Board Thread:General Discussion/@comment-4614364-20151203045607/@comment-5961377-20151203142952

I have never threatened anyone with death. I've made it clear that I refer to none of you when I talk like that. I don't think I do that "often" either. I care about you guys, why would I contradict myself by wishing harm on you? I've already apologized to anyone who felt offended. If there are any I missed, they can speak up.

I've been mostly silent on chat recently, and I do my little monologues when it gets a bit slow. Not sure what you mean by complaining, because I haven't talked about anyone or anything that annoys me apart from that sex talk incident. Not recently at least, to my memory. As for me being cold and cruel, I have already said that I would quit that behavior, and I don't think I've returned to that.

My bot is there for leaving messages to users, entertainment, or logging chat when a rulebreaker comes. To spy on users means its identity must be hidden and its purpose kept a secret. You would blame me for rebuking someone who backbit me? I have already expressed remorse for doing that and it hasn't repeated since. The bot doesn't prevent you from complaining. Although it does prevent you from complaining about me in secret when it is online. I assume you need the privacy to complain?

The rules about sex talk currently depend on the arbiter, and I made it known that I wanted you to cut it out that day. What was the response I received?

[2015-11-29 05:09:46]  Game go fill up your Words and Thoughts blog [2015-11-29 05:09:47]  We agreed on stopping this. [2015-11-29 05:09:50]  Nice to see we have those "Rulesy" admins

[2015-11-29 05:12:15]  You want to drag everyone down to your depressing, self-loathing stage don't you

[2015-11-29 05:13:28]  Dude seriously do you just exist here to quote depressing lyrics and then get mad at people for having fun because you don't want to give it a single chance

[2015-11-29 05:15:00]  It's not our fault you're a prude

[2015-11-29 05:15:44]  dont get ur pants in a twist

[2015-11-29 05:30:19]  You don't like 99% of what we say [2015-11-29 05:30:26]  You just sit in the corner and quote Celldweller all day

[2015-11-29 05:30:57]  You want to tally how many times I talk and how many times I get bothered? [2015-11-29 05:31:02]  I tried to be nice before but I've had enough of this now [2015-11-29 05:31:20]  Bothered by...? [2015-11-29 05:31:34]  What, our sex jokes? [2015-11-29 05:31:37]  Boo hoo

They insult me, they mock my interests, they call me names. I'm prude, I'm a killjoy, I'm miserable and I want everyone to be too, etc, etc. Made it clear they don't care about what makes me uncomfortable. Makes it hurt worse. You didn't even bother toning it down.

Should I invite the entire administration team into chat and have them watch you, then say if it's too much? Because you don't have to be prude to be repulsed by "captions" involving anal sex, oral sex, bestiality, incest and so forth.

I don't ignore you. I make it a point to always listen. I thought my multiple threads for the community to use made that apparent. It's another thing when I just disagree.

As for those two threads, I've already admitted that I did wrong, and I apologized. I've yet to break my promise of letting it happen again. Everyone has bad days, and sometimes things just slip. If you want me to do something more to reassure you that it won't repeat, let me know.

Your points seem to be born of a vindictive desire to get me out of your way, and less about the welfare of users I interact with in the future. So you can do what you want and I won't be a hindrance. That's what I feel, but I don’t know for sure. But I've felt little more than contempt and bitterness whenever we disagree.

What I do know is that you've all really hurt me with your words. Do you even notice? Is it because I choose to forgive immediately and just sweep everything you do to me under the rug? Does that make you think saying all this doesn't affect me? Do you even feel remorse or do you think that I deserve it? Did you even stop to consider that your actions every day might have something to do with my behavior?

I won't lie, I've felt like a thorn in your side ever since you all decided Octa should return despite my arguments. But I still just tried to be kind to you all. Guess I reached a threshold.

Regardless, I want to say sorry for everything I've done. I made a commitment to myself yesterday. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired and being miserable all the time. I'm done with the whole "woe is me" mentality. I don't want my head there anymore.

I'm completely open to repairing any burning bridges anyone may have against me, though. Full reconciliation. I don't want to hurt through sleepness nights anymore. Will I be able to count on you guys for that, regardless of my position?