The Allergy/Transcript

Pillow Fight

 * First, distract target.  Look, behind you, your butt!  Then disorientate.   Adopt a 90 degree evasion. Uppercut, and disarm him.  Discombobulate. Wait, I have no idea what that means. Just double knock him in the head real hard.  Employ rabbit block and strike.  Enemy disarmed, confused--ready for the coup de grace.  Deliver final quip: Time to hit the sack, literally.  A formidable plan. Commence attack.
 * Haiya!
 * What are you doing? You're gonna miss the school bus.
 * Okay, plan attack. Kick children through the window, grab the two boys, twirl three times to generate speed, release it at exact 78 degree angle, throw the boys through the window directly into the school bus. Preserve reputation for punctuality, deliver clever mom quip.  What? where are they?
 * I think you lost them at "Throw them through the window". Alright, what was your quip?
 * : [Inhales] You just got bus-ted.
 * : Nah, wouldn't it better if you just say: "You just got schooled".
 * : [Inhales] You just got...
 * : It's too late now.
 * : Nah, wouldn't it better if you just say: "You just got schooled".
 * : [Inhales] You just got...
 * : It's too late now.



School

 * : Dude, what is that? You've been doing that all morning.
 * : [Sneezes] Sneezing. Can't you tell?
 * : Not really, sounds like the world's angriest baby. What's wrong with you?
 * : My throat is itchy [sneezes], my breath is wheezy [sneezes] [Gumball shields himself], my eyes are watery [sneezes].
 * : Hmm. Sounds like worms. I think you got worms. Just Squat over a bowl of milk and whistle until they come out.
 * : No dude, I think I'm allergic to something.
 * : Don't worry my friend, whatever it is. We will find. And we will not rest until we find you a cure! And you will be rid of than this terrible affliction! I promise.
 * : No dude, I think I'm allergic to something.
 * : Don't worry my friend, whatever it is. We will find. And we will not rest until we find you a cure! And you will be rid of than this terrible affliction! I promise.

Outside

 * : So, When?
 * : Huh? When what?
 * Oh. That. Well, now I guess.
 * Oh. That. Well, now I guess.
 * Oh. That. Well, now I guess.

The Nurse' s Office

 * So the symptoms are a weird accusamtations in my stomach. I'm feeling of light-headedness and unusual amount of saliva when I think of food. I checked on the internet, and apparently it might be something called the G-Virus, which can only be cured by cutting off the infected part or the removal of the brain.
 * Hmm. I'm gonna prescribe two weeks off and a couple of heavy sedatives a day for six weeks.
 * Ah, thank you.
 * No, that was for me. What you just described is called being hungry. Now for the last time, please get out of my office so I can curl up under my desk and revise my career choices.
 * But I told you, I need...
 * Uh, hi. Darwin can't stop sneezing...
 * I was here first...
 * Just a sec.  How can I help you?
 * Right. Sounds like a simple allergy. Just hold it in, and get back to class.
 * Oh okay.
 * You should never hold a sneeze! It's very dangerous. You could pop a blood vessel, or even worse.
 * Is she right?
 * What she is is a pain in the neck who makes my job a nightmare.
 * If you have a pain in the neck you should really consult a medical professional [Darwin starts to sneeze, the school nurse turns him towards Teri] ... vertebrae may have slipped out of alignment, which could be a sign of something more serious [Darwin's sneeze causes Teri to fly through the window] 
 * Have a nice day.
 * : Aren't you suppose to take care of kids who are ill?
 * : [Forces a smile] Have a nice day!
 * : But we still don't know what he's allergic too.
 * : Have a nice day!
 * : I feel like you're trying to tell us something.
 * : HAVE A NICE...
 * : [Sighs] I'll never know what she was gonna say now.
 * : What are we gonna to do?
 * : Hmm. We're gonna need to find an alternative to traditional medicine.
 * : Did I hear someone talk about alternative medicine?
 * : What are we gonna to do?
 * : Hmm. We're gonna need to find an alternative to traditional medicine.
 * : Did I hear someone talk about alternative medicine?
 * : Did I hear someone talk about alternative medicine?

Councillor's Office

 * : Alternative medicines are often ridiculed for being a bunch of magic baloney practiced by gang of almost criminal bozos. But look at me [Shows Mr. Small in a weird outfit] you can tell right away, it is no laughing matter.
 * : Yeah, it's definitely a bit sad.
 * : So the plan is to clean your energy by absorbing the toxins with the power of this unbreakable crystal.
 * : The power of these two unbreakable crystals.
 * : How does that work?
 * : I don't know, the magazine this came with went bankrupt after two editions. I'll just, uh, do this.
 * : How does that feel?
 * : Good! I think...
 * : I'm not okay!
 * : Don't worry! I've got a diploma in my ancient acupuncture.
 * : Really?
 * : Yeah. I bought it in the internet that came with a scuba diving license, and a dog breeding permit.
 * : Don't worry! I've got a diploma in my ancient acupuncture.
 * : Really?
 * : Yeah. I bought it in the internet that came with a scuba diving license, and a dog breeding permit.

Councilor's Office 2

 * Well, on a pain scale out of ten, this looks like it would score at least uh, "somebody please finish me off every second of my tragic existence is complete agony".
 * Don't worry! Acupuncture's completely painless.
 * You're right, I can't feel pain, or anything from the neck down...
 * Yeah, I couldn't remember the exact energy points I needed to strike so. Better safe than sorry. But hey! At least it worked! You haven't sneezed for a who--
 * Ugh. [Gibberish]. Are there gonna be more side-effects?
 * I'm sorry. What I meant to say was, [groans]
 * Ugh. [Gibberish]. Are there gonna be more side-effects?
 * I'm sorry. What I meant to say was, [groans]
 * I'm sorry. What I meant to say was, [groans]

The Courtyard

 * I think the best thing to do is just ignore it. I mean how bad can it get.
 * Do you have any nines?
 * No. [Darwin sneezes and Gumball was flown to the wall]
 * It's the other people that I'm worried about. I think your allergy is starting to seriously get on their nerves.
 * What do you mean?
 * It's the other people that I'm worried about. I think your allergy is starting to seriously get on their nerves.
 * What do you mean?
 * What do you mean?

The Watterson Car

 * That hurt.


 * I can't believe you got suspended for being too dangerous!


 * And I can't believe you just ditched school without a proper excuse!


 * Well we are all in this together! So if Darwin gets to skip class, so do I!


 * I thought this was about fighting what I'm allergic to.


 * Yes, that was well.


 * Well, he's been hanging around with you all day, so maybe he's allergic to stupidity.


 * Hey! Is that nice being mean about people's stupidity and I'm gonna calm down now because now that I think about it that's actually quite a good theory!


 * Uh, is it?


 * Well, yeah! It all started with that stupid pillow fight.


 * And the more people gave me stupid solutions, the worse it got!


 * Hmm, there must be a way to prove this, but how?


 * Hey guys! Do you sometimes wonder, what tree does cheese come from?

[Darwin sneezes, flipping the car over]


 * Now we're sure.

The Watterson House

 * Okay, we want to come up with a plan. But please, no more stupid ideas;  I don't think this house can take it.  or the other house for that matter.  Gumball, please think before you speak.


 * ...What if-


 * What the what? Dude! I didn't even finish my sentence!


 * Sorry; I anticipated.


 * It was bound to be stupid.


 * Hey! We're in a democracy here. Can I get a chance to speak please? What if he sneezed upwards? Nothing would get damaged!


 * I knew it.


 * Mmm...


 * Come on, you're the one with all the good genes. What should we do?


 * Let's move to the desert; there's nothing to destroy there.

To The Desert

 * Alright, we're not going to talk. We're just going to listen to the radio.


 * Worried about your weight? Try "H-2-Low", our new diet water. Twice the taste, half the waste... size.


 * Diet water? That sounds completely stu-


 * I guess we'll be walking.







Try sneezing down; it should propel us straight outta town!