just moved!
 * Somebody do something!
 * What is going on here? What are you poking...? Euugghh! It looks like a wet diaper!
 * Nigel!
 * IT'S PRINCIPAL BROWN!
 * Oh, my sweet Nigel. Who would shave you, paint you, wrap you in toilet paper and shut you in Watterson's locker? Who did this?
 * WHO DID THIS!? I want everyone in class... NOW!
 * I SAID EVERYONE!
 * Eww, what's that? It looks like...
 * We know what it looks like!
 * I'll take Principal Brown to the nurse's office!
 * Nurse...
 * Calm down Nigel...
 * I SAID EVERYONE!
 * Eww, what's that? It looks like...
 * We know what it looks like!
 * I'll take Principal Brown to the nurse's office!
 * Nurse...
 * Calm down Nigel...
 * I'll take Principal Brown to the nurse's office!
 * Nurse...
 * Calm down Nigel...