User blog:Globaluna32/Hello.

Hello everyone. If you haven’t noticed, I’ve been gone for quite a while. You may even say that I have permanently left this website, which is true. Being gone for over a year is pretty much verification of that fact in my book.

I have my own reasons for leaving. Well, two reasons actually. Two reasons, which have became two triggers. They’ve been torturing my psyche ever since I first felt bothered by them, and these extreme feelings of pain and distress will probably haunt me for years to come. But I did not come back here to drown you all in guilt, I came back to let you all know how I’ve been doing, and remember what I did with my life back in 2011 and 2012.

I first joined this website in 2011, after the first preview was aired. Back in those days, the character pages were nothing more than an image and a bit of text that was obviously paraphrased from CN’s website. There were no big fancy infoboxes for the characters or the episodes, and when we finally did get them, they were hard to edit. The comments section was a wasteland of ridiculous spam from ignorant 10-year-olds who didn’t know any better. I can vaguely remember being a part of the frenzy before I created an account, actually.

That summer, I wrote a piece of fiction that may very well have changed my life: The Grieving. Without The Grieving, I probably wouldn’t have gotten as involved in this website and this show as I did. I would never have gotten to experience the sense of friendship and community that a website like this can offer. I never would able to feel the excitement of drama or the great feeling of having so much power. I would never have met the person who changed my life, either, but we’ll get back to that in a while. The important thing is, I was a part of a family; a community of fans with colourful personalities and quirks that made them fun to be around.

In the beginning, my friends were Cwisteh, EyeEatRainbowzXD, and UnHappyEmoKid. The current admin was a mysterious user by the name of StealthGhost. At first, the chatroom scared me. I can’t really remember why, the idea of talking to random strangers on the internet in real time must not have sat well with me. After a while, I started visiting it more frequently, and my friends grew in numbers; as did my interest in the show. I made more and more edits every passing day, and it was through these edits that my excellent grammatical skills and general knowledge about the show was unquestionably shown to be a great asset to the community, and therefore, sometime in mid-October of 2011, Globaluna32 became a moderator, and there was much rejoicing.

I was very overwhelmed with my new job at first. I can remember begging StealthGhost to make me a regular user again, I couldn’t bear the responsibility. But thankfully, somewhere along the line I got over my lack of confidence, and began my crusade to clean up the website and make it much cleaner. I began banning spammers left and right, undoing the work of vandals as quickly as I could. I made many enemies, but I also gained many friends, and my presence on the wiki kept growing.

By the start of 2012, I was more than a moderator, I was a leader, and the face of the wiki. StealthGhost had been taking a long time off, and the users were getting restless. Frustrated, the other mods conspired with me in order to have me bumped up to administrator. It was no easy task, as StealthGhost, was not ready to give up his position to a relative newcomer. But finally, just as my edit count was at the 1,000s, StealthGhost gave in and gave me, Globaluna32, the position of administrator. Cue the rejoicing yet again.

After that, what followed was a year long journey through the trials and tribulations of running a website dedicated to a popular cartoon series. Many trolls were vanquished, transcripts were written, character pages were overhauled and streamlined, and even more friends were made. The wiki chat was my top hangout destination. Every single night I would enter, and talk and talk for hours with random users all over the globe about any given subject imaginable. My greatest memories from this era were the long conversations that two other moderators (DarPower and MarioMariox2) had nightly. We covered a very broad range of topics, from regional differences (they were both from California, and I’m from Alabama), to race relations, our sex lives, and sometimes complaining about the show and the fandom itself. But mainly, it was sex. Looking back on it now, it’s pretty messed up that two older teenaged boys were talking to a 15-year-old girl about such risqué topics, but I was a dumb kid, so go figure.

Towards the middle of 2012, I was regarded as being a bit of a monarch. Got a question about the show/wiki? Go ask Luna. Need a wall to spam? Go see Luna. Need someone to bitch at because you disagree with your ban? Go bitch at Luna. At this time, my knowledge of the show was unparalleled. Give me a plot synopsis, and I could tell you the name, the characters, and maybe even the transcript of the episode. In my spare time, I drew and wrote lots of fanfiction, and I browsed even more. My thoughts 24/7 seemed to revolve around the show. At school I was regarded as somewhat of a guru, people talked to me about having seen the show, and I excitedly asked them the name of the episode and gave my thoughts on whether or not it was a good one. Blake at one point asked, “What’s up with you and that gay ass Gumball show?” to which I replied, “It’s my life.” And that year, for that very strange moment in time, it most certainly was. That is, until the end of that summer. That’s when my life changed When I met him.

Well, perhaps that statement is not entirely true, because I had known him beforehand. He was that strange guy that spoke using elaborate statements that relatively few people could comprehend as being sincere, and for a 15-year-old boy, he had very odd mannerisms and interests. Just I like I did. I don’t even think I considered him an actual friend back then. He was like the weird kid that randomly popped into people’s conversations and made everyone laugh because of just how weird he was. But as time went on, we became closer and closer, our friendship growing over the summer. We would have lengthy conversations in the comments section that only the two of us could comprehend. We talked in the chat for hours and hours, long into the night, which must have been quite difficult for him, seeing as how in England they’re always six hours ahead.

One night, or maybe I should say morning, because it was 2 AM in my location, I sent him a PM. It wasn’t a love letter or anything silly like that, I was just curious about where his avatar was from. He gladly told me, and we started up an interesting conversation about the show in question. Then suddenly, just as the conversation was beginning to die down, I told him something that I cannot regret. Was I being earnest? Or did I just want to see what his reaction would be? As strange as it feels now, it was most likely the latter. Wanting to maybe freak him out and laugh at his reaction. I honestly did not remember, but his response did surprise me.

He wasn’t scared, or happy, or angry, he just seemed to be confused, and for some reason, really sad. When I told him that I kind of liked him, I wasn’t expecting him to say, “No, no one could ever like me, ever.” I didn’t expect him to call himself an idiot and exit the chat immediately either. What had I gotten myself into? I did like the way he was very well spoken, and his silly sense of humour, and loved his Britishness and how much we had in common. But this stranger from across the world actually seemed to like me back. It was overwhelmingly scary, probably for the both of us.

Crazily enough, at the time I had a girlfriend, but she decided it was best we parted ways around the same time that I started to talk to the boy from England, but that wasn’t why she wanted to split, it was because she felt like I wasn’t happy, which I wasn’t. The things you’ll do to make someone happy. But I felt so differently about this boy, it was an emotion I had never really felt before. The more we talked, the more I started to actually like him, and the more he actually seemed to like me. A lot. I asked him for his Facebook account, which he gave me, and we both quickly changed our relationship statuses to taken. I now had an English boyfriend that I had never even met, but it felt like I was on top of the world. The first message I ever sent him on that website was, “Yaaaay, I feel like talking to you every day now <3,” a promise that I have not broken.

We spent time together at all waking hours, for as long as humanly possible, on both the wiki, and on Facebook. But as time went on, my interest in the show and the website was fading fast. Sure, the position was very nice, and the arrival of the second season had put the fandom into high gear, but my life was changing. Things that people (my boyfriend included) did at the time were starting to really bother me, and at that point I was very tired of it. I suddenly lost all interest in the show, and as new users began to pour in, my edit count (which amazingly was once in the 10,000s) began to get smaller and smaller with every comment that was deleted. Finally, as the second season was drawing to a close, I made up my mind to leave the fandom and the wiki. It was causing far too much emotional distress, and I couldn’t take it any longer. Ownership was passed to someone else, and my life has been relatively drama and worry free for a while. But I never said goodbye. When I left, all I could feel was anger and hurt, so I decided to fix my lack of goodbye with this blog post, which doubles as a goodbye and a history lesson.

I don’t know how many of you miss or even remember Globaluna32, but I really miss this show. I miss this website. I miss this fandom. It’s just, with my psychological scarring and countless triggers, I cannot possibly return. Ever. But I do miss and love you all. My life has been lonely and boring, which is an unfortunate side effect of being drama free.

Anyway, since I’ve been gone, I’ve been building up my relationship with my beloved James, and yes we’re still together. He might even still talk about me. Maybe a few of the users on here still miss me, I really don’t know. I’ve been watching and getting into all sorts of safe, trigger-free things, which are mainly scientific topics, little kids shows, and theme parks. It is restrictive. And it is boring, but it’s much better than cutting myself. Oh well.

I really just want to give everyone a proper goodbye, and an update on how my life has been going. So here it is, Globaluna32’s final post, for good.

If you still want to be in contact with me for some strange reason, you can find me on twitter as @BebbSarah. It’s a school Twitter, but I am very active on it regardless and can send direct messages to anyone interested in talking to me still.

Thank you all for this experience. Thank you for helping me find my soulmate. Thank you for making me feel important. Thank you.